The clouds were passing lazily on the blue sky. It was a lazy, sunny day, and it brought a sense of calm and serenity.
It was the exact opposite of what was happening in Steve's head.
Steve tapped his fingers on the window sill, observing the calm weather outside. He found himself hating the beautiful weather and wishing for a storm or raging rain, something to reflect his mood. If he had to compare this feeling to any other he experienced, he would say that it was like plunging the airplane into the ocean all over again. But unlike then, he did that only once and lost consciousness, here he was emerging back to the surface, and then diving again, experiencing overwhelming fear over and over again.
Tony's pregnancy came as a shock to all, especially to Tony and Steve. While Tony's reactions were purely dictated by fear and lack of logic in the occurrence, Steve was just delighted. He loved Tony with all his heart and soul and deep down wished to one day have a family with his snarky boyfriend. Adoption by the same-sex couples was not uncommon, but deep down, there was some grain of regret in him that it won't happen in the 'traditional' way. No midnight cravings, morning sicknesses, no first kick and that funny thing, when pregnant person's belly button pops out to let the skin stretch further for the growing baby. In some weird, miraculous way, they both had a chance to experience all of it. Steve was sure it would be a wonderful time for them both.
And it was. Up to a point.
It was nice to stroke Tony's pregnant belly and play with the protruding outie and talk to the baby, and kiss Tony's doubts away, reassuring him about their love and what a happy family they would be. It was nice to change the guest room into the baby room, and fill it with white furniture and pastel colors and a cute baby bed, and a lot of soft toys. It wasn't so nice anymore when during the baby shower, Steve saw all the presents their friend's brought, like electric nannies, boppy pillows for nursing time and baby clothes and small boots, the baby would soon grow out of, and the truth hit him.
He was going to be a father.
Not only of an adorable baby but then a babbling toddler, a curious child, a raging teenager and then an independent adult.
A person he would have to guide through their life, protecting them from harm and encouraging to grow and develop.
And he was so not ready.
It was a huge responsibility. Overwhelming. How he could ever think that he was fit to be a father? He grew up in different times and had no clue about modern parenting or the threats the baby would face. Back in his days, parents had to make sure their kids didn't catch polio, and from there it was smooth sailing. And here, he was hearing all the time about pollution, threats of plastic, genetically modified vegetables and fruits, and their baby would be born with polio, and have twelve fingers because of microwave radiation-
"Steve?"
The crazy train of thoughts stopped when he heard his name. Steve turned around from the window and saw his boyfriend standing in the door.
"Did something happen?" he asked, already sounding alarmed. He would throw all the microwaves out of the Avengers Tower. Just in case.
"No," Tony soothed, leaning his head to the side and looking at the other man closely, clearly analyzing him. "You look pale."
'And you look gorgeous', was what Steve thought, but didn't say out loud. Tony was standing straight, with feet put apart a bit more than usual, to better support his pregnant belly on top of which he lied his hands. His hair became thicker and darker, and Tony had a pink hairband on his forehead to keep the locks from falling on his face. Even his eyelashes became longer and fuller, and there was some divine glow to his skin. It was true what they said about pregnant people and Tony looked just stunning.
"You need to stop worrying," Tony said, waddling to his boyfriend and taking Steve's hand in his. There was such calm and peace radiating out of him, it was almost shocking.
"I am not worr-" Steve planned to lie, not wanting to upset the other man, but he went silent when instead of holding Steve's hand, Tony placed it in the middle of the baby bump. He could feel the little person moving inside and it took his breath away.
Tony smiled, feeling the baby's movement and the way they were drawn to the place Steve's hand was. Almost as if sensing their papa.
"You will be a great father," Tony soothed, eyes focused on his bump. "You are a great person and a great boyfriend, why wouldn't you be a great dad?"
The words broke something in Steve. He remembered one of the very first conversations they had after learning that Tony was pregnant, one in the middle of the night, when Tony couldn't sleep and cried his eyes out because of fear and doubts.
'Hey,' Steve said, pulling Tony's hands away from his face and framing it with his own. 'Look at me. You are a wonderful person and you are a wonderful boyfriend. You will be a wonderful parent, I have no doubts about it.'
It was such an easy psychological trick to use his own words against him, but Steve knew that they came out of a place of love and truth. He got down on his knees and pressed his cheek to the baby bump, wrapping arms around Tony's waist, feeling the warm skin and the baby inside, safe and sound, waiting to be delivered to this world and needing all the love and support he could give.
It was his baby, and he would love them with all his heart.
"I will take care of you. Of both of you," Steve promised, holding the two most important people in his life. No more freakouts, no more doubts. He had to be strong and show what he was made of.
"I know you will," Tony agreed, carding his hand through Steve's blond hair. "I didn't doubt you for a second," he smiled. If there was one thing he knew about Steve, it was that when he set his mind on something, he always achieved that.