Ava was in her room, pen and paper on her hands as she thought about what to write, she had no idea of what she could say, there were so many things she knew she had to let people know, yet she couldn't bring herself to find the correct words to say them. She was lost in her thoughts when suddenly, she heard a knock on the door, she quickly looked over, finding Mary leaning on the door frame with tired eyes.
"What are you doing?", questioned the older girl, slowly walking towards the Halo bearer to sit next to her; Ava just stared at her for a few seconds before shaking her head gently, "It's nothing", answered the short girl, covering the paper with her arm, which was useless, because Mary did catch a look of what was written on the paper, the younger girl knew this, letting out a shaky sigh and looking at the taller girl nervous, "I, uh, I have a feeling, that I won't make-", she was cut mid sentence by a hug, Mary holding her tightly, "Don't say it", pleaded the older girl. Ava nodded, she knew Mary hadn't recovered from Shannon's death, she didn't know exactly what happened that night, but she knew Shannon had said something similar, so Ava just stayed quiet for a few seconds, hugging her sister tightly.
She wanted to be strong for Mary, for everyone, but deep down she was scared, she had just gotten a life and now she felt like she was going to lose it once again; she didn't want this, but she knew there was no other option, there wasn't anything ese that could be done. If she wanted her family to live, she had to die.
"Can you do me a favor?", asked the Halo bearer, slowly pulling away from her sister to look at her, Mary just nodded her head, not trusting her voice; Ava grabbed a small box and opened it, some letters inside of it, she gave the box to Mary, hoping the older girl would understand without having to say anything. "In case I, in case something happens to me, please give this to our family", she said, the older girl took the box and stared at her, there were about 5 letters inside, she turned her gaze to the paper Ava had left on the bed, the young girl followed her eyes, she grabbed it and stared at the empty paper, "I don't know what to write for Bea, I've been thinking for some time now, but uh, nothing comes out", she explains, chuckling a little bit to ease her nerves.
Mary ruffled Ava's hair softly before setting the box on the bed and getting up, she gave her little sister a kind smile and walked to the door, "When you're done with the letters, find me and give 'em to me, alright?", Ava just nodded her head, and Mary left the room.
She should have said something, anything, she should have told Ava that it was a stupid idea, that Ava would come home, that she would get to live more time, that it would not be the end, but her body was betraying her, she wouldn't be able to speak without breaking down. If she had known that things would end like this, she would have definitely said something, even if she cried like she hadn't done in many months, even if Ava made fun of her, she would have definitely said something.
But she didn't.
Beatrice was in Ava's old room, staring at the nothing, completely numb. She heard a knock on the door, her eyes went straight to see who it was, finding Mary leaning on the door frame, a paper on her hands; she didn't say anything, her eyes went straight back to the nothing she was staring at before, the older girl took this as a sign to come in and sit on the bed, she took one of the younger girl's hand with a bit of hesitation at first, but as soon as she felt Beatrice softly tightening her grip on her hand, she just nodded and kept holding her hand.
They stayed like that for a few more moments before Mary handed Beatrice the letter, not without taking a deep shaky breath in, the younger girl took the paper with a little bit of doubt. She stared at it, quickly recognizing the handwriting on the envelope; "She uh, asked me to give that, to you, in case she uh, you know, didn't make it", explained Mary as she saw Beatrice holding the letter close to her chest, trying to somehow feel Ava once again; it was a hard scene to see, Mary knew damn too well how horrible it felt, although Shannon didn't leave a letter to her, which she had to admit, did hurt her a little bit. Without saying another word, Mary quickly stood up and left the room, knowing Beatrice would need time to prepare to read the letter.
Beatrice had to take deep breathes for some long minutes to build enough strength to open the envelope and read the letter, once she was strong enough, she slowly, carefully, opened the envelope, trying her best not to damage it, she gently put the envelope aside and stared at the paper, tears already blurring her eyes. She took one last shaky breath before starting to read the letter.
My dearest, Beatrice
If you're reading this, it means that I'm gone and that you're safe, so I take this as a win; if I'm being completely honest, I have no idea what to write about, Mary was here with me not so long ago, I wanted to ask her what she would have wanted in a letter from Shannon, but I know that it was something inappropriate to ask, so you're gonna have to accept whatever I write in this. I guess I should apologize if my handwriting is bad, I mean, even after you taught me how to write and grammar and all that, I still struggle with some words or grammar stuff, and also, if you see any water stains, those aren't tears. (I'm lying, they are tears.)
I'm sorry, Bea, for everything I did and didn't do, I'm sorry if this solution seemed too selfish of me, but it was the only option I had that didn't involve anyone's death, except mine, but you know better than I that this is my job as the Warrior Nun. So I'm sorry for that, I'm really sorry, I know this decision will hurt you, but it's what I have to do to keep everyone else safe, this is what I have to do so you all can live. I wish it wasn't like that, I wish there was another way to eliminate Adriel, I wish there was something else we could do, another solution, but I talked to Reya, and she showed me that this is the only solution that won't cause any more deaths.
You know, even if I only lived like 3 months, I wouldn't change them for anything, maybe I'd change what happened in them, but I would never exchange these months for anything. I won't lie to you, there were so many more things I wanted to do, like play on the snow, see those colorful waves of light on the sky that happen on the north, watch movies with all of you, kiss you.
Shit, I shouldn't have written that.
Well, you know what? Fuck it.
I want to kiss you, if I die without kissing you, I'll make sure to somehow come back from death again and kiss you because only then I'll rest in peace. It's just, you're so beautiful Bea, you have these pretty eyes I get lost into every single fucking time I look at them, and your smile shines brighter than the sun, I wouldn't be surprised if somehow your smile shined brighter than the Halo. And you're hot, I don't know if I should talk like this about Nuns, but I just had to let you know that you are so amazing and cool and nice and I love you. I love you so much it makes me crazy, I love you so much sometimes I can't think straight while looking at you because of how beautiful you are, like that night at the bar, god you looked so pretty dancing, I wanted to see you like that more, not dancing, but living free, without worries, enjoying the moment, not worrying about some fucking angel or demons, just living. I wish I could do that with you.
I did want to go back to the Alps, to our job, our apartment, our home, even if you woke up super early, I wanted to live like that with you, just you and me, without any other worries. Or we could have gone somewhere else, I don't really care where we go, as long as I'm with you, as long as we are together. I would give everything just to live a normal life with you, well, as normal as it can be with a Hao on my back and superpowers. I would give everything just to be with you forever, by your side, holding your hand. I'd give everything just to kiss you, because I love you so so fucking much Bea, it's stupid how much I love you.
And I'm scared, because I don't know what's on the other side, but I know it won't be good enough because you won't be there, and don't get me wrong, I'm glad you won't be there on the other side with me, because I want you to live, but I don't want to be alone, I got so used to your company that I forgot what loneliness felt like. I fell in love with life, and I fell in love with you, too.
Bea, please, live this life, not only for you, but for me; please enjoy every little moment every single day, even on the hard days, please stay strong; I know it will be hard, and it's okay if you fall sometimes, as long as you always get up again, I know you won't have a problem at that. Please live, go wherever you want, do whatever you want, feel everything, enjoy everything, and don't forget, you were with me every step of my life, so I'm gonna be there for you every step of yours.
Bea, thank you so much for this life, because yeah, the Halo gave me life, but you gave me a reason to live it.
With all the love I have to offer, in this life and the next, Ava.
"In this life and the next,", Beatrice muttered softly, tears rolling down her cheeks without control, she set the paper once again close to her chest, and she felt as if it was Ava, she smiled, even with all the pain she felt, even if she couldn't breathe properly, even if she couldn't stop her tears, she smiled, knowing that Ava had left with the kiss she so desperately wanted, she smiled because she now knew that Ava loved her as much as she did, "I'll love you with all the love I have to offer", she finished, gently putting the letter back into the envelope, holding it carefully.
Beatrice made a decision, an important decision, she would live her life, for her, and for Ava, and in their next life, when they find each other, they will live their life for them, together.