All The Stars Align

Nothing could have prepared Tony for walking into what he was about to walk into.

His once bright, innocent and lively kid was lying on a bed with tubes and wires sticking out from every angle. His body looked extremely pale and fragile like he would shatter just by standing too close to him.

Tony slowly approached the bed and reached out to hold onto Peter’s hand ever so carefully. This wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that this had to happen to Peter, his life was already hard enough and now this had to happen to him.

The father fell onto his knees by Peter’s bed and cried against the side of it, silently begging Peter to wake up and jump onto his lap again.

“If you have any questions, Mr. Stark, or if you need anything, just press the call button. I am so sorry.” The doctor left after that, leaving Tony alone with his kid.

He hated the doctors last words to him. Peter wasn’t dead. He was alive, he was just in a coma and was going to wake up. Tony knew he was because they promised they would never be apart and Peter couldn’t break his side of the promise.

Tony stood up and pulled over a chair so he could still hold onto Peter’s hand. He wasn’t going to leave his side since he knew how scared Peter would be when he wakes up and his dad isn’t there.

He also knew that if Peter were awake, he wouldn’t want him to leave. So he wouldn’t.

He planned on staying for as long as he needed to.

Tony listened to the steady heartbeat on the monitor and that helped to keep him sane. To know that Peter was still alive and breathing… even if he wasn’t currently breathing on his own right now.

It was only a matter of time before he would. Tony knew Peter would because he was a Stark and Starks were strong fighters. Peter was definitely taking after his dad on that aspect, Tony survived multiple times when all other factors were pointing to him dying.

He stayed in the same position, not once letting go of Peter’s tiny hand in his. He always knew how much more tiny Peter’s hands were compared to his but after sitting there for hours and staring at them, he only just realized that they were in fact the smallest most precious hands.

Someone was opening the door to his room so he lifted his head up and looked in that direction, seeing a doctor walk in. “Mr. Stark, my name is Dr. Belle Cooper and I’m a neurosurgeon. I’m going to be coming in twice every hour just to check on Peter. Do you have any questions for me?”

Tony watched as she picked up Peter’s clipboard and started to read it over. “When um, when will he wake up?”

He didn’t expect to get an answer but he had to try. “That’s hard to say. He is in a medically induced coma right now and I will watch his brain activity. Right now, his brain has swelled due to his fall and him banging his head off the ground and fracturing it. The fracture will heal but I’m more worried about the swelling. When I see that it has gone down, we will pull him out of the coma and see where to go from there.”

Tony appreciated the doctor taking her time to talk to him but she just raised so many more questions with her answer. “Okay. And-and I know you said it’s hard to say but… what would you say? When will he wake up, or-or his brain swelling go down?”

She walked over to a monitor and checked some things on his chart before sighing. “I don’t want to give you any false hope, Mr. St-”

Tony slammed his hands on the bed and yelled. “I need some hope! Please. My kid is in a coma and I don’t know if he’s going to ever wake up. He’s fourteen.”

Dr. Cooper didn’t seem the least bit phased at his sudden outburst. She actually looked sad and Tony hated that so much. “So far, his brain swelling hasn’t stopped and it should have. It should be going down by now and it isn’t. When I come back in an hour and if it continues to swell, I will have to take him into surgery and cut into his skull to give his brain room to swell and hopefully stop or he will be on this hospital bed for the rest of his life, hooked up to all these tubes and wires.”

Tony nodded. He understood that. As much as it hurt to hear, he needed to know. He hated being left in the dark when it came to his kid but maybe the dark was better.

She continued. “Like I said, I don’t want to give you any false hope, Mr. Stark. You need to be prepared for the what if’s.”

Tony didn’t care that he was breaking down in front of a stranger. He didn’t care about anything anymore. He just wanted Peter to wake up and smile at him. He wanted to feel Peter’s tiny hand squeeze his.

He looked at how big the bed was compared to Peter and shook his head. That wasn’t right and it wasn’t safe.

He wiped at his face and turned towards the doctor. “He needs a bed rail. He-he rolls off the bed when he sleeps so you need to put a bed rail up for him.”

The doctor shook her head sadly and walked into the room more. “Peter isn’t going to wake up right now, Mr. Stark. I’m sorry.”

Tony looked away from her and cried over his kid’s unresponsive body.

After the doctor left the room, Tony switched hands with Peter’s so he could pull his phone out of his pocket. He was met with Peter’s smiling face on his screensaver and it had him smiling at it while he cried.

This was not where their life together was supposed to end. Not like this.

Peter was supposed to live a long life filled with so much love and happiness and he was going to be with Peter every step of the way.

It was supposed to be the other way around, a child sitting by their parents death bed saying their last goodbyes, not a parent holding their child’s limp hand and having to think about the possibility of living life without them.

It’s not supposed to be this way. Peter deserved so much more.

Tony wiped at his face and unlocked his phone, clicking onto photos and seeing it filled with Peter’s smiling face. He wanted so badly to see that again he needed to scream.

He looked up at Peter and saw his pale, fragile face with no sign of life. There were tubes and wires coming out of him and it made Tony want to rip them all out and beg the doctors to take him home.

When he looked through his pictures, he clicked on a video from just a few days ago in Miami when they were at the beach and building the sand castles.

Little did Tony know what was going to happen to his smiling boy just a few days later. If only he had the power to turn back time, he wouldn’t have ever left Miami.

He hit play and the sound of Peter’s laughter immediately filled the quiet room; it had him breaking down right there.

In the video, he watched Peter run off towards the ocean with his bucket but before he could watch Peter run back to him, the door was being opened again and Pepper was walking in.

Tony shut his phone off and stood up while still holding onto Peter’s hand.

“Oh my god, Tony. What-what happened to him?” Pepper’s face was blotchy red and her eyes were puffy. Tony hadn’t called her so someone must have told her the news and she flew to New York straight away.

Tony shook his head and looked back at Peter. What wasn’t wrong with him? He was broken and hurting and it was all his fault. Tony was a horrible father and this proved it.

Pepper looked over Peter’s fragile body and walked over to Tony to place her hand on top of his that was holding his son's hand. “Is-is he going to be okay? Tony?”

Tony didn’t know. He wanted to say yes because that’s what he wanted to hear but he couldn’t get the word out. “I… I don’t know.” He broke down and started crying.

He doesn’t remember the last time he had cried in front of Pepper. Not like this anyways.

“I-he… he’s in a coma. The doctors medically induced him until his brain stops swelling but-but… they aren’t sure if it will.” Tony explained to her but it took too much out of him to try and talk.

Pepper let go of his hand and looked at Peter’s leg that was strung up in a cast. She ran a gentle hand up Peter’s arm but she couldn’t go too far up since there were wires and needles in him.

“How did this happen?” She asked, barely audible.

Tony didn’t know the answer to that question either. He was pretty sure Natasha was working on it. All he knew was that if Peter died, the first thing he was going to do was go after the people responsible for this.

“I don’t know. He went out.” Tony looked down and squeezed Peter’s hand tighter.

No one said anything for a few minutes.

Tony spoke up, needing to admit something. “It’s all my fault.”

Pepper looked over at him. “It’s what?”

Tony said it louder. “It’s all my fault. He-he asked to go out and I said yes because I-because I wanted fucking alone time to work in my lab.”

She stood up and walked over to his side, placing her hand back on his hand and turning his face to look at him with her other hand. “This is not your fault, Tony. You had absolutely no idea this was going to happen. Do not put that blame on yourself.”

Tony shook his head. “I should have said no. I just… god. I’m so fucking selfish.”

“Tony. Stop it. What happened is not your fault. It’s not selfish to want some time to yourself every now and then but what happened, happened. There’s no changing the fact so stop it.” She slammed her hand on the bed roughly. “But I’ll tell you what, by you saying this is your fault and blaming yourself, that’s being selfish because Peter needs your attention on him right now. Not you.”

Tony wiped roughly at his face. She was right and he had to give his full attention onto Peter so he got better and woke up.

“I know. You’re right. I just… I can’t.” He shook his head and laid his head on the bed. “I can’t live without him.”

“You won’t have to. He’s going to be okay with you by his side.” She rubbed at his back while he continued to cry against the bed.

After a little bit, he lifted his head up and tried to compose himself. He picked his phone back up and pressed play on the video, not caring that Pepper was seeing everything.

“This was taken the day you left Miami. We Uh, we built sandcastles.” He choked down the sob that threatened to escape and watched Peter run back towards him with the bucket of water and squat down to dump it out.

Pepper sniffed and wiped at her tears while she cried but smiled at the video footage.

Tony needed to see his kid again… not the lifeless body lying in bed.

He rubbed at his hand again just so Peter knew he was there, even in his sleep or whatever he was. Peter got nightmares whenever he was alone or not with his dad and Tony didn’t want him to suffer anymore than he already was so he wasn’t going to leave Peter.

They continued to look at pictures of Peter for the next while until there was a knock at the door and Dr. Cooper was walking in. Tony unconsciously held his breath.

This was it.

If Peter’s swelling wasn’t going down then he went into surgery and might not ever come back.

“Mr. Stark. Ms. Potts, I’m Dr. Cooper and I'm a neurosurgeon. I’m here to check to see if Peter’s brain swelling has gone down.” She walked over to check Peter’s chart and then looked at the monitors.

Tony didn’t move. He needed to hear that Peter was going to be okay.

The doctor smiled and looked over at Tony as he practically fell onto the ground. “Oh my god. It’s gone down?”

“Yes. This is very good news.” She wrote some things down on his chart and looked back up at Tony. “I will continue to monitor him but his brain swelling has stopped and is starting to go down.”

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” Tony wanted to get on his knees and kiss her feet. He was so grateful for her.

“Don’t thank me. He probably senses that you’re here and he’s trying to get better for you. Love is a powerful thing, Mr. Stark.” She hung the clipboard back up and started to walk out. “I’ll be back in the next hour.”

Tony sat back down on the chair and kissed Peter’s hand then carefully rubbed at his forehead. He had two black eyes but they weren’t swollen, meaning that he wasn’t punched in the face but black because of his concussion.

“I’m here, baby. Daddy’s here and I’m not leaving you so get better for me, okay? You have to get better for me.” He whispered into Peter’s ear and brushed the curls off his forehead.

He continued talking to Peter and begging him to get better for the rest of the night and well into the next morning. Pepper had fallen asleep on the small couch in the room but he stayed awake for Peter, only getting up once to use the bathroom when the nurse had come in to check on everything and get changed cleaned up a bit then he was returning back to his kids side.

Each time Dr. Cooper had come in, she announced that Peter’s brain swelling hadn't started again and was continuing to go down which he was so relieved to hear each time. He was ready for this whole thing to be over and for Peter to wake up.

The next day, Tony stood up just to stretch his back out and sat back down, rubbing his hand over Peter’s knuckles and whimpering reassurances into his ear so Peter knew he was here.

Pepper had woken up and sat up, fixing her hair. She immediately checked Peter’s monitor and looked at Tony. “Is everything okay?”

Tony didn’t look at her as he cleared his throat and spoke. “The doctor said his brain swelling is going down. He’s still not waking up.”

Pepper nodded and stood up to stand at the end of Peter’s hospital bed. “He’s in a medically induced coma. He won’t wake up until they take him out.”

Tony knew that. He didn’t know why he kept expecting Peter to open his eyes or to move. “I know.” He whispered and rubbed Peter’s hand again.

She looked away from Peter and at Tony. “Have you slept at all?”

“No. I don’t need to sleep.” He wasn’t taking his eyes off of Peter until he knew he was okay and then he was taking Peter to bed with him and cuddling him extra close.

“Tony-”

“Don’t.” He stopped her before she even started. The last thing he needed was for someone to try and get him to leave Peter when Peter needed him the most. He turned to look at her. “You said it yourself, I can’t be thinking about myself when my kid needs me.”

He wasn’t throwing it back at her. He was being serious because she was right.

Pepper sighed loudly. “Tony. That’s not what I meant and you know it. You have to take care of yourself for Peter. He needs you to be okay.”

“Well I’m not okay!” He snapped at her. “My kid fucking died in my arms and I had to watch as they tried and failed to bring him back. And now he’s back but he’s not waking up and I can’t hold him. I can’t hold my son and I’m dying!”

She didn’t react to him. Instead, she rounded the bed and squeezed his shoulder. “He’s going to be okay. He just needs time to heal.”

Tony wanted to believe what she was saying but he found it so hard. Looking at his kid who was way too young to be on this bed, it was killing him to see.

Pepper moved away from him and went to leave the room. “I’m going to go bring you up some food. Do you want anything particular?”

He shook his head. He didn’t feel like eating and then he smiled and thought about all the times when Peter had refused to eat and he would have one hell of a night trying to get him to take a bite.

If only Peter could see him now, he would be laughing until he peed himself.

He looked up at the door, not knowing how Pepper got back so quickly but it was the nurse coming in to check up on Peter again. He watched her do what she had to do and then laid his head on Peter’s side as carefully as he could.

He looked at Peter’s face and wondered what he was dreaming about, if he was dreaming anything at all.

.
.
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Tony stayed next to Peter’s side for the whole day.

Realistically he knew that Peter wasn’t going to wake up since he was told that by all the doctors so he knew he could get up and leave Peter’s side but he couldn’t bring himself to do that.

He needed to be close to Peter.

Pepper walked into the hospital room, dressed in a clean outfit so Tony guessed that she went to the tower to go wash up and change. She took one look at the now old food she brought for Tony in the morning and sighed.

“You didn’t eat anything.” She said but Tony didn’t respond. He was too busy caressing Peter’s face. “Tony. You need to eat something.”

“I’m not hungry.” He was actually starving but the thought of eating made him sick. If Peter couldn’t eat then why should he get to eat?

Pepper placed a bag on the chair next to the bathroom and walked over to the side of Peter’s bed that Tony was on. “You need to change. You’re covered in blood, Tony. I brought you some clothes from home so go change and wash up a bit. I’ll stay here with him.”

Tony didn’t want to leave Peter but his bladder was about to burst and he hated looking down at Peter’s blood that was still stained into his clothing.

“Alright…” He stood up and let go of Peter’s hand. “Alright. I’ll be quick.”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Pepper took his seat and grabbed onto Peter’s hand herself while Tony grabbed the bag and walked into the bathroom.

He avoided looking at himself in the mirror since he couldn’t stand looking at himself. He had no idea what time it was but he had to assume that it was early morning the next day judging by the sun rising and coming in from the window. He hadn’t even noticed the day go by because it felt like a minute but it also felt like a year.

Time was mixed together and he didn’t even know what day it was anymore. Not that it mattered.

Tony heard loud machines going off, the machines that were keeping Peter alive.

He opened the bathroom door and felt his heart drop. No.

Doctors were running into the room and started to yell stuff at each other that Tony didn’t understand but he was barely listening to their words. He was more focused on the fact that something was wrong with his kid.

He thought Peter was healing. He thought he was getting better.

“What’s wrong with him?” Tony rushed out, trying to fight his way to stand by Peter’s side but a nurse was grabbing his arm. “What’s wrong with my kid? I-I left for a second. Oh god.”

He turned around because he couldn’t watch it. He shut his eyes and tried to focus on his breathing so he could still be here when Peter wakes up.

If he wakes up.

Tony felt like he was dying.

Dr. Cooper ran into the room, not paying Tony any mind as she started working on Peter. Tony was immediately walking up to her, demanding to know more information.

“Is he okay? I just left for a second. Please.” He knew she was trying her best but he needed her to try harder. His kid needed her to try harder. He needed her to try harder.

“Someone get him out of here. I need to work.” She demanded. “Get him out!”

Tony was ushered out of the room after that. He wanted to be near his baby. Peter needed him and him waiting in the hallway wasn’t doing anything for his baby.

Pepper sat with him, not saying anything the whole time.

When the doctor walked out, she had a look on her face that Tony couldn’t read. Maybe if he knew her better he would be able to but he didn’t want to know her better. Getting to know her better meant more time in the hospital and he didn’t want that.

“Mr. Stark, Peter is fine. His heart rate started to increase and we had to lower it before it got too high.”

Tony walked past her to go hold Peter’s hand. “I just left for a second. I-I didn’t mean…”

She walked into the room followed by Pepper and stood at the end of Peter’s hospital bed. “I don’t know for sure but it’s likely that even with Peter in a coma, he’s still aware of you being here, Mr. Stark. So it’s likely that when you left, that’s why his heart rate went up.”

Tony didn’t understand. “Wait… are-are you saying that I caused this?”

Dr. Cooper back tracked. “No. Absolutely not. Peter’s hurt. We are doing everything we can but some things are going to happen that we can’t predict or prevent.” Dr. Cooper said and pulled up a chair to sit across from Pepper. Tony didn’t know what this was about since she just said Peter was fine.

“What’s going on? Is Peter okay?” Tony asked, not making any move yet.

“Please take a seat, Mr. Stark.”

Tony quickly sat himself down by Peter’s head and brushed his now greasy curls back since he had run his hand through them so many times. He looked at the doctor and tried not to vomit, he just wanted to know what was going on with his kid.

“You have one strong son, Mr. Stark. Even after what just happened, he got out of surgery just a day and a half ago and his brain swelling has already gone down completely and has held at normal levels.”

Tony nodded and leaned his head against Peter’s good arm, not wanting to hurt him. He sucked in a breath of air to try and not start crying again over the good news.

“We will monitor him but we want to take him out of the medically induced coma now.” She gave him a few seconds to process it. “That’s what I was coming up here to tell you before his heart rate increased.”

Tony snapped his head up. He didn’t know why she sounded like she was delivering bad news. This was amazing. He was going to be able to see Peter’s beautiful brown eyes and hold his son again.

“Yes. That’s good news, isn’t it?” He wiped at his face and smiled, hearing the hope in his voice but the doctor wasn’t smiling at the news.

“Mr. Stark… Peter’s injuries were life threatening. I just want to prepare you for the worst.” She paused to let Tony try and process what he was about to hear. “Peter might never wake up. And if he does, his injuries might change the way he lives the rest of his life.”

Tony didn’t understand. They were taking his son out of his coma so why is he being told that he might never wake up? “I don’t-I don’t understand. If you’re taking him out of the coma then he’s going to wake up… and I’ll bring him home after.”

“We are taking Peter out of the medically induced coma but he could fall into another coma in which we have no control over.”

Tony shook his head in denial. No. He grabbed onto Peter’s hand and laid his head down, silently begging Peter to wake up. He didn’t understand.

“What-what happens if-if he falls into his own… coma?” Tony asked but he was scared of the answer. He could see Pepper crying on the corner of his eye but he wasn’t worried about that.

“We can continue to monitor his brain activity but we won’t know if and when he will wake up. He could be in a coma for one day or for fifty years. It’s hard to say-”

Tony couldn’t listen to that anymore. Fifty years? His baby barely got to live his life. He was fourteen years old and he still had to do so much.

Tony promised him that they would do so much together and never be apart. It wasn’t fair. Peter needed to wake up.

“I’m sorry.” Dr. Cooper stood up and rubbed at Tony’s back for a few seconds then pulled away.

Tony lifted his head off of Peter and turned to face her. “What if you keep him in the medically induced coma for longer? Then when you take him out he will wake up?”

She shook her head and picked up Peter’s clipboard. “I’m sorry but it doesn’t work like that. After we take him out, it’s all up to Peter whether he will wake up or not.”

Tony looked back at his baby and stood up to lean over him as if that would help to wake Peter up.

“Are you ready?” Dr. Cooper asked him but he wasn’t ready yet. He didn’t think he would ever be but he had to, for Peter. He stood up fully and grabbed onto Peter’s hand so he could help wake him up, at least it made him feel better knowing that Peter knew he was here and was waiting for him.

Tony watched as she injected something into some wires that Peter was hooked up to and then she clicked some buttons on his monitor. Tony waited but he didn’t even know what exactly he was waiting for.

“The process can take anywhere from twelve hours or longer but I’ll be coming in to check his brain activity process.” The doctor explained to Tony while he stared at the screen, waiting to see anything at all but he couldn’t.

“Will you know before that?” He asked but then backtracked. “Will-will he show any signs? Like moving or anything?”

“Sometimes there will be body twitching or increased breathing but that’s rare. If you need anything, just press the call button. I’ll be back in an hour.”

Tony watched her leave and broke down after. He collapsed onto the chair next to Peter’s bed and squeezed the tiny hand that might never squeeze his back.

He shook his head and tried not to scream. “I can’t lose him. I can’t lose him, Pepper. I can’t.”

For the first time, she didn’t tell him that everything was going to be okay because the future was so uncertain and scary.

She walked up behind him to rub at his back but it didn’t bring him any comfort. Nothing did.

The two of them stayed together for a bit then Pepper was leaving and Tony was left alone with Peter. He squeezed his hand again and wanted to shake him awake. To scream at him and demand that he wake up.

It had been a full day since he'd seen his smiling child. A full day gone by without getting to cuddle Peter against his side and tell him just how much he loves him.

He thought back to a few days ago when they were in Miami, when he was holding Peter in his arms and walking up the beach with him, pressing a bunch of kisses to his face and hearing Peter giggling away.

What he would give to go back to that day.

Tony couldn’t take it anymore. He walked around to the other side of the bed so he could lay his head on the side of Peter that didn’t have the stab wound. He had seen the nurse come in and change the stitches but it wasn’t healing like it should with his Spidey powers. It wasn’t healing at all.

Dr. Cooper came in and left eleven times. He was there for each of those times, never once leaving Peter’s side.

On the twelve hour, Dr. Cooper walked in and announced Tony’s worst fears.

He tried to process it over and over again in his head but the more he said it, the less real it felt.

Peter was in a coma.

His baby was in a coma.

Not a medically induced coma but a coma that had to end to it. It was up to Peter now to wake up.

Tony wanted Peter transferred to the tower.

If he was in a coma and they didn’t know when he was going to wake up, then he wanted Peter back at home and to be monitored by his own doctors.

Tony tried to regain his composure on the flight to the tower but he couldn’t. He was a mess. He arrived at the hospital with Peter hanging on for his life and he was leaving with Peter not in any better of a condition.

Peter was secured and wrapped up in medical blankets then airlifted to the tower in a helicopter with Tony and Pepper.

It was a blur for Tony. The whole way there he barely remembers a thing.

Peter was placed into his own room in the MedBay and hooked up to a bunch of machines and wires. Tony was back at Peter’s side and holding his hand, praying for him to wake up.

Tony had looked at Peter’s bed but something didn’t seem right. When Peter woke up, he was going to roll out of it. That’s why Tony had to put the guard rail up on his bed and possibly for Peter’s bed when he goes to sleep in it.

Now, that was the last thing on Tony’s mind.

Before, he was so worried and stressed about getting Peter into his own bed for his development and their separation anxiety and now that seemed so unimportant and insignificant.

His kid was in a coma. He didn’t know if Peter was going to ever wake up again or if he was ever going to be the same Peter.

Dr. Cooper had made it clear that Peter suffered a severe brain injury and that people don’t come back the same from that.

He looked at the door and saw one of the nurses from the MedBay walk in. Her name was Lily, if Tony remembers correctly.

“Mr. Stark, I’m just going to check on Peter and make sure everything is okay.” She explained to him but he didn’t respond.

He watched her move around Peter and check if anything needed changing. When she pulled back his bandage by his stitches, Tony tried to see if they were healing. “How are they? They should be healing already right?”

The nurse nodded. “Because his healing factor is trying to keep up with healing the more important parts of his body right now such as his head fracture and brain, the rest of his wounds might take a lot longer to heal.”

Tony looked away as she covered it back up. It made sense but he hated it.

She left him alone after that. Tony reached into his pocket to pull out his phone and look at more pictures of Peter.

He clicked on the pictures from a few weeks ago in Malibu with Pepper. That was such a happy time especially since Tony got to take Peter there for his first time and take him to the beach.

A smile appeared on his face but it was broken without Peter. He felt broken without Peter.

He looked at the pictures he took when Peter got himself stuck in the car seat and it had him sobbing out. Seeing so much happiness and personality on Peter’s face that he might never see again was going to kill him soon.

The video from that night appeared on his phone so he hit play, not ready for the heartbreak to follow.

The screen immediately lit up with Peter’s signature annoyed look and Tony’s voice. “Hey Pete, how did this happen? Wanna tell me?”

On the camera, Peter stopped squirming and looked at Tony with a dry look. “I was just trying to see if I fit. I want out!”

Tony covered his hand over his mouth and tried so hard to hold it together but hearing Peter’s beautiful voice was too hard to bare.

“Well, you definitely fit but I have bad news for you,” The camera moved closer to Peter and Tony wanted so badly to just reach through and touch him.

“What is it?” Came Peter’s innocent voice.

“I don’t actually know how to take you out so… I guess you’re stuck in there.” Tony on the video had said while current Tony watched Peter on the video lift his legs up and struggled to get free.

“Oh Tony, let him out.” Pepper’s voice was heard off camera but Tony wasn’t focused on her.

“Aw. Fine.” The camera pointed down at the red button between Peter’s legs while Tony tried and failed to free Peter then the camera was aiming up at Peter’s smiling face. Tony couldn’t hold in the violent sob that left his mouth. “I need two hands for this, bud.”

Peter looked up at the camera and grinned, as if he was grinning into Tony’s eyes right now. “Yay. Then I get to hug you dad. Bye!”

The video ended after that, shattering Tony’s heart. He wanted to hug his baby so much. How could he go from hugging Peter every single day and getting to hold his child in his arms and then just stop.

It was unbearable and painful.

Tony dropped his phone onto the ground and held Peter’s small hand in his. “C’mon, Petey. Daddy’s here. I’m here, baby boy, but you need to open your eyes for me now. Please. Please, Peter. Please, baby. C’mon.”

He shut his eyes and leaned his forehead on the side of the bed. “Wake up, baby. You need to wake up. You can’t leave me, baby. Okay? I know-I know life is hard and you already lost so much but-but you still have me and I promise I’m never going to leave you. I won’t leave you so just wake up because you can’t leave me either. I need you, Peter.”

He didn’t know how long he was pleading with Peter to come back to him for. Maybe it was hours or days but Pepper was walking into the MedBay room and stopping by the door to look at him.

“How is he?”

Tony didn’t trust his voice to speak so he shook his head.

Pepper nodded and walked back into the hallway where Rhodey was waiting. She quietly shut the door behind her and shook her head like Tony had. “It’s bad, Rhodey.”

“I’ll talk to him.” Rhodey went to open the door but Pepper grabbed his arm to stop him.

“I don’t-I don’t think he’s going to survive this. If Peter dies, Tony won’t survive it.” Pepper wiped her tears away and let go of Rhodey’s arm.

He looked down. “I know.” He admitted and walked into the MedBay room.

He was told what the situation was but hearing what was wrong with Peter and actually seeing him was two very different things. Rhodey walked to the foot of the bed and looked at his best friend who glanced at him and then looked away.

Rhodey had seen many men during combat who had awful injuries but nothing could have prepared him to see Peter. He had two black eyes which stood out on his pale face. His leg was stung up and had a huge cast around it and never mind what he couldn’t see under Peter’s hospital gown.

He looked away from all the wires and tubes going in and coming out of Peter and pulled up a chair beside his best friend who was not looking good.

Pepper told him that he hadn’t slept or eaten anything since Peter had gotten hurt and that was three days ago.

“Tones.” Rhodey whispered, knowing the mental state that Tony was in. “You need to take care of yourself for Peter. He’s going to wake up soon and you’re not going to be able to stand. You look awful.”

Tony didn’t say anything. He didn’t even move.

He felt nothing anymore.

Rhodey looked over at Peter and skimmed over his fragile body again. “When was the last time you’ve eaten?”

“I… I don’t know.” Tony rubbed at his eyes. They were burning and he could barely see due to the constant crying.

“I’m gonna stay with Peter. You need to go to your floor to eat, shower and try to get some sleep.” Rhodey said slowly. He knew Tony since he was fifteen.

He’s been there for him through everything but he’s never seen his best friend like this. Not even when he was grieving the death of his parents.

Tony shook his head. He was going to stay with Peter. He promised him he wouldn’t leave his side. “I’m not leaving him. If he wakes up… and I’m not here.”

Rhodey pointed to one of the needles that was going into Peter’s arm. “You see this,” Tony looked over. “This is his food. He can’t eat actual food right now but that doesn’t mean he’s not eating. He’s getting the nutritions he needs, his body is resting so when he wakes up, he’ll be able to talk with you but he needs you to take care of yourself.”

Tony didn’t respond so Rhodey continued.

“You’re all he has left, Tony. You need to take care of yourself as well.”

As much as Tony hated to admit it but Rhodey was right. It was just so hard. “I can’t leave him.”

“I’ll stay here with him and I promise you I won’t leave him.” Rhodey reassured Tony and reached out to take Peter’s hand after Tony let him go.

“If he wakes up… or if anything changes, call me. No matter what.” Tony warned him before he carefully let go of Peter’s hand and stood up. He leaned down and pressed a kiss to Peter’s forehead and brushed his curls off his face. “I love you, Pete. I’ll see you soon. Rhodey’s gonna stay here with you and I’ll be back so soon.”

With that, Tony turned and left.

It was so fucking hard for him to walk out of that room and leave his kid behind but he knew that Rhodey would keep Peter safe and call him if anything happened.

The hardest part was walking out of the elevator and being on his and Peter’s floor.

He hadn’t thought about how hard it was going to be. He saw Peter’s toys everywhere.

It had him breaking down and wanting to look away but not able to. Peter’s lego’s were scattered all over the floor in the living room which was exactly the way he left it before Tony saw him last.

He collapsed onto the carpet and looked in front of him where Peter was supposed to be building with his legos.

“You have to come back to me, Peter.” He whispered and picked up the tower that Peter was in the process of building. He looked at it, picturing Peter’s delicate hands putting each piece in its place.

“I don’t understand. Just… bring my kid back. Bring my fucking kid back to me!” He screamed, unable to keep it in anymore. In his rage, he threw Peter’s tower and then froze.

“No. No no no no no.” He stood up to rush over to all the pieces that were scattered across the floor and knew he was too late. No. “Oh god. What did I do? No. No.”

As he tried to pick up the pieces to put it back together, he realized that there was no point. It shattered into hundreds of tiny pieces and there was no fixing it. Not the special way that Peter did.

Tony threw the handful of broken legos across the living room and screamed.

Peter might never build his legos again and Tony just ruined his last model. The last memory he had of building legos with Peter was gone. Broken. Destroyed, and that was on him.

After what felt like years, Tony pushed himself off the ground and walked into the kitchen to get a drink but he found food set out on the table for him. The fact that there was one plate and one cup was killing him because there was no need for a second one since Peter wasn’t with him.

He tried to eat.

He wanted to for Peter because Pepper and Rhodey were right. Peter needed him to take care of himself and not let himself fall into his own coma… even if that option sounded a lot better than what he was feeling.

No amount of pain could beat what he was currently feeling. He had open heart surgery in a cave in Afghanistan with unsterile instruments and no anaesthesia yet that was nothing compared to the agony he was feeling.

Tony didn’t know if he would ever be taking Peter onto their floor again, he didn’t know if he was going to get to hold Peter in his arms, tell him he loves him and hear it back.

He didn’t know any of that but he did know that if Peter died, he was going to kill himself because he didn’t see a point in living without Peter.

There was no life without Peter.

His entire world revolved around his kid.

Every single thing he did was for Peter. From waking up to falling asleep at night, Peter was his life and he wouldn’t survive without him.

He didn’t want to live without Peter.

Tony pushed the food away. He managed to eat half of the lasagna but that was good enough. Maybe the reason he hadn’t been throwing up was because he had nothing in his stomach to throw up.

On the way upstairs, he looked at Peter’s dirty clothes that were all over the stairs from when he stripped on his way up to the bathroom to save time. Tony remembers how annoyed he was at Peter for doing that because he would have to pick it up later but he never got the chance to.

Now, he would give anything to have Peter do that again. To be the innocent, happy child that he was.

When Tony walked into his bedroom, he had to immediately walk back out because he couldn’t do it. He just couldn’t.

That was his and Peter’s favorite place on earth. Where they grew closer than ever and got to cuddle each other, feeling the safest they’ve ever been.

Tony slid onto the floor and looked up at the ceiling. “Please. Please don’t take him. May… if you’re up there. Don’t take him back. Don’t take my baby.”

He bowed his head forward and sobbed violently, praying and begging for whoever was watching over him to give his kid back to him.

Peter needed to live, not for Tony’s sake but for Peter’s sake.

He was a child that didn’t deserve to have his story end so soon and so violently. Tony could only imagine how scared and confused was as those people attacked him and tried to kill him.

His baby wouldn’t hurt a fly, he was out as Spider-Man to help people and this happened to him. The thought made him sick.

Tony managed to push himself off the ground and walk into his bedroom that smelt of Peter. He always wondered if that was Peter’s baby smell and he might never know but it was Tony’s baby’s smell.

That was what his baby smelt like and it was his favourite smell but now he might never smell it again. He didn’t want to have the smell fade away.

Tony ran his hand over Peter’s bed rail and picked up his half drunk water bottle on the bed. It was so eerie to hold in his hands, knowing that just a few nights ago Peter had fallen asleep drinking it and now he was back but Peter wasn’t.

He held the bottle in his hand and walked around to his side of the bed so he could place it there and plug his phone into the charger but everything felt so wrong.

He was going about his daily nightmare routine while Peter was in a coma.

Peter was supposed to be whining and screaming at Tony because he didn’t want to shower and Tony was supposed to be sitting on the bathroom step, exhausted but giving into Peter’s cries.

Everything felt so wrong.

Tony looked at the floor and saw a pair of Peter’s pyjamas so he picked up the top and hugged it to his chest, breathing in the scent. It was the last pair of pyjamas that Peter had worn to bed and it still smelt like him so Tony shut his eyes and tried to imagine Peter with him, demanding to sit on his lap with his curls tickling Tony’s chin while he got comfortable on him.

Peter belonged in his arms, not in a hospital bed with a tube stuck down his throat, breathing for him.

Tony held the pyjama top up and cried. He didn’t remember it being so tiny. He had seen Peter’s clothes every single day for the half a year and now he wasn’t so looking at his pyjama top, he was realizing all over again just how small it was. Just how small Peter was.

He carefully placed Peter’s shirt on his pillow and stood up to go into the bathroom, immediately spotting Peter’s bath toys that were still in the bath from the other night. He had to look away because he couldn’t look at that anymore.

Instead, he avoided looking at himself in the mirror, stripped from his clothes and went into the shower.

When he got out, he felt a little bit better. Now that he wasn’t with Peter, the exhaustion was catching up to him and he was really starting to feel the aftermath of not sleeping or eating for three days.

He shut the lights off after putting clothes on and brushing his teeth then he climbed into bed and grabbed Peter’s pyjama shirt. He switched out his pillow for Peter’s even though he knew Peter spent most of the night with his head on his chest or without a pillow.

As he clung onto the thing that he had closest to his kid, he couldn’t help but feel like Peter, clinging onto his bear when he would fall asleep.

Tony opened his eyes and looked at the picture he had framed of Peter on his nightstand. He reached out and grabbed it, touching Peter’s face with his finger. It was taken the first time they went to Miami together. Peter was sitting on the beach and holding a starfish in his hands.

Tony felt the tears return again. He didn’t want to look at every single picture of Peter and cry. He missed when he would look at a picture of his baby and smile at the memory then look up and see his actual child standing right in front of him.

He put the picture frame back on his nightstand and rolled over in the bed, staring ahead at nothing. At no one.

He can’t remember a time he slept alone. He hated it. Maybe that’s why he took so long to put Peter in his own bed, they were both happy with it and slept better. Peter would grow out of it eventually, right?

Maybe not now… he might never get the chance to now.

Tony didn’t want to say goodbyes to the future he had planned out for Peter and himself.

He wanted to do so much with Peter. There was so much he still had to teach Peter to do. Like how to swim, how to drive a car, how to shave, although that day seemed like it was never going to come, not that Tony was in any rush.

The pain was too suffocating. He rolled onto his back and squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as possible. There was no way he was getting to sleep, he physically couldn’t sleep without Peter. He had become his safety blanket after all this time.

They’ve grown too attached and Tony wasn’t able to sleep without him now.

“FRIDAY.” Tony cleared his throat after hearing it come out raspy. “Play some videos of Peter for me. Any ones.”

“Of course, sir. I am very sorry.” FRIDAY sounded sad and sincere. It hit Tony that he made her human like on purpose but this just proved how he had achieved that.

The soothing voice of Peter and seeing his beautiful face that played on the tv screen was enough to send the grieving father into unconsciousness.