Dog Days

The rest of the day actually went a lot smoother than anyone had expected. Well, to be honest, it was mostly because Tony was left alone with Clint and Thor while the rest of the team went to pick up supplies.

After Happy dropped everyone off at the tower, everyone gathered inside. The group made it as far as the communal room before the trio took off. “We’ll be right back. You two,” Natasha pointed at Clint and Thor, “better keep him out of trouble, or I’ll have your heads.” The archer and god nodded quickly, knowing she would follow through.

Bruce grabbed a set of keys for Tony’s Mercedes-Benz and the group gathered in the elevator. Tony watched as the down arrow lit up, confirming that they were heading to the garage. Tony turned to his other teammates, and they were looking at each other, probably trying to figure out what to do.

“So, we can’t really go out, seeing as it’s illegal to not have you on a leash. And before you even try, I was already told not to bring you anywhere close to your workshop. Sorry, but I’m not really looking to be on Cap’s bad side,” Tony clenched his teeth, because that was the only thing he really wanted to do at the moment. He could’ve gotten a headstart on Bruce’s collar, with the help of JARVIS and his bots of course. Damn Steve. He wasn’t even there and he was still being frustrating.

Tony tried to think of what else to do, and found that he was actually pretty hungry and thirsty. He realized that this may be the last time he would be able to eat human food without Steve nagging him, so he led the pair to the kitchen.

“Oh shit, you must be hungry,” Clint, as if reading his mind, opened the fridge and dug through it until he found some leftover pizza. Tony could kiss the man. His mouth started watering as Clint bent to feed the genius, but suddenly the pizza was snatched out of the archer’s hand.

“Thor, what the hell?” Clint flinched, obviously not knowing what he did wrong.

“I thought your Midgardian canine doctor forbade you of feeding Anthony this kind of sustenance. Should we not wait for the others to return, seeing as they are obtaining the correct nourishment?” Goddamnit, Thor! Tony growled at him. He was so close! Of course that had to be the one thing Mr. I-Have-No-Idea-What-The-Hell-Is-Ever-Going-On picked up on.

Thor backed up from the tiny dog - which would have resulted in a chuckle from Tony, seeing as the huge god was scared of a creature who he could drop-kick across the entire city if provoked, but Tony was too pissed off to laugh. Instead, he leapt for where the pizza was still in Thor’s hand, and managed to bite off a little more than half.

And boy did he run. There was no way in Hell that Tony was going to give up this slice. He wouldn’t admit it, but he felt kind of pathetic for snapping over a piece of cold pizza.

He circled back into the living room and dove under the couch. He tried to eat the pizza as fast as he could, and he managed to consume half of it before the couch was partially picked up and he was dragged out from under. Tony dug his claws into the carpet as he attempted to scoff down more food, but Thor grabbed ahold of Tony’s lower jaw and gently pried it open. Clint was able to snatch the piece out of Tony’s mouth before Thor let go. Tony went to bite Thor’s actual hand but failed when Clint picked him up from behind and smacked him hard on the muzzle.

“Knock it off! I’ll admit that was my fault and I should’ve been paying closer attention, but Thor’s right. We’re trying to look out for your well-being, goddamnit Tony, can’t you see that!” Clint pinched the bridge of his nose, and this was the first time that Tony saw him really upset.

Tony looked down at the floor, and he saw from the position he was held that his tail had gone between his legs. But he wasn’t afraid, no, he was more ashamed than anything. Of course he knew that the entire team was looking out for his well-being! It’s just that he never wanted to feel normal as much as he did now, and the only way to do that was to do human things, like eat pizza.

He also knew that he would do the same if any of his teammates were in his position. He’d probably let more things fly, but he knew that he would protect his teammates if they were this vulnerable.

He gave a low whine, his attempt to apologize in this form. Clint squeezed him tighter for a quick moment, then put him down. “This must suck. Like, so much. I can’t even begin to understand what you’re going through, but remember that we’re all in your corner, and we all want to help you through this,” Clint crouched down to smooth the messy fur on Tony’s back.

“Indeed, Anthony. I am apologetic, I was not trying to make this a more miserable experience for you. I just want to ensure that you do not harm yourself in this state,” Tony looked up at Thor, who’s puppy eyes were rivaling his own. Tony gave a slight nod at both his teammates, acknowledging everything they just said.

After the ‘pizza incident’, everything went pretty smoothly. Clint set down a bowl of water in the kitchen, and had to refill it a few seconds later when Tony gulped it down to the last drop. Tony finished half of the second bowl before heading back out into the living room, with Clint right behind him. The team must’ve talked about Tony’s restrictions regarding access to the furniture because Clint laid down a worn blanket on the couch, presumably for Tony to lay on. When Clint sat down and patted the blanket, Tony sighed but jumped up, not wanting to upset the archer any further.

Thor settled down on the other couch in the room, and turned the TV on. The three remained like this until the rest of the team returned. At the sound of the elevator, Tony’s ears perked up and his head snapped towards the sound. The other trio walked into the living room, each carrying a bag full of dog supplies. In addition to the bags, Steve had a bag of dog food slung over his shoulder, and that alone made Tony want to puke.

“How was he?” Steve asked the two humans in the room, not even sparing a glance to Tony.

“Good! We couldn’t really do anything so we just chilled up here,” Clint gestured to the room and TV. Tony was glad he didn’t bring up the ‘incident’.

But, as if on cue, “Yes, he was very well behaved indeed. Aside from the incident regarding the pizza, he was, as you Midgardians put it, an angel!” Thor chuckled, not knowing he just threw Tony under the bus.

“What happened with the pizza?” Steve shot Tony a knowing look, and the genius could see the gears working in Steve’s brain, already trying to come up with a suitable punishment.

“He may have had a tiny piece of pizza, but Steve, it was nothing,” Clint added when Steve’s mouth clenched, “And besides, it was my fault. I was the one who gave it to him,” that was a lie, Tony technically snatched it himself, and he would totally admit it if he could talk. Oh well.

“I knew I should’ve stayed…” Steve sighed and shook his head, obviously disappointed in the archer. He said nothing more, but instead made his way to the kitchen to put the bag of food away. Clint let out a breath of air, and his shoulder sagged. Tony nudged him with his nose, silently thanking him for saving his ass.

“Good news, I got all the supplies needed for the collar, so I’m gonna head down to the lab to get started. I may need Tony to come down for some tests, I’ll get JARVIS to alert you,” Tony’s tail started wagging and he gave Bruce a dopey smile. Bruce bent to pet him between his ears. Then, the scientist heaved the bag back up onto his shoulder, and made his way to the elevator.

Natasha put her bag on the table in the living room, and was digging in around the bag. “Y’know, it’s really nice out. We should go for a walk,” a mischievous grin crept along her face. Tony didn’t notice the smile. Just hearing the word ‘walk’ made his tail wag even harder for some strange reason. He glared at his extremity, trying to make it stop but found that it was quite impossible.

“I’m gonna take that as a yes,” Clint smiled towards the other assassin as she pulled out an unfamiliar item. As she unfolded it, Tony’s sudden energy simmered down to nothing. She held out the blue dog harness and bounced it as if she was teasing him. He let out a small growl, then yelped when Clint picked him up and carried him towards Natasha. He squirmed, but Clint had a firm grasp on his tiny body. There was no escape.

After the two assassins maneuvered him into the harness, he shook with all his might, trying to fix his disheveled fur. He shook so hard he fell over, which earned a loud laugh from Thor, who was watching the whole scene from the couch. He scowled and decided that he was done embarrassing himself. There was no way he was going to go out in public in a dog harness. Even if people wouldn’t recognize him, there was still a chance they’d recognize his teammates, and he was not risking getting his picture taken to get plastered all over the news. No thank you.

He heard a snap, and realized that Natasha clipped the matching blue leash to the back of his harness. She gave a tug, trying to get Tony’s attention. “C’mon Stark, I thought you wanted to go for walkies,” Clint chuckled alongside Natasha. Tony growled, letting them know that he wasn’t going anywhere.

“Hey, this is what Dr. Sherman ordered. One little walk around the block, come on, you need to exercise,” Natasha tugged a little harder on the leash, causing Tony to slide a few inches across the smooth floor. She smiled a little bit. Tony huffed angrily in response.

“Fine, I’ll give you a choice. You can either walk yourself, or I can drag you. I’m not sure being dragged across the cement outside would be too comfortable, but again, it’s your choice,” Natasha crossed her arms, starting to look annoyed. Maybe if Tony didn’t cooperate, she’d give up - though that was unlikely, there was still a chance his stubbornness would prevail.

When Tony made no move to stand up, Natasha shrugged her shoulders as she started walking towards the elevator, dragging Tony’s light body with little to no effort it seemed. Deep inside, Tony knew that he was probably embarrassing himself even more by letting her drag him along...

When the trio entered the elevator, Tony was able to see Steve leaning against the kitchen doorway with his arms crossed against his chest, obviously unimpressed with Tony’s actions. Then the doors closed, and Tony sighed. Natasha and Clint made small talk as the elevator descended, and the doors opened to the lobby. Natasha walked out, disregarding Tony’s horrified face. While Tony was being dragged along, it was as if they were in SHIELD again. All his employees were ‘aw’ing and making faces at him. Well, joke’s on them, because he was going to fire them all.

When they reached the entrance, Natasha looked down at him with a raised eyebrow. He reluctantly stood up, not wanting to be dragged across the hot, rough cement. The trio went outside, Clint and Natasha walking next to each other with Tony slightly in front of them.

His nose was suddenly overwhelmed with all the smells of the city, both good and bad. He sneezed, shaking his entire body, which earned a couple more ‘aws’ out of on-goers. They approached a crosswalk and had to wait for the signal to change. Tony inched closer to Natasha as more and more people started surrounding them, waiting to cross.

When the sign finally changed, they walked across the street and veered off to where less traffic was, and Tony was very grateful for that. He could hear the spies talking quietly behind him, but all of a sudden a squirrel happened to stop in his path, which garnered his full attention. Natasha and Clint seemed to realize this because their conversation stopped abruptly, but Tony was too engrossed to care if they were watching.

As if trying to tip-toe, Tony inched closer to the creature and instinctively stayed lowered to the ground. He could hear a snort behind him, but paid no attention to it. When he thought he was close enough, he pounced at the squirrel, trying to claw at it, but it was too fast. He attempted to chase after it, but was pulled back by Natasha. He let out a whine, and looked at her to only come face-to-face with a camera lense. Great, Clint caught the entire thing on phone. That was exactly what he needed…

“Aw, look Nat, he looks so grumpy,” he snorted again when Tony’s eyes narrowed, “What’s the matter? Was the little critter too fast for you Starkie?” He could barely contain his laughter. Natasha whumped him upside the head, which only helped to downgrade his laughs to amused sniffles.

Tony was grateful for that, and the trio continued forward until another... pressing matter overcame Tony. He was stupid to think he could just avoid using the bathroom. He cursed himself for drinking all that water. Peeing in this form was embarrassing enough, but having to relieve himself in front of his teammates made it a near impossible task.

He tried to ignore it as best as he could, but with each step he took his bladder jostled enough to regain his attention. He clenched his jaw, but knew he wasn’t going to make it home in time. He saw a fire hydrant up ahead and knew that it was either go there or wait until another one popped up, and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to hold it for much longer.

When they reached the hydrant, he stopped in his tracks. Natasha and Clint didn’t seem to understand and walked passed him, tugging on his leash when he wouldn’t follow. “Let’s get going, Stark. I promise we’ll head back soon,” Natasha gave one more experimental tug before realization crossed her face as she looked at where he was standing.

“Oh, um… I don’t really know how to help you there, sorry,” Natasha pursed her lips. Beside her Clint pulled out his phone again to record, “Oh my goodness, this is the best thing ever. Come on, you can do it!” Tony looked up pleadingly at Natasha, who snagged Clint’s phone out of his hand and stopped the recording. Tony nodded in thanks, but they were still watching, so he made a circular motion with his head, hoping they got the hint to turn around.

Natasha rolled her eyes but turned, and Clint looked like he was going to throw a fucking tantrum, but followed Natasha’s lead. Tony felt his face burning up, not sure how to approach this situation. He stood right next to the hydrant, and waited for his body to relieve itself, but nothing was happening... What the hell? Not even a few seconds ago he would’ve pissed himself, now his bladder was refusing to let go.

He heard Clint groan, his patience wearing off, “We don’t have all day…” Tony was at a loss. He tried sucking in his stomach, but nothing. Clint peered back, curious at the hold up, then quickly turned to his partner. “Aw Nat, I think he has stage fright,” he whispered to Natasha, but Tony’s enhanced dog ears picked up on it. Tony was tempted to bark at him, but that would’ve drawn their attention, so he decided against it.

He shook his head and realized that he wasn’t doing the one thing every dog did when peeing. He groaned but reluctantly lifted one of his hind legs, and almost immediately his bladder let go. Damn, he was actually kind of upset that it worked, this was so embarrassing. When he finished, Clint clapped as if applauding him and Tony jumped up to snap at him, but the archer recoiled back.

Natasha mumbled something inaudible under her breath and tugged on Tony’s leash. “C’mon, let’s head back home. I know Steve wants you on a ‘proper eating schedule’ and it’s almost dinner time,” Natasha tugged on Tony’s leash. Hesitantly, Tony trotted at Natasha’s side with Clint on her other side as they made their way back to the tower. Tony wondered the entire trip home what Steve had up his sleeve.

--------------------

When they got back to the tower, and Natasha took off that god awful harness, Tony shook to straighten out his fur. He could smell something delicious coming from the kitchen, and couldn’t help but go check out what was cooking.

He chuckled upon seeing Bruce wearing an apron, trying to balance a stack of plates in one hand while mixing some food on the stove with the other. Tony let a dopey smile crawl across his face while watching Bruce struggle. “Y’know, instead of staring at me, you could lend a hand,” Bruce said. Tony was just about to mention that he physically couldn’t help, but realized Natasha was behind him, seemingly enjoying the spectacle as well.

“Nah, this is more fun,” Natasha leaned against the doorway, continuing to watch. Tony looked back at her, nodding to show that he agreed. She smiled at him, but it wavered when Steve came in with a dog bowl. Tony’s smile also faltered, and he scrunched up his nose as Steve poured some of the dog kibble into the bowl.

Bruce was pouring, what Tony figured out to be curry, into each of the five bowls. He placed the bowls around the island, and made his way into the living room, presumably to tell Thor and Clint the food was ready. Four of the five actual human beings sat down in their usual seats. Steve was still at the counter, putting the kibble away as he grabbed Tony’s food bowl.

He took his place at the island, but not before putting Tony’s bowl down on the floor in front of the dog. Tony couldn’t help the look of disbelief that showed across his face. “Eat it, Tony,” was the only response he got before Steve dug into his own food. Like hell he was going to eat it. The rest of his team was making it blatantly obvious that the curry was amazing, each of them closing their eyes after each bite, as if savoring it. Damn, the least they could do was pretend it sucked.

To show his reluctance, he nudged the bowl away with his nose. But, he didn’t mean to nudge it as hard as he did. To his horror, the bowl accidentally flipped over, littering the tile floor with kibble. Oh, shit. He just wanted to push it away…

When he finally had the courage to look up, his tail immediately went in between his legs. Tony cowered backwards, and once he reached the corner of the kitchen, he couldn’t move farther back away from Steve’s towering body.

“Hey, Steve. C’mon man. Take it easy,” Clint stated from the table, but didn’t dare get up. Tony could see that the archer wanted to defend the dog, but knew that it would do him no good.

“No, I’m not going to ‘take it easy’. I have had enough. From the minute the call came in this morning, you have been nothing but a pain in my goddamn ass! I am sick and tired of you thinking that just because you fund this team, or flew a nuke into space, that you have full control and can do whatever the hell you want. I am done with this bullshit game we’re playing Tony! Back and forth, yelling at each other because you refuse to admit that you’re wrong. It would be so much easier on the entire team if you just listened for once! Well, guess what? Now, you’re nothing more than a pathetic dog -”

“Stev-”

“- who can’t do anything on your fucking own. Now, you have to listen. It might do you some good for you to see that you are not the ‘Invincible Iron Man’. No, you’re just a worthless mutt, and I will ensure, with every goddamn bone in my body, that you be treated as such.”

The room went silent after Steve’s outburst. The team all had a sudden interested in the island’s countertop, and it didn’t seem like they could peel their eyes away from it. Steve was still towering over Tony, who’s tail still remained firmly between his legs. His body was pressed up against the wall, and he didn’t dare look up at Steve. Only when the man composed himself and left the room did he finally looked up, stepping out from the wall.

He looked around at his team and the kibble scattered across the floor. When no one made a move to do anything he bolted out of the communal kitchen and ran through the first open door he saw. He ended up under the bed in one of the spare bedrooms. He curled up as tight as he could, back plastered against the wall so he was as far back as possible.

Was that how Steve saw him? Just a worthless piece of shit? No matter what Tony did, he was always criticized. He admits that he should’ve listened to Cap when he said to wait before going into the witch house. If he had, he wouldn’t be in this situation right now. But, the Avengers have been together long enough to know that Tony just does his own thing. He regrets it sometimes, but most of the time he’s able to end the battle before the rest of the team is even aware of what was going on. He may be a ‘pathetic dog’ now, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t have a say about his life.

After what seemed like a few hours - but really only a few minutes - Tony heard footsteps enter the room. He held his breath, not wanting to see anyone at the moment.

“Tony?” Natasha sighed, “I know you’re in here.”

Tony closed his eyes, as if that would help him miraculously disappear. He didn’t even open them when Natasha crawled under the bed and placed a hand on his back thigh.

“Hey,” she tried to grab his attention by moving her hand from his thigh to stomach. Tony tried to scuffle away, but couldn’t get much farther. Instead, he moved his head so that it was facing the wall rather than the assassin, hoping she’d get the hint.

Apparently, she took that as a sign to scoot even closer so that she could put her hand on his head. She let out a sigh, “You’re not worthless. Steve’s just stressed out. Give him some time to cool off a little.”

Tony didn’t move.

She pursed her lips, “If I was in your position, I’d probably do the exact same to be honest. I know that you’ve heard it a dozen times already, but we’re just looking out for you. Believe it or not, but you’re really important to us… yes, all of us, including Cap.”

Tony may have opened an eye at that, not quite believing her. She hummed as she pet him behind the ears, he moved into the touch and saw a sliver of a smile from her. They remained like that for a few minutes.

“I think Bruce finished your collar,” she said, breaking the silence. That definitely got Tony’s attention. He allowed himself to perk up his ears and turn his head towards the spy, staring at her.

“I knew that would’ve gotten your attention,” she said with a chuckle. “C’mon, let’s go down there and test it out.”

Tony didn’t need more encouragement, he waited patiently for Natasha to crawl out from underneath the bed for him to do the same. The pair walked out of the bedroom and to the elevator, and Tony wouldn’t be lying if he said he was praying that they didn’t run into a certain super-soldier. They successfully got into the elevator and Natasha pushed the button to go down towards Bruce’s lab.

Tony couldn’t help the excitement that seemed to overtake his body, forgetting the confrontation just a few minutes ago. He couldn’t stand still while the elevator made its way down. His fingernails were pattering on the tile floor, and he could see Natasha looking amused by his actions but decided to ignore it. As soon as the door opened, it took all of Tony’s might to not burst out towards the door ahead of him. He could see Bruce through the window, and he looked up at Natasha as if demanding she moved faster.

Natasha rolled her eyes, and once they reached the door, she knocked twice and nodded at Bruce. Bruce signalled the pair in, and spared Tony a worried glance before smiling at the dog.

“So, I think I finally finished it. I have to run a few more tests, but if they run well, then you should be able to wear the collar within the hour,” Tony’s tail started wagging.

Bruce wrapped an arm under Tony’s stomach and hoisted him up onto the worktable. Tony peered over Bruce’s shoulder and saw the collar laying on another table. Bruce could see where Tony was looking, and went to retrieve the collar. Tony couldn’t help the nervous shiver that traveled down his spine. What if this didn’t work? He needed this to work.

“Okay, I’m going to put it on now. I can’t guarantee it’s going to work, but, if I do say so myself, I think I knocked this out of the park,” Bruce was slipping the collar around his neck. The collar was red and had a few dials around it so they were touching the front and back of his neck. Bruce was turning some of the dials, and he was explaining that they emitted some sort of frequency that would pick up Tony’s brain waves and translate them to actual words. Tony didn’t necessarily care how it worked at this point, he just wanted to talk.

“Just one more sec,” Bruce’s glasses were hanging off his nose as he turned one of the dials in the front. Tony was shaking with anticipation, and when Bruce finally backed away and nodded to him, he experimentally tried to say something.

“Hel- helloooo…” Tony looked up, shocked, and he couldn’t contain the smile the crossed his face. “Oh. My. God. Bruce! You are literally the next best person on this planet, only behind me!” Tony was bouncing on his two front feet and he spun around in a circle. Natasha chuckled, “Yep, how’d I know your first words would be about you?” Bruce stood with his hands on his hips, a proud look on his face as he watched his friend become more excited by the minute.

“Woooo!! Oh, how I’ve missed you, voice!” Tony looked happily at his teammates, allowing his tongue to roll out of his mouth. Bruce chuckled once again, and pulled up an interface to presumably jot down notes about his invention.

Natasha shook her head and nodded towards the exit, “Shall we?” Tony nodded his head in return, excited to just be able to participate in conversation with anyone. Before he jumped off the table, he trotted over to where Bruce was sitting and not-so-graciously licked him across his face. “Ugh, Tony!” Bruce used his lab coat sleeve to wipe at his face, but was smiling all the same. He gently nudged the dog away and Tony decided to leave him be - it was the least he could do for his friend after all he did. Natasha hooked an arm under his tiny body and set him on the ground.

“Thanks, Banner,” Natasha directed towards the doctor, who just waved his head in return.

“Love you, Brucie-Bear!” Tony said just as Natasha closed the door behind them.

As they headed upstairs, the pair remained silent because all Tony could think about was what exactly he was going to say to each of his teammates. He knew he was going to bash Thor, the jerk kept ratting him out for no reason whatsoever. Clint and Nat would be given a lecture on his ridiculous harness, and he would never wear it again on his watch. He already told Bruce that he was the best - well, second best - person ever, but he would have to remember to remind him as much as possible.

And, well, Steve… It would only be a matter of time. Tony was sure that Steve wouldn’t even want to talk to him in the first place, so he probably didn’t need to stress as much as he was at the moment. But Tony wouldn’t be lying if he said he felt a little guilty for making Steve so stressed out. And he didn’t necessarily enjoy getting yelled at by the Captain in front of the entire team. He’d never seen Steve that angry…

When the elevator dinged, it shook him out of his thoughts. Natasha seemed to notice, but didn’t comment. Tony trotted in front of Natasha towards the communal living room, where he could see Clint’s head sticking up from behind the couch. He was watching some sort of romance movie, and as soon as he noticed that there were other people in the room, he stumbled to turn it off.

“What’cha watching Birdbrain?” He smirked when Clint’s mouth dropped to the floor.

“Oh, no… You fixed him?!” the archer looked up at Natasha. She in return shrugged her shoulders, “Well, he’s still a dog, so no. We did not fix him.” Clint rolled his eyes.

“I may still be a dog, but this is a huge improvement. It’ll be just like old times, Barton.”

Tony hopped up onto the couch next to Clint where his designated blanket remained from earlier, and sagged in relief. He was beyond excited to be able to talk, but all the excitement seemed to be wearing him out.

Clint changed the station to an action movie, and Natasha took her place on the other side of the couch, successfully sandwiching Tony. Clint moved Tony’s head so that it laid across his thighs and his fingers were like magic - scratching in all the right places. Natasha laid her hand on Tony’s back, rubbing it back and forth.

He let the background noise of the movie and the petting lull him to sleep, and for the first time that day, he felt comfortable with his predicament.