Chapter 4
Pale sunlight once again roused Dex back to the land of the living, dragging him from the depths of his dreams that he always hoped to escape into and never return, but could never quite manage. No, the sun pressing his face was always enough to prevent that, and he sat up with a soft groan, feeling even more exhausted than when he’d gone to sleep the night before, rubbing his eyes with a hand. He always felt tired. He supposed that was his own fault, really, just the sort of lifestyle he seemed to have chosen and the kinds of people he seemed to hang out with, not leaving much room for any real rest.
The sheets were slightly scratchy against Dex’s bare arms, but not the worst he’d slept in, and not bad, considering the state of the rest of the motel, and Dex traced his fingers in circles over them for a moment, just small circles, on a fixed point in between his legs that he stared at, hunched over. Fixed. Ordered.
Dex breathed out.
If he’d been back at his apartment, he would’ve been going for a run at about this time, after the usual inexorable tug into consciousness and slow thud beginning inside his head. He would’ve pulled on some clothes, grabbed his keys, and headed out the door to fly across New York as fast as his feet would allow, or the other people in his way, not that there were as many at 5 am, but it was still New York.
He didn’t think he could go for a run right now. Not today, not the day of the Big Plan, and not without freaking out the two guys sleeping in the room next to him. He let his eyes slowly take in the room, adjusting to the weak light that gave the area a soft sort of glow, or maybe that was just the tiredness taking over. Billy was still sound asleep next to him, clearly unbothered by the sun, making a quiet snuffling noise into the pillow, a folded arm under his head. Dex noted that he’d rolled over, closer to the middle of the bed. He looked back up, and Charlie was-
Charlie was gone. Charlie was gone?
The sheets on his bed were pulled back, revealing the clear empty space that was missing someone. The bathroom door was open, with no one inside. Unless he was under the beds, there wasn’t really anywhere else Charlie could be. He was gone.
Dex breathed. Then, he leaned over and shook the shoulder of the man asleep next to him, a hard jolt, full of urgency.
“Billy.” He whispered, trying to keep the rising panic from bubbling just yet. “Billy, wake up.”
Luckily, Billy did begin to stir, his eyes fluttering open in confusion when they took in the distressed Dex, his hand still on Billy’s shoulder.
“Wha’s going on?” Billy slurred, attempting to lean on an elbow and prop himself up.
“Charlie’s gone.” Dex took his hand off Billy’s shoulder and ran it through his hair, hurriedly. “He’s not in his bed, he’s not in the bathroom, he’s just-”
“Whoa, okay, slow down.” Billy pinched the bridge of his nose, mentally shaking himself into consciousness, and sat up fully, looking around the room.
He, like Dex, took in the empty bed, the empty bathroom, the empty room with no traces of Charlie left behind. He pulled back the cover, climbed out of bed, and walked over to the door, examining it for any signs of a break-in, but it was still locked and undamaged. There was a slight chill in the air, Billy realised then, a coolness creeping over his skin that he hadn’t noticed from the bed, and he found the source was the slightly ajar window, left open that last couple inches probably because of the squeak pulling it fully shut would’ve caused. Good job, Charlie.
“We would’ve heard a break-in.” Billy spoke slowly, turning round to face Dex, who wasn’t looking any less panicked. “If they took Charlie, we would’ve heard it.”
Dex nodded in agreement, rubbing the back of his neck. That made sense.
Billy paused. “I think he left. Voluntarily.”
“Why would he do that? We were helping him.” Dex spoke in a hurry, frowning.
Billy shrugged in return. “I don’t know. But even if they didn’t take him, they will soon. If he’s out there alone. And as we don’t know what he really did, who knows how long they’ll keep him alive for.”
Dex seemed to visibly pale, running a hand through his hair and then holding it to his chest, his breathing coming faster. He glanced at Billy, his expression scrunched up as his breaths became shorter and more frequent. His fingers tightened around his top, releasing and then grasping the material over his chest, desperately reaching for something to hold onto.
“Dex?” Billy stepped forward, frowning at the other man. “You okay?”
Dex shook his head, hurriedly, his breathing rapid at this point, his heart feeling like it was about to burst from his body and right out of the window.
“What’s going on? Can you talk? Can you breathe?” Billy moved closer again, the questions pouring from his mouth.
The only answers were the shakes of Dex’s head, and Billy could see now the trembling of his body as he wheezed, gasping for air. He wasn’t sure, and he really hoped he wasn’t wrong, but Billy thought he had some idea of what this was, which meant he perhaps had some idea of how to help him.
“Hey, look at me.” Billy outstretched a hand, his voice steady. “I’m not going to touch you, I promise. I’m just here if you need something to hold onto.”
Those words resulted in a nod from Dex this time, his wide eyes somewhat soothed as he stared at Billy, his breaths still horribly short.
Dex let go of the material on his chest and reached a shaking hand towards Billy, grabbing his shoulder and tightening his fingers around Billy’s jacket. Billy gently placed his opposite hand on Dex’s shoulder, rubbing slow circles there with his thumb.
“Just breathe, Dex. Listen to my voice.” Billy ran through his mind, searching for something to say, anything that could calm him down. “You’re okay, we’re okay. Just breathe, okay? You just need to breathe.”
Dex’s ragged breathes continued to fill the air, and his fist remained clenched in that material of Billy’s jacket, but his face seemed to lose some of its wild panic, so Billy carried on talking.
“I’m right here, okay, you can get through this. Just keep on breathing for me. I’m not going anywhere. Take deep breaths.” Billy’s thumb brushed the side of Dex’s neck, a feeling that grounded him somewhat. “Keep on breathing, Dex.”
They carried on this fashion for what seemed like aching hours to Dex, but was probably only about ten minutes, and all the while, Dex’s breathing gradually calmed, and his heart gradually stilled until it reached its normal beat, and his trembling gradually reduced, and all the while, Billy kept on at his assurances and his hand on Dex’s shoulder.
Eventually, Dex’s breaths had reduced to a weary gasping, as if he’d just returned from his morning sprint after all, and his grip on Billy’s shoulder loosened. He leaned back and slid down the wall, his legs feeling too tired to hold him, and ended up sat on the floor, his knees pulled up to his chest. Billy followed suit, sitting with his back against the bed, facing Dex.
Billy looked at Dex for a few moments before speaking, a reassuring calmness in his tone. “So, you wanna tell me what that was all about?”
Dex sighed, rubbing his head tiredly with a barely-steady hand, considering what he could say, how he could explain. He wasn’t quite sure he wanted to, but then again, Billy had just talked him through a panic attack without freaking out on him, and somehow they’d ended up in this crazy mission together, so he figured the least he could do was offer some explanation, even if it was embarrassing and something he hadn’t really shared before. Billy had almost given up on receiving an answer, when Dex started to talk.
“I, uh- I have a lot of things wrong.” Dex hesitated, then gestured to his head. “Up here.”
Billy nodded. “Me too, man. No judgements here.”
“It just well, takes me a while, I guess, to form attachments. Or, I mean, I don’t. I can’t empathise, can’t understand people, most of the time. Killing those people? For Charlie? I didn’t feel a moment’s hesitation then and I don’t feel a moment’s regret now. And planning to kill more? It’s easy. It doesn’t bother me at all. And I know they’re bad people, in this case, so it’s different, but I… I don’t feel differently about the good people either.” Dex let out a harsh snort. “Which turns out to be something they don’t really like in the FBI, funnily enough. So I had to leave the FBI, which meant leaving the order and stability I’d relied on for years, and that’s just left me a bit messed up, if you couldn’t tell by now.”
Dex stopped for a moment or two, trying to judge Billy’s reaction, but Billy just waited for him to continue, his face guarded.
“It was different with Charlie though, the connection. Something about him just… Maybe I see myself in him, I don’t know. Maybe it’s some weird need to protect him. Maybe it’s like you said, the thrill of the mission, having something to aim for, a purpose.” Dex paused. “But I know how it sounds, I know it sounds crazy.”
Billy nodded, slowly. “No, I get it.”
He didn’t reveal that he felt the same way.
Dex rested his head in his arms, folded on top of his knees. When he spoke again, his voice was muffled. “He could be dead, Billy.”
“He’s not.” Billy’s voice was firm, confident. “He’s not dead. And we’re going to find him and save him again. Okay?”
Dex didn’t reply, but he eventually raised his head, eventually dipped his head in what was just about a nod, and Billy knew that they were ready.
***
Luckily, due to Billy’s quick thinking and built-in habit of not trusting anyone, they were able to track Charlie through his phone, as Billy had memorised the number the previous day. This meant that a few clicks and scans later, Charlie was located, and by chance not too far away, still in the city. The guns Dex had bought were all loaded and ready, so they followed the tracker to an old industrial estate, the blinking light on Billy’s phone telling them that Charlie’s phone, and hopefully Charlie, was inside one of the warehouses in the area. It was a smart location; run-down, far away enough from anyone who might hear noises, but close enough to the main area of the city that they hadn’t had to drag him far.
Yes, it was certain now to Billy and Dex that Charlie had been taken, probably not long after leaving the motel room, as it seemed highly unlikely that Charlie would choose to come here after taking off. It was also clear that the setup was a trap, similar to the one they’d been planning. If Charlie was still alive and they’d brought him here, then they had to be lying in wait inside the warehouse, ready to capture and interrogate the strangers who’d mysteriously defended the homeless boy, out of nowhere. The trap didn’t worry Billy or Dex, however, and neither of them had to question their decision to be there. It was an unspoken agreement between them that they weren’t leaving without Charlie.
From where they crouched in an alley across from the warehouse, Billy handed a rifle to Dex, and they surveyed the building. They already had a plan, having decided most of it on the way to the estate, but it wasn’t going to be easy. The basic outlines of the idea was that Billy would enter the warehouse at one entrance, making a fuss and being the loudest distraction he could, maybe killing a few people along the way as a bonus, and meanwhile, Dex would slip in through another entrance and steal Charlie back. Simple.
They hadn’t spotted anyone on the roof of the warehouse, but it was still a possibility, and the men knew they’d have to be quick and careful in just getting to the warehouse entrances. And then hope that the distraction trick worked, and there weren’t too many people left guarding Charlie. And that it would be easy getting him out. Like they said, it was simple.
“You ready for this?” Billy turned in the alley, fixed his eyes on Dex, his expression unusually serious.
“Yeah.” Dex cocked his gun, secured a knife strapped on his leg, and smiled confidently. “Born ready.”
Billy snorted. “Alright, you cliché. Let’s go get him back.”
“See you on the other side.” Dex nodded, his adrenaline beginning to climb and banishing all nerves, but his legs were jittery in anticipation.
It was the wait before a fight, the tense energy in the air, the way his gun seemed to be jumping in his hands, that had Dex itching to go. But he held back, watched as Billy shot him a grin and ran out to the warehouse, keeping low and fast. Dex held back for a few minutes longer, steadied his breathing. And then he followed.