"My God, your fingers are so small," Karen said, opening the newborn's palm in her own hand.
"He's perfect, huh?"
"It is."
Matt just grimaced, remained silent.
The baby was also frail, a little crazy under his white lace blanket and totally dependent on others to keep him alive. He did not do much, he smelled like baby lotion, and in a constant state of eating, changing, sleeping or crying.
Oh, the babies scared the hell out of Matt.
Matt's chin rested on his wife's shoulder as he stared at the boy, his new nephew. It was somewhat surreal to think of his friend and partner as a father, but the proof is right there, cradled in Karen's arms.
Johnathan Antony Nelson was nine days and seven hours. Almost near the damn minute. Yes, Matt was waiting for the clock indicator. He did it from the moment Foggy called to tell him that the boy was finally going to make his appearance. Babies were big in such a small circle of friends as theirs.
Matt was not entirely sure that he was prepared for the responsibility that Foggy gave him today. Sure, I loved the baby. While someone was around, Matt did not panic when Johnathan started complaining or whatever. However, if he became unsure of himself, he could return the baby, then.
If something happened to Foggy and Marci, then Matt could not return the baby. It would be his ... somehow. That was the expectation of a sponsor, right? Babies were not like dogs.
Right now, Johnathan was small. Matt could barely handle the anxiety, while he was just thinking that he could hurt the child by holding him the wrong way. Johnathan did not make a whole hell of much like a newborn, what would it be like when he was bigger, he would never stop moving and could talk?
"Stop hyperventilating my neck, Matt," Karen said, waving her hand at him to make him move.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, his shame rising. "Christ, I'm sorry."
Karen frowns over her shoulder. "We are in the church, do not take the name of God in vain in the church, Murdock."
"I'm sorry," Matt repeated, feeling like a broken record.
"He's a good baby," Karen murmured, looking down at the boy.
"Is it? I did not know there was a difference."
"Undoubtedly, I suppose, Merci said he only wakes up twice at night after going to bed, that's pretty good, I'd say."
Matt's forehead wrinkles in confusion. Getting up twice in one night to feed, change and then cradle the baby to sleep, did it mean it was good? Were there many babies who woke up more than twice? It sounded like a recipe for guaranteed sleep deprivation.
"Why does not Foggy choose someone else for this?" Matt asked quietly "Marci hates me, I do not know how she let him do this and ..."
"Because he wants you to do it and in part, he adds me to the equation, too," Karen interrupted sweetly. "Stop getting crazy, Matt, it's just formalities."
"No, it's not, it's a baby, Karen, he breathes, shits and cries ... a lot, I do something good by waking up in the morning, how am I supposed to take care of a baby?"
Karen shook her head, sighing. "Well, now you're just being ridiculous, the likelihood of something really happening to Foggy and Merci is too small to consider."
In your world? Right.
"But I could," Matt pressed, trying to make his wife understand.
"No. And it's a great honor for him to ask this of you, stop acting like an idiot, and it's too late for you to turn him down in ten minutes, he's going to be baptized, and we're going to be his godparents. . " Karen replied hitting him with her elbow
"But.."
"Enough, Matt, for before anyone hears you ... Imagine what your friend, your best friend, would feel"
Matt held his mouth shut, deciding that arguing with his wife was not on his priority list. After all, it was a celebration, and it was only his concern containing his happiness. Karen was right about everything about the christening, but that does not mean that Matt had to like it.
"I'll be good," he promised. "It's just ... I do not know how to do it, and he's not even mine, it's okay."
"I understand," Karen said, sounding distant. She had been so excited about the baby's christening all week. Now, Matt felt like a total imbecile for making her feel bad. "Do not you want kids someday, Matt?"
He loves you?
Matt does not have the opportunity to respond. The door of the quiet private room opened, allowing Marci to enter with Maggy following her close behind. As far as Matt knew, Maggie and Marci still discussed some of their wishes for the ceremony and all the passages that wanted to be read along with the new priest.
"How's my teddy bear?" Marci asked, next to Karen with that silly smile she had been using since Johnathan was born.
"Keep sleeping," Karen replied. "For now."
Matt knew there was something wrong with his wife. It had to be. Driving home from dinner and party at Nelson and Marci's had been filled with Karen's silence. Or maybe she had not been so silent while she was thoughtfully looking out the window and barely noticing when Matt asked her a question.
It was not like Karen at all.
Back in her apartment, she still does not seem to have much to say. But his attitude, on the other hand, was something else. Karen went through the usual movements she always did before going to bed, but this time it was different. Because she did not go to bed.
"Do not you have that meeting early at seven thirty tomorrow morning to go?" Matt asked, listening as Karen rinsed cups before putting them in the dishwasher.
"Hmm?"
"Tomorrow, you have an early meeting."
Karen looked at him, smoothing her hair. "It's a conference."
She did nothing to answer your question. Matt's irritation grew. "You are not going?"
"Why would not I go?" Karen asked.
Matt propped his chin on the head of his cane, sitting on a stool. He dedicated to Karen the closest thing to a half smile "Because it's midnight and you're like a witch in the morning when you have not slept more than seven hours."
And not in your usual kind of good witch class, either.
Karen sighed, continued cleaning. "I'm not tired now, feel free to go and do your surveillance rounds ..."
"Tonight I will stay at home, I thought you would be as tired as I was and that we could sleep a little bit" Matt sat up with a sigh
Karen shook her head "As I said, I'm not tired, now feel free to go to bed, Matt, you do not have to wait for me."
Yes, something was definitely wrong. Matt could always provoke his wife with a few words of choice. He learned that he could calm her down so fast with a couple more, but that was not the point. Karen barely reacted at all to his formidable comment.
"What did I do?" Matt asked.
Karen gave him a confused look. "Where are you going with that?"
"I, Karen, I clearly did something and it's bothering you, what was it?"
"Nothing, Matt, go to bed and let me finish here"
"Treasure…"
"Could you just go, Mattew?" interrupted Karen, a sharpness taking over his generally cheerful tone.
Well then.
More confused and annoyed than ever, Matt left his wife in the kitchen to boil whatever hell he had in his head. It was not the first time that an argument between them had been fought first without words before it became verbal, but it still bothered the shit out of him like nothing else.
It just did not make sense. The day had been fine, for the most part. There was nothing that happened in the last week to make Karen angry.
They had a decent line of communication. It was one of the things in his quick and crazy relationship that surprised Matt the most. Karen did not mind talking and he did not mind listening. And even if it mattered to him, he would not have that. He also fucnionaba in the opposite direction. Karen could force Matt to talk to her in the worst moments, but she would listen to him. without reproach, she was always there for him, to save him from his own misery. That was the most important thing.
Why was not she listening?
Passing the kitchen entrance with his laptop in his hand, Matt looked inside. Karen was still there as he had left her. Only now, she was looking through the small window with both hands on the counter and her distant gaze as if she were not really there.
Matt's walk came to an abrupt stop.
Seriously, what the fuck had he done?
Sure, her worries in the church seemed to irritate her, but they had finished that conversation. Do not? Even so, what else was there, except for the baby?
Nothing.
Turning quickly on his heels, Matt put the laptop on a small entrance table and made his way to the bathroom. Maybe his mind was imagining things that were not there, but too many factors of the day piled on top of each other and his suspicions did not go away. Karen seemed to be everywhere, her emotions and her behavior. Simply his wife was not like that.
Something obviously was different.
In the bathroom, Matt kicked the cabinet under the sink. He was pacing below, looking for some kind of inclination that his thoughts might be right. He found nothing. The little dumpster was also empty. Matt did not have to go back to the kitchen to know that it was empty too. After all, he was the one who threw it down the trash can before they went to church.
"Fuck," Matt murmured, kicking the closet to close it and getting up.
"What the hell are you doing?" Karen's angry question had Matt turning quickly to face her. "Now I have to fix all that shit, you do not even keep anything in there right now, what were you looking for?"
Matt immediately snapped: "Are you ... pregnant?"
Karen leaned back as if he had hit her with his hand. "Sorry?"
"Are you pregnant, Karen?"
Matt did not understand what was so hard to understand about that question. It was pretty fucking simple and only required a yes or no answer.
Karen released an annoyed snort "Was that what you were looking for, a pregnancy test or something?"
Matt shrugged. "I imagine that such nonsense comes in packages like everything else you buy"
"That's right" Karen agreed, wrinkling her forehead. "But they're not like fucking candy or tampons, Matt, they're pretty much used until the package is opened or soon after"
"And how do you know that, dolce Karen?"
"Telling me nicknames is not going to get you out of trouble now." Karen's lips tightened together, her jaw clenched. "Do you really think I would have hidden something like that from you?"
"I do not know ..." Matt murmured, making a sign as if that explained everything. "Does my wife think I would be so inept at spawning and raising a child that I felt she could not tell me? Is it an unfair assumption?"
"I do not think you're inept" Karen crossed her arms with a really annoying look at those heights. Matt ignored his exsaltation.
"Oh, because since this morning with Johnathan, you seem to act like it's a disease"
"Of course not, Matt, that's a horrible thing to say, no, I do not think you're incompetent, I just think you panicked, was it a crap that you did not even answer me when I asked you if you wanted kids? Matt, it hurts, fuck. " Karen rubbed her face with her hands in an attempt to calm down enough not to alert Matt with a heart attack "Do you realize that having children is the only thing we've never discussed? It's probably one of the things bigger, and we do not even talk about it! "
"Then talk!"
"No, I think you left your feelings clear," Karen replied, mocking.
"Look, it bothered you more than you're letting in. It's not just what we have not talked about, it's the fact that you think I would not like it at all, or worse, that I could not become a good father."
"I did not say that, Matt!"
"Babies scare me, Karen, they scare me a lot, I've only been responsible for myself ... and not for the most part, that's all ... Babies, they need everything from you." There is not a single second in the day that they do not depend on a person to keep them alive, I'm allowed to be a little nervous about being that person. "
"You would not be the only one," Karen said. "I'm also here. Matt"
"You know what I mean." Matt rubbed his forehead, frustrated. "And you did not give me a chance to answer you at all this morning, they interrupted us, that's not the kind of conversation I want my Foggy and my mother to get involved with."
Karen crossed her arms, looking down at the floor. "Do you have an answer?"
Matt did not even have to think about it, honestly. He knew what he wanted. All he needed to remember was that he really enjoyed feeling and listening to a baby in his wife's arms. It seemed natural and beautiful. His fears of being inadequate or poorly prepared were real, but like everything else in life, it was something that came with time. Karen would undoubtedly be the best mother and her love was unlimited within her soul. Someone else, something that was part of both, deserved to feel that love too.
"Yes, I want to have children someday." Matt's lips trembled slightly
Karen's heart almost flipped over her response.
"Someday," Karen repeated. "What does that mean?"
"It means that someday, I want a child ... or two."
Karen almost laughed at that "That's specific, No."
Matt put a hand to his forehead, tense. "I do not have a better answer now, Karen. Do you have one?"
Karen frowned. "What, like when I would want to have children?"
"Exactly."
"We've only been married for two years"
"Your point?" he asked, shrugging. "That does not tell me anything"
"I still have another year and a half in college ... I have a job with you and Foggy, also my job is as a free link to The Bulletin" Karen said, staring at him as if he had grown a second head.
"Again…"
"I do not want kids right now, Matt!"
"I understand," Matt murmured, surprised by his outburst. "I can safely assume that that answers my previous question, too."
Karen's arms fell back to her sides, her blue eyes losing all the anger of before. "I'm not pregnant, you'd be the first to know in the next second after I knew it, okay?"
While relief flowed through his system through his admission, there was sadness that followed him right after. Matt did not expect to be relieved and sad that his suspicions were not true. How was that possible?
"You can not blame me for asking, Karen." Matt leaned toward the sink, thinking his next words carefully. There was no need to piss her off more than he already was. "You were all over the place today."
"I?" she allowed herself to let out a laugh
"Something like that, only you were not yourself.
Karen let out a breath of trembling air. "Am I not allowed to have a day off without you thinking I'm pregnant?"
Yes, maybe Matt could see how ridiculous it sounded when he put it that way.
"It was more than that, however, you were happy all week, as you always are, so in the church, you were disappointed when I did not react or gave you the answer you wanted, you can deny it if you want, but it was written in your Maybe I started looking for things that did not exist. "
"That's why you disappeared after dinner?" Karen asked.
"Partly, especially, I wanted time to think and you were enjoying the baby and the people, it would not have been fair for me to drag you away." Matt smiled, feeling completely ridiculous for looting the bathroom. "So, I was looking for something that did not make sense because I was not even here to start, huh?"
Karen's shoulders lifted in explanation, but her sudden desire to touch her nails caught Matt's attention. That was an action he learned a long time ago. Karen used to do it when she was nervous about something.
"What is it, Treasure?"
"Not completely meaningless," Karen whispered.
Matt's mind running, he was silent. "Should I have found something?"
"Not after last month." Karen offered a smile that did not shine quite as she normally did. "I switched from taking the pill a couple of months ago, but it fucked me up, you do not ask about that kind of thing, so I do not go out of my way to tell you about it, we're not always safe, you know?"
Matt nodded once. "Clear."
"When I was late a few days, I thought about taking a home test to make sure that that was not the problem, because you're right, I've been everywhere, but you really noticed it today. Obviously the test came back negative, so I threw things away and I continued. "
Matt staggered as if he had received a strong blow to the stomach, depriving him of the air. "Why did you not tell me?"
Karen laughed darkly. "I would have done it if something came up, but at the time, I was a little busy being scared to death"
"And that I would go crazy" Matt assumed, annoyed that he felt that way at all.
"No," Karen said softly. "Fear until death that I was pregnant, I told you, I only have a lot of plans at the moment, I want to finish my education, I've worked very hard to be where I am and get where I want to be, I still have a way to go. It's a nice feeling to have a baby, it's not the right time for us, or at least for me. "
"Then it's not the right time for me, either" Matt replied simply. "We are young, Karen, we have a lot of time, I hope"
"Good to Know." she gave him a tender smile
"We are too similar for our own good, here I thought that baby fever swept you under the current, when in reality, you were basically in the same boat as I. I'm an idiot."
Karen smiled, winking. "Yes, but you are my idiot, so ..."
"You'll tell me when you're ready, right?" Matt asked expectantly.
"First to know, Matt. Promise."
"And hey, maybe being Johnathan's godparents will not be as bad as I first thought."
Karen gave him an inquisitive look. "Why is that?"
"Because we'll spend a lot of time with him, at least if I screw him up with Foggy's son, I'll know what not to do with mine."
"Matt!"
He shrugged his shoulders with a smirk "What is true, live and learn."
Karen shook her head, holding back her laughter. "God, that's so horrible."
"Say it like I see it." Matt made a dismissive sound. "I better learn now than with ours, anyway."
Karen did not even try to deny her words. That, or she did not know what to say at all.
"Also, there's something more good in waiting when it comes to you ..." Matt finished with a low buzz.
"Oh?"
"Practice," Matt said.
Karen laughed, beginning to move backwards when Matt stalked toward her. "Practice?"
"Mmmm, you and me, anywhere I can have you, practice, Mrs Murdock, it makes everything perfect."
When Karen turned to run away with a breathless laugh already beginning to fill the room, Matt was right behind her pretty heels. He caught her around her waist just behind the sofa before they both fell on top of him.
Karen did not need any practice, she knew.
For Matt, she was already perfect