Acceptable Loss

In Chaos War, Thor drags Loki back to Asgard, and Loki is initially under the impression that he's about to be sacrificed for the good of the kingdom. That isn't, ultimately, why Odin called him home (and wouldn't take no for an answer).But I can't let a good plot bunny go to waste.

Note: Bargaining (by proantagonist) is a fic I got pointed at after drafting almost 100% of this fic. The profound similarities are either coincidence, or a clear example of how archetypes work on the human brain. I thoroughly recommend the fic, if you're able to take the heart-rending angst of it all; it's incredibly well plotted and really puts Loki through his paces. I'm putting off reading the final chapter, just so I can stew in this delightfully horrible mess of emotions that had me sobbing on my bed a few hours ago -- and so I can put those emotions to use finishing up this fic as well.Content Warning: The fourth chapter is likely to get pretty graphic. I'm not yet sure how I'd label it, and I'm not sure you could skip it entirely without losing a good deal of what makes this idea so powerful, so be forewarned; when it comes to the key moment, I'm not gonna downplay the act itself (though it'll be largely in keeping with the kind of internal POV that I used in Mirror -- more focus on how things feel (both physically and emotionally), less focus on the physical act being performed).(Other than that, it's mostly just various levels of angst, and a lot of back-and-forth, trying to fight the inevitable… and the ending might surprise you.)So… the Muse is a harsh mistress, much as I value her hand guiding mine. I had all these wonderful plans to put together POI fics, several long overdue and one with a key deadline fast approaching……and then I was browsing astolat's sampler, and happened across Chaos War, and I opened it and started skimming and there went my entire evening well into the morning as the Muse sunk her claws in deep.You know how a couple of my fics, most notably the short tragic ones like I don't want this body to hurt anyone and Harold Would Have Thanked Him, have sprung to my head pretty much fully formed and rarin' to go? This is like that, only it's five chapters long and absolutely wallows in the angst, and it got almost fully formed in the space of about four days, which is not typical of my rough drafts, not by a long shot.You ever have the Muse sit down with a gun to your head, just kinda hanging out there next to the computer with one leg casually draped over the other, and you're like "but I have all these important things that I need to do first" and she's like "They'll wait; you need to write this. Immediately" and then sticks a tentacle up your ear until there is nothing left in your brain except (a) the fic she intends for you to write and (b) the overwhelming need to consume every possible piece of fan works you can consume to further the cause of writing the fic in the first place?Seriously, I haven't been able to focus on any other pursuit at all, not even the non-fic ones. I have like fifty Loki vids on my phone now, and have consumed quite a few Loki fics, and read up on wikis, and when I am lying down, or in the shower, or washing dishes, or working out, my brain is going over the ins and outs of this fic like it's the only thing in my life that will ever matter.Might I point out that I haven't even seen the [expletive deleted] movies?! (I've seen bits and pieces, mostly of Ragnarok, while donating blood plasma, but I have yet to really sit down and enjoy any single film in the MCU. Given that my brain invents scenarios to fill in incomplete information, the whole "in bits and pieces, out of order, out of context, and often without subtitles so I don't know any of the dialog" may actually have set this up in the first place.) I've got plans to start going through the MCU, have wanted to for a long time, but the fic is not waiting that long.Being caught up in the Muse this way is exhilarating and frustrating and terrifying, and yet I hope I encounter it repeatedly throughout my life, because man do I love how this is turning out. Let us angst away!