A proper, full-on gay crisis
Mischa glanced at the alarm clock beside his bed and was shocked by the time. It was 5am, and he needed to be up in an hour and a half.
He was going to be exhausted at school today, especially given this was the second time this WEEK that he’d done this.
How Noel managed to make it look so easy, he’d never know.
Because the reason he was up so late was because of Noel, texting him well into the night until the two lost track of time and Mischa could hear the birds waking up outside his window, chirping happily.
Even though it was so late, Mischa looked back down at his phone. Noel hadn’t responded for a few minutes, which probably meant he’d fallen asleep. Of course, Mischa was happy that his friend was getting rest, but he was also weirdly disappointed, like he used to be when Talia stopped responding to him, back when they were still together.
Even though they’d been talking for hours, since they’d gotten back from school, Mischa still felt like it wasn’t enough. And it had been like this for weeks.
Noel was probably, no, Noel was DEFINITELY Mischa’s best friend. There was no one else he felt more comfortable around. Noel was the person he wanted to send his rap music to when he wrote it, the one he thought about when he was writing songs he would never share with anyone (even though he wanted to, he really wanted to, but just with Noel). Any time he got good news, bad news, anything. If he heard a good joke, an interesting fact, if he was bored in class, all he wanted was to tell Noel.
He opened his photos app and checked his favourites album, finding his most recent picture there. It was a selfie of him and Noel, smiling together in their costumes from the last choir show. Honestly, the amount of time Mischa spent looking at this picture probably wasn’t normal, but that didn’t matter. It was a good picture.
Mischa was grinning brightly, his arm around Noel’s shoulders, and Noel had this cute, small smile as he looked at the camera, and Mischa kept finding himself staring at it. Noel’s hair looked a little messed up in the photo, in a way that was rare for him but suited him surprisingly well. It was always nice to see those moments, when Noel seemed unguarded, comfortable, not caring how he looked or what anyone thought. Even if it was just for a minute, when Noel was unencumbered he was something to behold.
And there was something about that photo, Mischa couldn’t stop looking at it.
He should make it his lockscreen.
Or would that be weird?
He’d been asking himself that question a lot recently.
Like was it weird he was talking to Noel so much? Was it weird that everything seemed to remind him of Noel? Was it weird that he wanted to see him constantly? That he’d looked at this photo for hours on end? That Noel was starting to appear in his dreams?
And was it weird that Mischa kind of loved it?
Surely it couldn’t be, right?
It wasn’t like Mischa spent all of his time thinking about Noel, thinking about the things they could talk about, the next time they’d see each other, planning their next hangout. Thinking about any excuse he could find to joke around with Noel, shove him gently, grab his hand to lead him somewhere, pull him into a hug, maybe even more…
Shit.
That was definitely weird.
Mischa was straight, or at least, he’d always thought so. He’d liked girls in the past, thought they were pretty, even kissed a few, and he’d enjoyed it. He’d dated a girl. Long distance, but still, it was a relationship. So that made him straight, right?
Except now there was Noel.
Noel, who Mischa talked to until the break of dawn, and still it wasn’t enough. Who occupied so many of Mischa’s thoughts that he’d might as well be paying rent. Who was making everything so much more confusing, because he was making Mischa’s heart feel weird, fluttery feelings that he’d never felt for a boy before.
Mischa was having thoughts of things he’d never even considered, and he was surprised by how much he liked them. How much he wanted them.
That wasn’t normal for a straight guy. There was no way.
Straight guys didn’t want to kiss their gay best friend.