You can do this, Steve. It's not much to do, right? He's your best friend, he would never judge you. No matter what, right? He'll still love you, yes he will! I know it... Do I know it?
Steve's gaze focused his feet which were stepping forward fast. He put his ice-cold hands in his pockets and snuggled his nose under his scarf. It was cold in Brooklyn. And the howling night wind wasn't helping, not in the slightest. A few street lights that stood on the street were the only reason why Steve was able to see, it was dark outside. Steve was shaking. Not only because of the cold but his nervousness. Should he really tell his best friend?
His hands shook, he touched the doorbell and pressed it, waiting for Bucky to open him up. The door swung open and a tall brown haired man stood in front of Steve, Bucky. He looked angry and worried at the same time. Steve expected his friend to say something like "Hello pal" or "You're freezing! Let me hug you" but Bucky didn't. When Steve was inside their home Bucky closed the door angrily and looked at the smaller one.
"Where've you been?" He asked, watching Steve taking off his jacket and his shoes. His dark blue scarf was the last thing he put off. And finally Steve looked at his friend. "Outside," the blond replied and swallowed. He didn't want Bucky to be angry at him but he was, apparently.
"Steve, what-," He stopped himself with a deep breath before he kept talking, "I was worried. It's New Years Eve, Steve. In just 20 minutes is 1942 and you didn't find it necessary to tell me where you've been? I have the duty of care, Steve, I-," The smaller one interrupted him with a silent giggle.
"Buck," he said, "I'm here, don't worry about me"
"I always worry about you, Stevie."
"I know."
Steve looked up to study the brunet's eyes. He had beautiful eyes, Steve had always loved them. He could imagine getting lost in their brightness and their powerful colour which absorbed Steve's whole being every time he saw those eyes. Many people liked blue eyes, and Steve found them very attractive as well. But he never saw eyes that were more beautiful than Bucky's. Blue eyes were beautiful. But Bucky's blue eyes were pure heaven.
"You alright, pal?" The brunet asked. Immediately, Steve started to stutter and looked randomly around their apartment. "Yeah, yeah of course, yeah sure."
"I'm sorry," Bucky said and sat down on their sofa, "but I don't believe you." Steve swallowed. He looked at Bucky and felt how his legs started to shake. This was his chance to tell him what was going on. Because no, no he wasn't alright. The blond walked over to the couch and sat down next to Bucky who still watched him and all his movements.
"Buck..." He said silently, looking at his lap. His hands were shaking, still ice-cold. Bucky watched his friend. He noticed the nervous blush in his face and how good this red looked on him. He noticed his heavy breathing and how shaky his hands were. Bucky came closer to his friend, grabbing his cold hands and held them close to his chest. Steve felt the heat from Bucky's body on his hands immediately. He was able to feel his friend's heartbeat which made him gasp. Bucky's heart beat fast, faster than a heart usually does.
"Tell me" Bucky only whispered but it was loud enough for Steve to hear.
"Buck.." He said once again, looking at his hands which were hold by Bucky.
"Yeah?" A small smile appeared on Bucky's lips, he found it adorable how nervous Steve was. "What's wrong, Stevie?"
"Okay, listen," The blond said and took his hands back to his own body, losing Bucky's body heat. "You need to promise me that you won't judge me."
"Stevie, I-,"
"Promise me, Bucky." Steve looked up, directly into his friend's colourful eyes. Bucky swallowed and started to nod slowly.
"I won't judge you. I promise."
Steve exhaled. "You're my best friend," the blond started. It was hard to concentrate for Bucky, hearing Steve saying, “You're my best friend," hurt. Bucky was in love with Steve, he didn't want to be his best friend. He wanted to kiss and touch and hug the smaller one, making him smile and telling him how beautiful he is. How much Bucky loves him. How important he is to him. But he couldn't, Steve didn't feel the same.
"And... because of that reason I want to tell you something. I.. I-I feel horrible for not telling you earlier but.. I was scared. I still am." He smiled lightly but became serious quickly. "Bucky, I know how many times you go on dates with some women. You sleep with them once and never see them again. I wish I could do that, but I can't."
"That's just because the right partner for you isn't here yet." Bucky had to force himself to say these words. It hurt, it hurt so much.
"No," Steve said, "it's because the right partner will never be here. Buck.. that's the point." He swallowed and let his gaze fall to the ground "I don't want.. a woman."
Bucky exhaled loudly. He wasn't expecting him to say this. "I mean.. There are women I find attractive," Steve said, "but.. I don't want a woman, not now. There's just one person I want." His voice was so silent, Steve doubted Bucky heard him. But he did, he always did.
"Who do you want, Stevie?" Bucky replied as silent as the blond. Steve closed his eyes, shaking his head slowly.
"No.. Bucky please, don't.. do-" he was interrupted by his own sobs. Immediately Bucky took Steve's still cold hands and pulled him into a warm hug, trying to get the smaller one to stop sobbing. He pet Steve's short blond hair gently and felt Steve snuggle against his chest. His heart sped up. The room was silent, no one was talking. The only noises were Steve's little sobs and the ticking clock. In two minutes was midnight, 1942. Bucky was looking forward to 1942, he wanted the war to be over. He wanted Steve to be safe and happy. He wished that 1942 was the year that brought them happiness. And change.
"You." Steve sobbed silently.
"What?" Bucky replied and stopped petting the smaller one's hair.
"You." Steve repeated. He concentrated on not starting to sob again and pushed himself off of Bucky, looking into the brunet's blue eyes. His pupils became bigger.
"You asked who I want," Steve whispered, “and it's you, Buck. It's always been you and it'll always be you. I want you."
Bucky's breathing sped up. He wasn't able to reply anything, he just sat there on the couch with Steve, studying his face. His glassy eyes, his shaking lips and his red cheeks. Steve was beautiful, even when he was crying.
Before Bucky was able to answer anything, the two heard loud bangs from outside their apartment.
"Bombs?" Steve whispered, his voice was full of fear and he was near to new tears. He looked outside and searched bombs on the night sky, he waited for painful screams.
"No," Bucky whispered. He laid his hand on Steve's cheek and gently pushed it so that Steve wasn't looking outside the window anymore but into Bucky's blue eyes.
"Happy New Year, you punk," Bucky's voice was happy and his lips carried a huge, soft smile. And when Steve's lips formed a small smile as well, Bucky couldn't hold back anymore. He moved his head over to Steve's fast, pressing his lips against the blond's. Steve gasped out of surprise but replied the kiss immediately. He laid his small hands on Bucky's back and rubbed it gently up and down. It was as if their hearts beat as if they belonged to each other. They always had and always will. Steve and Bucky, nothing could ever tear them apart. Maybe in distance but never by heart. Their hearts will never be as close as they were in this moment, or even closer.
Bucky moved his head so that his forehead rested against Steve's who was breathing heavily. Bucky felt that Steve didn't want the kiss to end, never in his life.
"Was that your first kiss?" Bucky whispered what caused an embarrassed giggle from Steve.
“Shut up," The blond replied, still breathing heavily. Bucky smiled brightly.
"I want you too, Stevie." The brunet closed his eyes and felt how Steve's lips came closer to his own once again.
"Happy New Year, Buck. 1942 will be a good year for us, I promise," Steve whispered against Bucky's lips before they laid on each other, gently teasing each other.
And Bucky's wish became reality. Well, the war wasn't over in 1942 but a lot of things changed. Steve changed, Bucky changed. And all this changing started when Bucky was assigned to the 107th. Everything changed.