Chapter 9
When I thought about it, the morning after the kiss seemed normal for everyone else. No one seemed to notice that Loki and I hadn’t exchanged a single word.
Not even Tony, who happened to wander between us accidentally at some point. The way he eyed us both suspiciously, as we stood on either side of him, roused a bright, red tint to my cheeks. Loki didn’t look so happy either—in fact, it was the first time I’d ever seen him looking like he was going to be sick.
Tony just looked confused. And it was then that I realized that he was holding a pair of fancy, muddied shoes. He held them up to me, “This is your fault.”
“What—how’s that my fault?” I asked.
“You made me come here.”
“You didn’t have to say yes.”
His eyes narrowed. That was the first time I’d ever won an argument so quickly with him. “Fine,” he muttered sharply. “Just tell Pepper how good I was at controlling Loki’s ovaries, and we’ll call it a day.”
I grimaced with confusion. “Controlling his ovaries…?”
Tony rolled his eyes. “Figure of speech. You know, exploding ovaries? Like what happens when you’ve got a crush and it gets all…” he waved about me. “Pent up?”
My cheeks tinged. “Right… Pent up…” Because what happened last night was totally ‘pent up.’ “That’s a little weird, but I get what you’re trying to say.”
“Awesome, let’s get out of here.” He turned and walked away, leaving me to stare across the way at Loki. He stared back, and neither of us moved for a split second.
I was the first to look away, and made it a pointed effort to keep myself busy until it was time to leave. I’d even packed up either people’s tents.
And now I’m here. Several hours later, once again listening to Janie occasionally go off in the back seat with questions and inquiries. She’d begun ‘hydrating’ once again, and I warned her sternly that I wasn’t above leaving her at the next gas station. My warning wasn’t heeded, and we ended up exchanging her for Rita. I didn’t feel sorry for the buzz that Loki’d have to deal with in the back seat of the car. Considered it my early birthday present to myself.
I might’ve gone for Lalita instead—she wouldn’t give me the weird, suspicious looks that Rita’s been giving me from the back seat. At some point, I can’t take it anymore, and whip out my phone to text her:
Sun, 11:54 AM/Cerys: You okay back there?
Her phone moos as it gets the text, and all three of us furrow a brow at the sound. “Sorry,” she mutters, switching it to silent.
Sun, 11:55 AM/Rita: Yeah, why?
Sun, 11:57 AM/Cerys: You look like you’re in a mood back there.
Sun, 11:59 AM/Rita: Nah, I’m good.
Sun, 12:00 PM/Cerys: Mkay
I set the phone down. Rita stops giving me the looks, though the rest of the trip continuous being tainted by the awkwardness that follows. Even more so when Tony starts snoring. At some point, I begin to wonder if it has anything to do with Loki. There’s nothing between us, if that’s what she’s thinking—for whatever reason.
In fact, I’d given the whole incident a lot of thought, and decided that I had nothing to feel guilty about. I didn’t kiss Loki, he kissed me—and I did go to push him away. So I didn’t cheat, nor would I ever cheat. I came so close to feeling like a rancid asshole after what happened last night, and it wasn’t even my fault. I could never go through with the real thing. Could never impose that kind of pain on Michael, or anyone.
Still, that didn’t answer the remaining question of how to tell Michael about what happened… Or when. To my mind, I can’t start that conversation without opening a whole damn can of worms—namely, that I moved in to Loki’s room. That I’ve been sleeping in his old bed all this time.
“Aarrgghhhhh.” I run my hands over my face frustratedly.
Michael gives me a strange look. “You okay?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry.”
“Nothing to apologize for,” he says, reaching across the cabin and taking my hand—keeping one on the steering wheel.
I sigh heavily in response. For having decided that I have nothing to feel guilty about, I sure feel like hell. But why? That’s the question. How much longer is this going to go on?