all at once
Carina Deluca was 37.
But she was also 20. The 20 year old woman who pushed through med school in Italy. The woman who partied on the weekends and hooked up a lot. She lived inside of 37 year old Carina.
The 10 year old also lived inside of her. The 10 year old who's biggest fear was the ocean. The 10 year old who comforted her father when he lashed out. The 10 year old who longed for her mothers touch when she left for America. The girl who had the biggest crush on the girl next door.
There was a 5 year old called "Carebear". The 5 year old who laughed for days. The five year old who dreamed of becoming a princess. The five year old who screamed and jumped with joy when her baby brother was born.
All of those versions of herself were all the same person. They never changed. Carina was the incarnation of empathy. She was afraid of the ocean. She loved her brother. She comforted her father. No matter what happened to her she always had a smile on her face.
"Papa?" A 10 year old Carina says. "Quando morirò Dio mi punirà? (Will god punish me when I die) She says with a shaky voice.
"Carebear, perché vorresti dirlo?" (Why would you say that.)
"Un ragazzo mi ha baciato. sono un peccatore." (a boy kissed me. i'm a sinner.) That was a lie. A girl had kissed her or they'd kissed each other. If her father knew she was afraid for how he'd react. Her dad wasn't a fan of any type of same sex love.
"Eri disposto?" (Were you willing.)
"No, mi prendono sempre in giro e ora la mia purezza è sparita." (they always tease me and now my purity is gone)
"Non dire sciocchezze se Dio non volesse che accadesse, allora non sarebbe successo." "Dont speak nonsense if god didnt want it to happen then it wouldn't have"
That was the moment she realized her father wasn't her protector but a man with whom she lived with. After that she never confided in her father not about anything.
"Lei è bella." (she's beautiful) A woman voice says. "Carina Deluca la mia bellissima bambina." A fair skinned woman with beautiful brown hair sat on a hospital bed holding a baby that would grow to be a feisty and confident woman one who was passionate about her family, especially Andrew and Maya, loved them deeply.