We Need To Fucking Talk
turntechGodhead [TG]created the memo "we need to fucking talk"!
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AI: Wait a sec.
artificialIntellectkickedtechnicolorGladiatorfrom the memo!
TG: fucking excuse me who the fuck are you and who gave you admin powers you pompous fucking douchebag piece of fucking shit
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TT: That doesn't actually work on him.
AI: It does not.
artificialIntellectkickedtechnicolorGladiatorfrom the memo!
TG: what the fuck
TG: stop messing with my shit
TG: im in a car with a guy ive known for less than twenty four hours because you fuckers decided that you just had to flip my fucking life all turnways and this is the only fucking thing i expect to control okay
TG: leave it alone
TT: Psychologically speaking, he's right. Even the illusion of safety and control in at least one area is invaluable.
TG: yeah but see davey d has no fuckin clue what we pulled and we kinda think its safer to keep it that way until we have u safe n sound with us
TG: well with hal n dork anyway
TG: back the fuck up and tell me who hal is
AI: That would be me.
TG: yeah but who the hell are you smartass
TT: ...okay, so.
TT: About a year ago I had an...accident. Let's call it an accident. With some experimental tech that I definitely shouldn't have been able to get from one of D's exes, right?
AI: In his defense, no one should be careless enough with a suppression collar that a fifteen year old should be able to get his greasy little hands on it.
TT: Exactly. She left it right out in the open, in the bag of shit she was packing while she was having that last fight with D. What was I supposed to do, leave it for someone else to take? Someone with fewer morals?
TT: Besides, what the fuck was she doing with it?
TG: dont know dont care
TG: get to the point dirk
TT: Right. The point.
TT: D had me tested for sleep disorders a while back, right? Did we ever tell you about that?
TG: no
TT: Right. Well, he did.
TT: The tests didn't turn up an actual neurological defect that'd cause chronic insomnia, but it did turn up a bunch of weird shit. As in mutant weird.
TG: youre a mutant
TG: are you serious
TT: Yes, but I'm not quite done.
TT: At the point that I got ahold of the Amazing Wonder Bigot's collar, we had no actual clue what my powers were, or if I even really had any. Just that my brain structure was significantly different than what's usually considered the human norm.
TT: I figured I could reverse the effect of the damping field and amplify it, get a read on what I might be able to do that way.
TG: is that actually possible
TT: Theoretically, yes.
TG: nope
AI: It's really not.
AI: He caused the collar to discharge roughly the amount of electricity used by a hundred uses of the electric chair.
TT: You really don't have to put it that way.
AI: And you didn't have to hook it up to the house's power lines, but we all make bad decisions, right?
AI: Anyway, that's how dearest Dirk figured out that his body processes electricity in a way that a normal human's doesn't. Also that if he gives himself a big enough shock it'll basically clone him, except the clone is markedly cooler, can talk to computers, is less depressed and superior in every way.
TG: so youre not a mutant
TG: youre two mutants and one of thems named hal
TT: Yes.
TG: if this car was moving i would open the door and take a nice dive onto asphalt at sixty miles per hour just so i didnt have to process all of this ridiculous bullshit
TG: whys the car not moving tho
TG: wades getting food and neet needed to fly around a lil bit
TT: Neet? Nietzsche?
TT: As in, you brought a crow with you?
TG: no
TG: i didnt fucking bring her she brought herself
TG: i dont even know how she did it but im not leaving her behind okay
TG: she wants to stay with me and i left her behind with the others once already and even if they didnt make it to me she did and i
TG: i fucking need her
TT: Calm down, Dave. No one's taking your crow.
TG: i mean yall took everything else right
TG: bro and home and all that shit
AI: Low blow. Especially when you know we're worried about you.
TG: dude there is literally no way you specifically know enough about me to give a shit one way or the other
AI: Dave. You're my brother.
TG: cousin
TG: if that
TT: Hey, being horrible at specifics of close familial relations is what Striders do best. You're our brother.
TG: same here davey
TG: if that rat bastard can get u to call him bro im gonna be your big sis
TT: Which would make me your sibling as well.
TG: ...
TG: okay
TG: i guess
TG: thanks
TG: gimme a sec neets freaking the fuck out
TT: She's the one who gets upset when you have a panic attack, isn't she.
TG: yeah but im not
TG: spiderman aint here everythings chill theres absolutely no reason id be flipping out im fine
AI: ....Spider-Man.
TG: yeah spiderman
TG: look yall hired deadpool to come whack bro why is spiderman a surprise here
AI: Good point.
AI: Just out of curiosity, does Deadpool have any kind of ETA on when you'll make it here
TG: uh
TG: okay so i asked him and he says were stopping in chicago
TT: You're stopping where now?
TT: That's not even kind of on the way.
TG: hey you take it up with him if you want to cause im so not arguing with him okay
TT: Has he given you a reason to be afraid of crossing him, Dave?
TG: what
TG: is the fact that he is who he is not enough to do that
TT: Perhaps. But he's currently under contract to bring you home to us safely. Hurting you would be a breach of that.
AI: The kind that I'm pretty damn ready to answer by making some of his shit explode.
AI: If he hurts you or gives you reason to believe he would hurt you, tell one of us. We'll handle it.
TG: how about you dont do that
TG: dirk you can keep him from doing that right
TT: Yeah, of course.
AI: No he can't.
TG: lol he totally cant
TG: i can tho! pretty much anyway lmao
TG: no wrecking deadpools shit unless dave tells us to kk?
AI: Agreed.
TG: see dirky its that easy
TT: It's not my fault he likes you best.
AI: Oh, it so is.
TT: Play nice in Dave's memo, you two.
TT: Can you leave this memo open, Dave? I suspect that you're about at your limit for responding to it at the moment, but it'd be useful to be able to have a forum for further discussion.
TG: yeah i can leave it open
TG: yall need to clue d in on this shit though
TG: its not fucking fair to him otherwise
TT: We're going to.
AI: Eventually.
TG: see that eventually thing? thats fucked up
TG: but yeah im so not arguing right now
TG: talk to yall later
TG: actually no yknow what
TG: talk to yall quote eventually unquote
turntechGodheadleft the memo!