There's no Sunshine
Nightmares fueled by exhaustion woke you and drove you from bed. You’d taken up your place in Loki’s chambers two months ago but still felt like a misplaced toy when your thoughts and your goddess woke you in the middle of the night like this. It was always the same dream now: ice creeping over your castle, driving all traces of life from your mother’s sanctuary until every shrine was desecrated and with it your people, all while you were rooted in place forced to watch while every surface grew brittle and shattered from the cold. You were running out of time.
You pulled at the frayed edge of your tunic as you moved to sit at the desk, suddenly aware of how much time had already past. you Remembered every evening spent with Loki wrapped up in new spells, the early mornings spent with Thor and Lady Sif learning to fight without magick, and the afternoons spent with Loki receiving petitioners in his father’s place: every moment you dedicated to settling into this different life. Remembering made you angry, made you guilty as if these little moments taken for yourself were distractions.
You sighed and looked over the calendar you finished the day before. Since your Aunt’s letter there’d been no word of your people from her or anyone else in your kingdom. Occasionally officials you never cared to remember would report on the trade deal made with hen purchase of your person. It was the only way you knew now the rainy season had set in early disrupting trade, and whatever support your Aunt had been trying to muster. With a sickening unease you counted the days and noticed the rain could last for three more months until it would stop and the saturated earth might start taking on more water instead of flooding the entire kingdom.
You sighed and held your head in your hands thinking about how your mother always told you the goddess rewarded her servants with a short rainy season and a bountiful harvest, that the goddess would provide and protect. Yet you were trapped, your people starving while you were preparing for the next day’s ceremony. Swallowing thickly, you wondered if the goddess had abandoned your mother long before her death. If not then it was you left, abandoned, and cursed. But for what? You felt sick thinking the years of devotion you spent were lost because you failed to kill your father, or worse because you’d started feeling happy despite the suffering of your people. What else could this be but her obvious displeasure? Yet despite the pain, you felt her pushing you on and you knew for whatever reason, the goddess wasn’t ready to let you go yet.
You started at the feeling of your lover draping a blanket about your shoulders. You tugged the soft fur close to you, sitting up straighter as Loki moved to light a fire. Despite your turmoil the small gesture forced a smile onto your face, the creeping cold didn’t bother your lover, given his true nature how could it? The low glow spread around the room, and warmed you gently. You spent a moment basking in the newfound comfort, thankful to momentarily force the troubles from your mind.
“Darling, come look,” he whispered lowly calling you to his side at the balcony. The ornate archway and glass doors were frosted with ice, and outside you could see a soft falling of snow. Loki’s eyes were wide with wonder and an unmistakable small smile wormed its way onto his face. “Asgardian winters aren’t typically so peaceful, there hasn’t been a singular snowfall in generations… it’s very rare.”
The cadence of his voice soothed your previous worries away and filled your mind with thoughts of love, and urged you into taking a moment away from the chaos. You pulled blankets and pillows of the bed, gesturing for Loki to join you in watching the silent snowfall, snuggled together. The soft beauty threatened to hang over the moment like a funerary shroud, a reminder that once the snow and expected storms ended you might be too late in your quest. But all of those thoughts were ignored within the momentary embrace.
Eventually, you knew, the moment had to end. That you and your lover would be forced back to sleep to rest for the coming morning. That the next day’s ceremony would change everything, your lover and betrothed transformed into a King. But for now, you’d make the moment last.
It felt like you were together perched at the edge of the world, coddled with silence, snowfall and the surrender of sleep. It felt like you belonged and for once in your life, nothing could go wrong. As you fell asleep, anxious for the next morning, you prayed that it would never come and wake you from this place. That the stillness of the night wouldn’t be disturbed by the sun, who would come as it always did, to show you how imperfect whatever happiness you’d found truly was.