Chapter 1
The shed reminded Peter of his own, only way more pretentious and over the top. Really, did this one man need all this? He spun around, taking it all in when he saw the framed photo sitting on the desk. Peter's breath caught in his throat; he was just as beautiful in this universe as he was in his. His fingers shook as he reached out for the photo of Wade, his... The other Peter's beautiful, smiley husband looking exactly the same as his own before...
He withdrew his hand and held it close to his body, he could feel the impending breakdown forming no matter how desperately he tried to fend it off. He wasn't done mourning him yet, it's still too fresh and the pain was borderline overwhelming. It's only been two weeks, his whole world was gone so really, why did he even want to try to go home? Miles wasn't near ready to do this task by himself and having his atoms break down until he was nothing sounded pretty damn appealing to Peter right about now.
"Peter... Are you okay?" he couldn't help but jump when Miles touched his arm, "Peter?"
"What's wrong?" Gwen said.
"Nothing, I'm fine." Peter knew he didn't convince them, his voice sounded choked up even to him.
"You're crying." She looked concerned, Peter touched his face and cursed under his breath when he felt the tears.
"I... I need a breather." Peter didn't wait for the others to respond, he turned around quickly and went to the platform to get out of the shed.
As soon as the door was open he walked out and towards the other end of the garden to a patch of grass underneath the tree; a place he used to sit with his Wade and Aunt May on summers days and he shouldn't have thought about that. The sobs building up in his throat tore through him and he collapsed to his knees.
He wanted Wade back so badly, it's all he ever wanted.
"Peter?" he jumped back and fell on his butt when Miles showed himself, he should have been able to sense his presence even while he was invisible but his emotions were getting in the way of his spider-senses.
"What are you doing out here kid?" Peter asked, wiping at his eyes.
"I wanted to make sure you're okay."
"I'm fi..."
"People who are fine don't fall to the ground in tears," Miles sat down next to him, "You can talk to me." Peter looked at Miles face, the innocence and warmth in his eyes reminding him so much of Wade and he couldn't stop the crying again.
"I think... I think I should be the one who... Who stays behind, kid."
"What no, you can't! You have another life at home... What about your Wade?" Wade, he hadn't heard his name out loud for a while and he missed it.
"There's nothing waiting for me back there."
"What do you mean?"
"My Wade... I really loved him, he was my whole world," Peter dug his fingers into the ground, "He was so kind and considerate and... And... And he didn't deserve what he got, he didn't deserve to... To..."
"Peter..."
"I met him when I was eighteen and we hit it off instantly and Aunt May welcomed him with open arms," he didn't understand why he was giving Miles all this information but the kid was listening and Peter just needed to talk to someone about this emotional baggage he was carrying before it killed him quicker than the breakdown of his atoms, "He came from a shit family but treated everyone so well, he never shut up and, although I never told him, his constant talking gave me comfort... I didn't needed to tell him about being Spider-Man, he said he knew already because he'd know my ass from anywhere," his laughter was broken but it was still the first time he laughed since it happened, "We were married by the time I was twenty, people said we wouldn't last but they were wrong, we were married for sixteen years and we were planning kids and... And... But..."
"What happened to him?" Miles shuffled closer until their arms were touching and Peter was thankful for the small bit of comfort.
"He got cancer, it was everywhere and there was nothing they could do about it, they said chemotherapy would prolong the inventable but Wade didn't want his final few moments with me dragged out if he was too sick to enjoy it and as much as it hurt me to agree I couldn't help it, I didn't want to see him suffer," he wiped his eyes, he felt exhausted, "He died two weeks ago and despite knowing it was going to happen I still didn't feel... Ready? I'm still trying to convince myself to stop thinking he'll walk through the door talking too loudly, Mexican food in one hand and crappy DVD's in the other..." Peter smiled sadly, "But he's not coming home so I don't really have a reason for going back." everything was quite for a while besides Peter's sniffing and choked breaths.
"I'm really sorry about your husband... I could never imagine losing someone I loved that much, but Wade wouldn't want you to give up like this," Miles said, "I know it seems impossible now but it won't be this way forever."
"Times a great healer," Peter scoffed, "Yeah I know, everyone has told me that, but how can it get any better when my reason for waking up in the morning isn't there anymore? How am I supposed to just move on from this? We were together nearly twenty years Miles, that's half my life and I didn't ever plan on spending it with anyone else so I really have nothing to go back to."
"There's always a reason to go back or to wake up... What about your Aunt May?"
"It's not the same, she has a new husband in my world and I'm so happy for her, she has everything she could ask for with him... She doesn't need a depressed nephew bringing her down," Peter looked away from Miles, "I'm not even going to be there for his funeral."
"What?"
"It's taken a while for things to get sorted, took me a good few days to even start putting things into action... We'd planned it all before he... Died," Peter felt his heart clench, "But I'm stuck here and I've missed it, I missed my own husbands funeral, nobody will look at me properly again because what kind of ass hole does that?"
"But it's not your fault!" Miles said, "You didn't choose this."
"Yeah, and how do you explain my absence? Sorry I didn't turn up to Wade's send off, I was too busy being in an alternative universe," Peter sighed, "I've messed everything up and that world won't miss me."
"But you're Spider-Man, the people of New York will need you."
"Listen, Miles, I appreciate this attempt at a pick me up but it won't work, the people can live without Spider-Man, I wasn't a very present character in their lives for the past year since Wade's diagnosis," he stood up and wiped his face, probably leaving muddy streaks as he did so, "But I can't live without Wade and nobody can expect me to so I'm staying whether you want me to or not, I don't care whether you want to help me but I need to do this because you're not ready to even attempt it by yourself."
"Peter..."
"We're always supposed to get up after we get knocked down, you just can't seem to do it yet," Peter pulled his mask on over his face, " And I just don't want to get up anymore."
He ignored Miles as he used his webs to swing away from the garden, not really caring where he was going but he knew he had to get away from poor, sweet Miles who just didn't really understand anything yet. He hopes he at least has some time to mentor him before he implodes; might as well do something right with his life.
When Peter swung through the city he almost crashed into a wall when he saw him. He landed on a roof of an office block and looked at the giant screen showing this world's Wade giving a speech on his wonderful, but sadly dead, husband. He looked distraught and Peter wanted nothing more than to go find him and hold him close, to let him know that he knows exactly how he's feeling; what he's going through.
He reached out towards the screen when Wade's face just crumpled in that heartbreaking way his Wade's face would, he was guided away from the stage as the sobs racked through his body and Peter had to pull his mask off his face. He couldn't breathe.
He made up his mind. He was staying and he was going to finish the job and shut this whole mess down.