"... considered to be highly dangerous and armed. If you see him, we advise you to alert the authorities. And do not, I repeat, do not try to approach him..."
You tried with another channel but everyone was talking about Billy Russo running away from the hospital, so you chose to turn off the TV. The situation had you feeling uneasy and scared. Scared because you knew what he was capable of. Scared because he would just get himself killed in the end.
Your heart was pounding hard in your chest at the thought of him. Billy, the love of your life Billy, was a wanted criminal. Your dreams were still plagued with him even several months after the incident at the carousel, images of blood and gore invading your mind. You were there just in time to see Frank mutilating him.
A part of you understood Frank's motivation. He had his reasons to want him dead. However, you didn't know why he did it to Billy until the DHS approached you. They told you everything about your boyfriend. They asked you questions you didn't know how to answer. They told you how he had an affair with one of their agents, and how he was involved in the killing of Frank's family.
You couldn't recover from it. It took you weeks to understand what happened. They didn't let you see Billy and Frank was declared dead soon after. You knew he was alive because he tried comforting you for months, but talking to each other only hurt both of you further. From time to time you would get a text message because he wanted to make sure you were fine. You always said you were. (You weren't).
The sleep was taken from you one more night. You combed your hair with your fingers and decided you needed some fresh air. Maybe a cigarette. The balcony seemed the best option since you were already on your pajamas.
You started lighting your cigarette but the fresh air made the task difficult. Finally, you took a long drag and closed your eyes. A single tear rolled down your cheek.
"Tsk. I thought you abandoned that bad habit of yours." The familiar voice made you gasp. You quickly turned around but it was too dark to see him. It didn't matter, tough. You would recognize Billy anywhere. His voice, his silhouette...
"Billy." You whispered and abandoned the cigarette, leaving it on the ashtray. Next, you entered the living room and turned one of the lamps.
His face, half iluminated, was covered in scars, but he was as handsome as always. His eyes were big and sad. A permanent frown and a humorless smile adorned his face.
How much you missed him. You wanted to hug him so bad. You hated yourself for loving him so much after all the horrible things he has done.
"Sweetheart... you don't know how much I've missed you." He took big steps towards you and put a hand on your face.
The touch felt like ir was burning your skin. The guilt you were feeling was almost unbearable, but instead of slapping his hand away, you leaned in.
He took the opportunity and hugged you, his embrace calming you.
His smell was different, his appearence was different... everything felt different. But then he talked and you knew it was him.
"Babe, I swear I don't know what has happened to me. They keep saying a lot of things of me... but I don't remember doing anything of it." His desesperation was clear in his voice, but if you had any doubt it dissipated as soon as you looked him in the eye. He couldn't fake it. You wanted to believe it was true. "I didn't know where to go... You are the only home I've ever had."
You wanted to ask him about Madani, about Frank, about the feelings he had for you... but you couldn't do it. It was a nonsense. He was tired and confused and you wouldn't get anything good from it.
Maybe pretending everything was fine just for the night it was the best option.
Maybe you were selfish and wanted to live your little fantasy, where Billy was fine and you were fine and the Castle family was fine.
Billy didn't remember a thing, of that you were sure. So why don't take the opportunity? Even if you would hate yourself for it for the rest of your life.
"It's okay, my love. Everything is fine. You are home now."
***
After that, you offered him a hot meal. The conversation was minimal, but both of you were too absorved looking at each other.
He didn't left your hand for a second, and if you tried to move he would fucking whimper, as if he was scared of loosing you.
The way he looked at you (like you were the most precious thing in his life) and the lingering touches reminded you of better times.
Your first kiss. Your first date. Your first time together. When he bought your favorite flowers. When he took a day off because you were feeling sad. When he cooked for you. When he surprised you at your job. When, on the first birthday you celebrated together, he remembered that your favorite cake was chocolate cake. When you were sick and he took care of you. When he took you to Paris. When he watched a movie he hated a million times just because you loved it. When he made you laugh so much your belly hurt. When he supported you when you left your job. When he helped you get another one. How he was your best friend. How he was your lover. How he hugged you when you needed to feel loved. How he fucked you when you needed to be hurt. How he loved you the days you didn't love yourself. How understanding he was. How you meant the world to him.
The simple idea of not being able to create more memories like that broke your already broken heart.
You moved to the bed when he told you he needed a shower, anxious and thinking about what would happen next.
The police would knock on your door at any moment now. You wished it would be in the morning if it had to be that way.
You weren't afraid of Billy, not at all. Actually, you were almost relieved that he was there, in your apartment, rather than roaming the streets on his own. However, the sensible part of your brain made you understand a thing. This, whatever it was, wouldn't last long. Billy would be gone soon. The question was if it would be in a police car or a body bag. (The last one scared you more than anything.)
Your bad thoughts were stopped when your former lover stepped out of the bathroom, completely naked and drying his hair with a towel. A few drops of water were descending from his chest to his abdomen. You licked your lips and you swore the temperature rose fifty degrees.
"What? You like what you see?" He noticed the change before you did. The tension between you was building up.
The lack of words from your part didn't offend him, because he started walking towards you until he was kneeling on the bed. By now, you were laying there with your legs open, ready for him to accomodate between them.
"When I told you I missed you I wasn't lying." His breath was ragged and his voice husky, and be pressed himself between your legs. You let out a small moan and closed your eyes. "I bet you are already wet, aren't you, sweetheart? It's been a very long time..."
You would be happy to go to hell if it meant you had one last time with Billy. The only thing you needed was to have one more time with him, pretend that nothing happened.
"I need you so bad." Your were needy and fragile, he could break you easily if he wanted so.
"Me too." He started a trail of kisses from your jaw to your neck while getting rid of your pajama pants, along with your underwear. "I'm going to make you feel so good, babe."
You helped him dispose the rest of your clothes, dumping them somewhere onto the floor. Now, his cock was teasing your folds, testing you. It was his time to moan when he felt how wet you were. He was already hard too, but he felt like he would play a little more.
The kisses descended to your breasts, and he pinched one nipple while biting on the other. It wasn't harsh, but it was enough for you to whimper once again, the pleasure going straight to your core.
Billy was taking his time teasing you, because his hands where everywhere but where you needed them the most.
"Billy..." You complained pushing your hips up, trying to feel some kind of friction, and he chuckled.
"So impatient, sweetheart. We have a lot of time." You didn't, but you weren't about to spoil this one good thing. "Be good and I'll reward you, I promise." He resumed his task but he introduced a couple of fingers inside of you, starting to pump them slowly. It was a sweet torture, but you needed so much more...
The room was filled with moans as you let Billy take care of you, but it wasn't until he started sucking on your clit that you started to scream.
You've always been pretty vocal, and your boyfriend loved that about you.
"Billy, Billy, please..." you didn't know what you were pleading for, and when you started moving against him, he pinned you down by holding your hips. "I don't... please babe, I need you inside. I want to cum with you inside of me." You were a mess, gasping for air and moaning like your life depended on it.
Billy was very good at pleasuring you, and it's been a long time since the last time you had sex, so you were sure you would cum in seconds if he didn't stopped doing that thing with his tongue.
When he heard you saying that, and seeing you almost collapsing from the stimulation and the situation, he was quick to oblige. He was so hard it hurt, and you didn't need to say anything else before he was balls deep inside of you. It hurt a bit, but you couldn't care less.
"You are so fucking tight." He moaned and started moving at a brutal pace, holding your hands above your head.
He would give you a kiss betweet thrusts, but it was mostly him telling you how good you were and how much he missed you being around him. "I want you to look at me." He managed to say and you snapped your eyes open. Then he stopped for a moment and kissed you. It was a slow kiss, a kiss that held many emotions that he wasn't comfortable putting into words. He cupped your face before he started moving again, much slower this time, not looking away for a second. His gaze was fixated on yours the entire time. "I love you." He whispered and you shuddered. "I love you so much." He kissed you again and his free hand started moving against your clit, triggering your orgasm.
You were the first one to reach your climax. It was loud and hot, screaming his name and trying hard to keep on with his rhythm. When he felt you clenching against him he gave the last thrusts, deeper this time, before he emptied inside of you.
You stayed like that for a few minutes, with him inside of you, panting and kissing and smiling.
"I love you too, Billy. You can't even imagine how much."
***
When you woke up the next day, your lover was still sleeping. He looked so innocent and peaceful that you almost didn't hit the send button.
Frank, I'm home with Billy.
But you had to do it.
He moved in his sleep and mumbled your name, and with tears threatening to fall from your eyes, you hugged him tight, enjoying what could have been the last moment you two had left together.