Vitani’s Guard

"King Simba, as you may know, this year's Ukumbusho celebration is coming up." announced the elephant matriarch.

"Indeed, it is." the King agreed.

"Well, I've just been thinking about how this will be your last one as King." she then chuckled, "I remember scrambling to make your very first one perfect. We've made new traditions, and we even watched a new Lion Guard form. We've come a long way, haven't we...?"

"We sure have." Simba smiled in deep thought.

"I want this show to be better than the last few, something to end with a bang for you and Queen Nala."

Suddenly, out of the blue, Simba gave a hearty chuckle. Ma Tembo noticed.

"...Simba?"

"I know the perfect way to add a little spice to this upcoming show," Simba leaned in, "Could you imagine how silly the new Guard would feel with those manes on? We should put Timon and Pumbaa in charge of art direction, to add a little torture."

"You know we've since moved on from worrying too much about tradition? They don't need to make them wear those."

"They don't know that." Simba grinned.

"You don't think the girls will refuse?"

"They're too intimidated by my authority to say 'no'."

"I do prefer that we stick closer to historical accuracy, I suppose we can, your highness..."

Hopefully the girls had a sense of humor, perhaps the fun event could build their bond with the elephants...

____

Vitani paced uncomfortably as the sun continued to rise. She didn't understand this whole 'Ukumbusho' hoopla she heard buzzing around the Savannah. She just knows Simba told her to get ready to do it. It must've been an endurance test of some kind. Maybe like a Mashindano? Who would be involved? She knew the word meant 'remembrance', perhaps a day to remember the fallen animals of the past? She just didn't know...

She perked up as she saw Kiara making her way down from Pride Rock. She repeatedly retracted and tapped her claws on the ground in a wave pattern before getting up to catch up with her. Perhaps word from a thorough individual like Kiara would clear things up to settle her growing anxiety.

"Kiara, what's this Ukumbusho Tradition I'm supposed to do? I asked your dad and he just started laughing."

"It's an annual performance commemorating peace between the lions and elephants." the future queen beamed, "You're reenacting the historical peace treaty between the elephants and Askari's Lion Guard, speaking the original lines they once said, singing --"

"What?!" Vitani scoffed, "Do I look like I've got a theatrical bone in my body? No..."

"Come on, Vitani. You can't turn this down. Every Lion Guard has to perform in the Ukumbusho! Kion did a couple of times, and he knows he's not much of an actor, but he still had fun!"

Vitani turned away and rolled her eyes, "What does Simba take my Guard for? There is no way I'm performing a musical with elephants..."

"I know it sounds silly, but this will really help you and your Guard be taken seriously by the pride. I know you want to secure your place in the Circle of Life... Please...?" Kiara frowned, silently pleading Vitani.

Vitani relaxed her expression and sighed. She really did want to ensure trust within the pride.

"...Fine, but I'm gonna complain the whole time, and you owe me big time."

The princess smiled warmly. That was a deal.

She just knows Vitani can do it...

____

The Guard arrived to Mizimu Grove. Looking around at the odd display of the elephants scrambling to get their lines right as Timon and Pumbaa painted sunburst symbols on their foreheads.

"Ah! The royal Guard!" the elephant leader greeted warmly, "Such an honor to have you participate in this year's Ukumbusho! We hope you've been told everything you need to know about this performance."

The Guard looked at each other with uncertainty, but lied.

"Sure!" Shabaha suddenly said.

"Though, something's not right, here." Ma Tembo tilted her head.

"What is it, ma'am?" Vitani asked, frowning.

"Well, it's just that... Traditionally, oh... how do I put this? Well... the lions from Askari's time were all... lions.You know... male?"

The Guard's stomachs dropped. Some gritted their teeth awkwardly.

"What do you suppose we do about that?" Imara arched a brow.

"Yeah, we're not exactly the most traditional Lion Guard there is." Vitani looked up at the elephant, "First all female Guard, first non-royal blood leader, first to be the older sibling of a monarch..."

"I know, and I respect that." Ma Tembo nodded, "But now is the time to dip your paws into our customs."

"What do you want us to do," Vitani straightened, "dress in drag?!"

____

They did just that.

The sun was setting. Timon and Pumbaa took creative liberties in the girls' attire. They stitched together fake manes seemingly made out of various types of leaves -- some non-red leaves being painted in a limited amount of red paint on impulse -- and...

"Wait, is that hair?" Tazama grimaced.

"Well, yeah, how else are we gonna give off that convincing feel?" Timon put a paw to his hip.

"Besides, we had to do something with all of Simba and Kovu's shedding mane hair! It's getting hotter out here, ya know?" added Pumbaa.

The Lion Guard all exclaimed in disgust, shuddering realizing they'd all been wearing clumps of fur from other lions.

Pretty soon, the afternoon had been filled with unwanted contact when placing the manes on their heads, memorizing confusing script instructions, and occasional bickering from Timon and Pumbaa.

What a night this was going to be...

____

Rehearsing songs over and over, wearing disgustingly made wigs, working with animals so different from what they know. It all made Vitani seethe. She kicked at the dirt beneath her.

"These elephants and their stupid traditions, needing to remind everyone bit by bit how something happened..."

"Yeah, like, why not just... remember it?" Shabaha squinted, scratching at her mane until a few leaves became crinkled and fell off.

"Yeah, if I have to get micromanaged over my lines again, I'll just about start a rampage." Kasi bristled.

"You? You'll look funny up there, chasing big elephants like a little mongoose." Imara smirked.

"Oogh, that would just ruin the show, wouldn't it?" Tazama quietly added, secretly wishing for some kind of excuse like that to pop up. She'd been withholding panic at the thought of being watched and judged by several spectators. A fear she'd developed early on in life.

...That. Right there. Tazama had struck gold. Vitani perked up, a brainstorm forming. She chuckled devilishly, grabbing the Guard's attention.

"That doesn't sound like a bad idea, actually..." Vitani perched on a rock.

"But... isn't this supposed to be his last Ukumbusho before he retires?" Tazama frowned.

"'Retire' doesn't mean 'die', Taz." Vitani glared, "He'll watch the show go right... one day, but certainly not from us."

The Guard looked intrigued now. Shabaha grinned with an unnerving emptiness in her eyes.

"Yeah," Vitani nodded to herself, "They wanna laugh at us up there? We'll give them a reason to laugh. We'll make this the worst show anyone's ever seen, so we'll never have to do this show again."

An uproar of cackling and cheers in approval filled the sky.

____

The moon was on the horizon. Ma Tembo took this time to check with Vitani on the Guard's rehearsal progress. She'd pulled Vitani from where the Guard was practicing, and took her to the area where the elephants rehearsed to show her what she and the Guard would be interacting with.

"The royals should almost be here." Ma Tembo began as she looked at the placement of the moon. "...Are you and the Guard ready?"

"I'd say we are." Vitani nodded. She hid a cunning grin as she looked to the direction of the entrance to Mizimu Grove.

"Very good." the elephant closed her eyes in relief, "So good to see such an effort from the new Lion Guard to rebuild the herds' trust. I thank you for that."

Vitani gulped. That was a good point. She'd forgotten how much she'd hurt the relationship between the Guard and the Pridelands' herds after being rude to them all. Of course Ngurumo provoked her first, but she still regretted her lack of control in that situation.

"Heh, yeah." she finally responded with a shaky voice.

____

Vitani was conflicted, now. Was she to continue with the Guard's hijacking of the Ukumbusho, or was she to follow orders to earn Ma Tembo and the herds' trust? If she wanted to follow through with the latter, she had to fix things fast. But she just didn't know what she wanted.

She cleared her throat, "Um, Lion Guard. Do you think, maybe...? Uh..."

"Hey, 'Tani!" Shabaha interrupted, "I think I got my improv skills down! Was just practicing with Kasi."

"I-" Vitani stammered.

Speaking of which, Kasi approached with a slight frown. Imara was by her side.

"Um, so Imara's voice gave out when getting ready to sing."

Vitani gawked, "You didn't..."

The Strongest nodded silently.

"Imara, you were supposed to do the solo!" Vitani put a paw to her head, "This is a nightm-"

"See, now we have an excuse to voice our protest. The stupid costumes, now the tedious singing rehearsals destroying our voices. I can't wait for this show to blow up in the elephant's faces!" Shabaha grinned.

Vitani was suddenly thrown back into why they were sabotaging the play in the first place. She looked on with a scowl as a crooked grin met each ear. She was driven insane by the confusing events of the day, and it was all thanks to these elephants' traditions.

One little joke wouldn't hurt the elephants, now, would it?

____

The entire pride and Ma Tembo's herd all arrived to Mizimu Grove on time, waiting patiently for the celebration to begin. They all murmured amongst themselves, proud family members of the actors about to approach.

It was Kovu's first Ukumbusho. He expected a boring reenactment and at least seeing his sister up there playing the star of the show, supporting her all the way, and having something to laugh about and remind her about over and over again.

He was fully unaware of what tonight's show had in store...

The elephants marched forward, taking their places. Ma Tembo stood on Jukwaa Rock while her fellow elephants lined up in columns, facing each other. Mtoto played his usual role as the Strongest, holding the Branch of Peace. His mother, Mzazi, once again played the Bravest elephant, as Zito was the Keenest of Sight, and Johari was the Fastest.

Suddenly, hushes silenced the crowd as Ma Tembo cleared her throat.

"We would like to dedicate this performance to King Simba and Queen Nala, who made these last few performances throughout the years a special and memorable time. Without them, our yearly tradition would have ceased, but their restorations to the Pridelands have managed to bring this day of remembrance back for future generations, and have even crossed two Lion Guard teams within their reign. We honor their efforts and thank them for their leadership, as they retire later this year."

____

In the distance, dark figures listened as they hid crouched in the hills that bordered the Pridelands. They took very well to the news of the King's retirement.

"Looks like the Pridelands is gonna be up for grabs, boys." said a gravelly, masculine voice.

____

"We shall commemorate the end of an era with an Ukumbusho performance with the new Lion Guard. Welcoming the era of our future Queen's reign, with our progressive casting." bellowed Ma Tembo.

____

"A queen?" the voice scoffed, "Have the Pridelands gone soft? They're making this too easy for us."

____

The Guard was starting to run a little late. Before Ma Tembo could fret, the girls descended from the top of the stage, grinning. The matriarch wiped a brow with her trunk in relief.

The Guard looked to the audience and saw their fellow pride sitting within a crowd of elephants. They saw the King, Queen, and Princess smiling cordially, an amused Tiifu, and Zuri and Kovu both smirking at the Guard donning drag outfits.

The Guard turned to Ma Tembo, who gave them a polite gesture to go on.

The song began normally... until the Guard began to add a improvised twist to their lyrics and performance that came with it. Ma Tembo's smile dropped.

Vitani mocked Simba's mannerisms by mimicking his signature grin and flicking her makeshift mane with exaggerated grace throughout the song. The girls picked up on Vitani's direction of mocking men, and began to follow suit with their own observances of stereotypical male lion behaviors: Kasi started to brag with a condescending tone, Imara overdid it with the intimidating gait and muscle flexing, and Shabaha... went an odd route -- mimicking the spraying pose males did, which resulted in Mzazi covering Mtoto's eyes from such obscenity. Tazama found herself growing overwhelmed as the sea of eyes stared her direction. She was the center of the attention, one of the stars of the show. She hid behind a paw in humiliation.

Concerned, restrained laughter buzzed through the audience. Ma Tembo took notice.

She scowled gravely, "They're trying to ruin the play..."

"You think?!" Zito replied, incredulous.

Ignoring Zito's typical rudeness, Ma Tembo blew her trunk loudly to put an abrupt end to the chaos, but to no avail. She was drowned out by the Guard still being carried away.

___

In the hills...

"What kind of display of dominance is this? Look at these fatherless lions bowing to these sexist lionesses." said the gravelly voice, foolishly thinking the Guard in their attire to be real male lions.

"Yeah!" said a younger male voice, "We don't even spray like that!"

"Not the point." grumbled the first voice.

"They're less funny than lioness comedians." said a third, monotone voice. He scratched at the scruffy, dark fur on his chin.

"New plan..." the first voice began, "Forget the king stepping down, these wimps make me wanna take the Pridelands faster. I say we plan our raid soon. Very soon..."

The younger male grinned while the scruffy male nodded in approval.

____

"Lion Guard! Stop at ONCE! Mtoto! Don't encourage them -- oogh!" Ma Tembo shouted to no avail. The Guard was still carried away in their act.

Suddenly, to everyone's surprise, Simba erupted with laughter. Encouragement from the King caused a shockwave of laughter to overwhelm Mizimu Grove.

Kovu, having gone a while without a proper laugh, cackled hard towards the sky.

"Kovu!" Kiara hissed, sensing Ma Tembo's distress despite stifling her own snickers from a few of the jokes.

She then looked to her friends. Zuri and Tiifu looked at each other, wide-eyed and utterly speechless, until they looked over at Kiara. They gave a shrug at Kiara in resignation.

Kiara guessed this was happening, now.

Eventually, cheers from everyone ended the show naturally.

The Guard, not expecting such positive uproar, ceased their act as they stared on in surprise. They turned to each other, biting their lips. They then shrugged, and bowed towards the audience with smiles. Suddenly Shabaha's frail mane fell off.

____

The figures in the distance witnessed the mane fall from one of the lions.

"Wait a minute..." the first male snorted, "Those are lionesses!"

"I was wondering why that dude was thinning so badly..." said the young male.

Ignoring the stupid comment from his cohort, the first male chuckled.

"Looks like there won't be as many obstacles as we thought..."

____

Backstage, a certain elephant scowled at the Guard, who were all hunched in both submission, and still in surprise from the audience's reception.

"You girls took a reenactment of peace and turned it into a vulgar, radicalizing display of division! Now the elephants think it's humorous to stereotype lions what with those offensive caricatures you put on out there!" the elephant matriarch's voice bellowed, "Have any of you got anything to say?"

Vitani's mouth ran dry, "I-"

"Ma Tembo! Ma Tembo!" Mtoto called as he barged in.

"Mtoto?" Ma Tembo lifted her trunk.

"The play was a success! Everyone loved it, especially the King!"

"WHAT?!" said Ma Tembo and Vitani, in unison.

"I heard they want to see the new Ukumbusho again every year, with Vitani's Guard as the stars!"

Ma Tembo, unprepared for such a drastic change in tradition, and the Guard, who never wanted to take the stage again, all swooned from an overwhelming mix of emotions.

The Guard made a small thud compared to Ma Tembo, who made the ground shake upon collapsing.

____

((Author's Note: The title, plot, and a few lines are based on Mel Brooks' The Producers: "Along Came Vitani" is a pun on the "Along Came Bialy" number. When working on the plot for an Ukumbusho episode of Vitani's Guard, it dawned on me that Timon and Pumbaa would make a prevalent appearance in this episode, and for source material, I'd gathered the plot of the Producers as the voice actors for Timon and Simba (Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick respectively) played as Max and Leo in the 2005 adaptation (another thing is that Timon and Pumbaa actually referenced The Producers in TLK 2 with the "Fat, fat, FAT!" line)

In earlier concepts for the past few years of toying with Vitani's Guard having their own Ukumusho episode, the Guard was originally going to begrudgingly put up with Ma Tembo's request to have them perform, and they were just gonna get over their nerves and perform normally despite the humiliation of singing and wearing silly prop manes. This was long before I stuck with making hypothetical full-on stories and around the time where I was just drawing concepts and providing context in the description. The use of the Producers-like plot of the lame play turning out successful against the protagonists' wishes added a LOT of material to work with

Speaking of years of work, some of the lines are extracted from headcanon dialogue in old conversations with friends when we first spitballed concepts for this episode. They were just too good to keep out  

Lastly, you may see that I gave Mtoto's Mom a name. Mzazi means "parent", and I thought it would pair cutely with Mtoto's name meaning "child"/"baby" just feels weird seeing all the characters calling her "Mtoto's Mom" verbatim. Also, Jukwaa (meaning "stage"/"podium") is the name I decided to give the prominent rock that centers Mizimu Grove. I thought the multiple meanings would cover its purposes seen in the show. I'm just surprised such a distinct structure was never given a name in canon

Weird way to start International Women's Month with the Guard acting as male stereotypes upon crossdressing, but here we are. I was unaware of the theme of the month but it's gonna keep being ironic as more gender themes are explored believe it or not lol))