we intend not to sleep 'til we're dead
[Chemistry]
wylan van eck, jesper fahey
jesper fahey: good morning sunshine!!
jesper fahey: the love of my life!!
jesper fahey: my darling sweetheart!
jesper fahey: my lovely dearest husband <33
wylan van eck: *husband to be
wylan van eck: good morning jesper
jesper fahey:image(1)
jesper fahey: milo misses u :(
jesper fahey: OH and i set up an appointment w the wedding planner
jesper fahey: you free this friday??
jesper fahey: if not we can probably reschedule
wylan van eck: no i should be free
wylan van eck: and i think i've picked out colors. i don't trust you because you would end up picking neon orange and yellow. so.
wylan van eck: what do you think about terracotta
jesper fahey: im not rich like you wylan
jesper fahey: wtf is terracotta
wylan van eck: ok im ignoring that.
wylan van eck: basically just shades of earthy green and brown
jesper fahey: yeah ok sounds good
jesper fahey: do i need to buy a fancy suit or
wylan van eck: god no. just wear that ugly purple striped vest and some pants i guess idk
jesper fahey: damn i can't be pantsless at my own wedding?
wylan van eck: i mean… ;)
jesper fahey: WYLAN VAN ECK YOU CHARLATAN
jesper fahey: YOU SHAMELESS FLIRT
wylan van eck: ok but in all seriousness please do actually wear pants. im inviting my dad's new wife and, unlike my father, i think she might show up.
wylan van eck: she's like maybe 24. MAYBE. i would prefer to avoid scarring her for life if at all possible
jesper fahey: EW good point my da's gonna be there
jesper fahey: okay i will wear pants
wylan van eck: thank god
wylan van eck: ok gotta go but i'll see you in class today?
jesper fahey: yes definitely!!
wylan van eck: ❤️
[Crows!!]
kaz brekker, inej ghafa, jesper fahey, nina zenik, matthias helvar
jesper fahey: YOU GUYS HELP
jesper fahey: WYLAN SENT ME A HEART EMOJI
inej ghafa: aren't you literally engaged to him?
inej ghafa: like how is this a problem
nina zenik: FAHEY
nina zenik: you got ENGAGED without TELLING ME???
nina zenik: im going to have a heart attack. matthias come on we're going out for waffles
nina zenik: none of you bother me or else
matthias helvar: Okay 👍
matthias helvar: Jesper, I hope whoever this Wylan is makes you very happy. Otherwise I will have stern words with him.
matthias helvar: You deserve to marry someone wonderful. Almost as wonderful as Nina, if that's possible.
nina zenik: MATTHIAS HONEY I LOVE YOU OMG
jesper fahey: SECONDED HOLY SHIT IM IN LOVE WITH YOU
matthias helvar: I am not in love with you Jesper. But you are a very cool guy !
jesper fahey: you know what? i’ll take it
jesper fahey: and matty!! dont worry. wylan is pretty dope
nina zenik: ““wylan is pretty dope”” YOU GUYS ARE ENGAGED. IS THERE A BIT MORE ENTHUSIASM MAYBE?
jesper fahey: I LOVE WYLAN VAN ECK WITH MY WHOLE ENTIRE HEART I ADORE HIM HE COMPLETES ME AND I WOULD DIE WITHOUT HIM BY MY SIDE
jesper fahey: that any better?
nina zenik: saints
nina zenik: i need an alcoholic drink
nina zenik: matthias dear?
matthias helvar: Heading over to pick you up.
matthias helvar: ❤️
nina zenik: ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
jesper fahey: OK WELL BACK TO MY INITIAL PANIC
jesper fahey: WHAT DO I DO???
kaz brekker: send a heart back.
inej ghafa: good advice from kaz brekker for once in his life ?
inej ghafa: but also yes i agree jesper
jesper fahey: god ok
jesper fahey: i just. omg
[Chemistry]
wylan van eck, jesper fahey
jesper fahey: ❤️
[kuwei you are an asshole]
wylan van eck, kuwei yul-bo
wylan van bitch: KIWEIBF
wylan van bitch: KUWIE
wylan van bitch: KUWEI
kiwi: jfc what
kiwi: if this is about jesper fahey again im blocking you
kiwi: he was MY MAN first
wylan van bitch: NO KUWEI HE SENT ME A HEART EMOJI
kiwi: yeah no shit
kiwi: arent you guys literally married
wylan van bitch: NOT YET OMG IM SCREAMING
wylan van bitch: IM DYING
wylan van bitch: KUWEI??? (Message not delivered)
wylan van bitch: YOU DID NOT (Message not delivered)
wylan van bitch: I AM GOIGNF THROUGH A CRISIS AND THIS IS HIW YOU TREAT ME (Message not delivered)
wylan van bitch: I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU BLOCKED ME (Message not delivered)
wylan van bitch: FUCK YOU (Message not delivered)
[Chemistry]
wylan van eck, jesper fahey
wylan van eck: jes do you still have kuwei yul-bo’s phone number
jesper fahey: haha um?
jesper fahey: if this is some weird way to catch me cheating i promise i haven’t talked to him in like seven months
jesper fahey: not since it ended
jesper fahey: and it was only a one time thing like i’m not even into him anymore
wylan van eck: oh i know that
wylan van eck: sorry i didn’t mean to stress you out
wylan van eck: it’s just that he blocked me and i need to swear at him, so if you could please ask him to unblock me
jesper fahey: oh
jesper fahey: i don’t think he’ll listen to me but i know a guy
wylan van eck: is it kaz brekker
jesper fahey: it’s kaz brekker
wylan van eck: god ok
wylan van eck: just don’t get arrested, i can’t have a fake husband with a criminal record
jesper fahey: no promises but i will try my best
wylan van eck: i guess that’s the best i can hope for
[KESPER (KAZ + JESPER)]
jesper fahey, kaz brekker
jesper fahey: kaz we need to talk
kaz brekker: if you insist.
jesper fahey: i do
jesper fahey: look i’m sorry for what i said about the whole investments thing, i know you and inej made up about it and stuff so that comment was uncalled for
jesper fahey: i just. sometimes it feels like you only care about us when it’s useful to you
jesper fahey: and you know i would do anything for you! like i actually killed someone just because you asked me to, and i would probably do it again. hell, you could tell me to throw myself off a cliff and i would almost definitely do it with little to no hesitation because i know you wouldn't let me die
jesper fahey: so maybe if you could just like. ask me for help. instead of tricking me into it. that would be much appreciated
kaz brekker: ok.
jesper fahey: ok!
jesper fahey: listen. now i need a favor
jesper fahey: u know of a kuwei yul-bo?
[Crows!!]
kaz brekker, inej ghafa, jesper fahey, nina zenik, matthias helvar
jesper fahey: you guys can i add my fiance to this chat
inej ghafa: yes please!!
inej ghafa: i need to know who is stealing you away from us >:(
nina zenik: inej you are adorable i love you
inej ghafa: nina!! <3
nina zenik: hi darling!! <3
nina zenik: also yes jesper pls add mr. wylan van eck i would love to meet him
jesper fahey: ok. i want this to be a unanimous agreement so. kaz and matty?
matthias helvar: Yes, by all means, I’d like to see who has stolen your heart.
jesper fahey: haha yeah
kaz brekker: yes. add wylan.
jesper fahey: hell yeah
jesper fahey: kaz i think that’s the most emotion i’ve ever seen you show
kaz brekker: because wylan might actually be able to control you.
jesper fahey: words hurt, kaz
jesper fahey: ok all of you BE NICE.
jesper fahey: and NORMAL
nina zenik: jesper my wonderful hot ass bestie “normal” is not something we do
nina zenik: and have you EVER seen kaz be nice
jesper fahey: yeah
jesper fahey: but only to inej
jesper fahey: now SHUT UP i am adding my husband
jesper fahey added wylan van eck
jesper fahey: sunshine these are my friends
jesper fahey: friends, introduce yourselves to my wonderful husband wylan
jesper fahey: wylan you can also introduce yourself if you feel like it
nina zenik: oh so he gets an option and we don’t? i see how it is
jesper fahey: for saints’ sake nina
nina zenik: oh fine
nina zenik: hello wylan i am jesper’s very best friend in the whole world, nina zenik
nina zenik: you will always be second to me so you need to get used to it
wylan van eck: jes is friends with kaz. i am used to it
nina zenik: oh fair lol
nina zenik: also i think i know what your spirit animal is
wylan van eck: now i'm curious
nina zenik: goose
wylan van eck: yeah ok i can see that
nina zenik: did you know that geese have teeth
jesper fahey: CHRIST aren’t any of you sane
jesper fahey: besides you wylan, you’re great
jesper fahey: and inej
jesper fahey: and matty, surprisingly
jesper fahey: ok so just kaz and nina i guess
inej ghafa: sorry about us, wylan.
inej ghafa: i’m inej ghafa, i stole your dad’s financial records once
wylan van eck: if i divorced jesper would you marry me right this instant
inej ghafa: yeah
kaz brekker: no.
jesper fahey: hey!!!
jesper fahey: for once i agree with the kazmeister here
kaz brekker: i am going to murder you.
jesper fahey: no you won’t <3
kaz brekker: no, i won’t.
wylan van eck: anyway. hi everyone, i’m wylan van eck, jesper’s fiance! it’s nice to meet you all, i’ve heard so much about you
nina zenik: us too
nina zenik: you seem… too nice and cool to be getting married to jesper. there’s gotta be a catch here.
nina zenik: which one of you proposed?
wylan van eck: jesper did. we finished stealing a goat and he turned to me and said “what if i asked you to get married right now”
wylan van eck: and i said “well let’s drop the goat off at home first and then we’ll see”
wylan van eck: but by then the farmer was running after us so we just kind of fled and as we were sprinting away jes goes "i'm thinking a summer wedding" and then i knew he was the one
kaz brekker: "jes"?
nina zenik: THAT'S what you're hung up on?
nina zenik: wylan baby you deserve so much better omg
jesper fahey: wow wtf
wylan van eck: thank you but i disagree
wylan van eck: although tbf you were spot on with the goose thing
wylan van eck: so maybe you’re right
nina zenik: i am always right
nina zenik: that is something you’ll have to get used to
[Private Chat]
inej ghafa, kaz brekker
kaz brekker: should i be calling jesper “jes”?
inej ghafa: what
kaz brekker: you call him jes.
kaz brekker: nina calls him jes.
kaz brekker: wylan calls him jes.
kaz brekker: even matthias probably calls him jes.
kaz brekker: should i?
inej ghafa: if you feel like it, for sure! :-)
kaz brekker: yes but will jesper think it’s weird?
inej ghafa: jesper will be over the moon, i guarantee you
kaz brekker: k.
[Crows!!]
kaz brekker, inej ghafa, jesper fahey, nina zenik, matthias helvar, wylan van eck
kaz brekker: wylan.
kaz brekker: if you hurt jes, i will not hesitate to come after you with everything i've got. brick by brick. you've undoubtedly heard what i did to pekka rollins, but if i hear even a whisper about jes being upset, i will tear you limb from limb and make your mother watch. you enjoy music, don't you? i seem to remember a particular affinity for that saints forsaken flute. and i can't help but wonder how one would play the flute without a tongue.
wylan van eck: ok.
wylan van eck: counterpoint: if YOU hurt jes i will snap you in half like a goddamn ironing board.
kaz brekker: agreed.
[Private Chat]
inej ghafa, kaz brekker
inej ghafa: not exactly what i meant.
[baddest bitches]
inej ghafa, jesper fahey
jesper fahey: HE CALLED ME JES <33
jesper fahey: IM SOBBING OMG
inej ghafa: oh my god
jesper fahey: this is wylan with jesper’s phone. he is, in fact, sobbing
inej ghafa: for saints’ sake
inej ghafa: tell him this:
inej ghafa: if i didn’t know better, i’d say you were still in love with kaz
jesper fahey: he was in love with kaz??
jesper fahey: lmaoo
inej ghafa: i mean.
jesper fahey: holy shit
jesper fahey: im giving jes his phone back, we need to have this conversation one to one
inej ghafa: ur not my marriage counselor, wylan
[what the fuck, inej]
wylan van eck
wylan added inej ghafa
wylan van eck: what the fuck, inej
inej ghafa: again, i reiterate: ur not my marriage counselor, wylan
wylan van eck: no but im the next best thing
wylan van eck: inej. really?
wylan van eck: HIM??
wylan van eck: god i can see JES falling for him because it’s jes and he’s. yknow
inej ghafa: yeah,,,
wylan van eck: but you?
wylan van eck: inej, you have common sense. you have THE MOST common sense out of all of us. you are the least likely to die in a horrific, self-instigated accident.
wylan van eck: so why the hell have you fallen for kaz brekker?
inej ghafa: GOD i dont know
inej ghafa: listen i desperately didn’t want to. i tried so hard not to like him. SO HARD. he was mean and cruel and i sort of found him off putting at first? but deep, deep inside of him there is a good man trying to break through and i see that.
inej ghafa: and now i can’t unsee it
inej ghafa: so yeah. im fucked
inej ghafa: im hopelessly in love with him
wylan van eck: jesus christ
wylan van eck: ok i give you permission or whatever to like kaz brekker but i AM judging you silently. i need you to know that.
inej ghafa: trust me i am also judging me silently.
wylan van eck: jesper 🤝you
wylan van eck: having absolutely dogshit taste in men
inej ghafa: wylan,,, jes is marrying you,,,,
wylan van eck: i said what i said
inej ghafa: we need to work on your self esteem bb
wylan van eck: no thanks
wylan van eck: that sounds like an emotional minefield and i am a-ok as is
wylan van eck: anyway jes is asleep on me and my arm is sklowly but surely falling asleep so i;ll talkj to you later
inej ghafa: give him a kiss goodnight for me :)
wylan van eck: wipl do boss
inej ghafa: goodnight wylan
inej ghafa: <3
wylan van eck: gn inej
wylan van eck: <3