When Chase woke up, he was in his room at The Hostel. No. He was in their room. The light was streaming in, the way it only does in their room. Beside him he felt the bed move. She was right there. Next to him. This wasn’t real. This was a dream. If it was real, Chase would be in Brentwood, sleeping alone.
“Chase?” Gert’s voice was soft and full of sleep. It was the most beautiful sound Chase had ever heard.
Chase remembered this day. It was the morning after they had sex for the first time since becoming an official couple. The time at the dance had been frantic and passionate. This time had been no less passionate, but they had taken their time. Absorbing every moment with each other.
This was the most beautiful Gert had ever been to Chase. She was beautiful every day, but on this morning her purple hair had fanned out just right on the pillow. The light hit her skin making her glow even brighter than Karolina. She of course began ranting about women’s health issues after Chase made a comment about going on a condom run--but that was the moment. Chase didn’t think it possible, but in that moment he had fall even more in love with her.
Chase kept living in this moment over and over again. He didn’t know how many times he had stayed in this dream but he was going to savor every moment. He didn’t want to wake up. In this world, he had never left. In this world, Gert didn’t hate him. She maybe even loved him.
A part of him logically knew this dream world wasn’t safe. He had remembered his mom saying something about going into Victor’s dream world to speak with him. If he was here, Jonah was out there and the world wasn’t safe. And yet, a selfish part of him wanted to stay in the dream. Needed to stay.
Gert had wanted to forget every moment they had ever shared, wanted him completely wiped from her memory. And yet, here he was, wanting to live in every single moment he had ever had with her.
During his time in the dream world, Chase learned how to weave through moments of time. To live in them. And he wanted to live in them all. With her.
He wanted to live in the fake wedding they had as kids. The one where they both dressed as dinosaurs because Gert didn't want to follow gender norms on her wedding day, even at age 5.
“You are the prettiest dinosaur I ever seen.” Chase told Gert as she approached him in a green dinosaur costume his mom had made her when they had gone to the natural history museum a few weeks earlier.
They married under a giant tree in Gert’s backyard. Alex was their guest. Karolina had picked the weeds that were acting as Gert’s flowers. Nico on the other hand had stolen the wedding rings of two of the adults who had been cooking in the kitchen, Chase’s dream couldn’t recall who.
Amy who was older and had actually been to a wedding before, stumbled through the ceremony. She had asked Gert and Chase to say their own vows.
“What’s a vow?” Chase had asked her.
“It’s like a promise to love each other forever. And you say your favorite thing about the other person.” Amy had told them.
Chase turned back to Gert, fidgeting with the large purple scales his mom had sewn on to his dinosaur costume.
“Chase. I like your hair. It’s messy. I promise to always share my apple juice with you. Forever.”
“Gertie, I love your laugh. It’s funny. I want to be married to you forever. More than I want superpowers.”
Gert had smiled up at him. Even at age 5, she could always knock him backwards with a look.
He wanted to live in those days where they were astronomy partners. Gert had been so enamoured with the stars. Chase had been enamoured with her and had to pretend to play Candy Crush every time she looked back at him so she wouldn’t catch him staring.
They were in the Eighth Grade. They were best friends, but now they were awkward around each other. Gone was the comfort and confidence of two 5 year olds who wanted to be married forever. Replacing them were two awkward and hormonal preteens.
Chase had snuck them up to his dad’s telescope a few times for the past week. He had kept making up new constellations they had to search for so that their project wouldn’t end. He had even planned on asking her out.
That plan, like most of his went to shit. She spent all of the time looking at the stars. He would stare at only her. And then in all of his pre-teen glory would trip over himself to look away when she looked back.
He brought them apple juice to share. Sure, they were a little to old for apple juice, but they had promised to share their apple juice. Forever.
He wanted to live in that moment when she walked through the door at the dance. When she told him she didn’t think he was an idiot. He wanted to live in their last dance.
He wanted to live in every moment of the Hostel. Even the ones where they were fighting or not speaking. Because in those moments they still belonged to each other.
He wanted to live in the future he had imagined for them. Her at whatever elite east coast school she chose, him at an engineering program at a college nearby. Eventually they’d get married, she would have asked him. They would have hyphenated...or he would have taken her last name. He knew it wasn't possible but he somehow hoped their child would be born with purple hair.
Chase was sitting in their room. Old Lace was lying at his feet. Any moment now, Gert would walk through that door and tackle him to the bed. They’d playfully wrestle, and end up just holding each other. Gert and Chase would then take turns reading to each other from the dusty and possibly poisonous books they found. This was one of those quiet days at the Hostel. It was just him and Gert. It was perfect.
“Chase?” Gert popped her head in the door. Her hair just as purple and beautiful as ever. But something was off. She wasn’t wearing the right clothes. The Gert of this moment had been wearing a green sweater like thing, and her black skirt. The Gert before him was wearing a blue t-shirt, her leather jacket and jeans.
“Gert?” Chase stood up. This was the real Gert. Just like his mom had gone through his dad’s dream to meet him, Gert had done the same.
“It’s me. The real me. Your mom left instructions on how to walk through here.” Gert was holding direct eye contact. Gone was the softness of the Gert he had been spending his days with. In front of him was the Gert from the woods. The one who didn’t care if she lost every memory of him. The one who hated him.
“What are you doing here?” Chase stepped closer, and to his surprise, Gert didn’t step back.
“I’m here to rescue you. Duh. I’m your regular knight in shining combat boots.” Gert offered him a challenging smirk. The kind she used to offer him before...well, just before.
“I appreciate the offer, but I don’t need to be rescued. I’m staying.” Chase said as he sat back down on their bed.
“What? Why?” Gert strood over to their bed quickly, positioning herself right in front of him.
“I like it here.”
‘It’s not real, Chase.” Gert was sitting on the bed now, and Chase had forgotten how to breathe.
“I can’t go back out there, Gert.”
Then she did something that shocked Chase. She placed her hand on the side of his face. Chase instinctively leaned into her touch, letting his eyes fall close. When he opened them, she was looking at him like she did that night at the dance. Hesitant. Soft. Honest. And then he felt it, the difference. The Gert he had touched here was hollow. A memory. When the Gert in front of him touched him, there was a weight to it. Feeling. He felt her. He never realized before that he wasn’t really feeling Gert, just her memory.
And then her touch was gone. She slid her hand from his face and stood up. His world felt cold and empty again. Until he saw it. Her hand. Extended towards his. He took it.
When Chase awoke, he was on a metal table not too different from the one Gert had been on short while earlier at the Yorkes. When he almost lost her.
His mom and his friends were all sitting around. Except Gert. She wasn’t sitting, she was pacing.
“Chase, honey....there’s a lot going on and we’ll explain it to you when you’re ready, but first we need you to get your strength back,” his mom leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his forehead, “I’m glad you’re back.”
Janet turned to the rest of the room, and as if she communicated to them like Gert did with Old Lace, everyone left the room in silence. Everyone except for Gert.
Just as Chase sat up, Gert marched toward him.
“GOD CHASE YOU ARE SUCH AN IDIOT. WERE YOU REALLY JUST GOING TO STAY IN THERE FOREVER? LET US ALL DIE OUT HERE? LEAVE ME AGAIN?” She was crying. Gert was crying.
“I just wanted to stay in a world where you didn’t hate me.” Chase said in what felt like one breath.
Gert tilted Chase’s head up toward her, making him look at her. “Chase Stein, there isn’t a world where I hate you.”
Chase couldn’t stop himself. He knew she’d punish him later, but he didn’t care. He pulled her into a hug so tight, he’d worry he was hurting her if she wasn’t hugging back. He felt tears prick his eyes and did it best to blink them away.
Get pulled back, wiping at her own eyes. “So Janet told me that the world you were in was like a dream world? You live your favorite day over and over again?”
“Yeah.” Chase didn’t know why but he suddenly felt the need to break eye contact, like telling Gert about his dream world would be too personal.
“Your dream world was the day we read to each other?” Gert asked, tilting her head to the side in unfairly adorable way which made Chase just want to kiss her.
“Yes,” Chase took a breath and continued, “It was actually a lot of days with you. The dance. Stargazing. Many days at the Hostel. Our wedding--”
“From when we were 4?” Gert interrupted.
“Five.” Chase corrected.
“Your dream world...included me?” If they weren’t standing so close, Chase wasn’t sure he would have heard her.
Chase took Gert’s hands. “Gert, my dream world was you.”
Then, as sif he said too much, the Gert who from before they arrived at the Hostel took over. Gert pulled her hands from his and stepped back.
“Chase--” but she was at a loss.
Chase stood firm, he didn’t want to scare her away by taking a step toward her, “Gert---I---I lo-”
“Don’t. If you say it now. It will ruin it.” He couldn’t quite read her expression.
“So you’re saying there’s a time I might be allowed to say it?” Chase couldn’t stop the smile that crossed his face.
“Don’t push it, Stein.” Gert had called back as she started to walk away. And then she stopped. Turning to him she called, “You coming Chase? Let’s get you something to eat and drink. Protein shake?”
Chase smiled.
“Apple juice.” he replied.