Kaleidoscope

~ XIII ~ 

~o~0~o~

 “Guards! Leave us. Thor – you too. “

“Father! Please I-“

“Silence! Go, my son. “

Thor looked at Loki with mild concern, but then left as his father ordered. Loki stayed still looking at the ground. This was not a trial with all of the Aesir as witnesses. Odin wanted to decide this all by himself. In secret. Why?

When the hall emptied and only Odin and Loki remained, there was silence. Odin watched Loki with his good eye thinking. Loki now looked back at the man who ruined his life. Emotions returned - rage, despair, pain, hurt – everything like that night in the weapons vault. Did Odin know that something was off with Loki on Midgard? Will he listen to what Loki has to say? And why all of this is kept secret?

Finally, Odin stepped in front of Loki and took off the muzzle. With the wave of his wrist shackles fell to the ground. Loki subconsciously took a step back. And stared back to what Odin will do to him next.

“He will come for you. We should be prepared. “

Loki froze, hearing those words. His breath hitched in his throat. How does he know? Does it mean…

“What?... What are you talking about-“?

“Thanos, boy. I know what he seeks. I know why he wanted Teseract.” 

Loki was slowly beginning to lose his composure. His brain didn’t want to process the information. But at the same time his thoughts were flying with the speed of light.

Odin knew?! What does it mean? How does he know about Thanos? He knew… From the beginning? From the moment he fell into their hands? And if so…

“You… knew?”

“Yes,” - Odin said simply. Fully realizing what his answer revealed.

Loki just stared at Odin. Oh. Oh. Truly – the simplest of words revealed enough. Gods. It… hurts. It can’t be… Loki felt how tears started to burn in his eyes. He didn’t notice one rolling down his cheek – his eyes were only on that one blue eye that showed him everything.

Yes. Odin knew. He. Knew. From the very moment Loki crashed at those terrifying black lands. He knew- no! He watched those beasts capture him, he watched how they found out who he was, he watched how they tortured him… How day by day, weeks, months they broke him apart, how they ripped his body to shreds, mutilated his flesh, broke his bones and stole his mind…

And all of that was a part of Odin’s plan. Odin just sat on his throne and let all of it happen. Heard Loki’s screams, his painful howls and silent cries and waited. Waited when Loki will finally break and succumb to Thanos’ will, waited when Loki will invade Midgard. Waited for him to fail. And patiently waited when Thor will return Loki in Asgard…

There was never a possibility where Odin intervenes, Loki mused numbly. Loki was again a pitiful pawn in All father’s game. Pitiful, meaningless pawn. Tool. Relic…

Gods. Gods, please be merciful. Stop it. How could it… How could he… Again…

Loki didn’t even have the strength to be angry. This situation was beyond pain. Beyond betrayal. Loki just couldn’t comprehend those actions fully. It was as if it can’t be possible. Just can’t! Because no one could be so cruel.

“As I said, - Odin continued evenly, - we will be prepared. When he comes you shall fight for what he has done to you. Then we will attack. Until that happens, you will live as you once were – at home. If Thor asks, you will tell him nothing – he should be strong for a future battle. Which will be for you, Loki, - Odin patted Loki’s shoulder as if in comfort. The younger god felt sick. - Until then – rest. I will come day after tomorrow to make sure that you are supposedly punished for your treason against Asgard. It will be anti-magic bracelets but it is only for others eyes. You are free. Now go to your chambers. Your mother wished to see you. And… welcome home, my son.”

Loki thought that if he begins to laugh he won’t be able to stop. If he will fall – he will never stand again.

As if in a trance Loki stepped away from the throne room and slowly went to his rooms. No one stopped him. By the King’s orders.

Each step was harder than previous. His heart ached. His whole being was like a shattered glass. There was nothing left to break.

After his ten steps, Loki was not able to catch himself (he didn’t care much though) and fell on his knees. It was so hard to breath with your chest so tight with pain. His whole body trembled from the shock. Paralyzing shock. Even on that day in the Vaults Loki didn’t feel so bad. So… destroyed. But now – Loki felt like a hollow shell.

Loki didn’t realize that he was crying until some tears fell on his hands. Numbly Loki stared how a lonely tear so slowly rolled on his skin. At that moment that tear was all that mattered in Loki’s world.

Somewhere far away Loki heard footsteps. They were coming near him but Loki didn’t care. He just sat ungracefully on the floor in the hall staring at nothing. With his tears still running on his face Loki was just concentrating on breathing. Everything else was in the fog. He didn’t care if someone saw him – they could kill him on the spot for all he cared. That would be… a relief. For he longed for absolution.

“Loki?”

Someone called his name. Doesn’t matter. Whoever it was he wasn’t able even to focus his eyes to know. He was so tired. He just wanted a little rest. So tired of living…

~o~0~o~

“Loki, can you hear me? “

“Sif, I think he is in shock. We should… “

“Help me lift him up. To his room? “

“Do you think it’s a good idea? “

“We can’t leave him here! “

“No! Of course not. But… a healer maybe? He looks unwell. “

“Maybe later when he will sleep this over. “

“Guys, where is Thor? “

“Don’t know. Come on – lift him up. “

“By the Nine! Loki was always thin but not to this degree! He weights nothing! “

“You know why. Come on. “

The Warriors Three and Sif carried unresponsive Loki to his chambers and carefully laid him on the bed. They will never reveal it but they saw and heard everything what happened in the throne room. They understood little, only that Loki was so crushed by Odin’s words, that the king knew what happened to Loki. And that some Thanos will come for Loki and it was clearly heard that Odin will use his son as bait… not meant to survive. And that Thor should know nothing about this. It was so suspicious that the four warriors felt uneasy. When they saw Loki when he left Odin, how he clearly was so numb to reality, how he fell on his knees and didn’t get up and his tears… They were never close to Loki and not especially after Loki tried to kill them but… Something terrible happened to him, what Odin knew about and – did nothing to prevent? And now their friend (no matter what Loki was still their friend) was on the verge of collapse. They must know what happened so they could help. They will ask Thor about Midgard now.

~o~0~o~

“Loki started a war… to take the throne? “

“Aye. He wanted to rule Midgard. “

“Um… Thor. Don’t you think it is kind of…“

“It is madness. Loki has gone mad. “

“Wait! Mad? How-“

“Besides Loki has always spoke that mortals can’t live with one ruler. I remember how he studied Midgard and spoke how foolish they are destroying each other, their meaningless wars and other staff. Loki knew there was no throne. Don’t you think it’s not like Loki? “

“I don’t know friends! I don’t want to talk about it. Loki killed innocents, destroyed cities-“

“Innocents? Thor! Loki would never do such a thing! “

“Sif is right, Thor. Loki won’t go on a hunt other time if he must kill without meaning. He is not one for a battle for the sake of battle and you know it, “- Fandral said.

“It is not like him.“ Hogun said quietly.

“I don’t know! It means I lost my brother if I don’t know him anymore! He became evil-“

“Thor, wait! You say this as if we too don’t know Loki! But we do! And we are telling you that there is something else going on. “

“I am tired. I will see you tomorrow. And no more of it. The brother I knew is gone. And I will speak no more of that creature that now wears his face. “

“Thor! “

“Thor! “

“It’s like something is clouding his vision. With Thor’s story and what we heard I think there is something sinister going on and Loki is the victim, while Odin seems like he planned all of this.“

“And Thor doesn’t want to open his eyes! “

“And he will never go against his father. “

“What shall we do? “

“If Odin will come tomorrow, Loki will be without magic and it means defenseless. I think…“

“Do you think the same thing I do? “

“If you think to take Loki away from here than yes. He is still our friend. “

“And he didn’t deserve whatever happened to him.

“We should ask him about it when he is away and safe from Asgard.

“Where to? “

“Midgard. No one will think of it! “

“Then it is settled. “

~o~0~o~

Loki cried helplessly in his empty and silent rooms. And there was no one to comfort him. He will never be free again – until his death, which will come soon.

'No, no. I can’t. I can’t do this. Thanos will kill me. They will use me - again - as bait and only then they will attack. But not before he kills me - because who would ever need me then? I will die and they will be heroes and will live happily after. No... I can’t... How could they do this to me? After everything he has done to me... and Odin just watched... How could he...

Cruel. Disgusting. Loki buried his head in his hands, stifling a scream of despair and helplessness.

~o~0~o~

“Heimdall. Please… let me pass. “

“I can’t do this. “

“You knew... what has been done to me? You saw? “

“Yes. “

His heart hurts. Like it doesn’t want to beat anymore.

“Then please... Permit me this little hope... for future not decided by others... Please.

“I can’t let you pass. “

Loki didn’t care how he looked right now - that he openly cried in front of the gatekeeper. His life was over - tomorrow he will be locked away in the palace so that he would not run until Thanos comes. The golden cage indeed. The fact that it was his family – even Frigga - that once told that they loved him, was doing this to him - broke that little that was left of him. Part of him that hoped still.

“I can’t let you pass but I cannot see you if you are suddenly to disappear. This is as much as I can do going against Odin’s orders for what you have been through. You did not deserve it. “

Disappear?  But he is so weak. What if he won’t rest in time and then he will stay here forever? Until he dies. But… There is still a little hope.

“Thank you... And I am sorry. For everything. Please forgive me. “

“You are forgiven Loki. And now go. Good luck. “

~o~0~o~

“Loki?“

“Sif? “Whispered Loki. He had no strength to speak regally anymore. There was no point. “What are you-doing here? “

“We came to rescue you of course!“

Loki looked confused. And Gods did he look tired.

“I don’t… understand?“

“Loki, we… we heard what has been said in the throne room. If our thoughts are true that it is a verge of injustice - what Odin did to you. And is going to! We hope you will tell us what exactly happened. We are here to listen. “

“And it’s a shame to serve a king, who uses his son as nothing but his political pawn! “

“Anyway! We are here for you – to take you away. Are you coming? “

Loki was stunned. Was he hearing things? Did they just…

“What - What? “

“Whatever you were thinking, Loki Silvertongue, you are our friend. We may have our faults but we care about you. “

“And we missed you, you know? “

“So! We must hurry. Are you ready? “

“But how… Where is Thor? “

They all looked away for a second. There was such hope in Loki’s eyes and to crash it was cruel.

“Um… We talked to him… but he refused to listen to us. He said his father is wise and just and that you have gone mad. “

“And that we are being foolish. “

“Yes, so… Thor doesn’t know about any of this. And he won’t. He is wrong, Loki. “

Loki lowered his gaze on his hands. Thor – always loyal to Odin. Blind fool… Where are your speeches about brotherhood now? When I need you the most…

“All right… I- thankyou… I thought…”

“Don’t mention it, Loki. You endured enough for your life. We will take care of that no harm comes to you. Be sure of it. “

“Where to?”

“Midgard.”

“What?!”

“It is the only way. Fret not, Loki. All will be well. “

~o~0~o~

Loki crashed on the ground painfully. It seemed he broke his arm and maybe bruised his ribs. Slowly turning his head Loki noticed that others looked bruised but otherwise fine.

Oh, how everything hurt. Loki lay on the cold ground with eyes closed trying to calm his labored breathing. Loki felt like he won’t be able to lift a finger. So was still so tired. Four people plus was a mistake. Oh, now he will pass out from the extension.

“Loki? Are you all right? Loki?”

“Just a minute…” Loki whispered.

“We should go. It is not safe here.”

“Yes. Can you stand? Loki!”

“I… I will try.”

Agonizingly slowly Loki sat. Fandral helped him on his feet, but Loki swayed dangerously so that Hogun stepped too to help.

“Loki! Your arm…”

“Broken… But it’s all right…”

“Are you sure you ok? You are so pale.”

“My magic… I was not sure if I- if I could go alone. With your four- I…”

“Loki? Hey, stay with us!”

“He passed out, Sif. “

“I will carry him – tis no problem. “

“Good, Volstagg, but be careful with his arm. “

“Of course. “

“He looks so fragile. And he used his last strength on this – to take us…”

“We should decide what to do. And find shelter. “

“Yes. Let’s keep going. “

~o~0~o~

“Loki?”

“… Yes, Sif?”

“Are you well?”

“… No.”

“Oh, Loki-“

“I’m sorry, but I can’t. I can’t! It’s too much too much I can’t… “

“What is the matter? Please, tell me. “

“… How could he? How could he do this to me he- he claimed to love me and he just let it all- How?!”

Sif with horror watched how her friend was breaking apart in front of her very eyes. His pain was touchable. Loki’s thin frame trembled from inner suffering. And there was nothing she could do to help him.

“I am so sorry, Loki. I am so very sorry.”

“He left me there to suffer inhuman tortures- he left me be ripped apart over and over again- he sat and watched- as an entertainment! How soon Loki will break?! For how long he could stay conscious? When will he start to beg?!”

“Loki, please…”

“He left me there alone. He didn’t tell Thor! He forbade Heimdall to speak of it to anyone! So his plan won’t be interrupted! He is sick, vile creature. I hate him. I HATE HIM!”

Sif kneeled in front of Loki and took him in her arms. Loki was breaking her heart in pieces.

“Shh… It’s okay. It’s okay…”

“I wish I died as a baby on Jotunheim… I wish he never took me… I wish I never knew you all… And I wish… I wish Thor was not my brother… for he left me alone… he abandoned me…”

~o~0~o~

Fury, Stark, Rogers and six SHIELD agents surrounded five warriors in moments. Aesir pulled their weapons ready for a battle. Loki was still pretty much weak with his arm broken but if needed he will protect himself.

“Nothing will happen if you go with us peacefully, Loki.“  Captain America said.

“We will not let any harm done to him, mortal.“ Sif stood with her sword ready to protect Loki.

“Oh! Did he brainwash you too? That’s neat. And here I thought Asgardians were strong.“ Fury.

“Hold your tongue!“ Fandral shouted angrily.

“Ok, guys, let’s not get trigger happy, huh?” Stark tried to calm everyone down. Unsuccessfully though.

“You will protect a traitor of Asgard? Didn’t he try to kill you?” Fury pointed out.

“We will protect our prince!”

“Where is Thor by the way? You are his friends, right? So where is he?”

“Thor is not willing to listen for words said against his father Odin.”

“What does Odin has to do with this?”

“Everything.”

It was the first word that they heard from Loki. He didn’t look at anyone as he hissed that answer. Now though Loki turned and looked at them. Stark involuntarily took a step back. Loki’s eyes were crazy. But not like they were before. These eyes were filled with suffering and anger so intense it was scary. Loki was drowned in pain and for once let everyone see it. Green eyes were shining with unshed tears. But after a moment Loki lowered his eyes to the floor gathering his composure and after a second his face was again an indifferent mask. His voice thought was full of hate.

“How would you like the news that all this disaster could have been avoided? All the deaths and destruction – never happened? How would you react if I told you that if Odin lifted his one finger nothing would have happened… But he did nothing. He just watched!“

“What are you talking about?!”

“Loki…”

“He knew what will happen long before I even took a step on your Realm! He knew what I suffered and gone through and has done nothing to stop them! He could have rescued me from their hands, he could have killedme for all I cared but alas – he sat on his shiny throne and watched his plan coming in motion. All he had to do was send Thor to collect me after all of you destroyed Chitauri army all by yourselves. And then the last step – lock me up in Asgard and wait for Thanos – who was in charge of the invasion for your information – and give me up to him as a bait so they could once again sacrifice me for the good of the Realms.”

“Loki! You don’t have to-“

“It doesn’t matter anymore… And your precious Thor will never believe that his idol the wise and just Odin All Father is in truth a liar, a murderer and a thief, who will do anything – even leave his so claimed son to suffer tortures for all of eternity – if it will suffice his plans… You should be thankful though that Thor holds love for your Realm because Odin would have let you burn for all he cares.”

“… I want to hear a full version from you, Loki. And if that is a lie you will regret it, understood?”

“He won’t be – you will be dead if you will dare to hurt him, mortal. Is that understood?”

Fury looked hard at Sif but after a moment turned around and left.

“Let’s get going.” Steve said awkwardly.

He was the one to go with Loki after all. SHIELD agents escorted Aesir and Stark was following the last.

“Are you hurt?”

Loki didn’t answer. He will not show any more weakness in front of these mortals.

~o~0~o~

“Barton. Stand. Back!”

“What the fuck does it mean, Fury?!”

“I said stand back, soldier. It is an order!”

“Hey, birdie. Lower your bow, ok?“

“I will shoot him. And you… I know you? What are you doing here with him?”

“Hurt him and you are dead.” It was Hogun.

“The fuck is going on! It is HIM! I wished to do this all along. I don’t care that-“

It was Steve Rogers that struck Barton from behind. In any other situation, Clint would have noticed him but now he was distracted and emotionally compromised. Steve caught his teammate and carefully lowered him in a chair. They had to talk after all.

~o~0~o~

A/N: and then Loki tells his story and the others listen. Meanwhile in Asgard there is commotion – Odin is furious and Thor confused. Heimdall doesn’t see shit. The mortals gather their forces and bring out allies. Friendships arise. Thanos is in for a trouble. Cause Loki will now fight on his own terms.

I wrote it in 2013. Sorry for any mistakes – I wasn’t any good in English then. And seeing as all my other stories show the characters in another light, sorry for OOC of my stories canon lol.

Thank you for reading!