Nico Minoru hasn’t been able to see color for as long as she can remember. She doesn’t know what the colors of the sunset look like or the beauty and diversity of a rainbow after a storm when the bright sun emerges.
Her entire world is bathed in hues and shades of black and white. She can’t pinpoint a time when she stopped seeing color, she was too young to remember, and toddler Nico didn’t think to tell her parents that everything was dark until it came up at an eye appointment when she was five.
It should make the girl hopeful and excited, after all a person loses their color vision when they meet their soulmate. And they’re able to regain their color vision after kissing their soulmate for the first time. Nico can’t even remember losing her color vision, meaning she doesn’t remember the person she met that made her lose sight of color – her soulmate.
Needless to say, Nico has lost all hope of ever meeting her soulmate and getting to see the beautiful colors of the world again. The chances of ever meeting her soulmate and kissing them is slim to none. It’s a hard concept to grasp, but then again, a world of darkness is all she knows.
She has a specific memory from her childhood after her parents found out she had lost her color vision. The Minoru family was eating dinner at the table, and Nico innocently asked Amy what the color of her eyes were. Her mother was immediately strict, reprimanding her for letting Amy know she couldn’t see color. When the tears formed at her eyes and she shoved tiny hands at her cheeks, her dad kneeled in front of her and calmly told her it was taboo to talk about soulmates with other people. It made the five-year-old feel even more alone than she did before, but after dinner when she was quietly crying in her room, Amy burst in the door with a notebook and bag of pens. Her older sister explained that Nico didn’t have to be alone, she would teach her of the colors and help theorize who made her lose her color vision.
Amy’s descriptions didn’t do much, all she ever said were things that were certain colors, but she couldn’t describe them. She would just describe objects around them. The colors of the rainbow are red, orange, yellow, green, blue, indigo, violet – in that order. The walls of my room are yellow. Karolina’s eyes are blue. Everything Amy told her about colors were just like historical facts. It didn’t change the fact that for years she vigorously took notes in the notebook about the colors that her sister described.
Nico always appreciated Amy’s effort. Growing up, their mom always gave Nico a hard time because she couldn’t get her clothes to match since everything she saw was muddled in hues. Being a great big sister, Amy helped Nico pick out her clothes every day, describing what colors her shirts, pants, and shoes were.
It’s partially the reason why when Amy dies Nico goes dark.
Without the light of her sister present to help distinguish the world of color from her eyes, all she knew was a world of darkness, varying in shades from black to white. She turns to a gothic look filled with black fabrics and dark makeup, because Amy isn’t here anymore.
Nobody is here to tell her about the beautiful colors of the world. Nobody is here to help her pick out clothes that match. And it hurts too much to ask anyone else for help, let alone even talk to anyone, so she succumbs to her world of dark shades and ignores everyone.
She manages to ignore all her old friends for two years, Amy’s death causing an irreparable schism between them all. Nico can’t bear to look at them, all her friends – the Pride kids – would constantly look at her like she was a victim, being a constant reminder of Amy’s death. She’s known them her entire life and when she loses them and Amy all so fast, it feels like she loses a part of herself.
That is until fate, or Alex Wilder’s insistence of getting the group to hang out, forces them all together again.
They all argue, pained at their split-up friendship. Nico watches everyone verbally degrade one another, pointedly excluding her from the argument. Despite her dark gothic and unfazed front she puts up, all her friends are still hyperaware of her pain from losing Amy.
Only an hour ago, she was screaming at the beach. Screaming for her sister after the ritual had failed to allow her to communicate with the girl. It’s almost like losing her sister made her gray world even darker.
It’s when Chase is demanding liquor and Alex is being uptight about coasters that their whole world is turned on its head. A hidden underground cellar appears before their eyes and out of obvious curiosity they go searching. It’s there that they find their parents in red robes – a fact Nico only knows because Molly questioned their red apparel – looking to be killing a girl their age.
Nico cries, her world becoming a whole shade darker at the prospect that her parents are murderers and an innocent life is being ripped from this world. Another person gone, just like Amy.
A white light shines in her peripheral as Molly attempts to take a picture and all the parents whip their heads around to find the source. Her dark world blurs at its edges as their ragtag group sprints back into Alex’s guest house to get away from whatever the fuck is going on in this cellar.
As the group panics over the prospect of what the living fuck they just saw, the impending terror of Alex’s parents appearing weighs on their minds. Karolina is the one to come up with the idea to pretend to play Twister.
She can feel the Wilder parents’ approach as they all pile onto the mat, kicking off their shoes and socks as they fall into the heap.
Molly jumps onto a chair and spins the arrow, “Nico, right hand blue.” The younger girl instructs.
Nico scowls, “We aren’t actually playing, Molly.”
“Authenticity, we need to look like we’re actually playing, not just laying in a pile like you all are right now,” Molly argues.
And it’s a fair point. Nico can’t find it in her muddled brain to think of a counterargument, so she looks down to the mat with panicked eyes. As kids Amy forced her to memorize the order of colors on the Twister mat so it wouldn’t draw attention while they played. But right now, her memory is like a dumpster fire, all the varying shades of gray muddle and blur and Nico could cry again.
She looks up quickly, intending to assess the door, but her eyes meet Molly’s. And apparently Nico is more transparent than she wishes to be, because Molly, always the most observant of the group, notices her panic and slightly nods her head to Nico’s right side.
Nico heaves a sigh of relief and places a shaky hand down onto the blue dot.
They manage to sell the lie of them playing such an infantile game and the Wilders leave them alone. Once the parents leave and they have a panicked discussion about the murder they just witnessed, a sleepy Molly pulls Nico aside.
“What’s up?” She asks as Molly as they walk to talk to their parents.
“Can you not see color?” Molly asks, tone loud and bubbly.
Nico feels a rush of panic and she looks over her shoulder to make sure none of her trailing friends can hear them. She lets out a sigh of relief when nobody pays them any mind. She turns back to Molly, giving her a pointed look, “You know people aren’t supposed to discuss this type of thing.”
Molly shrugs, “Considering what we just saw, I think we can talk about anything with one another.”
Nico shakes her head to herself, “I guess you’re right. But we have much more to be concerned about than soulmates.”
“So that’s a yes then?” Molly asks, eyebrows raised excitedly.
Nico looks away from her in answer.
“That’s exciting, do you know who it is?”
“No, I can’t ever remember losing my color vision,” Nico mumbles.
Molly appears deep in thought, “So you’ve known them your whole life? Maybe it’s a Pride kid.”
Nico ignores the small pang in her chest at Molly’s statement. It makes a sense of sad fondness engulf her as memories of Amy saying the exact same thing fills her mind. It was always Amy’s number one theory that her soulmate was a Pride kid. For years, her sister grilled her about Alex and Chase. And when Nico was twelve and admitted that she didn’t care if her soulmate was a girl or boy, Amy included Karolina and Gert in her grilling.
“That was Amy’s theory too,” Nico mumbles.
“You told Amy?”
“Of course, she’s my sister.”
“Gert’s never told me if she can see color or not,” Molly counters. There’s a beat of silence before Molly continues, “I miss Amy.”
Tears prick at the corners of her eyes as sharp pain tears in her chest. Her dark black and white world becomes a shade darker at the painful reminder that Amy is gone. Her sister is dead, never to return. And that pain makes Nico feel deserving of the dark world she’s in, honestly, it’s not dark enough for her. Without Amy there is no light or happiness, so why bother with any colors? The darkness is too fitting for Nico to wish it away.
“Yeah,” her voice cracks. “Me too.”
It’s a few days later that after accidentally making snow fill her mom’s office that Alex kisses her for the first time. She won’t deny that she’s always felt something for him. Nico had the biggest crush on him in junior high but eventually replaced those feelings with disgust for him after he skipped Amy’s funeral. But after the trauma of discovering their parents were monsters, she allows herself to put down her walls and feel something for him again.
So, when he kisses her outside her house and she pulls away and is met with the same dark hues she saw before, she feels her heart crush in disappointment. He looks at her expectantly and although Nico feels she deserves this world of darkness, it can’t take away the way it breaks her heart to remain in darkness and discovering Alex isn’t meant for her.
“You’re not it,” she whispers to herself, fingers resting on her smudged lipstick.
“Huh?” Alex questions.
“What?” Nico manages to zone back in and shake her head, “Don’t you realize that what happened back there was fake?”
Alex smiles at her and a mere minute ago she would’ve found it charming, but all it does is send a pang of disappointment through her chest. She escapes back into her house, feeling cold and empty.
After several minutes of contemplation, she grips the old notebook that she has stashed away in the back of her closet. She grabs a pen off her desk and crawls under her covers. Touching the weathered cover makes her wipe away at a stray tear. Her and Amy had spent hours, years even, brainstorming over this notebook. Amy called it the “Soulmate Notebook.”
Nico fiddles with the cover between her thumb and forefinger before sighing to herself and opening it. A nostalgic smile covers her face as she reads through her childish messy writing where she wrote down the color descriptions of stuff Amy told her. As the pages progress, her handwriting becomes neater and the detailed notes become shorter.
She ends up on the last page containing writing and it stings to sees Amy’s telltale print on the page. Nico traces the ink with her index finger. The page is titled: Main Soulmate Contenders – Pride Kids.
Listed beneath are the names of their friends. The only name crossed out is Molly, considering the younger girl always talked about colors growing up. Her eyes focus in on the two top names and their descriptions, Amy’s top choices for Nico’s soulmates.
Alex – Black hair, brown eyes. Nerd. Amy’s best friend. Outfits never match so high chance he’s THE soulmate (or his style just sucks). Big crush on Nico (it’s reciprocated, she’ll never admit it)!
Karolina – Blonde hair, blue eyes. Nico’s best friend. Wears a lot of bright colors and is really good at art, making her soulmate status questionable. Stares at Nico too long to be straight. (Nico has a big gay crush on her even if she won’t admit it.)
Nico chuckles, tears falling from her eyes at seeing her sister’s rambling on the page. She hesitates before clicking her pen and crossing off Alex’s name from the list.
After she marks the page, she throws the pen onto the ground. She feels as if she’s dirtied the page by writing on it, like she’s tarnishing the memory of Amy. Maybe she doesn’t want to let go of her dark vision, because by doing so she’ll be losing another piece of Amy. Her color blindness and search for her soulmate was always a pillar to her friendship with Amy, what does it make her if she forgets that?
Nico decides she doesn’t care about soulmates and that she’s unwilling to break free from her world of darkness. After Alex kissed her, she stayed up most of the night contemplating the concept of soulmates. And she decides that she doesn’t want to leave her world of darkness, because by doing that she’d be losing an integral part of her memories with Amy.
And if any shred of her life can liven the memory of her sister, she is willing to do that. And if that means living a life in darkness can keep the memory of her sister alive in her mind, then she is willing to never see color.
It’s that reason that she doesn’t bother to end things with Alex. She has liked Alex for years and its still hard to deal with the fact that he isn’t her soulmate. But she’s also thankful that she can still hold onto the darkness, her tiny remainder of Amy.
She doesn’t end things with Alex, but it’s not like things are necessarily in play with them. They’ve been too busy trying to dig up information on their parents for them to discuss the label of whatever they are.
Nico watches as Alex exits outside Timely as she talks to Karolina on the phone. She just shared the news with her that is likely devastating for her to hear about her mom. She feels a squeeze in her heart knowing that she’s the one delivering the bad news.
Karolina is easily the most optimistic and trusting, and she had the best relationship with her parents, and deep-down Nico wished that Karolina was right about all this. If Karolina was right, she wouldn’t have to destroy her entire world right now by telling her that Leslie handpicked the victims for the last fifteen years.
Growing up Karolina was the person she was closest with in the group. Amy had her fun teasing Nico about her tiny “crush” on Karolina when she was thirteen, but Nico brushed her sister off saying that wasn’t true. The devout church girl couldn’t be into girls, so Nico pushed aside the feelings she’d get around Karolina.
But despite it all, she has always had a soft spot for her. That’s why she let Karolina talk to her in the bathroom when she caught her crying the other day. She found it easy to brush everyone off when they tried to talk to her about her feelings or about Amy, but when it came to Karolina, she would always lower her walls.
Her soft spot for Karolina is why she stays on the phone, concern in her voice at the dead silence on the other end. She knows Karolina is processing everything and she so desperately wishes that things weren’t this way.
Nico wanders outside as she stays on the phone with Karolina, waiting for the other girl to speak. It’s then she notices Alex forcefully being shoved into the back of a vehicle. Her heart drops, a similar feeling of fear to when she witnessed her parents murder someone overcoming her.
“Alex!” She exclaims fearfully.
Nico can hear Karolina on the other end of the phone questioning what’s going on. Her own voice sounds distant and her ears ring as she tells Karolina that someone took Alex.
She paces as she waits for Karolina to show up. Her mind races thinking of what the hell she can do to help Alex from his kidnappers. The cops aren’t an option and it’s not like she can call her parents for help either. The panic makes her throat constrict, she can’t lose another important person in her life.
Her voice shakes uncontrollably as she is met with Alex’s voicemail and desperately pleads for him to call her. She ends up pulling her phone away from her ear, voice shaking, “I-I don’t even know what to say.”
Karolina is behind her, pacing and panicking with tears in her eyes. “What if it was my church? What if they figured out we got those files on all of those kids?”
Nico feels her own panicked emotions become grounded at the sight of Karolina. Partially, it’s due to just having her presence nearby. Nico convinces herself its because she can’t be alone right now and not because of the weird effect Karolina has always had on her. The main reason she becomes grounded is because Karolina is panicking and crying, and she’s never seen the sunny girl like this.
“Hey, uh- “ She attempts to begin comforting her.
“Please don’t tell me everything is going to be okay! My mom is a murderer, all of our parents are murderers,” Karolina cuts her off, her voice raises as she sobs.
It makes Nico sober at the sound of even Karolina admitting their parents’ guilt. Her chest constricts at the sight of her sobbing, “Hey,” she whispers before stepping forward and wrapping her in a comforting hug.
The hug is way too long to just be considered comforting though. She feels Karolina’s hand resting on the back of her head and it makes her heartbeat speed up yet calms her down at the same time. She shuts her eyes for a moment, allowing herself to embrace the comfort and calmness that the hug brings her.
Nico pulls away, stepping back and looking at Karolina softly. She keeps a grip on her biceps, leveling herself with hooded eyes muddled in light gray hues that she’s been told are a beautiful blue, “The only way to figure this out is to stick together. Right now, we just need to get Alex back. Okay?”
The right corner of Karolina’s mouth turns up in a watery smirk and whatever she feels from seeing that is interrupted by Gert’s headlights.
After using the Staff to show the heat signature of the car that took Alex and some minor convincing, all four girls pile into Karolina’s car.
The car chase is messy. Gert keeps yelling at Karolina about her reckless driving, Molly is exclaiming in excitement when Karolina takes particularly sharp turns, and Nico, well Nico can’t take her eyes off Karolina. As she watches her drive, chasing muddled looking lights, her hair is falling in her face and a set look of determination is shining in her eyes as she chases the lights. Karolina looks, well, she looks hot.
Nico’s eyes move up and down as she takes Karolina in and she forces herself to look back at the road. She does not have time to unpack all of that, not while they’re chasing after kidnappers who took her friend slash possible boyfriend.
Whatever she feels while looking at Karolina dissipates when they see Alex at gunpoint. It doesn’t take any convincing for Karolina to continue to follow the vehicle Alex is shoved back into.
Karolina has barely rolled to a stop while they’re stopped at the stoplight and Nico jumps out of the car, yelling at Gert as she tries to grab onto her. She needs to learn more about the damn Staff, because it is not cooperating in stopping the car at all. Luckily, they have Molly, who wasn’t lying when she said she was really strong. Like really strong, Nico’s jaw drops when she sees the younger girl lift the SUV with her bare hands.
A feeling of relief comes over her at seeing Alex and his kidnappers get out of the vehicle. That relief is heavily outweighed by the panic as the kidnapper points a gun at them. His eyes move to Molly and Nico screams out, horrified if he’s going to hurt the younger girl.
And that’s when she sees it. Out of her peripheral vision, she sees Karolina snapping her Gibborim bracelet off and a burst of lights emits from her palms. It creates enough of a diversion for Nico to yell out to Alex to come over by them. And while she’s relived to have Alex back with them again, she can’t take her eyes off those lights.
The lights are clearly some sort of color. She can tell by the hue’s fluorescence and spectrum of shades. It makes a feeling of warmth come over her, seeing that wonderful radiance in a variety of grays her eyes have never taken in before.
It’s the closest Nico’s ever felt to seeing colors before. The joy it brings her, and beauty of the contrasting grays makes the emptiness she’s felt over the lack of colors her entire life slightly dissipate. The sight of them makes her wish she could see their real colors.
Karolina snaps her bracelet back on and Nico follows her motions intently. As her eyes move to Karolina’s face it feels like something inside her mind pieces together.
It’s that odd feeling that she gets that motivates her to sit next to Karolina when they all end up at Timely. Her steaming cup of coffee sits in front of her, but she finds herself angling herself towards Karolina, turning her body away from the group. She can’t fight off the smile on her face when Karolina also angles herself, bumping their knees together to talk.
“That was some awesome driving you did back there,” Nico smiles.
Karolina looks giddy with a giant smile painted on her face. It’s different than the one that usually adorns her face, it seems more genuine and there’s a spark in her eye that Nico can’t quite place. “Well I had a great co-pilot,” she says somewhat sheepishly. And Nico swears if she could see color that Karolina’s cheeks would be bright with a visible blush.
“I’m group driver from now on,” Gert mumbles to herself. “She damn near killed us.”
Nico looks across the table and is reminded that it isn’t just her and Karolina. Her cursory glance at Gert returns back to Karolina like she’s a magnet. She can faintly hear Molly and Chase complimenting each other on their badass fighting, but all her focus is on Karolina.
Strands of hair hang by her face, framing it to look even better than she thought possible. The side braid Karolina has in place is barely even considered a braid at this point. And Nico is reminded of that deep pang she felt in her gut when she saw Karolina driving like a maniac with the same gorgeous hair framing her face.
Her hands move against her will to push a strand of Karolina’s hair, it looks like a light gray color to Nico’s eyes, behind her ear. “I still can’t get over those lights,” she giggles out, her tone is borderline flirty which almost surprises her to hear.
“And your staff!” Karolina points excitedly and Nico can’t seem to get rid of the smile on her face.
It’s seconds later that Alex shows up and she remembers what situation they’re in. Her attention turns to the group as they deliberate if they should save Andre, one of Alex’s kidnappers. After a mini-debate they all agree to try and rescue him from their parents.
They fail.
And she feels like she has blood on her hands. Nico follows Alex when they fail to save him. She can see by the look in his eyes that he feels immeasurable guilt from shooting Andre.
She sits down next to Alex on the foot of his bed, and as they sit there, she is reminded of the intense fear and worry she felt when he was kidnapped. He looks at her, and he may not be her soulmate but she’s so relieved that he’s safe. She likes him and she knows he likes her, so she voices those exact thoughts.
Nico tries not to be reminded of the burning realization that Alex isn’t her soulmate, the painful feeling she realized after their first kiss, as she leans forward to kiss him. It heats up quickly and she allows herself to get lost in it.
She’s experienced great loss in her life. Another helpless teenager died at the hands of her parents tonight, but Alex is safe. And right now, that feels like enough.
Karolina interrupts them before they can go any further. She can’t comprehend the words coming out of Karolina’s mouth. She’s too busy tearing herself away from Alex, feeling like his touch burned her. It makes her burn with guilt for some reason and she can’t bring it in herself to look at Karolina as she exits the room.
She doesn’t know why she feels guilty. Nico doesn’t owe anything to Karolina, sure she may feel things when she looks at her, but that doesn’t mean she should feel such guilt at Karolina finding her kiss Alex. Nico doesn’t even know if Karolina likes girls, hell, Nico doesn’t even know if she likes girls.
But she saw the pained look on Karolina’s face when she interrupted them, and even though she shouldn’t feel guilty, she still can’t look at Karolina. And they’re all too busy in the middle of this clusterfuck of a situation for Nico to try and decipher what the hell that all means.
Karolina texts Nico early the next day asking if she wants to get ready for the gala together. Nico feels a rush of excitement and quickly answers in confirmation before she can even truly process the text. As she gathers up her makeup and dress, she is reminded of the confusing feelings she had last night when she looked at Karolina.
She’s reminded of Amy’s insistence that Karolina was a high contender on the list of probable soulmates. When she thinks of that fact and is reminded of the inexplainable guilt she felt when Karolina saw her kiss Alex, the pieces in her mind begin to move around. Nico remembers how her black and white world is one of her last few links to Amy and she’s not quite ready to lose that yet.
So, she pulls out her phone while on the Lyft ride to Karolina’s and texts Gert and Molly to invite them to get ready with them.
As the pair get ready together, its like their friendship was never on pause for two years. It’s their first time hanging out alone since they were fourteen, but it doesn’t feel any different. Nico still has that immense feeling of comfort being near Karolina, she had always seen Karolina as her best friend for as long as she can remember.
When they were kids, Nico would easily get annoyed by Chase because he smelled, or Alex would get annoying and Nico would seclude Karolina and herself. The two of them did everything together. They had sleepovers, climbed trees, and raided Leslie’s closet and makeup to play dress up together. Most of Nico’s best memories from her childhood had Karolina in them. When Amy died and she secluded herself, losing Karolina from her life was the most painful friend to lose.
As they laugh amongst each other and Karolina helps her finish her hair, she feels that comfort and elation in her presence, but today it’s accompanied by something else. Nico would feel that something else at random times during their sleepovers in junior high. Deep down, she always knew what it meant but she pushed it away, it’s completely improbable that that feeling would ever evolve into something that’d be reciprocated. Nico makes sure to continue that practice of pushing the feeling away.
Karolina laces their fingers together as she slides a ring onto Nico’s thumb, and those feelings that Nico is burying almost surface. Nico risks a small glance at Karolina, she had to have done that on purpose. Nico could’ve put her ring on by herself and even if Karolina put it on, she didn’t have to interlock their fingers like that.
Her mind whirs due to the minute action. It makes her focus way too hard to keep her hands steady as she zips Karolina’s dress up. And it makes her eyes fixate on the bracelet adorning Karolina’s wrist.
Without thinking, her hand moves to unclasp it. Part of her doesn’t even realize the weight of what she’s doing. But a bigger part of her is desperate to see those beautiful lights again. Nico’s never seen such beauty in her life, and it was the closest thing she’s ever encountered to color. She wants to see it again.
Karolina quickly pulls her wrist away and stutters, “Oh, uh, sorry not that one.”
“Oh sorry,” Nico shakes her head, smiling shyly at herself at getting caught. She risks a small glance at Karolina before looking back down, embarrassed.
Karolina seems bashful as she breathes out a small chuckle, “Yeah. It’s okay.”
“Yeah, sorry,” she awkwardly repeats.
“It’s okay,” Karolina smiles softly.
Nico continues looking down, ignoring the feeling that spreads in her chest, “Okay,” she mumbles to herself.
The air between them is tense and awkward after that. Nico feels embarrassed as she moves around and finishes getting ready. She stands behind Karolina, fiddling with the zipper to the dress that she had already clearly zipped up.
“I hope that wasn’t weird, like I was trying to make you glow or something,” Nico eventually breaks the silence, risking a small glance at Karolina midsentence. She looks back down to the zipper in embarrassment when she feels Karolina staring at her through the mirror.
“Were you?” Karolina asks.
She looks at Karolina’s side profile and smiles bashfully, “Maybe.”
Karolina smiles at her and she feels all that awkwardness dissipate. They both turn to go sit and put their heels on, and Nico continues, “But what I saw you do the other night, it should never make you feel afraid or ashamed.”
Nico is reminded of the memories of the beautifully vibrant hues of bright gray. It causes a small smile to cover her face.
Karolina’s eyes stay glued on her, appearing deep in thought before she looks to gather the courage to speak. Her voice comes out in a cracked, soft whisper, “What do they look like?”
Nico’s eyebrows furrow, “Huh?”
“The lights,” Karolina answers nervously. She looks towards the door before whispering, “Their colors.”
It takes her a few seconds longer than it should for her to comprehend what Karolina is talking about. That’s when the realization hits her like a bucket of ice-cold water, Karolina can’t see color. Karolina’s met her soulmate. And for some reason that piece of information makes Nico’s heart hammer in hope, but it’s probably just a weird coincidence.
She hesitates to answer. Her parents have engrained in her mind that she can’t tell people she’s lost her color vision. Karolina takes her hesitation as a reason to continue talking.
“I was going to ask Chase what they looked like when I told him. They’re the closest thing I’ve seen to color and I wish I knew what they looked like,” she supplies.
“Why didn’t you ask Chase then?” Nico evades.
“I don’t think he can see color either,” Karolina answers. “He said something about me having pretty green eyes, but my mom said they’re blue. I didn’t want to give Chase the wrong idea.”
“Wait,” Nico shakes her head, “Your mom had to tell you the color of your eyes?”
Karolina looks embarrassed, “I’ve never been able to see color.”
“Oh,” Nico breathes out. It feels like oxygen can’t enter her lungs at the fact that Karolina has been color blind as long as Nico. “You know you aren’t supposed to tell people this kinda thing.”
Karolina smiles sheepishly, “I know, it just drives me insane. Being the eye of the church, my mom labels everything with color and constantly makes sure I’m wearing light colored things and my color blindness has been another thing I’ve done her and the church,” she sighs. “But everything I’ve done my whole life has been for the worst thing imaginable. What if what I do is connected to that? What does that make me?”
“You know who you are,” Nico says and then stops to correct herself, “I know who you are. And neither of us is our parents or the messed shit they’re doing. Although nothing is more messed up than what my mom is doing now, actually being nice for the first time in years.” Nico’s quick to divert the subject away from soulmates and color blindness, she doesn’t know how to tell Karolina she’s in the same predicament.
Karolina smiles and muses, “It’s funny you were always the rebel and now you’re feeling close to your mom. And I was always the momma’s girl and now- “
“Now what? You’re the rebel?” Nico laughs and lightly jabs her side in jest.
“No, I’m serious. Gert was right I was the perfect church girl. I never did anything disobedient or different or what I wanted. But now that I know that I’m like. a total freak maybe I’m free.” Karolina pauses, looking at her deep in thought, “To be who I really am and to be honest about who I wanna be with.”
Nico takes a second to realize that Karolina is definitely talking about her. Her mouth moves in shock trying to formulate what she’s saying. The pounding in her chest makes her realize that maybe all the weird stuff she’s been feeling for Karolina is a crush. And Karolina has a crush on her, she basically just told her.
Gert and Molly bust in the room, interrupting the moment. Nico feels floored at Karolina’s revelation. Her mind whirs, it doesn’t take a genius to know that Karolina’s overlapping color blindness isn’t coincidence.
Nico can’t take her eyes off Karolina as they help Gert and Molly get ready. She has a lot she has to figure out.
After the gala, any trust Nico has in the men in her life disappears. Her dad is a cheater and she’s convinced Alex is a liar.
She lays in her bed that night. The walls to her near empty house are thick, but she’s convinced she can hear her mom crying. Her dad isn’t here, her only good parent has turned out to be just as shitty as her mom.
Nico hates this.
It’s not much later that her suspicions of Alex are confirmed. After an argument in Timely, he finally tells her the truth. He had known details about the circumstances of Amy’s suicide for two years and never told Nico.
She’s disgusted by him. Disgusted with herself for ever giving him another chance after he skipped her funeral. Nico feels like she’s betraying her sister by allowing Alex in her life.
And Alex may not have been her soulmate, but it doesn’t break her heart any less that he kept this from her.
Nico ends things with Alex, but it doesn’t make her feel any better. Amy is gone and he robbed her of information about that for two years.
It’s later that night that she lies in bed, staring at the ceiling deep in thought, unable to sleep. Nico can never fall asleep. When she was a kid Amy always let her sleep in her room and it would help her sleep better. But when Amy died, Nico lost someone to sleep next to but also gained nightmares. Every night she has nightmares of walking in and finding Amy’s body.
She doesn’t quite know if she will ever be able to function after losing Amy.
God, she misses her sister. As she thinks of her, it feels like another fissure cracks in Nico’s chest and the darkness of her world seeps in its place.
She hates this darkness. The darkness she sees through her eyes is a blatant reminder of the dark world she lives in. She’s broken. Her sister is dead, her dad is a cheater, Alex is a liar, and both her parents are killers.
As the dark bedroom closes in around her, she realizes that she doesn’t have to keep living in the darkness like this. Amy would want her to be happy, it was Amy’s goal most of their lives to get Nico to see color. Maybe by finding her soulmate and seeing color, she’d be able to gain a piece of Amy back.
Nico just wants her sister back, but she knows that will never happen. But maybe by finding her soulmate she could come close.
Her mind whirs and she barely thinks through her actions as she pulls out her phone. Her thumbs move faster than her brain, formulating a text and pressing send before Nico even can realize the ramifications of her actions.
Nico:
i can’t see color either.
Karolina:
What about Alex?
Nico:
he’s not it.
im done with him.
Karolina:
Interesting.
Did you want him to be it?
Nico:
for a little bit.
Karolina:
And what do you want now?
Nico stares at her glaring screen. She feels her heart racing at Karolina’s words. A part of her is confident that the overlap of Karolina and Nico’s color blindness means that they’re soulmates. She knows that Karolina likes her, and it took Karolina basically telling Nico for her to realize that she feels the same way.
She nervously begins to type out: you, I think.
The nerves coursing through her make her hesitate. There’s the chance that Karolina isn’t her soulmate. Chase is also color blind and he has shown clear interest in Karolina, who hasn’t denied his efforts. Maybe she’s just being delusional. She’s about to say fuck it and send the text when the top of her screen shows a text from Gert.
Gert:
Did you hear? Chase and Karo hooked
up the night of the gala.
Looks like you guys have lots of double
dates in the future.
Oh.
Nico quickly erases the text she was going to send Karolina. Clearly, Karolina fixed her color blindness problem. Karolina was probably taking about Chase when they were getting ready before the gala.
She winces. She thought that maybe she could find some happiness in finding her soulmate, but this is a blatant reminder that she will never find them. And her crush on Karolina that she’s probably had for forever will never happen. And Nico hates that she just realized her crush to find out that it will never happen a few days later.
Nico doesn’t respond to Gert or Karolina. Instead, she just goes to bed, her mind feeling darker than it did before she bothered looking at her phone.
A few days later, they uncover the VHS tape from Molly’s parents. When they plan to attend the dance as a cover before destroying the dig site, Nico knows deep down she’s never going back home. As she does her hair and makeup, feeling a wave of nostalgia from when her and Karolina had gotten ready together, she feels nothing about leaving this place behind.
The only reminder from this mansion devoid of love and color that matters is Amy. And she’s gone, so Nico doesn’t care if she never comes back home, because the only person that made this place home is gone.
Before she leaves for the dance, she grabs the Staff, for obvious reasons, but she also makes a point to grab the Soulmate Notebook. She shoves it in the bottom of her bag. It seems miniscule and stupid to grab this thing that reminds her of Amy, but they spent years bonding over finding Nico’s soulmate. Not to mention her sister’s handwriting is also scattered throughout this notebook. It’s wild that when grieving she misses something as small as handwriting.
As she leaves the mansion, Alex at her side pretending to be her date, she leaves her parents and her home behind, and everything in Nico’s eyes is devoid of color and it seems fitting.
She doesn’t know what the hell is taking Gert and Chase so long. Nico sits in the backseat of Gert’s car impatiently waiting for their appearance. They need to leave soon to destroy the dig site and they’re taking their sweet time to meet everyone.
Nico probably let her impatience set in later than it would usually take. She’s sitting next to Karolina in the backseat and the feeling of being in such close proximity to her is distracting. She looks over Karolina in her dress, she wonders what color it is. It’s a light gray which is how most of her wardrobe tends to look in Nico’s eyes.
Molly eventually voices what’s taking so long and Nico decides she needs to get out of this car, so she offers to go look. Alex asks if she wants some company and her eyes immediately fall on Karolina, asking her to come along instead.
They walk around the dance floor in silence. An interesting fact about only seeing black and white, it makes it quite hard to find people in a crowd.
“Hey, Gert’s hair is purple or something?” Nico mumbles to Karolina. She only knows the color of her hair because of a comment Molly made once. “Keep an eye out for it. I can’t see it for obvious reasons.”
Karolina furrows her brows and frowns slightly as her eyes scan the dance floor, “Um, I told you I can’t see color either.”
“Wait,” Nico mutters in shock out loud. She remembers Gert’s text about Karolina and Chase, Nico just immediately assumed that her announcement meant that the two got together. “What about Chase?”
Karolina gives her a nervous and sheepish look, “Oh, uh Gert told you? He kissed me, but I wasn’t interested.”
Nico chuckles nervously when Karolina’s eyes linger softly on her, “Uh, sorry she told me, and I just assumed.” Karolina’s eyes are still looking at her softly that it makes a rush of blood come up to her cheeks. Nico gestures nervously towards the stairs, “We should keep looking.”
Karolina looks away, smiling softly and in that moment, Nico wishes she could just see the color of her eyes. “Uh, yeah.”
They rush up the stairs and Nico looks around, “No one down here. We must’ve missed them. Let’s head back?”
“Wait,” Karolina breathes out.
Nico spins around and looks at her. She looks so nervous and almost breathless. Nico takes a step back to stare Karolina in the eye, “Everything alright?”
She watches intently as Karolina looks to be hyping herself up. Nico suddenly feels hands on her shoulders and she dumbly stumbles as Karolina lightly pulls her to stand in front of her. She watches intently in her black and white world as Karolina rests her hands on the side of Nico’s face.
Nico’s breathless and feels a wave of nerves and anticipation engulf her. She knows exactly what is about to happen.
Karolina leans forward and presses soft lips against hers. It’s like in that moment that everything that made her confused and broken clicks into place. The world may end tonight, they may end tonight, but experiencing Karolina’s lips against hers makes all that fade away. She pulls away a few inches to crack open her eyes and look at Karolina to make sure this is all real.
For the first time in her life, Nico Minoru sees color. It’s like a kaleidoscope of colors explode in her eyes. She’s breathless as she can finally put the image to colors behind the name. Her eyes fixate on Karolina’s and she gasps.
It’s blue.
Her eyes are beautiful and nothing she could ever imagine when Amy described Karolina’s eyes as blue.
Nico doesn’t hesitate to lean forward again and capture Karolina’s lips in a kiss.
It’s intoxicating and feels like her entire world is spinning. Her world of darkness, devoid of color, has exploded with color and she feels elation with her soulmate’s lips against her.
They share a series of small kisses before she pulls away breathing out, “Woah.”
Her whole life she has known darkness. She has spent sixteen years devoid of color and now for the first time she can see the beauty of the spectrum of colors. And her eyes are only on Karolina, she can’t tear them away. She couldn’t care less about what color the walls to the school are or what color the floor is. All she cares about is her world right in front of her, Karolina.
She is the epitome of light and beautiful colors.
“Sorry, I’ve just wanted to do that for a really long time,” Karolina breathes out.
Karolina’s pink lips continue to move as she speaks, but Nico can barely hear anything. It’s ironic that after spending sixteen years devoid of color that Nico’s eyes can’t help but fixate on her own black lipstick smudged on Karolina’s lips.
Nico wants to breathe out that Karolina should definitely not be sorry. She wants to wrap her in a hug and thank her for finally allowing her to see color.
But Nico doesn’t get to do any of these things, because Gert and Chase erupt from the hallway interrupting the moment.
Nico is shocked into silence on the ride over to the dig site. Her eyes don’t stop moving from around the car. She keeps looking around at all the colors in front of her, but her eyes keep bouncing back to Karolina.
Karolina is seated on the opposite side of the backseat from her. And even though Molly and Chase are sandwiched between them, Karolina and Nico keep staring at each other. Nico’s eyes bounce from her beautiful golden hair, to her ocean eyes, to her pink lips, to her gorgeous dress that seems to be some sort of pink.
She’s so beautiful.
When Karolina yanks off her bracelet ready to fight their parents, it is the most breathtaking thing Nico has ever seen. In the darkness of her life a week ago when she saw Karolina light up, the mixed gray hues were the most color-esque thing she had seen. And now she can finally appreciate her glow in full.
Bright shades of pink and blue shine on Karolina’s skin and god, Nico doesn’t know how she ever lived without the beauty of seeing color.
It’s only a few minutes after she feels like her world is thrown off it’s entire axis by seeing the beauty of Karolina’s shining lights that she loses her. Nico’s heart nearly collapses in her chest when Gert has to drag her away from Karolina being an idiot who apparently enjoys self-sacrifice.
All the lampposts fry as the energy from the fight that her soulmate is in causes an EMP. It seems fitting for Nico. For a short amount of time she’s been exposed to the light and colorful world and not even an hour of escaping the darkness, she is engulfed in it again. There’s no light and Karolina’s been taken by the parents.
She cries when they hike up in the mountains and her friends, mainly Alex, has the audacity to want to leave Karolina behind. Nico does what she does best, she lashes out at Chase who is unfortunately there, she tells him if he was in Karolina’s shoes, she’d leave him behind. Nico doesn’t mean it, but she can’t think straight. Everything feels gray even in her world of colors and light.
Nico’s on edge when they go through their rescue plan, she tries not to let it show how much it’s tearing her up inside. She doesn’t know if Karolina is gone; Nico can’t even fathom how she will handle this if Karolina is dead.
She nearly breaks down in sobs when Molly and Chase pull a pale looking Karolina into the back of their hijacked van. Karolina collapses in the back of the van as the tires screech on the pavement.
Blue eyes connect with hers and it takes her breath away. Nico’s still getting used to seeing color and its even more shocking to look into the shocking blue shade of Karolina’s eyes.
Her heart swells when Karolina gives her a soft smile. And even though the stunning sight of her makes her breathless, having her safe makes her feel like she’s coming up from drowning.
When they stop the van up in the secluded area in the mountains, she leaves Karolina for a few moments to let her change. It’s hard to separate herself, it feels like there’s a tether pulling her towards Karolina. It makes sense, they’re soulmates, destined to one another, so she shouldn’t be surprised by how strong her feelings are.
She catches Karolina as she’s pulling on the yellow crop top she picked out for her. It makes Nico breath catch in her throat at the sight of so much skin on display as Karolina changes. Her eyes try not to wander, instead she finally speaks to her soulmate.
They have no declaration of feelings or discuss how they finally have introduced each other to a world of color. Nico just commends her for saving them during the battle and Karolina can immediately see that Nico was the reason for her rescue.
Nico can’t stop herself from stepping forward and leaving a soft kiss on Karolina’s lips. They may not have discussed how they’re soulmates, but the kiss communicates it enough. There’s a shift in Nico’s chest and it makes her heart swell with such strong feelings for Karolina.
Everything makes sense – how soft she has always been for Karolina her whole life, how she was drawn to Karolina from the moment she saw her, how they mesh so well together despite being polar opposites.
So for now a kiss is enough. Karolina is her soulmate and Nico wishes she had noticed sooner. But her whole life in darkness makes this blooming, beautiful colorful world of Karolina Dean so much more wonderful.
Their parents betray them and frame them for murder.
And now they’re runaways.
Nico shifts uncomfortably wishing she had something as miniscule as a makeup wipe and sweat pants right now. Karolina’s hand is tightly grasped in hers and it makes the shitty dark feelings slightly less shitty.
They look incredibly out of place, she knows that much. Five of them sit underneath the underpass waiting for Alex to show up with sleeping bags or something.
Nico shivers as a rush of cold air comes through the thin fabric of her outfit. Karolina who is sitting next to her notices immediately and wraps an arm around her shoulder. She can’t fight the blush off her cheeks, and she notices Karolina is blushing too. And she is so thankful that she can finally see the gorgeous shades of pink complimenting her cheeks.
“Chase, give Nico your jacket she’s cold,” Gert commands, seated only a few feet away from them.
Since she can see color, Nico can see the visible pinkening of Chase’s cheeks as she nods and listens to Gert. He shrugs off his jacket and hands it to Nico. She slips her arms through and moves back to wrap an arm around Karolina’s waist.
Karolina looks like she could glow as a bright smile crosses her face.
“Thanks,” Nico looks at Chase with a nod.
“Right back to the cuddling?” Gert teases. “So, this is a thing, huh?”
Nico risks a glance over and meets sheepish looking blue eyes. It may be because it was the first color she ever saw, but the blue shade of Karolina’s eyes is easily her favorite color.
“Yeah,” Nico rasps with a tiny smile on her face as she doesn’t tear her eyes away from Karolina.
“Oh my god!” Molly exclaims excitedly from her spot next to Gert. Nico looks over at the younger girl who has a bright smile as she comes to a realization, “She’s your soulmate!”
Nico feels some embarrassment considering Karolina and her haven’t even had this talk yet. She’s ready to stutter some response, but Gert is quick to admonish Molly.
“Molly, you aren’t supposed to talk about soulmates. Besides who knows if soulmates are real, like sure the color blindness is a thing, but it could just be some big physiologic phenomenon,” Gert rambles nervously.
Nico takes one look at Gert and then Chase to realize she is projecting. Karolina had told Nico that Chase had met his soulmate and after catching Gert and Chase in the act the other night, it seems like their friends might’ve found their way to their soulmate too.
“No, it’s not Gert,” Karolina’s voice rasps and Nico looks over to see her with a dopey grin, “Nico’s definitely my soulmate and I’m happy to tell anyone about it.”
“Okay so I was only able to buy four sleeping bags, the store I was at had no others left. So, I think that one of us can stay up and keep watch and then two of us will have to share a sleeping bag, one of these is a wide or something so that one can be shared,” Alex immediately begins speaking as he sits down next to them.
He tosses the plastic bags on the ground and his eyes immediately fall on Karolina and Nico cuddled up together. His eyebrows raise in realization, “Uh, but it looks like you two will share a sleeping bag just fine.”
She notices that his face slightly drops in hurt but there isn’t any jealousy present, so she’ll count that as a win. Being on the run with your ex and your soulmate could be awkward if there was any toxic jealousy present.
“They’re soulmates, Alex!” Molly excitedly exclaims.
“Oh,” his eyebrows raise, and he nods looking a little lost for words. “We’ve, uh, all known each other our whole lives, you both haven’t been able to see color your whole lives?”
They both nod and Nico spots out of the corner of her eye Gert and Chase barely nodding too.
“Yeah, it sucked,” Nico shrugs.
Alex visibly swallows before giving them a genuine smile, “I’m happy you two found your way to each other.”
Nico smiles, happy that this is going well between all their friends. She leans forward and grabs a sleeping bag. With the fabric clutched tightly in her hands, she looks over to Karolina, “Ready?”
Karolina lights up, figuratively not literally that would really give them away, and follows Nico away from the group.
She rolls out the sleeping bag and without communicating they’re able to cuddle into the sleeping bag together. Karolina lays on her back, staring up at the polluted sky in search of stars. Nico lays on her right side, arm wrapped around her waist and her head propped up on her elbow. She watches Karolina intently, unable to take her eyes off of her.
Karolina chuckles and side eyes Nico, “What?”
Nico just shakes her head to herself, “You’re just beautiful. I’ve always known how beautiful you were, but now that I can see the color of your eyes, it’s like I can see how beautiful you are for the first time all over again.”
Hands cover Karolina’s face, attempting to hide her blush as she giggles. Nico wraps a hand lightly around her wrist and pulls her hands away to continue looking at her.
“It’s a lot to take in,” Karolina whispers eventually. “Like everything we’ve ever known has suddenly changed.”
“Are you talking about our parents being murderers or us being soulmates?” Nico jokes.
“I was talking about us being soulmates, but it works for both, doesn’t it?” Karolina risks a glance at Nico behind her hands that are hovering by her face, Nico immediately feels her heartbeat quicken. Karolina looks like she hesitates for a moment before raising her hand and tucking a piece of Nico’s hair behind her ear, “Although, part of me has always known it’s been you.”
Nico can’t help but grin stupidly at hearing that. Her heartbeat echoes in her ears and she’s convinced her own heart has bruised her ribs at this point. She feels giddy, and she doesn’t think she’s felt such happiness since before Amy died
“I think so too,” Nico finally squeaks out.
Karolina raises an eyebrow, “Really? Even Alex?”
Nico jokingly shoves her shoulder, “Shut up. I had a weird crush on him, but I think I’ve always had an even weirder and bigger crush on you.”
“Sure you did,” Karolina teases.
“No, seriously,” Nico chuckles and begins to climb out of the sleeping bag. Karolina instinctively tightens her hold on her, “I’m going to grab something, I’ll be one second.”
“Fine,” Karolina pouts.
And Nico would never admit it, but Karolina’s adorable pouting has her rushing over to grab her notebook out of her bag so she can make it back to her quickly. She sticks her legs in the sleeping bag but remains sitting up, Karolina scoots up so she can look down at the object in Nico’s hands. Nico extends the Soulmate Notebook out to her and Karolina blinks for a few moments before taking it gently out of her grip.
“Amy found out I couldn’t see color when we were kids. She made a point to teach me all the colors and pick out my clothes so they’d match. This is the notebook I wrote everything down she told me,” Nico explains as Karolina begins flipping through the pages with a look of awe.
“That’s, wow,” Karolina exhales. “Are you sure you want to show me this? I don’t want to interfere with this thing that you had with her.”
Nico looks down at the page that Karolina’s on where Amy’s childish handwriting is done in crayon with each corresponding color. Her eyes fixate on the word blue before she looks into Karolina’s ocean eyes.
Her eyes water due to the stinging pain of thinking of Amy, she’s not sure that will ever go away. Karolina abandons her grip on the page and moves her hand to give Nico’s a comforting squeeze.
“She would’ve wanted me to show this to my soulmate,” Nico husks out. “It was such a goal for her, she said she loved color and wanted me to be exposed to it.”
“I’m glad you are,” Karolina smiles.
“I think she’d be too,” Nico returns the smile and wipes at a stray tear that escapes her eye.
Nico moves to flip through the pages, “But what I wanted to show you was this last page, it was Amy’s theories of my soulmates and she said it was probably a Pride kid.” Her hands stop when she flips to the page she’s searching for, “You’ve always been it for me.”
Karolina chuckles lightly as she traces over her own name, “My mom labeled my clothes with their colors and made me memorize what matched with what, that’s why I had such a bright matching wardrobe,” she explains after reading the description on the page.
“Well, it fits your personality,” she says. “It doesn’t explain the art thing though.”
“What that I was good at art?”
“Yeah, when I was younger, I used your art skills and colorful fashion as an excuse to push my feelings away,” Nico admits and immediately feels all her blood flow to her cheeks when the words slip out.
“I don’t know, for art is was more than color for me. The colors just didn’t matter,” Karolina rasps. “It just made me feel so many things even without seeing all of the colors,” she inhales and looks into Nico’s eyes softly, “Kinda like how I felt about you.”
The corner of Nico’s mouth perks up at that. It makes a warm fuzzy feeling rush from the source of her heart and down all her arteries. She can feel herself falling fast and for the first time ever she isn’t afraid of her feelings. With Karolina its like a piece of puzzle that’s always been missing is clicked into place and it makes the stirring feeling in her chest nearly unbearable.
Nico rushes forward to press her lips against Karolina’s before she does anything stupid and rambles about how much she already feels for Karolina. The kaleidoscope of colors that her world has become explodes behind her eyelids.
Everything feels right as Karolina manages to suck all the oxygen out Nico’s lungs by opening her mouth beneath hers. Nico lets out a breathless gasp and moves to push at her shoulders so they can make out at a more comfortable, horizontal level.
Before she can do that, something soft is thrown at Nico’s head making her tear herself away from Karolina to look at the offending source. It’s Alex’s jacket that lays there and Nico looks over to see all her friends pointing at Gert.
“I’m glad you two are girlfriend soulmates of the year, but we are in public,” Gert scolds.
Nico feels the heat rush to her cheeks in embarrassment. Her stomach nearly bottoms out when Karolina’s fingers wipe along Nico’s bottom lip. She looks over at Karolina with wide, shocked eyes for her boldness.
She just shrugs innocently, “Your lipstick was smudged. Hey, since Gert threw the jacket at us can I have it? I’m cold.”
Nico blinks dumbly as she grabs at the fabric and hands it over to Karolina. She watches as long arms slip through the sleeves before Karolina lays back on the ground to sleep.
In a trance, she follows her movements without thinking.
Karolina gives her one last soft look as she leans forward to press a lingering kiss to her cheek.
Nico smiles softly and watches as the other girl turns on her right side. She follows suit and wraps an arm tightly around her waist with fingers splayed along a prominent hipbone. Karolina places her hand on top of hers and intertwines their fingers.
“Goodnight, Nico,” she whispers.
“Goodnight,” Nico parrots.
And as they drift off to sleep, her mind finally isn’t racing. She feels at peace, she feels happy. And she knows everything else in their life is to shit, they’re America’s most wanted, runaways, technically homeless. But despite it all she’s happy, because her and Karolina have found their way to each other. She knows that despite all of this shit going on, Amy would be happy for her too.
Nico Minoru spent her whole life without color until her and Karolina found their way to each other. Everything else around in their world is crumbling but it somehow still feels right. Because as she drifts off to sleep with the image of blue irises burning behind her eyes, she knows that somehow with every terrible thing going on as long as Karolina is by her side, she’ll be able to handle it.