Shrunken Avengers Part 1
*Bucky P.O.V.*
Goddammit. Why can't life be simple?
I'm serious. I just got out of the bloody shrink's office and guess what? Nick bloody Fury is waiting for me. His face even more grumpy looking than normal. I groaned out loud and turned around, taking two steps away from him before Agent Hill blocks me.
I face Fury and just ask one question.
"What?"
"We have a situation," is all he fuckin says.
"So get Steve to deal with it."
"He can't, soldier."
"Why the fuck not?"
"He is the situation Barnes," Hill butts in.
"That's why there are other Avengers," I point out grumpily.
"They are also part of the situation."
I just glare at Fury some more. "What the feck did you do?"
"Tech gone wrong. The Avengers were the casualty along with half my tech staff."
I scrub my hand over my face. "Am I really the only one left to deal with your shit?"
"Yes."
*sigh*
"Fine. What is the situation?"
Fury just turns to the case on the ground and picks it up. "Stark got his hands on this and thank god he finished it before this happened." He opened the case and presented it to me. It was another arm. I glance at my empty shoulder stump.
"You're gonna need this soldier, trust me."
Whelp. Day couldn't get any worse right?
Wrong
*S.H.I.E.L.D Headquarters*
"Here's your job Barnes," Maria informed him. I was looking at a steel door that led to, probably a massive room, with no windows. What the fuck? She punches in some elaborate code, complete with an eye scan, voice recognition, palm scan, and 20 digit passcode. What could be so bloody important?
I watch the door slide open revealing a hastily made...playroom?
"No. No. Holy fuckin hell. Definitely no," I growl at Hill. She just looks back at me unimpressed. "I ain't qualified for this shit."
"They have no respect for Fury and everyone else on base has tried and failed to keep them here. Do you know how many times Stark has made an escape? He teamed up with Barton, Romanov, and Loki and have been out of this room so many times we had to update the system every half hour. His file mentioned tech genius, I just didn't think it happened when he was 4!"
The door slid shut behind us and Hill's rant had attracted every set of eyes in the room.
"Get in a line!" Hill barked and surprisingly, all the children obeyed.
"Alright Barnes, make sure you keep count of all of them. Stark's here, Rogers, Romanov, Barton, Loki, they're all 4ish. Thor is a blessed 6-year-old. The twins don't have powers, obviously babies, or 2 if you ask Thor. Banner is not here, and we haven't been able to contact him yet so don't count on that backup. Sadly, the King of Wakanda was here and he's 5, but your godsend cuz he's so bloody well behaved. That is Doctor Strange, he's 5 and stubborn as all hell, but you can reason with that 5-year-old. Colonel Rhodes is, for some odd reason, 10-years-old. I put a call into Scott Lang, he and Hope Van Dyne are on their way. Laura Barton and her children are also on their way here. Spiderman will arrive within the hour, he was flown out yesterday. Got all that soldier?"
I just nod.
Finally, Steve raises his hand. Hill looks over to him. "What is it, Rogers?"
"Permission to speak ma'am?"
"Granted."
"Hi, Bucky!" He waves, grinning. I smirk. "Hey, punk."
Tony's eyes go wide and his jaw drops. "The Winner Soldier!" he blurts out.
"Winter Soldier." Hill corrects him and he just nods.
"Here's your new caretaker. BEHAVE. Understood?"
A chorus of yes's erupted from them and then she leaves. By the time I open my mouth to stop her, the door slides shut.
Goddammit. Situation indeed.
The moment she leaves the room becomes chaos again. All the 4-year-olds attack him while the older 3 just hand back and scoop up the twins before heading over slowly.
The first one to arrive surprisingly is Tony. He immediately clambers up my fucking leg like a cat and latches onto my metal arm grinning wickedly. "My design! It's perfect I know. How does it feel? Any problems? I built in pretty good sensors, but can you feel it? Hot? Cold? Wind? Have you seen the lasers yet? What about the guns?"
He's talking to me. Holy fuck.
"You're not mad at me?" I can't help but blurt out.
He looks up confused. "O'course not RoboCop. I got over that shit-"
"Language!" squealed another voice and I look down to see. Yup. Steve.
"Too bad Capsicle. So anyway, yeah I was mad, but ya'know. Hydra is stoopid. And it ain't yo fault dey found ya instead of my dad. But then you'd be old as dust and then we'd have no fun. And you'd probably be dumb as rocks cuz dad wouldn'ta splained nuffin to ya."
All I could do was blink. Holy shit this kid.
"Thanks?"
He nods again and then leaps off my arm and toddles over to Barton and Romanov. He grabs Loki along the way and they plop down in a corner of the room, papers littering the floor and various types of markers and crayons surrounding them.
Steve is now standing in front of me and is actually taller than a 4-year-old should be, but still a bloody string bean. He's waving his arms in an "up" motion and I lean down and hold him under my arm like a suitcase, his limbs dangling. He's giggling like a maniac so I assume he's fine and then I walk a little further into the room. I'm met by the older kids and they mostly smile.
The one wearing the ridiculously long cape is probably Thor, not that his bright blond hair and hammer gave him away or anything. The darker skinned one has to be the Prince, or is it King? Anyway, he's my godsend apparently so I give him a nod and that seems to satisfy him. The smaller one clutching a . . . was that a flying cloak? was frowning up at me. Yeah, that's Strange. And lastly the tallest one, not super tall, but tall enough. Rhodes. He's got one twin in his hand and Thor's got the other. Thank god their hair colour stayed the same or I would've had the shittiest time trying to remember which was which.
"Rhodes, Thor, Prince-King T'Challa, Strange, and twins, boy and girl. Right?"
Rhodes smirks. "Yeah, I guess you could say that."
"I'm not going to like you," Strange proclaims, followed by a smack to the head by his cloak. Holy shit sentient cloak. Frickin awesome.
"I have faith in you Barnes," Rhodes states patting me on the arm before walking off.
"As do I!" Thor chimes in with a thumbs up before following the Colonel.
Strange just glares and stays put. I look up where the head of the cloak should be, and feeling very stupid, say "Keep him out of trouble for me? And if you can, catch any children before they face-plant into the floor?"
The cloak salutes and scoops up Strange before flying towards the couch.
"What am I going to do punk?"
Steve grins. "Play!"
I'm about to reply when Rhodes yells out. "Tony and his gang are escaping again!"
Shit.
I dump Steve on the nearest couch and sprint over to the vent they managed to find. I grab hold of the last child's leg and yank them back out. Holding the kid by the ankle, I look at their face and see a frowning archer glaring back at me. Rhodes appeared out of nowhere and I handed the boy to him. Stuffing my hand back into the vent I just miss the next kid.
They scramble faster and I swear I heard "Quick! He's gaining!" before the shuffling sounds fade.
"Dammit."
I turn to Barton and glare at him.
"Where did they go?"
He just blinks up at me.
"Where. Did. They. Go?"
He continues to blink at me.
Rhodes tilts the boy's head sideways and states, "He's lost his hearing aids again." I sigh. Looking up at the ceiling, I find the nearest camera and say, "Stark and them are on the loose again."
A speaker crackles to life and Hill's angry "AGAIN?" can be heard. "Alright Barnes, we'll find them. Seal that vent, will you? Hill out."
I send the boys off in search of Barton's hearing aids and look at my arm.
Ok, lasers. Sounds good.
I do the simplest thing possible and point my finger at the vent. Clenching my hand, a sudden buzz fills the air and the next thing I know, a fine laser shoots out. I make quick work of welding the vent shut and then unclench my hand. Turning back to look at the room I see they have found his hearing aids. Now they're all watching a ridiculous cartoon about a small yellow bird and a black cat. Good.
I look back up at the camera. "ETA on my backup?"
"The closest one is 5 hours out sir," comes a random voice. "Thanks."
1 hour later
Stark and his crew have finally been caught and now they're all pouting again. I learned that this was their 56th attempt in the last two days. I check to make sure that they're not escaping again before I go over to the kitchen part of the room and brew coffee. Without thinking I call out, "Coffee anyone?"
Tony replies.
"I want it as dark and bitter as my soul."
I grin. "One glass of milk coming up."
As I'm doing this, someone decides that playing tag will be a great idea and soon the room is once again in chaos. I just watch as they run around screaming until suddenly Steve trips and goes skidding across the floor.
All the kids rush over.
Stark pokes at Steve's body with a marker and Barton says something I never expected.
"Is it dead? Should we hide it?"
Steve groans softly, but none of them seem to hear it. The older kids watch peacefully from the couch.
Romanov takes another marker and pokes him as well.
"I'll get the bag."
"I'll find some rope."
"There's an empty cupboard over there."
"But won't he smell?"
"What about the garbage chute?"
"Oh, yeah good idea."
They all begin moving in unison and I have to jump in, quite literally, just to save the punk who is still not moving.
"He's fine guys. Not dead. Totally breathing. Just chill."
They aww and then turn and leave him alone.
Finally, after 4 hours some of my backup arrives. And it is in the form of a 16-year-old. Great.
"Hello Mr. Winter Soldier, Barnes, sir! I'm Peter Parker Mr. Stark's intern. Oh hey, Mister Stark! Whatcha got there? Oh, are those blueprints? Wicked!" He does this in the span of 5 seconds, speaking, shaking my hand, and drawing the attention of every child.
"Oh, you know Mister Barnes, sir. We have to get snacks if we need them, they told me there are none in this room. And they're not gonna bring us any. Dunno why. Seems kinda stupid if you ask me. This facility is supposed to be high tech and they can't even bring us snacks? What a tragedy." Then he stops. Looks at the children and grins. "You guys want snacks? I mean it is lunch time." His grin looks kinda suspicious now and all the children bounce eagerly.
"Hey, Mister Barnes sir? Have they escaped yet?"
"Those 4 have. 56 times actually." I reply, pointing at the offending children. Parker's grin grows wider.
"Have you ever seen that meme sir?"
I know I should be panicking now, but hey, this could be fun. Whatever a meme is.
Turns out this particular meme involves lots of screaming, swarming, raiding, and being chased by guards. It all started when Peter mentioned the word game. He started by splitting them into two teams Red and Blue. Then he handed each team empty sacks. He tied their team coloured bandanas on each member and even managed to rope the older kids into the game.
Team Red:
- Peter
- Tony
- Clint
- Loki
- T'Challa
- Rhodey
- Wanda
Team Blue:
- Bucky
- Steve
- Natasha
- Thor
- Stephen
- Pietro
The teams were to sneak into the massive cafeteria, break room thing and grab as much food as possible. Team with the least amount of people caught and returned the fastest won. We got suited up. Peter and I each had a twin strapped to our back and each child had a small sack. Peter was grinning way too much, but so was I so it doesn't matter. We each took 5 minutes to strategize with our teams, and then, we were ready.
We pushed open the door and Team Red made a break for it, sprinting down the hall as quietly as possible. I looked down at my team and they looked determined. I remembered the floor plans I was reading and took them towards a short cut. We managed to reach the target location first and they quickly went to work grabbing anything they found.
Team Red came in a few minutes later and began their raid as well. Just when we finished up, Hill walked in. Tony, who was on the counter grabbing cereal yelled out, "Final Boss in the building!" We all turned as one and saw the pissed off look on Hill's face.
Peter looked at his team and made the quickest decision he's ever made. "RUN! THEY CAN'T CATCH US ALL!" Clint laughed. "That's the perfect meme!" Everyone bolted and Hill turned to call for backup "E.A. Protocol! Let's move it! All hands on deck!"
I smirked. "E.A. Protocol?"
"Escaped Avengers Protocol. It's new."
I just nodded. "C'mon Barnes we trusted you."
"I didn't do anything bad. They were hungry and I don't need to deal with cranky children." Then I turned and fled the room too. We're still playing the game. And I play to win.