Chapter 8
Tiffany stared out the window of the Stark private jet and looked over at Tony who was on his second drink. She was trying to feel some kind of connection to Tony and it just wasn’t there yet. She just wanted this to be over and done with. She was angry with her mother for leaving and she felt guilty for it. She didn’t understand why she just couldn’t have had Tony meet them both in the hotel room and they were answers she was never going to get. The plane landed and they piled into a car with tinted windows. They pulled into the ceremony and parked along the line of cars leading up to grave site.
Tiffany wanted to get out of the car so bad but she didn’t bother saying anything. She sat there silently watching the service through the window. She thought she was going to feel something but she felt numb.
Tony reached for her hand and squeezed it. He had his head down.
“I promise that I will bring you back here to say goodbye when it’s safe”Tony said.
“I don’t care. She’s dead. What’s the point? She just left me here. I just want to go home” Tiffany said.
I miss you so much Mom. Things with Tony are ok but I don’t know him she thought as she gazed out at all the people there crying for her mother.
“Your mother did what she did to protect you. Don’t say that. Hogan take us back” Tony said. He knew she was angry and he felt bad for her.
They drove back to the jet and everyone piled back in.
Tony still had his head hanging down. He didn’t even say much to Pepper. She could tell he was very upset. And she thought this might be a perfect time to for everyone to take a break.
“Hey Tony?” Pepper asked.
“What’s up Pep?”
He gave her those eyes that always make her melt. Even with those beautiful eyes of his making her insides melt, it wasn’t enough to make any of this go away. Pepper’s level of stress was at an all time high and she just needed a few days. She wasn’t really even mad at Tony anymore but everything going on was making her head spin.
“I know it’s short notice but I was wondering if I could take a few days off. I just need a break”
A break. I’ll never survive. How can I wake up and not see Pepper’s beautiful face? How can I keep a schedule? How could I deprive this woman of a vacation she so deserves? What if I’ve really driven her away this time?
“What? Is it me? Are we ok? I didn’t sleep with that escort. I just wanted you to think I did ” Tony admitted.
He was afraid Pepper was really mad this time.
“Tony it's not you. I just need a break. I’m mentally fried and exhausted. My blood pressure was through the roof again. I just need some rest. You can call or text me if you need something and I will still send you reminders from home about meetings and everything but I need this” she explained.
She was going to miss Tony but it was for the best. She needed time away. She also didn’t want him overreacting about her health.
“Are you ok? Are you sick? You want me to take you to the hospital?” Tony asked with his eyes full of concern.
“Tony I’m ok. I just need some rest” she said looking up at him and those brown eyes still full of concern softened a bit.
Damm those eyes get me everytime she thought.
“Anything for you Pep but if you don’t check in with me daily to make sure you’re ok I will come to your house and check on you”
Tony was very concerned for Pepper’s well being. He had to keep her safe and healthy.
“Thank you Tony. And don’t worry. I will text you and I will call you to say goodnight” she assured him.
“I’ll be back to work Thursday”
“That’s four days” Tony said out loud.
Four days of no Pepper. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE? Tony this is time to put on your big boy pants and show her you’re a grown man.
“Well I already have Sunday off so I’m only taking three vacation days technically” Pepper said.
“I know. It’s ok. I want you to take as many days as you need I’m just trying to prepare myself. Each day that goes by that you’re not here with me feels like a year” Tony said not caring that it sounded like a cheesy line. He meant it.
“Tony don’t be silly” she said smiling at him.
“I mean it. I always want you here with me” he said giving her those eyes again.
Pepper smiled at him again and sighed. She was going to miss those eyes the next few days.
“What about you Tiffany? Is there anything you need from me before I take these couple of days off?” Pepper asked.
“Just don’t quit” Tiffany said as she continued to stare out the window.
When they finally got back to Tony’s home Pepper set up sticky note reminders on everything that was important for Tony to remember and stuck them all over the house and she printed out his schedule until Thursday.
“Is there anything else you need Tony? Speak now or forever hold your peace” she said.
“What I need and what I want are two very different things” Tony said as he eyed her up.
She just smirked at him.
“What? No witty comeback?”he asked.
“Not today Tony. We just came from the funeral of the first woman you loved” Pepper said.
Tony tensed a bit. He still hadn’t processed losing Rachel. His mind traveled into a memory he wasn’t prepared for.
Tony was laying down on the bed reflecting on the week he spent in Cape Cod with Rachel. It was a great week and he knew he was going to feel his father's wrath when he returned but he didn’t care. It was so worth it. He could hear that the shower was still running and he got up and went over to the bathroom. The door wasn’t locked so he decided he was going to join Rachel in the shower. He stripped down and opened the glass door.
“Huh Tony you scared me. What are you doing?” she asked.
“I think my father may kill me when we get back so I need to make love to you one more time” Tony said as he stepped in and let the water wash over him.
Rachel faltered for a moment. It was his eyes. She couldn’t resist the eyes.
“You know I could never resist those eyes” she said as she pressed her lips against his.
“I do have a few small confessions to make” he said as he was nibbling down her neck.
“What is it?” she said trying not to melt away from those eyes.
“The night that we made love the first time….that was my first time” he admitted.
Rachel was taken about. She felt like a predator for a moment.
“Why didn’t you tell me? You were so confident and you seemed to know what you were doing. I just assumed……” she trailed off.
“I was embarrassed to tell you. I wanted you to be the first anyway” Tony said.
“What’s the other confession?” she asked as the water still poured over them.
“You know I love you. I told you but you don’t know how much” he said softly.
“Tell me” she said.
“I am so deeply madly in love with you. You’re my whole world Rachel. I’ll be going back to New York when I finish school in around two years and i need you with me” he said.
“I’m so in love with you too Tony and I would follow you anywhere” she said.
“Good now let's get back to the important stuff. My research on female anatomy. Strictly for research purposes of course” he said as he cupped her breast.
“Of course” she said.
And that was the last time Tony and Rachel made love. When they got back Howard nearly killed Tony. He had him on complete lockdown. He was not allowed to see Rachel for at least a week. His mother let him sneak in a few phone calls but it was killing him. And the week after that she was gone from his life for good.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I just remembered the last time I made love to her. We were in Cape Cod for my spring break. It was such a nice memory of us. I wanted to remember her and smile and feel the love I had for her and that’s it but I’m angry Pepper and I feel like shit about it. She told me, she loved me and then left. She had sixteen years to tell me about Tiffany. And I know she was afraid. But I would've done anything to keep her safe. And then she finally reveals her secret to me and she takes off. I should have done more to stop her. Pepper she’s dead because of me and I feel the pain of her leaving all over again. She said she would be in touch and she died twelve hours later. There is so much I wanted to tell her and I’ll never get the chance” he said as his eyes got glassy.
I thought I let Rachel go a long time ago. I did not intend to get this emotional. This is why I don’t do relationships.
“Tony it’s not your fault. How could you have known?” Pepper said grabbing for his hand.
“I loved her Pep and ultimately my love for her lead her to her death. If I never loved her then she would never have been pregnant and sent away and she wouldn’t have married that guy and she’d be alive right now” Tony said trying to fight back the tears.
“Tony don’t say that. Tiffany was made from that love. She was meant to be born” Pepper reminded him.
“I’ll never be able to tell her that I forgive her” Tony said surprised by how emotional he was getting.
“Oh Tony she knows you’ve forgiven her” Pepper said as she pulled him in for a hug. He held Pepper tightly and collapsed a little bit in her arms.
“When I saw her at the hotel I let her have it Pepper” Tony said.
“You had every right. She left you with no explanation”
“Her hands they were shaking Pep. She was scared and I let her go” Tony said blaming himself.
This one’s on me. I didn’t help her and now she’s dead.
Tony was rambling and getting so worked up. Pepper could only think of one way to calm him down. She grabbed his face and pulled his lips to hers for a moment and she felt him completely stop. Then she pulled away.
“I had to calm you down somehow. It’s going to be ok Tony”
Tony felt dizzy from both his grief and Pepper’s kiss. He didn’t know what else to do besides call it a night.
“You should get going Pep. You need your rest” Tony said pulling away. He was getting very emotional and he felt like he was getting swallowed by his feelings for Pepper.
“If you need anything please call me and I’ll do my best to help” Pepper said.
“I’m going to do my best to not call you. And you need to take care of yourself. High blood pressure and stress is not good. You better check in with me”Tony stressed.
“I will” she said.
“So this is it” Tony said as he grabbed her hands in his.
“I’m just taking a couple of days off. I’m not leaving my job here”
“Why does it feel like that?” Tony asked.
“I promise. I will be back Thursday” Pepper said heading for the door.
Tony watched her walk out and he knew there was no way to prepare for four days without Pepper.