Spacewhores
Ricky: Noel I have a crazy fucking idea
Noel: im listening
Ricky: What if bachelor man and Monique met?
Noel: well shes always happy to meet a new man
Ricky: Would you like to find out?
Noel: sounds interesting im in
Ricky: Anything you want to say before we start this shit show
Noel: best of luck to you monique is WILD
Noel: and we never tell ocean about this
Ricky: Never ever
Noel: if she ever finds out we both delete our accounts and move out of town
Ricky: Agreed
Ricky: Be prepared. Bachelor Man is a very… interesting guy
Noel: im ready for anything
Noel: we were in the same afterlife we both know what we’re getting into here
Ricky: I wouldn’t have brought it up if I didn’t
Noel: past whore meets future whore
Ricky: The opportunity of a lifetime
Noel: afterlifetime
Noel: is that a word
Noel: its a word now
Ricky: I have no idea
Noel: poets can invent words its shakesqueer
Ricky: Valid point
Ricky: Any idea of where you want to go from here? Are we traveling to France?
Noel: good question I could ask you the same
Noel: is there a france on zolar
Ricky: There is
Ricky: Thats where the fancy French cat women live
Noel: i wouldnt call monique fancy but cat monique would stalk around with a catnip cigarette
Ricky: So she smokes cat drugs?
Noel: no point being in space if youre not high
Ricky: Very valid point
Noel: does bachelor man not smoke
Ricky: he does all the catnip
Noel: i like him already
Ricky: I knew you would
Ricky: So France on earth or France on Zolar
Noel: zolar obviously I want to explore your planet
Ricky: There’s so much to do and see when you’re not doing someone else
Noel: are there cat men on this planet or is monique embracing her pansexuality
Ricky: There’s a few men here and there
Noel: then she’ll survive
Ricky: I’m glad she’ll have some joy
Noel: are you ready to go
Ricky: I was born ready
Noel: then lets go
Ricky: To a distant galaxy far far away
Noel: do I need to know shit about space for this to work
Ricky: Nope
Noel: good because I did NOT pay enough attention in science class
Noel: teach me about the galaxy oh great bachelor
Bachelor: What do you want to know baby
Monique: tell me everything
Monique: im new to the planet and I need to know how to make it
Bachelor: We have a few wonderful places where you can stay
Monique: I’ve already found a good back alley, I can’t afford much more
Bachelor: A lovely lady like you shouldn’t have to stay in an alley
Monique: Trust me, I’m the furthest thing from a lady
Bachelor: At least let me take care of you for the night
Bachelor: Any place you want to stay, it’s on me
Monique: How generous, how could I possibly make it up to you?
Bachelor: No need, as the savior of the planet it’s my job to ensure the citizens are taken care of.
Monique: I’m a citizen already am I?
Bachelor: We’re all citizens here. Where are you from miss…?
Monique: Gibeau. Monique Gibeau. And I’m from France, but on a different planet.
Monique: A different universe.
Monique: And who are you, aside from a handsome man with a saviour complex?
Bachelor: They call me the Bachelor Man
Monique: I do love a bachelor
Monique: Tell me, where’d you come from? How did you get that title?
Bachelor: It’s a long story
Monique: We’ve got all night
Bachelor: Well to start I was born here. I’m a profit from this beautiful planet.
Noel: youre lucky monique cant read because im pretty sure you meant prophet
Ricky: Are you going to break character every time I spell something wrong
Noel: no im just joking
Noel: cant really fault bachelor man though because monique cant read or write sooooo
Ricky: I mean it’s hard being a hooker out on these streets
Noel: she knows how to hide a body but not how to read a novel
Ricky: Listen… both are very valid skills
Noel: she writes poetry but its illegible and she burns every one of them
Ricky: I’m sure her poems are beautiful
Noel: of course they are but they’re prettier when they’re burning
Ricky: So she’s a fan of fire?
Noel: definitely
Noel: its a cheap way to stay warm in her back alley
Ricky: Are she and bachelor man gonna hook up?
Noel: bit straightforward there but dont see why not
Ricky: They don’t have to I was just wondering
Noel: if they do monique wouldnt usually stick around after
Ricky: Aside from that one guy who she thought she loved
Ricky: Didn’t she have his kid?
Noel: hes WHY she doesnt stick around
Ricky: That’s so tragic for her! Selling her kid and being a deadbeat whore all because of a man! She can do better! Fuck him!
Noel: THATS WHAT GOT HER INTO THIS MESS IN THE FIRST PLACE
Noel: and thank you tragic is the aim
Ricky: I love Monique
Noel: bachelor man’s great too
Noel: weird we had to die or we’d never have shared our characters with anyone
Noel: we literally took them to the grave
Ricky: He was scattered around in some notebooks here and there but yeah! No one ever really knew about him.
Noel: imagine if our families found our characters stories after we died
Noel: death wouldnt be enough id have to die again
Ricky: I feel like my parents wouldn’t be surprised at all
Noel: i feel like my mother would be concerned
Noel: theres a reason i burn most of my poetry
Noel: your parents really wouldnt care about the cat women
Ricky: Would you ever let me read some of your poems?
Ricky: HEY! They’re not just stories about cat women. They’re very detailed expressions of love!
Noel: if I write anything good maybe
Noel: yes highly detailed expressions of “love” where you repopulate an entire planet
Ricky: Listen… all I’m saying is I could write a whole book series about Bachelor Man and his many… many affairs
Noel: you should
Noel: id read it
Noel: you should make it an afterlife tribute
Ricky: That’s a really good idea
Noel: im full of them despite what ocean says
Ricky: We need to stop her talking over people.
Ricky: I got it! Air horn!
Noel: if you bring an air horn to choir I will owe you so much
Noel: or a water gun
Ricky: I have a spare spray bottle for the cats
Noel: id say spray her when she’s off key but you’d be spraying her forever
Ricky: Are we sure she isn’t tone deaf?
Noel: too tone deaf to run a choir
Ricky: And a soprano no less!
Noel: more like a high pitched earache
Noel: lead singer of the choir my ass
Ricky: We need to overthrow Ocean
Noel: the time has come for revolution
Ricky: Off with her head! Let them eat cake!Qui qui baguette!
Monique: I’m offended on behalf of all of France
Bachelor: Come on it was a little funny
Monique: That’s my country you’re talking about!
Monique: How’d you feel if I came after the land of the cat people?
Monique: Meow meow motherfucker.
Bachelor: Well… given that you just said hot cheese motherfucker… I say it’s pretty funny
Monique: How do the meows even MEAN anything it’s all just the same noise!
Bachelor: It’s how you say them
Monique: There can’t be a different tone for every word?
Monique: I don’t understand this planet.
Bachelor: It’s a very wonderful and intricate language
Monique: Sounds above my pay grade
Monique: I’ll just keep winking at guys, they usually figure out what it means
Bachelor: Well, we still have to decide where to set you up for the night
Monique: My alley is perfectly fine, but if you insist
Monique: I’ll go anywhere that has decent wine
Bachelor: How about I take you for some dinner. You seem like you could use a nice meal in addition to the wine
Monique: If youre paying and theres booze you can take me anywhere
Bachelor: You like Italian?
Monique: Whatever you give me I’ve had worse in my mouth
Bachelor: You’re an interesting character
Monique: I keep people entertained
Bachelor: Well I’d be happy to hear all about your… experiences
Monique: Most men are more interested in having their own
Bachelor: They may call me the Bachelor of the planet but I’m not that shallow. I know how to treat a lady.
Monique: I think I lost that title a while ago
Monique: Speaking of titles, how’d you get to be the planet’s bachelor?
Bachelor: Again it’s a long complicated story… but to sum it all up I helped save the planet in multiple ways. One of them being a big help in repopulating the planet.
Monique: Wow, I’m impressed.
Monique: What happened to the population before you?
Bachelor: Most of the men were enslaved by Count Dog-u-lous… that son of a bitch
Monique: And you saved them?
Bachelor: Yup. Sure did.
Monique: You seem too important to be walking down a back alley at night
Monique: What’re you doing here?
Bachelor: I have my secrets
Monique: Can I persuade you to tell me more?
Bachelor: Perhaps
Monique: Go on
Bachelor: You first
Monique: What do you want to know?
Bachelor: How did you end up here?
Monique: I’ve been everywhere
Monique: When one place bores me I move on to the next
Monique: And that’s how I ended up here
Monique: I haven’t known where I am for a long time now but I always seem to come back to France
Bachelor: Well I hope you’re enjoying it here
Monique: Haven’t been here long enough to really enjoy myself
Monique: But the drinks are good and the company isn’t half bad either
Bachelor: Glad to hear it
Monique: Your turn
Monique: Tell me a secret
Bachelor: Anything in particular you want to know?
Monique: A secret
Monique: Something you wouldn’t usually tell someone
Bachelor: Alright
Bachelor: Well, I’m part cat, so I’m really flexible.
Monique: Not what I was expecting
Monique: But still impressive
Bachelor: Your turn
Monique: Fine
Bachelor: Why don’t you want me to call you a lady?
Monique: Where I come from, that title demands respect and dignity.
Monique: And I lost that a long time ago
Monique: I’m not a lady, just a fucked up girl with a poetic soul thrown to the gutters
Bachelor: Interesting. Here that title doesn’t demand anything. Here, you could be treated like the queen I know you are.
Monique: If you want something, you could just ask.
Monique: I already owe you for dinner.
Bachelor: Why would you think I want something?
Monique: Because no one’s called me a lady in a long time
Ricky: Have you done this shit before?
Noel: no
Ricky: Then I’m impressed af you’re good at this
Noel: thanks
Noel: ive been working on monique for a long time
Ricky: She’s interesting
Ricky: We should do this more often XD
Noel: maybe we should
Noel: but we tell no one
Ricky: I’ll take it to the grave
Ricky: The second grave, I mean
Ricky: Save this anecdote for the next afterlife XD