Lifeless
When the choir took a walk in the park that day, they had no idea what would happen. If they did, they would’ve never left the house. They would have stayed in Penny’s living room and watched a movie, or sang a song together, and everything would have been okay.
But they didn’t, and they went walking in the park together, clueless as to what would happen. Ricky and Penny even brought their kids, holding their hands as they walked innocently down the path, no idea what was in store for them.
Then the other walker came in. The choir had no idea who he was, or what he was doing in the park that day, and still, they couldn’t tell you what he looked like. But he changed their lives forever.
No one knew why he’d brought a sword to a park. More than that, no one cared. Because he had it. And that’s what mattered.
And no one knew why he stabbed Ocean and ran. But that’s what happened. Maybe she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time, or maybe she was a target. Either way, the sword sunk into her stomach, and the man took off running as soon as he’d pulled it free.
It was quick, just a split second, and yet, everything changed so quickly.
Ocean fell limply to the ground, gasping for air, and everyone rushed into action, and the air was filled with sound.
Constance was first to move. Ocean’s wife, the love of her life, pressing her hands to the wound, taking off her jacket to cover it, desperately trying to stop the bleeding, muttering her name over and over. She whispered to Ocean to just breathe, she’d be okay, everything would be fine. If only she believed it. It was like she thought that if she pressed down hard enough on the wound, if she applied enough pressure, if she believed hard enough, she could push the life back into her lover’s body, push the blood back into her veins, do anything to save her. Because Constance had spent every day for years looking into her girlfriend’s beautiful blue eyes, and the last thing she wanted was to have to watch the life fade from them.
Noel was next, screaming Ocean’s name, tapping her face to try and get her eyes to focus, trying as hard as he could to give her CPR. But his efforts were in vain. Her breathing wasn’t the problem, it was the bleeding. CPR couldn’t do anything, and Noel knew it. But he had to do something, just to say he was doing it. Because he didn’t want to accept Ocean was a lost cause. He wasn’t ready to let her die.
Penny was on the phone to an ambulance in minutes, but she knew deep down that it would be too late. By the time it got there, Ocean would be leaving in a body bag. But she didn’t want to believe it.
Ricky was the only one to leave the scene before the ambulance arrived. He grabbed each of his screaming toddlers and lifted them onto his lap, holding them close as they screamed Ocean’s name and looked back over his shoulder, trying to see what would happen, trying to understand. And then Ricky started moving in their wheelchair, wheeling away and never looking back. He already knew what he’d see, and he didn’t want to remember Ocean like that. He wanted to remember the person she was, stubborn, talkative and borderline insufferable. He wanted to think, for just a few minutes more, that she was alive.
Mischa didn’t know what to do with himself. He shouted after the guy who’d hurt Ocean, and considered running, but then he saw Noel react. How frantic Noel was, how obviously he was panicking, how the tears were streaming down his face. He was screaming Ocean’s name, giving CPR as best he could, sobbing so hard that he was barely breathing. Even though every instinct he had was telling him to chase down the man that had stabbed Ocean, he knew that Noel needed him here. So he stayed, letting the tears stream down his face as he lost another person who meant a lot to him. It wasn’t the first time Mischa had lost family, but it got harder every time.
Ocean never shut up. She talked her whole life, but right now, she was silent. Or at least, no one heard her. If she had any last words, they were completely lost in the chaos. No one heard anything from her, and no one could tell the exact moment when she was gone.
But at one point, Noel looked down, and her eyes were glassy. They looked like a doll’s, empty. Like there was nothing behind them. No one really thought about how lively eyes were until they saw them dead. They were still the same blue eyes, but it was like everything that had made them Ocean’s, the sly looks, the surprise, the thoughts and the mind and the soul, it was all gone. In the blink of an eye.
How had it all slipped away that fast?
Ocean was always so alive. She was argumentative and irritating, but she had a fire, a light that burned deep inside, something that made her herself. She was driven. And that drive gave her potential. The whole choir had always known that she was going to do something with her life. She was going to be something big. If she put her mind to it, she could change the world.
But her brilliant mind was gone, and the world remained unchanged for all but the group surrounding her. For that group, the world had changed completely, forever. It was like a planet had left their solar system.
Their Ocean, their leader, the brain of their whole group, was gone.
And none of them were ready to accept that.
Noel kept pushing on Ocean’s chest, screaming and crying. He couldn’t see Ocean’s empty eyes through the tears in his own, couldn’t hear her last breath through his own sobs. He knew deep down she was gone, but he couldn’t tell you the exact moment she’d died. But by minute five of his desperate efforts, he’d lost all hope that this was going to be successful. But he couldn’t stop. Because if he stopped, that would mean accepting that Ocean was gone. So he kept up CPR, just so he could say he was doing something. He was doing the best he could. He didn’t just let Ocean die without a fight.
Constance kept trying to stop the bleeding, even as the blood flowed out onto her clothes. It covered the pavement around her, and she was on her knees in it, ignoring it. It was like she couldn’t see the puddle spreading around her, she could just see the wound, and she had to stop it. She had to keep Ocean alive. Because Ocean had to be alive.
Constance loved her. She loved Ocean with all her heart. She couldn’t let her go yet. They had plans together. They wanted to move out of this dead end town, find somewhere Ocean could really make a difference. The two of them were going to have kids, travel the world, do everything they’d ever wanted, and all of it together. But Constance would give up all of those dreams, all of those plans, just to make Ocean okay. Anything to bring her back.
Ocean was more than just Constance’s wife. She was her whole life. They’d grown up together, never left each others sides, never drifted apart. Constance had never had to live without Ocean before. She didn’t know if she could do it.
But what she did know was that if Ocean died on this street, a part of her would die there too.
As the sounds of the ambulance started to approach, Mischa moved in to help Noel. He grabbed his boyfriend’s shoulder, and Noel shook his head, still hysterical. But Mischa couldn’t just leave him there. He couldn’t let him stay there crying over Ocean’s body forever. So Mischa wrapped his arms around Noel and pulled him back, dragging him away, whispering his name over and over again like it was a tranquilliser that would calm him down, even though it just seemed to upset him more. Noel was still screaming and fighting and trying to pull away, but Mischa held him fast and dragged him back, away from the path, away from Ocean, as far as he could.
He needed to stay strong and focus on Noel right now, not on the tears pouring down his face. But it was hard to focus when he was so fucking angry. Ocean didn’t deserve this, but someone had done it. Someone had fucking stabbed her. A girl who was full of potential and life, who’d done nothing wrong, and she was just ripped away from them so quickly. She was gone, and someone had done that. And Mischa wanted to make that someone pay.
He wanted to let his rage take over. That person who’d taken Ocean from them deserved to feel the pain he’d inflicted a million times over.
Mischa wanted to see him dead.
But now wasn’t the time for that.
Because Noel needed him.
And when Mischa finally got Noel far enough away to let go, to look at him, there was something in Noel’s eyes that told him that Noel would never not need him again.
Penny waited as the ambulance approached, not letting herself look at Ocean. She couldn’t accept what has happened, or she’d break down, and someone needed to tell people what happened.
When the paramedics approached, Constance was cradling Ocean’s body, tears pouring down from her face as she whispered to the lifeless corpse that had once been her wife. She was heartbroken, lost, confused. It had all happened so fast. What if they’d been in the park just a minute later? What if they’d gone to another park, or walked anywhere else? What if they’d just decided not to walk at all? What if Constance had never suggested it?
Then Ocean would still be alive, and life would still be the same. But she was gone. One moment, she was holding Constance’s hand, alive, and a second later she was white as paper, on the ground, skin cold as ice. A ghost. An empty shell. But still, Constance cling to it, because that’s all she had left of the woman she loved.
The woman she loves.
Constance had lost the best part of herself that day.
But even if Ocean’s life was lost, Constance’s love for her would live on forever.