“Miss Y/N, the jet lands in ten minutes.” FRIDAY’s voice rings through the kitchen. Y/N stands in front of the oven, looking at her cake which is about to be ready in less than three minutes. She stands up straight, putting away the kitchen towel she just used to dry her hands from the washing water. “Thank you, FRIDAY. When will you actually start to call me Y/N? Just Y/N.”
“I’m sorry, Miss Y/N. Tony won’t allow me to do so.”
“I’m going to kill him someday.” Y/N shakes her head. The shrill sound of her old egg timer sounds through the room. She grabs her pot holders and takes out the cake from the oven. Carefully she places the baking tray on the table, turning off the oven and putting her pot holders away. Quickly she gets rid of her apron, runs into her room and checks herself in the mirror. She swats away some flour and puts her hair back in order before rushing up to meet the team. They are away for a while now, leaving Y/N all by herself because Thor was back on Asgard and Bruce wanted to take a break from lab work and went on a holiday nobody knew of. Clint had taken Nat to visit his family while Wanda and Vision went to London once again. The rest were on said mission.
Anxiously she waits near the landing platform, looking into the sky for any sign of the black jet to arrive. The sky is blue and the weather is nice. It a little mild but that’s to expect on a late winter day. Still, the sun shines and warms up the air, so that she can stand there and wait without really freezing to death. “I should have brought a coat. FRIDAY? How long will it take? They’re late.”
“Any minute now.” She sighs and looks up again. A shiver runs down her back, and she slings her arms around her middle to keep herself from the cold wind. Then she hears the familiar sound. A big smile crosses her face as she sees a black dot get closer and bigger by any second. By the time the plane lands she’s nearly jumping from foot to foot, filled with excitement. The backdoor opens and Steve jumps out. He looks around for a second until he sees her. He smiles and waves at her, so she takes it as invitation and runs up to him, jumping in his arms and lets him throw her around. She presses her lips to his in a loving welcome back kiss. “I missed you.” She slings her legs around his waist, not caring for her dress, and hugs him tight. Y/N can hear how he inhales her scent. “I missed you, too.” A quick kiss is placed on her cheek before he sets her back on the ground. “What about me? Do I get kisses, too?” Y/N turns around to see Tony walking down the ramp. “I’m sorry, Tony. Your lady is currently in Pennsylvania at a conference which she told me to drag you to as soon as you come back.”
“Why do I never get greeted?” Y/N smiles and pats his back as he throws his hands in the air. “Maybe because you gave your girlfriend a whole company to care for.” Tony grumbles something before walking off. He turns around and calls at Steve. “Tell tinman to come to my lab, so I can fix that arm.” Then he’s gone. “What is with Bucky’s arm?” Y/N turns to the jet and sees Sam exit it while arguing with Bucky. “He somehow twisted it so a few blades got loose or bent into angles there not supposed to be. He’s okay so. At least when you count that he’s arguing with Sam the whole time.” Steve lays his arm around her waist as they wait for Bucky to notice them. Eventually he looks over to them, dropping the arguing and leaving a seriously annoyed Sam behind as he comes up to them. Quickly he pulls Y/N into a forceful kiss. “Hey, doll. How have you been?”
“Good. Better now. And you?” She eyes his arm for a second, but he shakes his head. “Nothing major. Should be fine in a few hours.” For a moment he just looks at her. “What?” Y/N frowns at him, questioning herself if she missed some flour on her face or something. “Nothing.” Bucky smiles again, pulling her in for another kiss. She breaks it and studies his face. Bucky is still looking down at her, grinning. “What’s up with you? You’re different than normal.”
“Can’t I be just happy about seeing my best girl?” Y/N looks at him before switching her gaze at Steve. “What’s up with him?” She points at Bucky over her shoulder. “No wait… What’s up with both of you?”
“What do you mean?”
“You have the same creepy grin on your face like Buck does. What do you plan?”
“How can she tell?” Steve asks Bucky, confusion on his face. She turns around again to face Bucky, crossing her arms in front of her. She raises an eyebrow at him which makes the brunette sigh. “Okay, okay. We wanted to get on a Date with you before this mission came up. So, we wanted to ask you out tomorrow. A whole day just you and Stevie and me.”
“Okay.” She uncrosses her arms, the same grin forming on her face. “You’re allowed to have this creepy little grin.” She motions with her fingers at both of them, then she takes a hand of each of them and drags them inside. “Come on. I’m cold. And I made cake. So, I suggest that Bucky gets fixed as soon as possible, we eat some cake and watch any old shows that are on tv, and then we take a long hot bath. Together, of course. What do you say?”
“She manhandles us, Stevie. Why is she manhandling us?”
“I don’t care. If that’s what’s coming if she does I gladly obligate.” Bucky makes a thinking face before nodding. “Okay. Y/N please manhandle us more often.” They laugh as they make their way inside.
* * *
Y/N wakes up to laughter. It’s not the laughter she has expected. Its smaller, higher than what she expected. She stretches and looks around in her bed. Empty. She sighs, stands up and gets dressed. She has a feeling that this day won’t go as planned. She throws on some pants and an oversized shirt from Bucky, with one of Steve’s jackets. Quickly she pulls her hair into a bun and checks herself in the mirror. In the bathroom she uses the toilet and brushes her teeth before exiting it and walking into the living room. The laughter grows in volume and as she fully enters the room, she sees Steve and Bucky on the couch. Steve tickles the boy who has tears in his eyes already. She lets her shoulders hang. This day would suck. Disappointment grows in her as she watches them play. They promised a date today, but with Bucky dropped it would not happen. Like so often before. She sighs and walks up to them. “Morning.” She quickly walks past them into the kitchen barely hearing Steve’s ‘good morning Y/N’ and Bucky’s ‘Mommy save me’. She searches until she finds a cup Steve had brought her and puts it next to the kettle. This she fills with water and waits for it to boil, then she fills water into her cup and puts a tea bag in it. Steve’s heavy steps pull her out of her thoughts. The man slings his arms around her hips and kisses her shoulder. “You’re alright?”
“Yeah. I’m okay.”
“Really?” He takes the cup from her and puts it back on the counter before turning her around in his arms. His hand comes up and brushes a strand of hair behind her ear. “You sure?” Y/N stocks for a moment before she nods. “Yeah. I’m good. Why are you killing Bucky so early in the morning?”
“Because this rat jumped on me first thing he woke up.”
“Rat?” She raises an eyebrow and watch as a small blush crosses Steve’s cheek. “Mommy!”
“There he is.” Steve rolls his eyes and steps back a bit. Bucky comes running in and tugs on Y/N’s sleeve. “Mommy? Can we build my ship, yes?”
“Which ship?”
“Ah, Tony called. He has brought a big Lego ship for Bucky. And me when I drop. It was outside our apartment.”
“What is up with this man.” Y/N mutters before Bucky pulls at her sleeve again. “Can we?” She looks at the boy and suddenly the disappointment is paired with anger. “Why don’t you do it with Daddy?” She looks back at Steve who raises an eyebrow. Grabbing her hot mug, she throws the teabag away and walks to the door. She stops and turns to Steve. “I have something to do. I’ll see you guys later.” Then she rushes out of the kitchen and the apartment, leaving a totally confused Steve and a whining, now pulling on Steve’s hem, Bucky behind.
For a while she wanders around the compound. She really doesn’t have anything to do, but to stay with Bucky and Steve would have meant to get reminded of yet another date that would never happen. Finally, she makes her way to the common room, stopping on her way to look out of a window. People are running outside, hurrying to fulfill tasks or do sports. Some of them are just walking around, talking about anything and laughing. She sighs and goes further to the common room. She enters it and finds it empty. “Good.” Then she flops down. She lies on the sofa, staring at the ceiling. Her head is empty, nothing will come, so she can’t think about anything. Just one question comes and goes since she left the apartment. She rolls on her stomach and buries her head into the cushion, screaming into it while kicking with her feet. “Wow. That’s a lot of frustration there.” Y/N stops and looks up at Tony. Then she takes back her position and buries her face again. She doesn’t see Tony frown at her or how he sits down in an armchair next to the couch. “You want to talk about… whatever this is about?” She knows he studies her for a moment. Facing him she sighs and closes her eyes. “Do I have to?”
“No. But now I’m here, so I would take the chance as long as you have it. I’m an excellent listener although I’m a better talker but I can listen. If you want, that is.” She looks at him for a moment. Trying to figure out how serious he is as the one question comes back into her head. Slowly she takes a sitting position, crossing her legs and hugging the big pillow to her chest. “Actually, you could be right. Just this once.” Tony rises his eyebrows but doesn’t say anything at her comment. While she studies the seam of the cushion she starts talking. “So, after Bucky and Steve and you all came back yesterday, they told me that they want to go on a date today. I was really excited because this would be the first time in a while.”
“Why do I get the feeling that this is going to be sad?”
“Do you want to hear it or comment on it?”
“Sorry. Carry on.”
“I woke up this morning and there was a brief second in which I really believed that we would do what we had planned. Then I heard Bucky laugh.”
“Sorry. Isn’t that a good thing?” Tony lays is head to the side in confusion. “If he were an adult it would be, but he’s a kid. He dropped.”
“So, no date?”
“No, no date. It wouldn’t be that bad if it were not the hundredths time this or something else happened, and we had to reschedule. I’m tired of it. We barely get any time for us the last months. There are always missions, briefings or one of them drops. I’m always left behind. I don’t want to say that I want to be selfish but I don’t want to put my feelings and wants behind all the time. I’m always the one who’s left behind when you leave, the one who has to care for one or both of them if they drop. I just want to have my boyfriends and have a normal day like any other couple out there has.” For a moment nobody says something. “Is...” Y/N shakes her head and stops talking again. “Never mind.”
“What?”
“No, it’s okay. Thank you for listening, Tony. It helped to get it out.” She puts the pillow back on the sofa and is about to stand up as Tony grabs her wrist. “What do you want to ask?” Slowly she sinks down again, fidgeting and playing with her fingers. “I… There is this question in my head I can’t get rid of. I know that this probably sounds rude and selfish and I really don’t want you to think I am but... Is there a chance for a cure? At least something that helps to reduce it?”
“What exactly, the missions?”
“No.” She shakes her head. It takes her a moment to muster up the courage but finally she looks directly at him. “For the droppings.” Tony pulls in a sharp breath. “I’m sorry, Y/N.” He switches from his place on the armchair and sits down beside her, taking one of her hands in his. “I don’t think there’s anything like that. It’s a stress reliever after all. They drop if they need it.”
“I know, it’s just… I barely see them anymore. It’s not that I don’t like the kids, but I miss having my boyfriend’s around. In the last three months I had them for… maybe six days. I feel left alone. I can’t handle this anymore.” She feels tears well up in her eyes. Tony places and arm around her shoulders, guiding her into his side so that she can hide. “I Know what you mean. I’m really sorry.” They sit like this for a while. No one of them noticed Steve in the doorway. With a sad and guilty feeling, he leaves again.
Y/N sits a while with Tony but eventually he needs to leave, so she stands up and walks back to her apartment. “I’m back!” She shouts into the room and walks across the hall to the playroom. Steve sits on the ground with Bucky. Instead of helping him with his ship he stares out of the window. “Hey.”
“Mommy, look.”
“Wow, that looks good.” She kneels down beside him and ruffles Bucky’s hair. “Did daddy help you?” Bucky looks at Steve before shaking his head. “A little.” Y/N looks at the blonde. He still seems to not register her, so she lays a hand on his shoulder. “Steve?” The man twitches back at the contact and snaps his head around to her. “Holy, Y/N.”
“Sorry.” She presents him a small smile. She sees Steve frown before he reaches one hand up and brushes it against her cheek. “You cried.”
“I’m fine.” She shakes her head. “And you? You’re never this absent.”
“I’m good.” He smiles at her. “So, now that mommy is back, how about we get this ship ready and play?”
“Yees!” Bucky cries out and fiddles with the instruction book.
* * *
As the days go by Y/N feels a change. She has calmed down from her anger and disappointment but something bothers her. She knows she doesn’t need to be concerned about her boys, but she feels like something is not right. Steve is a little absent all these days and when Y/N wakes up at night to use the bathroom she finds Steve’s space in her bed empty and sometimes even cold. Now a week after she talked to Tony it happens once again. “Mommy?” Bucky shakes her arm until she stirs. “Mommy, can I sleep here?”
“Why?” She grumbles a little before peeling her eyes open. “I woke up.” Bucky looks down but Y/N knows this look. He might have had an accident because of a dream, because she didn’t give him these pants he’s wearing. “Okay.” She pulls the blanket back and lets Bucky climbs in. “Where is daddy?” Y/N looks behind her and frowns. “Can you stay here? I’ll go looking.”
“Okay.” As she stands up, she watches Bucky getting comfortable under her blanket and closing his eyes. Turning around she walks silently into Steve’s room but finds it empty. Then she walks into the living room and stops. Steve sits on the sofa, his head in his hands. The light is dimmed and a glass filled, with what looks like scotch in front of him. She slowly walks over, careful, just so she won’t frighten him. “Steve?” She stands behind the sofa and lays her hands on his shoulders, softly massaging them. “Why are you out here?” Steve sighs. He leans back head on the backrest so that he can look at Y/N. “It’s nothing. Come here. Please.” He takes one of her hands and tugs her around the sofa next to him. Confused she sits down. She scrutinizes his face. There are bags under his eyes, his skin looks a bit paler than normal and his shirt is soaked in sweat. Her hand wanders up without her noticing. She cups his cheek, softly stroking her thumb. “Talk to me, Stevie.”
“Guys?” They hear Bucky step in. Steve’s eyes fly up to him, still tired and haunted from who knows what, but Y/N ignores him, even when she recognizes his deep voice. He’s an adult again. “Stevie?” She speaks softly. His eyes snap back to her, then he closes his eyes. “I-” He stops and buries his face in his hands. A deep breath leaves his lips. Y/N looks up for a second. Bucky is still standing a few feet away, so she reaches out a hand and smiles at him. He comes to her and sits beside her, his eyes never leaving Steve. “Come on, punk. You look like shit.” He clasps the blonde’s shoulder in reassurance. “Just nightmares. You don’t have to worry.”
“This doesn’t look like ‘just nightmares’, Steve.” Y/N takes his hand, tucking a little so that he looks at her. “This looks like nightmares every night.”
“Maybe.”
“Maybe? Steve, com’on. You told me yourself a few month ago that I have to sleep and talk if somethings wrong. Take your own advice a bit more seriously.”
“Fine, yeah. I get a lot of nightmares since we’re back.” Y/N narrows her eyes. “Why didn’t you drop? It usually helps, doesn’t it?”
“It does but I-” He trails off, looking at her than at Bucky before leaning back again. “Oh my God. You heard us. You heard me talk to Tony.” Steve nods. Y/N lays a hand over her mouth. Never would she have thought that somebody would hear them. Especially Steve or Bucky. “What are you talking about? Care to fill me in?” Y/N turns a little to face Bucky as well. “A few days ago, I talked to Tony about…” She looks down. Now that she thinks of it she feels ashamed of herself. “About a cure.” Steve finishes. “But I never meant for you to hear it. I was just disappointed.”
“It's okay, Y/N. I get it. That’s why I decided not to drop this time.” He rubs his face. “To be honest the mission wasn’t that easy. I don’t think one of the others got it that bad. There were so many kids.” He stops speaking for a moment, just squeezing Y/N’s hand a bit. “As we came back, I thought everything would be alright. Then Bucky dropped overnight and you said you had something to do. Over the time I felt the urge to drop. It was like… like everything was itching. I went to the common room to talk to you about the date. To move it a bit back. But... well I heard you and suddenly I knew I couldn’t do it to you. You’re always putting us first and never complain. Even if you're disappointed or angry.” Y/N’s breath stops for a moment. Then she leans forward, catching his face in her hands and kisses his forehead before slinging her arm around his neck. “I never meant it for you to suffer though. I’m sorry Steve.”
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Because it was not meant to be heard by you or Bucky.” She looks back at the brunette who looks at them like a confused puppy. “I was fed up with you dropping all the time. It’s true and I still am.” She leans back again. “So…” Bucky speaks up and a little shadow of fear crosses his face. “Do- do you want to break up?” Y/N stares at him for a moment, then she starts laughing. She cups his face as well, kisses his forehead before placing her own against his. “I would never think of that. I love you two too much to come up with this thought.” She lets go of him, facing both of them. “I told Tony because he asked what’s wrong and then it just... came out. I don’t know. These past moths I- After we got together, I was really happy. You two started to drop less and I got to see you more often. But now… There’s always a mission or a briefing when I see you and when you come back you drop and most of the time you both do. I can’t really tell when the last time was, I got to have both of you for a week. Or a few days at least. And even if I love you both as kids, because you’re MY kids, I would love to have you two as my boyfriends as well. I never meant it for Steve to hear and I never meant it for you to suffer. I know that you two need to drop from time to time. All I thought about was if it really is necessary to drop after each mission.” For a while its silent. None of them talks. They got a lot to think about, but then Bucky stands up. He walks up and down behind the sofa. “I never thought about that. I’m a terrible boyfriend. Every time we got home, I was excited to see you, yes but I also just thought about stress relief and never about the fact if it really is necessary.” He stops and looks back at Y/N. “I’m sorry, doll.” Y/N shakes her head. “I’m, too. I should have told you sooner.”
“Still, you’re right. We even rescheduled the dates all the time.” Steve looks at her. She wonders for a moment if he got paler by now or if she imagines that. “How about we do it today? We’re both big.”
“No way!” Steve twitches back as Y/N answers sharp. “W-What?”
“Why not?” Bucky steps up behind Steve and leans a bit closer. “Because, did you actually look at yourself?”
“I’m fine. A little tired but okay.”
“You’re not.”
“I am.”
“Nope.” Y/N shakes her head and crosses her arms. Her eyes meet Bucky’s, and she motions for him to look at their boyfriend. “Steve. I think Y/N is ri-”
“Hell, I’m fine!” Steve jumps up angrily pacing in front of the TV. “Steve.” Y/N’s voice is soft and makes him stop in his tracks. She stands up and takes the few steps to stand in front of him. She kisses his lips softly and hugs him to her chest. “I know you want to apologize and make this stupid date happen. And I appreciate it. But if you’re feeling low and are exhausted like now it won’t be as good as I remember the last ones. So, I beg you. Come to bed with me. Buck can join. It’s still early and I know there’s no briefing or anything for you two for a while.”
“How do you know?” Buck joins them in the hug. “Because Tony promised to try to leave you two out of it for a while. So, Stevie? What do you say?”
“I- Is it really necessary?”
“I think it is. Maybe you should drop for a while, too. Stop, I don’t want to hear it. You need it.” Steve had opened his mouth but closes it again. “Good. Come on boys.” She takes Steve’s hand and shoves him in front of her to push him into her room. “Steve, she’s doing it again.”
“And I will leave you out of cuddling if you say another word.”
“Yes ma’am. I’m sorry.” Bucky stops and salutes as Y/N turns around to him. “Jerk. Come on.” She pulls him in her room as well, pushes Steve on the mattress and does the same with Bucky. Then she walks around the bed to one of her drawers, puts out a change of Steve’s favorite pajamas, his kids one of course, and puts it neatly on her nightstand before joining them so that Steve is sandwiched between them. “Close your eyes.” She kisses his shoulder and massages his scalp. She even hums a small lullaby which always gets him and Bucky to sleep. Steve closes his eyes, a little smile on his face. Bucky stares at Y/N instead. She grins at him while humming. “I love it when you do it.” His voice is a whisper to not wake up Steve whose breath starts to even out. “I know. That’s why I do it so rarely, so that you can’t get used to it.” She smiles again. Steve twitches and grabs Bucky’s hand as both of them look at him. “Already?”
“No.” Bucky strokes Steve’s hair as Y/N takes her hand away. “He’s dropping. When we sleep in one bed after missions, he does that when he’s the first one to drop. I don’t think he even knows he does it.”
“Okay. Good Night, Stevie.” She kisses his temple and lies back down. It takes a while for Steve to fully drop and for Y/N to change his clothes without waking him. By the time she manages Bucky is fast asleep, too. She sighs. Yes; she loves them very, very much. And she knows that now she gets to love both forms of them again.