Chapter 10
~ IX.II ~
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A/N: Following your requests, I decided to continue it a bit. Thank you for the lovely comments! ♥
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One day the stress became too much, and Loki realized that he could not do it anymore. He struggles with himself, he has struggled his whole life with his dark thoughts, but recently he just couldn't anymore. He was tired of fighting in a war in which he could not win.
Trying not to bring attention to himself, but not caring much if the others saw him trembling, Loki run to his secluded rooms. Opening the locker, the god took out the sleeping pills. He asquired them not long ago from Bruce, who didn't ask any questions, just silently provided the pills. He must have understood that Loki needed them. It was embarrassing, truly, but Bruce did not show he cared one bit.
Ever since they came to Midgard, Bruce became distant. Having spent so much time on the ship, Loki was disappointed that Banner now ignored him. Loki thought they have found some middle ground, forgetting for a time that once they were enemies. Instead, they shared time by talking and studying things – from the ship constructions to magic theories (Bruce studying, Loki schooling and monitoring). The mortal seemed interested, curios, and even friendly. But. Loki had to admit, he wasn’t surprised when Bruce Banner changed after coming home, on Earth. Loki knew it will be like that – that Bruce would meet his friends and forget about the trickster god. That he wouldn’t acknowledge him if there was someone from the Avengers present. Nothing new, after all. Loki was cut out, whereas the relationship with Thor only got stronger. And of course, the Valkyrie. Even though no one knew who she was, what she did for a living not so long ago, everyone welcomed her, because she was Thor’s friend.
Loki knew his musings were pointless and nothing would change because of his moping, but he was hurt. A little. No one had to know, but he won’t lie to himself at least.
Loki took the pills, and to make sure that no one interrupted his dreams (he was not sure anyone would bother, just to be on the safe side), Loki spelled the pills for them to work longer and to put him more deeply into sleep.
Loki no longer cared for how long he would sleep. He just surrendered to the blissful fantasy. For him it was his own Walhalla.
But even if Loki no longer cared that his life was in danger after experimenting on the medication, someone else did.
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Having not seen his brother for so long, nor hear from him, Thor worried. He was busy and the thoughts of Loki slipped his mind often, but one day enough was enough.
Thor asked after Loki, but no one has seen him.
It was midday when he went to his brother's room.
Having heard nothing after his knocking, Thor sighed, then entered the small room and… gone still.
It was so startling to see Loki laying on the bed, his body relaxed and face serene. His expression was so peaceful Thor regretted waking him up. But they really needed to talk. It was long overdue.
As he quietly sat on the bed, Thor couldn’t remember the last time he had seen his brother sleeping. On the ship Loki’s bed was on the other side of the hall, separate from those Thor placed in his council – Heimdal, Valkyrie, Korg, Bruce.
The brothers became strangers long before his coronation. Thor now started to realize just how much he neglected to even give his brother a courtesy of saying goodnight even once these last… months. Years. Long long years…
Thor was surprised Loki didn't wake up instantly when Thor only came in the room. Loki was always a light sleeper and any noise would rouse him. Now Loki didn't even stir.
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Loki would not wake.
No matter how desperately Thor tried, his brother remained listless. The king shook Loki, spoke to him, pleaded with him – all pointless. Loki’s head would loll to the side, his breathing too deep and heartbeat slow.
Here and now Thor became scared.
Shouting for Bruce, they both wheeled Loki to the hospital where Bruce declared grimly that Loki was in a coma. And the doctor was unable to do anything about it.
By the evening, Thor was beyond himself with worry and fear. It was not like Loki to fall for some illness so easily. There must be something else in play.
Thor needed to know. He went to Heimdal, but the gatekeeper didn't see Loki. No one had seen Loki other than on the group meetings, which he visited less and less.
Desperate, when Loki was senseless for two days already and still no answers, Thor investigated further by going against his promise and watching the videos from Loki’s room (the campus was full of cameras for security purposes – and everyone agreed, assured by knowing only few in Asgard had the tapes, no others and definitely no humans).
And Thor saw something that shook him.
So often, his brother would go to sleep and then jerk away from sleep and break down in tears. His brother cried so...
It happened time and again and Thors heart clenched in pain seeing his brother weeping.
But later Loki became calmer. Right until his behavior changed completely and every day Loki rose with a little smile on his face.
It was dumbfounding how much Loki slept. And if only it supposed to make Loki strong and healthy, but no. Loki was only becoming weaker and paler, his movements sluggish and stance exhausted.
More Loki slept, more he weakened.
And Thor made it his mission to find out the reason for Loki's behavior.
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He would prefer never to resort to it, but it was his last option. But while sitting by Loki's bedside Thor wowed to his sleeping brother that he will make it right by him.
Thor asked Strange for help.
In the end, a wizard found out the truth. He told Thor that Loki's magic was damaged, with scars if he could say so. Loki must have strained it and pushed and pushed, an environment and stress and pains making the magic sick. But the magic was sentient. It cared for its master and to help Loki forget the hurts, the struggle and stress; it gave Loki respite in the form of dreams. Happy dreams, fabricated from memory, because Loki's mental health for the past several years took too much blows.
Too much pain and too little comfort.
So the magic came up with a plan. To help the master, distract him, while trying to heal itself.
However, while Loki became calmer, it took too much of the god’s energy to spend on healing. The more he slept the more strength it took. It turned out that Loki cornered himself, like the snake devouring its own tail.
Strange said he could break this circle. Thor was so relieved he thought that he might even hug the arrogant bastard. The god just could no longer look at how his younger brother wasted away.
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When Loki eventually woke up, he realized with surprise, that something in real world was still worth living for. His brother got sure of it.
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A/N: I hope you liked it :)