Finding Peace
Whomever said that dying was easy clearly had never died before. Peter had felt every second of his body shutting down. Every pain he had ever experienced in life, every laugh, every moment of pleasure, and every tear. All of it was poured over him simultaneously. The feelings were so overwhelming Peter wasn’t sure if he was drowning or on the verge of spontaneously combusting.
Peter vaguely wondered if this is what it meant to have your life flash before your eyes. Except all Peter could see was a never-ending blinding white light. Normally his sensitive eyes would have bulked at this offense but the assault on his emotions demanded all of his attention. Peter groaned and tried to clutch at his pounding head only to find that he had no body.
Great. Clearly this was hell, and his spirit was being tortured. Not that he was surprised, after everything he had done as Venom, he deserved this and probably much worse.
An ethereal chuckle ripped Peter from his brooding. “Eternal damnation is not your destiny Peter. Open your heart young hero and meet your destiny. This is not the ending of your story.”
Irritation flooded through Peter. He was beyond tired of cosmic beings messing around his life and supposed destiny. He was tired and wanted to be left alone. Wasn’t it about time for some other poor sucker to have to save the world? Still what other choice did he have? Pushing his irritation to the back of his mind Peter focused on centering himself and focus on anything but the pain and guilt cascading through his soul.
“Release your anger and guilt Peter. Remember what it was like to be happy.”
Images of times and people long buried sprouted to the forefront of his mind. Bright smiles and the sound of laughter warmed Peter. They made him feel solid and whole. So much so that Peter could swear that he was laying on a warm surface while a cool gently breeze tickled his face. Instead of laughter the rustle of leaves and the songs of birds filled his ears.
Peter held his breath as he cracked an eye and was surprised to find he had a body. What was more surprising was that he was in his sixteen-year-old body. He squinted as the bright rays of the sun met his eyes instead of the blinding white void. Raising a hand to shield his eyes Peter studied his surroundings. It appeared that he was laying in the middle of some woods. Tall, beautiful trees encircled him. Bright colorful flowers sprouted among the long grass that danced around him in the gentle breeze. Glancing back down at his body Peter was surprised to see that the right side of his body barred no burns or scars from the snap. Confused Peter pulled at the red sweater that clothed his body to reveal his abdomen. The scar that he had earned from his first fight with Vulture was no where to be found. On further inspection Peter couldn’t find any of his old scars. It was as if his entire body had been wiped clean of any previous injury.
“You finally made it! It’s about time!”
Started, Peter dropped his sweater and jumped to his feet. His eyes went wide, and his jaw dropped when he saw the owner of the voice. “How’s this possible? You died!”
Natasha smirked and fisted her hands on her hips. “I did genius and so did you.” Nat’s piercing blue eyes flicked up and down his body. “You should be glad too, those stones roasted you. You would have needed your own Darth Vader suit to have survived that.”
Peter shook his head and snorted at the Star Wars reference. He fell silent for a moment and watched a Blue Jay flit from one tree to another: the rays of the sun dancing among its colorful feathers. Tranquility flowed from every inch of the woods. “Where are we Nat? Is this heaven?”
Nat turned her face to the sky and sucked in a deep breath, a smile on her face. “Of sorts.” Closing the space between them Natasha wrapped her arm around Peter’s shoulders and guided him. “It’s peaceful here and I know that soon you will find your peace too.”
Natasha felt the boy’s shoulders sag. He seemed so much more vulnerable now that he was back to his sixteen-year-old self.
“Do I deserve peace?” Peter asked glumly.
Natasha squeezed his shoulders. “I believe you do, and I know the others do too. Besides,” Natasha said as she stopped in front of a tall rustic cabin. “if an ex-assassin can be forgiven than so can a vigilante.”
Peter gaped at the cabin. He had seen it before in the vision Morgan showed him. Natasha noticed his surprised recognition and her lips quirked into a small smile. “Yes, you’ve been here before.”
“How?” Peter breathed; eyes still glued to the cabin.
Nat shrugged. “The stones.”
Peter slowly closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Of course. Morgan said this is what he needed to protect. He remembered how his heart had called to this place just as it did now. Natasha dropped her arm and gripped Peter’s hand. “Peter, I know we have had our differences but please believe that I am sorry for my part in your pain.”
Peter moved his eyes to the woman standing next to him. He could feel tears sting his eyes as her words sunk in. She had apologized. God, he had waited so long for someone to say these words. The sight of her no longer caused his heart to ache and fill with resentment. Instead, he saw a friend that suffered her own tragedies. They were two people that the world had taken zero pity on. Peter squeezed her hand. “Thank you, I hope you can forgive me too.”
Natasha smiled and let out a watery laugh. “We are free now.”
Pain crawled across the teens face and he dropped his eyes to the ground. “How can I deserve to be free after everything I’ve done?”
Nat sighed and tugged on Peter’s hand until he followed her up the porch to the front of the door. “If you won’t take my word for it maybe you will take theirs.”
Confusion painted his face then morphed into joyous shock when Nat opened the door to reveal a spacious living room. A large couch sat in front of a welcoming brick fireplace. Two large reading chairs sat on either side of the couch and there sat in the corner char was Aunt May. She looked just as she had the day, she had been taken from him. Her long brown hair sat in a messy bun a top her head. Her reading glasses sat on the edge of her nose as her kind brown eyes scanned the pages of the book in her hands.
Peter let out a soft gasp that drew May from her book. Peering over her glasses May was surprised to see her wayward nephew standing in the doorway just as he was when he was sixteen. May glanced at Natasha as she sat her book on the table next to her. Natasha nodded and that was all it took before May rushed up from her seat to crush Peter to her chest in a fierce hug.
Peter returned the hug just as enthusiastically as sobs tore through his body. May ran her hand through his unruly curls as she tried to shush him. “Peter, I have missed you so much!”
“I’m so sorry May, I’m so very sorry!” Peter sobbed, burying his face into his aunt’s shoulder.
“You have nothing to be sorry for dear. You were lost but you found your way home. Just like I knew you would.”
Peter shook his head, unable to believe her words. “You taught me to always be kind and respect others.” Peter hiccupped and clutched his aunt closer, afraid his next words would make her push him away and curse him. “I killed people, Aunt May.”
May sighed and eased her nephew back. Peter cried louder as he prepared himself for her rejection. May gripped his chin and forced Peter to meet her eyes. Her heart broke when she saw the guilt and fear that swam in his brown eyes. Peter looked so broken and lost. “I can never condone taking another’s life.” She gripped his chin tighter when he tried to pull away. “But I understand why you did it. You were so lost, but you found a way back to save everyone. And because of that I couldn’t be prouder of you.”
Peter let out a chocked cry as relief rushed through him. May had forgiven him and had even said she was proud. The feeling didn’t last long though as the thought of his father flashed across his mind. May saw the look on his face and sighed again. Reaching a hand to his cheek she gently wiped away a tear. “Peter you need to head to the back porch.”
Young brown eyes searched hers and she gave a gentle smile. “He’s been waiting for you there every day since he got here.”
Peter held his breath at the implication of May’s words. It couldn’t be possible. It shouldn’t be possible. He didn’t deserve to see him again. Not after everything. Yet he couldn’t stop the longing in his heart and his feet moved on their own accord.
Before he could talk himself out of it, Peter found himself standing in front of a door that led to the back porch. The porch wrapped itself around the house and contained comfortable looking chairs and swings that offered the promise of a relaxing day outside. Inside one of the chairs that faced the crystal-clear lake sat a man with a familiar head of brown hair.
Peter reached out a shaky hand and pushed the door open. The man’s head tilted at the sound of the door creaking open. Before Peter could speak or even blink the man shot of his chair and had Peter crushed against his chest.
“I knew you would come!”
Peter sobbed. He would know that voice anywhere.
It was the voice of Tony Stark.
His father’s voice.
Peter latched onto his father and buried his face into the older man’s chest. His father’s familiar scent comforted him as Peter’s emotions threatened to drown him. Guilt, fear, rage, happiness, and relief tore at him at the same time.
“I’m sorry, dad. I’m so sorry!”
Tony gripped his son tighter as he ran a hand over Peter’s brown curls. He knew exactly what the boy was apologizing for. Morgan had allowed him to see it all. His heart ached when Peter had lost himself, but he was overjoyed when he came back to the person Tony always knew he could be.
“It’s ok, Peter. I understand.” Tony shushed.
Those were not the words Peter had been expecting to hear. Obviously, his dad didn’t know how far Peter had fallen. If he had, Tony would not still be clinging to Peter happy to see him.
Peter shook his head. “You don’t understand, I killed people. I was…”
“I know everything that happened!” Tony cut Peter off. He stepped back slightly so he could see his son’s face. “I know you were Venom and I know you used the Infinity Stones.”
Tony’s heart broke a bit when Peter’s face fell. “What I also know is that you saved the world. You saved the world as Spider-Man.”
Peter lifted his brown tear-filled eyes to his father’s face. Tony didn’t look mad, in fact he looked proud and understanding. Peter had never felt more confused.
“I don’t understand. I did so many bad things. I let you down. I disregarded Spider-Man and the Avengers.”
Tony sighed. Grabbing Peter’s hand, he led him over to one of the oversized benches and sat him down. “Peter I never expected you to be the perfect hero or even the perfect person. All I ever wanted was for you to live up to the potential I saw in you every single day.”
Tony raised a hand as Peter began to object. “I know you were in darkness after I died, and it took you a long time to find yourself. I’m so sorry I left you Bambino.”
Peter let out a broken sob. “I just feel like I let you down.”
Tony swiped a tear from his son’s cheek. “Every hero has a touch of darkness in them, Peter. It’s what they choose to do with it that separates them from other people.” Tony paused to consider his next words. He thought back to all his friends that were still living. He thought of their defining moments that lead them to live the life they were living. He even considered his own origin story. It was filled with pain and regret but even more it was one filled with determination to set things right. Tony gripped Peter’s hand and stared into his son’s watery eyes. “No hero lives a truly happy life won, if they did, they wouldn’t be a hero. Furthermore, most don’t get to live a whole life. You, Nat, and I are a perfect example of that. You didn’t let me down son.”
Peter turned his head and stared numbly at the grass dancing in the breeze as he considered his father’s words. It was true, his father was held captive and tortured for months before he could escape. In those caves Iron Man was born. Steve lost two good friends and the love of his life to Hydra. His entire live went by him while he was frozen only to be reawaken to a new war. Nat was born into the life of violence, deemed an assassin as soon as she was old enough to hold a weapon. Even himself, Peter Parker-Stark, found his own life as a hero when Uncle Ben was killed in front him all those years back. Two fresh tears leaked from the corners as Peter closed his eyes. He understood what Tony was trying to tell them. Still, none of their friends went AWOL like he did. They didn’t choose their own selfish grief over the needs of others.
Peter removed his hand from his father’s grip and wrapped his arms around himself. “I don’t feel like sacrificing myself on the battlefield was enough to erase all the bad I did in my life.” Peter mumbled brokenly.
Tony sighed sadly. “Maybe not but what of everything you did as Spiderman before that. Even the things you did as Venom. You saved a lot of people from human trafficking, drugs, and assassinations.”
Peter wanted so badly to believe what he was hearing. He truly wanted to believe he hadn’t destroyed his life and that he was deep down a good person. “But I did all those things to benefit my own agenda.”
Tony could sense the thoughts swirling in Peter’s mind. He had truly hoped that Peter wouldn’t have picked up on his own personal fatal flaw.
Self-deprecation.
“Peter we all love and forgive you. Now it is time for your biggest battle of all.”
Peter’s head whipped up. Battle? Hadn’t he fought enough? Hadn’t he just died?
Tony grinned at his son’s bewildered expression. “It is time to forgive yourself.” His smile grew only wider when his son sputtered in confusion, but he drove on before Peter could interrupt. “You say you only stopped all those criminals to further your own agenda. Yet the only thing you gained was fear from other mob bosses and a healthy respect from the citizens in your city. You never took any money from the people, you gave Clint a safe place to fall after the snap, and you joined the Avengers when they needed you.”
Tony took a breath. He really wished the kid could see himself through Tony’s eyes. “Pete you hid behind a truly impressive mask as Venom but you and I both know you’ve always been Peter Parker-Stark.”
Peter looked up at his dad with sad watery eyes. His chest felt like a vice was gripping his heart. He felt panicky and scared. Could what his dad be saying really be that easy? Peter wanted nothing more than to find peace.
Standing from the swing Peter walked down from the porch and headed across the yard out onto the fishing dock. Standing at the edge, Peter gazed the crystal-clear water lost in his own head. For years he had dreamed of this moment. He was at the most beautiful lake house and finally reunited with family long lost. He had gotten the forgiveness his soul craved; yet he felt deeply uneasy. Peter rubbed his hands together nervously as painful memories of arguments, death, and war flashed across his mind. It was so much; too much for one person to carry.
Yet he had done it.
Peter had taken the pain and handled in the best way he could. He had fought criminals, aliens, and himself and come out on the other side as the victor. True he had been lost in a dark void of grief and bitterness, but he never failed to answer the World’s cry for help. The price had been steep but as Peter looked around and the beautiful mountains and lake before him, he finally felt it.
Peace.
Peter’s hand flew to his mouth as he let out a sob. His shoulder’s trembled as the vice around his heart finally released its strangling grip. He could feel the fear, anger, and regret seep from his body leaving his muscles feeling weak and unstable. Peter felt himself sway dangerously to the side and he briefly wondered if he would fall in. Not a second to soon iron strong hands gripped his shoulders and steadied him.
“Are you ok, Pete?” Tony’s piercing brown eyes scrutinized the youngers face looking for any signs of distress. To his surprise and great delight, he found relief.
Peter gripped his dad’s arms tightly and gasped out. “I’m ok! We’re all going to be ok!”
Tony nodded, tears filling his own eyes. “Yeah, Pete we made it! We’re all home now!”
Peter laughed and gripped Tony into a crushing hug before pulling back and giving his dad a devious grin. Tony didn’t have much time to decipher his son’s intentions before he was sent sailing off the edge of the dock into the warm lake water below. Tony came to the surface sputtering indignantly just in time to see Peter cannonball in after him.
Finally, they were at peace.
~Back on Earth
Steve stood underneath the newly erected statues of Earth’s greatest defenders. It had not taken much to convince the city to fund the statues of Tony, Peter, and Natasha. Much to his delight he had seen pictures from cities all over the world putting up similar memorials. To Steve that was the least the world could do for his fallen friends.
Steve still carried a sense of sadness around their deaths. In some ways he felt that he had failed to protect them. Especially Tony and Peter.
Only recently had he found some inner peace. Two nights ago, he had a dream of a beautiful cabin out by a big lake surrounded by gorgeous mountains. Steve had found himself standing on the cabin’s sprawling porch and when he had turned around, he saw Tony, Nat, and a teenaged Peter sitting on a swing talking and laughing. Tony had noticed him first and waved him over with the largest smile on his face. As Steve approached Peter had gotten up and gave him a hug which Steve had returned with surprise. Nat gave him a small kiss on the cheek before leading him over to the open spot on her swing.
Steve had wished to stay in that dream forever. His heart rejoiced to see his friends so happy and healthy but dreams never lasted. After catching up Peter had told Steve that he had one more job to do. Steve needed to return the stones and then find his own peaceful ending. Tony and Nat agreed. It was time for Steve Rogers to move on from being Captain America. Steve had awoken from his dream in a peaceful daze to find his right hand encased in a new gauntlet; the infinity stones winking at him in the dim morning light.
Turning from the memorial Steve clenched his hand, feeling the cool metal against his skin. He knew what his friends were asking of him and he was more than happy to carry out their final wishes. Steve also knew what ending was waiting for him. The soldier chuckled and slightly shook his head at the memory. Tony had been very specific.
Sighing Steve started down the walk away from the statue, away from his old life. He raised his hand; he knew his friends would understand.
It was time for a new beginning.
Time for the new Avengers to defend the Earth.
He brought his thumb and middle finger together. Snap
~ ~ ~
Steve held Peggy close as they danced slowly around their living room. He smiled gently into his wife’s’ hair and let the soothing Jazz music wash over him. He thought back to his 3 friends sitting outside on their cabin porch and hoped that they knew he had found it.
Steve had found peace and one day he knew he would share it with them.
The End