The One Where Steve Has A Nightmare
Steve awakens fighting invisible men, thrashing. His legs are tangled in the blankets- no, held down, he’s being held down- and there’s a man next to him. That man catches Steve’s wrist as he swings his fist, and Steve retaliates by decking him in the jaw with his other fist. As the man goes down, Steve works on freeing his legs, almost feral. He rips- something, he rips something, a sleeve? And the man is back by Steve’s side. Steve whirls, throws an elbow, and it connects with the man’s chest? His chest? No, that- that didn’t feel right, it was much too hard to be a chest. There was something wrong there, but Steve didn’t stop to think about it. While the man falls back, clutching his- chest?- gasping, Steve lunges forward. He shoves the man down, pressing his shoulder into the ground- too soft to be dirt, concrete- what is it? His fist is raised, ready to land another punch, and the man throws his hands up. Steve’s voice is loud, too loud, shouting, “Who are you?”
The other man is still gasping, struggling to breathe, “Steve,”
No, no, that can’t be right, he’sSteve- this is, this is,
“Who are you?”
He tightens his grip on the other man’s shoulder, pressing him harder into the bed-
Wait, what?
This is a bed. He’s in a bed. This is... his and Ton-
His and Tony’s.
Tony.
Steve blinks and the shadows of men are gone, leaving just him, looming over his trembling, gasping boyfriend- hisboyfriend, this is Tony-ready to strike.
“Steve, it’s me. It’s just me.”
Steve can hear the tight pain in Tony’s voice, the wheeze of each breath- oh, god. Oh, god- the arc reactor. Steve had- Steve had not only punched Tony, but elbowed him directly in the arc reactor. And he knew- he knew, Tony had told him- the reactor always hurt. How could it not? It had always hurt to begin with, and Steve-
Steve wrenches away, throws himself away from Tony, off the bed. His hands are beginning to shake, vision beginning to blur, but he keeps his eyes down, shoulders hunched as he backs away.
“Steve- Steve, it’s- it’s okay.”
It’s not. It’s not, it’s not- it’s not okay. Steve’s back hits the wall, and he sinks to the floor, curling up, trying to hide away. He can hear Tony moving, slipping from the bed and padding towards him. Tony doesn’t reach out, however. He pauses a few feet away from Steve, and that- that hurts? That hurts, until Tony speaks, voice all soft and gentle,
“Can I touch you?”
And, oh. Oh, Tony is- Tony’s not upset, or angry, but- but-
“I- I don’t- you’re not- I don’t want to-“
He can’t get the words out, can’t get the words he needs, can’t- he can’t-
“I’m not scared of you, Steve. I know you didn’t mean to. But I’m not going to touch you unless you’re okay with it.”
A pause,
“If you want me to, I can leave. That’s okay, too.”
Steve can barely get the words out fast enough, “No, don’t- don’t. Don’t go. Please.”
He doesn’t see it, but he can hear Tony sit down quietly on the floor, knows Tony must be watching him. Steve draws his knees closer, tucks his face into his arms, tries to make himself smaller.
“I’m not going anywhere, angel.”
They sit in silence, Tony watching Steve carefully as he buries his face into his forearms, trembling. Steve breaks the silence first, voice disproportionately small.
“You can- can-“
He pauses, trying to gather his thoughts, voice what he wants.
“Can you hold me?”
Steve can hear Tony’s breath catch in his throat before he looks up, glancing at his boyfriend briefly before dropping his gaze again. Tony shifts closer, laying a tentative hand on Steve’s arm, tugging him up gently and guiding him back to the bed. Tony settles next to Steve, let’s him rearrange himself as he feels most comfortable, most safe. They end up with Tony on his back, with Steve’s head pillowed on Tony’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t do that, Steve. It was an accident- I don’t even hurt anymore. You don’t have to be sorry for anything, okay?”
Steve hesitates, but he’s too tired to argue, so he simply nods against Tony’s shoulder. Hand carding through blonde locks, Tony murmurs soft words of reassurance to ground Steve. Steve slowly relaxes, to the point where he can feel himself slipping off again. When he realizes this, he shakes himself a little, and Tony pulls him closer. Pressing a kiss to Steve’s hair, he murmurs,
“Hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, I’ve got you. I’m here. You can go back to sleep, I’ll wake you if anything happens. I’ve got you.”
With that, Steve stops fighting the waves of sleep and lets them drag him under to the litany of Tony’s sweet promises.