Remnants

Carol sat on Maria’s porch bench looking out at the SHIELD cars and watching Fury argue with someone, probably his superiors, on the phone. They hit a snag after capturing Roan, the higher ups in SHIELD wanted him to be detained by them for questioning, but Talos wanted him returned to their home world. Carol understood both sides, and regardless, Roan did deserve some sort of punishment. She knew on Earth that punishment would end up being some sadistic, top-secret lab conducting experiments on him, so she was opting for Talos’ side. No one deserved becoming a lab rat, not even Roan.

She waited on Fury to end his call before stepping off the porch to talk with him. “So what’s the verdict? Able to talk them out of keeping Roan here?”

Fury gave her his trademark glare, she knew it wasn’t necessarily directed at her, but at the situation. “Of course not, they have their heads too far up their own asses.” 

Carol sighed, “There’s no way we can let them detain Roan… you know what they’ll do to him, plus it’s not a good idea to keep a power hungry alien on Earth. If he’s back with his own people, they can deal with it more than SHIELD can.”

“Trust me, I am aware of that. I want to send this guy off to Talos as much as you do.” His face twisted into an odd smirk as he stepped closer to Carol, and dropped his voice to a low whisper. “If someone were to… procure the ship I borrowed without my knowledge, though, there’s nothing I could do about that.” 

Carol smirked at him, “Are you suggesting I steal the ship, Fury? Well, well look at you, bending the rules for the Skrull. It’s like you care.” She touched her hand to her chest in a mock surprised sort of way. Fury scowled harder which only fueled Carol finding humor in the matter. She decided not to further embarrass the man, though. “In all seriousness, thank you Fury, you have no idea how much this means to me. Since spending time with Talos and the others, I know they mean well even if there are a few bad ones like Roan. I know in my gut that Talos can sort him out, though.” 

Fury nodded curtly and shifted a bit awkwardly, “That’s why I’m taking a chance on this, Carol.” A young female agent came up to him and whispered something in his ear. He seemed annoyed at whatever the young girl had told him and excused himself from the conversation. Carol stood there a little longer, she glanced around at the SHIELD agents and the captive Skrull and finally let her eyes fall on the ship. She had a sinking feeling in her chest because she knew she was going to have to leave Earth for the third time now. Leaving Maria and Monica behind again was enough to make her feel sick. 

And there was Sam. She wanted to know about whatever life they had together before her accident, she felt she couldn’t rest until she knew. Whether or not Sam would give up that information was another matter entirely. The woman went through a lot with Carol returning and being kidnapped by aliens, so this time she wouldn’t push for information too hard. She bit her lip and made up her mind to go find Sam. 

She found her sitting in the kitchen, at the table by the window, gingerly sipping a cup of tea. Her head snapped around when she spotted Carol, clearly startled by the sound of someone entering. Carol cringed, body filling with guilt. Anyone would be psychologically affected by what Sam had gone through with Roan. It was her fault that these things were happening to Sam to begin with. The other woman visibly relaxed after a moment of breathing and looking at her. 

“Hey,” she said softly.

Carol sat down in the chair across from her, “Hey.” 

A moment of silence passed between them. Neither person knowing what to say, the events of the preceding night still lingered in Carol’s thoughts. After the confrontation about their relationship, the way Sam just broke down and ran out like she was running from a terrifying monster, Carol couldn’t believe she was the cause. The last thing she wanted was to hurt Sam. 

Sam shifted in her chair and would not make any eye contact, but Carol watched her in hopes of figuring out what the other woman was thinking. While she watched her, she noticed the sleeve of Sam’s shirt was ripped near the shoulder, and a small reddish brown stain lined the edges of the tear. Immediately, she reached across the table and lifted the sleeve. Sam flinched a bit, but Carol continued to focus and frown at the cut that stretched across the arm there. “You’re bleeding.” 

Sam furrowed her brow like she hadn’t even noticed until Carol brought attention to it. “I’m fine,” was the curt reply. 

“Let me clean it. Please?” Carol followed Sam’s eyes, forcing her to meet her gaze, and did her best to plead with her eyes. It seemed to work because the brunette nodded and moved so that her arm was at a better angle for Carol to inspect it further. It didn’t look too deep, but it already showed early signs of infection. She must have gotten it when the Skrull captured her. She stood and looked around for some supplies. Maria always kept first aid kits around the house in case Monica got hurt playing as she usually did. After some rummaging around, Carol found the kit in a cabinet next to the pantry. An odd place to store one, she thought.

She rummaged around in the kit for the things she needed- a gauze, some ointment, wipes, and medical tape. “Okay, hold your sleeve up.” She told Sam. The woman compiled and watched her cautiously. “Are there any other injuries I should know about?” Carol said with a bit of humor in her voice, she hoped it would lighten the mood. 

Sam smiled and let out a small chuckle, “Well, I didn’t even notice this one so there’s no telling besides that, but I’m not dying from blood loss or anything. That’s a good sign.”

Carol huffed in response, she was too busy cleaning the wound and dressing it to give any sort of witty comment in return. “There! Maybe I missed my calling as a doctor.” She exclaimed after she finished. Sam rolled her eyes. They sat across from each other, Carol’s hand lingered on Sam’s arm. “How are you holding up?” She asked gently, her hand dropped to squeeze Sam’s. It was a bold move, she knew, but it felt right and the other woman didn’t seem to mind the contact this time.

A prolonged sigh escaped Sam’s lips and her eyes shimmered in the light a bit. It was to be expected that she was emotional over everything that transpired over the last few days, anybody would be. “I’m just sorry that you had to come rescue me like that, I mean I put so many people in danger all because I-” 

She paused a moment and locked eyes with Carol, who could see the tears starting to form, and took a shaky breath. Whatever she was going to say she decided not to and instead shook her head, “It doesn’t matter. I needed time to think after everything I told you so I went for a walk just to clear my head and that’s when the Skrull found me.”  

Carol rubbed her hand with the pad of her thumb. “Hey, it’s okay. You obviously didn’t know the Skrull were out there and you had every right to want space because I should not have pushed you like I did. If you didn’t want to tell me that we were together, you must’ve had a good reason. Really, I should be apologizing to you for even coming here and complicating things.” 

This time, Sam was the one to comfort Carol, she placed her free hand on Carol’s knee and squeezed a little. “No, don’t say that. I am so glad you’re alive, it’s taken me time to get used to but I couldn’t be happier to see you. And I’m sorry about how I reacted. You didn’t deserve that, you were just trying to get answers and I know what that’s like so I shouldn’t have pushed you away.”  

Sam’s smile was warm and inviting and Carol swore she saw her normally bright eyes darken a bit. The look was familiar, even if she couldn’t quite remember everything still. It sparked something in the pit of her stomach, and without even realizing it, she had begun to lean in towards Sam. The feeling must have been mutual because before either of them knew it they were mere inches from each other's faces. She knew she should stop, but she really didn’t want to. Her eyes flickered up to meet Sam’s and she saw the other woman look down to her lips before she finally closed the gap and kissed Carol. 

At first, Carol felt butterflies in the pit of her stomach at the familiarity and softness of Sam, but then the longer they kissed, she started seeing flashes of their life together. The first day they moved in together, the first ‘I love you’, the arguments, the laughs, the parties and game nights, and many other moments that she can’t believe she had ever forgotten. It quite literally took her breath away at the sheer emotion behind all of it. She pulled away abruptly just to get some air, Sam looked concerned to say the least. 

“Oh god, I’m so sorry I shouldn’t have-”

“No! No, I just remembered… so much .” Carol felt her emotions getting wild and raw and when she kissed Sam for the second time she hoped she could convey everything she was feeling into the other woman. 

They pulled apart again and rested their foreheads together, breathing heavily at the intensity of the kiss. When Carol was going to speak, Fury burst into the room causing both women to jump away from each other and try to look natural. It apparently hadn’t worked very well because Fury eyed them suspiciously for a moment. He awkwardly cleared his throat, “Carol, I need to speak with you.”

She stood with a high pitched ‘mhmm’ sound coming out of her throat. She shot Sam a glance before walking out of the door and was surprised to see her gaze downcast and somber again. She wondered why the brunette had such a quick change in attitude, but other matters drew her attention away from that thought. Fury led her just onto the porch outside and put his hands on his hips in frustration. “My superiors are dead set on Roan staying here on Earth for punishment. We really don’t have much time to get him and the others off world before they make a power move.” 

Carol nodded, “So we take the airship and send them to Dara so Talos can deal with it.” 

“Yeah, it’s got to be soon. I can stall my superiors for a short time, say we’re interrogating him first, but I’d guess we only have until tomorrow to get them out of here.” Fury frowned. “You know what needs to be done, right?”

“Of course I do. I can’t exactly send Roan on the airship alone with his followers even if Gradar is there too. I’ll see this through Fury.” She said confidently.

----------

Carol opened her apartment she shared with Sam. She expected to see her girlfriend immediately as she usually greeted her when she got home, but she was nowhere to be seen. She took her boots off and walked into their bedroom, changing out of her uniform, and stretching her sore muscles from the hard day of training. Sam was in the shower and she debated on joining her, but the second she sat on the bed she slowly started to sink into it and couldn’t find the energy to get up. She only closed her eyes for a minute but before she knew it, Sam was curled up next to her giving her soft kisses on her arm, then her neck, then her cheek. She smiled at the affection she was receiving. 

“Bad day at work?” Her girlfriend asked when Carol turned to look at her through sleepy eyes. “You’re almost never this worn out.”

Carol smiled and kissed Sam on the lips, “Just an exhausting day. We trained pretty much the whole day.” 

Sam’s eyes widened a little, “That’s a thing? That’s so long.” She snuggled in closer to Carol and began to rub circles on her arm. Carol only managed a small hum in response.  

The motion and feeling of Sam’s hand was beginning to make Carol even more sleepy because she felt so relaxed. She fought through to stay awake, though. This was one of the only times of the day they could spend any time together, so she wanted to enjoy every second. The room had gone into a peaceful silence for a moment. 

“What’s it like to fly?” Sam said in a dreamlike tone.

Carol thought about it for a moment, to her it was the best feeling in the world besides being in love with Sam. “It’s like… being free. Sure, there’s a whole metal plane around you and there’s a bunch of rules to follow and focus to keep when flying, but it’s somehow freeing. Being up that high seeing the world around you from that distance makes everything wrong seem like such a tiny problem. I guess I use it to get away from whatever is going on back on the ground, you know?” 

The room was dark now, so Carol couldn’t see Sam’s face but if she knew the woman like she thought she did, Sam was giving her a very intense, thoughtful look. “Huh. That makes a lot of sense, actually. Maybe I’d like to fly someday. To feel how you feel up there.”

Carol chuckled and kissed the top of her head, “There’s no way I’m letting you fly a plane, scatterbrain.” Sam lightly smacked her stomach and made a disgruntled noise. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! One day I’ll take you for a spin, though.” 

“Promise?” Now Carol could hear the exhaustion hit Sam because the word was barely over a whisper. She settled into a more comfortable position on her back with Sam pushed up to her side wrapping an arm around her waist. 

She inhaled and exhaled happily, “Promise.” 

----------

“Can I ask why you didn’t want to tell me about us?” Carol asked hesitantly. She found Sam later that night outside sitting on a blanket in the grass. She had a pencil and paper sitting on her crossed legs, clearly drawing something. 

The air around them was lighter now. And Carol hated being away from her for too long. It was intoxicating. 

Sam pulled her hand away from her drawing, leaned back on her hands, and took a deep breath. “I wanted to, and I can’t tell you how many times I almost did. But, when you told me why you were here and about your powers… I thought it would be easier for you to not know. Maybe it was for a selfish reason to, though. The life we had together… I came to terms a long time ago that it was gone for good. Then you came back and shattered that, but you didn’t know who I was so I could keep pretending that it wasn’t really you.” 

Her first thoughts were ones of confusion, but the more she listened to Sam, the more of a sinking feeling she got. The way Sam moved and worded things was very finite, like she knew something Carol didn’t. She chose to stay quiet and let Sam finish explaining.

“Carol, what do you expect to happen now? Now that you know about us?”

The question threw her off to say the least. It was true she really hadn’t even thought that far ahead because she wasn’t even completely sure they were ever together. She knew she had feelings for Sam, but at the time she didn’t know what that meant. Hell, even now she still was unsure. Her ultimate goal of finding the woman in her visions was complete now. Where did that leave them? “I… I don’t know.” She admitted with defeat in her voice. “Kinda hoped things could go back to how they were… but I’m not sure that’s possible.” 

Sam smiled sadly, “Carol you are a superhero, I mean, you always were one to me but now tons of people are going to rely on you. You can fly in outer space and go to different planets and help literally everyone in the universe! That is such a high calling and I always knew you’d help so many people one day. And now you have that chance. I’ve overheard what you and Fury have been talking about. I know you’ll have to guide the Skrull to their new homeworld and who knows how long that could take.

You’re on this incredible path… but it’s a completely different one than mine. I pretty much run an art studio with amazing students who bring so much joy into my life, and it’s taken a while but I’m happy. We had a beautiful life together and I will cherish every minute of it forever, but even if you dropped everything and stayed here to be with me, it would never be what it was. And you’d be so unhappy.”

The stab of pain in Carol’s heart was not easily ignored, she tried to hide the fact that everything Sam was saying was killing her. She knew it was complicated and in some ways she wanted to say screw everything and everyone and stay with Sam, but deep down she’d never forgive herself for it. She would always be haunted by the lives that she could have saved. She’d never be able to rest. And she couldn’t ask Sam to go with her either, her path was going to be a dangerous one and she knew deep down it would have to be a path she walked alone on. Carol couldn’t help the tears forming in her eyes. It was completely unfair that she was ripped away from her beautiful life with Sam, but the other woman was right, it would never be the same again. 

She snickered bitterly, “Yeah… it’s so not fair, is it?” 

Sam wiped under her eyes quickly but nodded in agreement, “It really isn’t.” 

“I love you and I know I always will.” Carol finally said after listening with a heavy heart to Sam’s words. She placed both palms on Sam’s cheeks and their lips met in such a bittersweet kiss that it made the wetness in Carol’s eyes spill over. They both had tears streaming down their cheeks as they kissed and when they broke apart they simply held each other in a tight embrace. 

“I love you too, Danvers.” Sam laughed sadly and Carol felt her arms squeeze around her tighter. “Kick some bad guy alien ass for me, okay?” 

Now Carol laughed and pulled herself out of the embrace and with a quirky smile she said, “You know I technically don’t leave until tomorrow… why don’t we do something fun?” 

“What did you have in mind?” 

Carol stood up from the porch bench swing and held out her hand to Sam with a goofy grin on her face. “Do you trust me?” She asked in a dramatic voice, trying her best to mimic one of those terrible romance movies. It made Sam laugh despite how horribly cheesy it was. 

The brunette grabbed her hand and let herself be pulled up from the swing and into Carol’s arms. It was amazing how quickly her features changed when Carol let her body glow with her powers and she began hovering slowly off the porch. She watched as Sam’s face went from excitement to fear in less than a millisecond and she squeezed her eyes shut. “Shit, Carol, what the hell are you doing?! No, no, no you better not drop me!” 

“Relax, I’m not going to drop you!” Carol smirked in response to Sam clinging onto her for dear life. “I remembered something that you said to me… you said you wished you could feel how it felt to be flying. And earlier wasn’t a good example since we were running for our lives. So… what do you think?”

Carol felt Sam relax into her arms a little more, and she tried to hide her smile. Slowly, she watched Sam open her eyes to look out around her and her face broke out into a look of awe. They were way over the treetops, gliding through the night sky and they could see city and town lights below. Carol gently climbed higher and higher to give Sam an even better view. 

She snickered when Sam’s jaw dropped, “Might wanna close that, there are bugs up here you know.” Sam instantly clamped her mouth shut but continued to stare at everything around her until finally she rested on Carol’s eyes. Her eyes were deep and dark as she gazed at her, and Carol felt like she was drowning in them. Sam captured her lips with her own and Carol returned the kiss fervently. She had never kissed anyone while flying so it sent a thrill through her and she didn’t realize she slowly drifted back down to the ground. Her feet hit the ground but she was still holding onto Sam who was holding her tight. 

“Damn,”  Sam said, “I didn’t know it would be so hard to let you go this time.” 

Carol’s heart broke for what felt like the hundredth time in one day. It killed her how much she wanted to stay with Sam but knew she couldn’t. Not forever at least, and that was no way to let Sam live, just waiting on her to return and wondering if she was even alive out there. Carol’s chest tightened with guilt for even putting Sam through this once again. “Kind of feel like an asshole for even coming back here, and causing this much pain. If I’d have just stayed away you wouldn’t have to let me go again.” 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m glad you came back, even if we don’t get the happily ever after, at least I know you’re alive and you’re so powerful I know you’ll be safe and you’ll be doing good things out there. That’s all I could’ve asked for you. Just promise me something?” 

“Anything.” Carol responded with determination. 

Sam tucked a piece of hair behind her ear shyly, “If you’re ever back on Earth, would you come see me?” 

Carol smiled, “Of course I will. It’s a promise.” 

———-

The days went by slowly as Carol led the Skrull to Dara. Her heart ached the whole way, but she tried to keep herself busy to distract from it. After that night, Carol and Sam had said goodbye once more in the morning time before she left with the Skrull. Carol also had the chance to say goodbye to Monica and Maria, that one hurt just as much because Monica made her promise to come back soon even though she knew she may not be back for quite some time. Fury was the same old indifferent guy, but deep down she knew he’d miss her despite him telling her very adamantly that he wouldn’t.

When they arrived on Dara, they were greeted with a warm welcome and families of the remaining Skrull left behind on Earth came rushing out to embrace them. It was a beautiful moment. Gradar and Talos took Roan away to decide his punishment and they even gave Carol a say in the matter. Despite everything Roan tried to do, and did do, she knew he was just misguided and hurting from the loss of his family. She politely refused to help decide his fate, but ultimately they imprisoned him until he could atone for his actions.

Now, she sat idly on a hill picking at the strangely colored grass on this planet. It was soft and foamy, almost dissolving when she touched it. Her mind wandered to Sam a few times but she actively tried to avoid thinking of her, it still hurt too much. 

“Money for your thoughts?”

She snickered at the voice behind her, “The expression is ‘penny for your thoughts,’ for your information.” 

Talos sat down next to her and grunted. He handed her a cup with a bright colored liquid inside. “Close enough. Seriously, though, what’s on your mind? You look extremely pensive up here.” 

Carol smiled but it faded as she spoke. “I hope I’m doing the right thing. Leaving behind Maria and Monica and…” her voice caught a little. “Sam. I know it’s better this way but it hurts so damn much.”

Carol had told Talos the whole story of finding Sam and the complicated mess it had turned into and then leaving again. He empathized with her and listened to her every time she spoke of it, which she was very grateful for. “I think you know you did do the right thing, speaking from experience it can be hard to leave people you care about behind, but the lifestyle we live can be difficult and dangerous. During the war with the Kree, I left my wife and newborn and I know it was hard for them to wonder if I was alive or not. And then they got caught up in my war. If it weren’t for you, I never would have seen them again.” 

“God, you suck at pep talks.” Carol laughed and bumped his shoulder with her own. 

“Sorry, the point I’m trying to make is all those people back on Earth, they’re going to live good lives and it’s perhaps best they don’t get involved in more ‘alien’ wars. You stand as their protector, and maybe that’s enough.” 

Carol swallowed and nodded. She knew he was right and deep down she felt the same way. For her to save the lives she could save, she needed to leave them behind. And she’d only get in their way of doing what was best for them if she’d have stayed. Yeah, maybe it really was better this way.