The next letter that Mary had to give was Camila's, Mary knew damn well it would be hard to do it, basically because Ava and Camila were really good friends, and even if Camila kept her pain hidden, it didn't mean it hurt. This is where Mary has a conflict, she hated the fact that Ava knew she wouldn't make it out, she hated the idea of Ava knowing they would live, without her. And she also hated that Ava made her give the letters to everyone else, but at the same time, she was gad that Ava had left something for everyone, even Father Vincent, she wished Shannon had done the same, even if it was just a small note that said "I love you", it would have been enough.
Mary took Camila's and Vincent's letter, and she made her way to Camila's room. It was already night, but she knew Camila was still awake, truth is, they would sometimes stay up together, especially when Camila had just entered the OCS, she wouldn't sleep because of how nervous she was, and Mary wouldn't sleep because of fear, so they found a friend for the sleepless nights in each other. Shannon would sometimes catch them both awake, she would get a bit annoyed before joining them; and then they were followed by Beatrice, who would usually read, and Lilith, who would be sharpening some knifes or stuff like that. They would stay on Camila's or Lilith's bedroom when they had those "sleepovers", it was really comforting for all of them. With time, the girls went from not being able to sleep, to staying up on purpose just to be together. That habit never left Camila.
The young girl was on bed, restless, moving from one side to the other, trying to find the right position, which was useless. A knock on the door was heard, and she quickly got up and opened the door, seeing Mary a little bit nervous. She quickly stepped aside and let the older girl inside before closing the door; she sat on the bed and Mary sat on the chair in front of Camila's desk, they just stayed in complete silence until Camila spoke, "Did something happen?", she asked a little bit worried, Mary wasn't the type of woman who would go to your room at midnight just because she was bored, the older girl shook her head and handed Camila the letter for Vincent, "Check it out, Ava left that for that son of-", she immediately stopped mid sentence when she saw Camila's eyes, those eyes Mary knew from Shannon, a "Don't you dare finish that sentence".
The younger girl took the letter and opened it slowly, chuckling at Ava's words, and Mary felt so happy when she saw her sister's smile, a smile that she hadn't seen in some days, a smile that hadn't felt real for some time. Ava's letter to Vincent said.
Vincent,
Fuck you.
Ava
Camila looked up to Mary with a smile, even if it went against what she was taught, that she needed to respect everyone, she knew that Vincent deserved it, "I bet you're proud of her for this", said Camila in a happy tone, already knowing the answer, "I am, that moth- that as- shit, that bad man deserves it", it was hard for the older girl to not curse when talking about that man, and Camila knew this; she had seen Mary's pain enough to know the hate she has for that man, so she appreciated Mary's efforts to not curse while being in Cat's Cradle. Camila kept looking at Mary, wanting to know if Ava had also left something for her, hoping Ava did, Camila missed her a lot and she wanted something, anything, to feel Ava close.
Mary slowly handed Camila her letter, seeing how the younger girl's eyes light up as soon as she saw it, she quickly grabbed it and was about to open it when she stopped moving, she kept staring at the paper, still, before looking up to see Mary. The older woman thought Camila didn't want her in the room anymore, so she stood up and walked to the door, she was about to leave when she heard Camila's voice in a soft, shy tone, "Stay?", the short haired girl asked, Mary just nodded and sat beside her on the bed, leaving some space between them so Camila wouldn't feel watched. The short girl took a deep, shaky breathe, and opened the letter slowly.
She was scared, sad, afraid of reading it and feeling bad again, she didn't want to cry, she was tired of the headaches she felt for weeks because of how much she cried, she didn't want that knot that would stay in her throat for hours, she didn't want her body trembling, her chest hurting, heart aching, she didn't want to feel the loss again. Mary noticed this, gently moving a little closer to the younger girl and placing a hand on her shoulder; the short haired girl just smiled at this and took a look at the paper, smiling as soon as she saw the handwriting, everyone knew that Ava had improved her writing skills, and everyone was proud of that.
As soon as Camila read her name on the letter she could feel some tears on the corner of her eyes, she took another deep breath and continued reading the letter.
To Camila
This is the first letter I'm writing, well not the first, the second one; I know you can guess to whom was the first letter, an you're right, it was to Bea, turns out your speculations were true, you probably knew I loved her even before I knew, God you're smart. Probably too smart.
I'm sorry if I jump from one thing to another in this letter, but there are so many things I wanna say and I don't know what to say first. Maybe I should start by telling you that I love you, that you are really amazing and that I'm glad I got to meet you. God I'm so happy I was able to be your friend. An I'm sorry if I ever caused you any trouble, and I'm sorry I was a little bitchy to you at first, you know, when you were a babysitter, but you can't really blame, you were so obvious it was funny, I would've made fun of you for that if I had had more time.
I would've done a lot of things with you if I had had more time, play videogames, make you teach me how to play the piano, watch movies, that kind of stuff; I always wanted a friend my age, you know? Back at the orphanage I only had Diego, a little boy way younger than me, and he was my only friend, I'm not saying I didn't like being his friend, it's just that I always saw in movies and shows teens that did stuff with their friends, and I always wondered how that felt, and when I met you, I found that friend, and it was amazing, and you are amazing.
What ese can I tell you? I don't exactly know what to write, I never had the chance to write a letter to a friend, more like, I didn't have a friend to write to, I mean I didn't have the chance to write anyways, but, I never had a friend to write to; I guess I'm kind of glad that now I have someone to write to, but I don't like that, the only thing I'll be able to write is a Goodbye letter; this sucks, honestly, I went from not being able to write to only having the chance of writing a Goodbye letter for a few people. But at least I have to leave a letter for, so in a weird way, I consider this a win. And, I'm sorry that things had to be like this, I'm sorry that I had to act on my own, and that I had to leave you, and that I didn't hug you more, that I didn't touch your hair more, that I didn't spend more time with you.
I regret the last thing so much, I really wanted to do a bunch of stuff with you, I didn't care whether it was doing chores, or training, or even if we did nothing at all, I wanted to spend more time by your side. If you only knew how much I missed you when Bea and I were on the Alps, you'd probably think I was pathetic, but I really wanted to see your face, hear your voice and touch your hair. God your hair is amazing and soft and I just wanna touch it and I just realized how weird it sounds and I'm sorry for that but I can't help it because I just love your hair and I don't remember the first time I saw it but I know I went crazy about it because it's so pretty and I really wanted to touch it more and pay with it more and just, stroke it more, fuck, this sounds weird, I'm sorry.
Camila, I'll make sure to find you in the next life, and we'll do everything we couldn't do together, I promise.
With love, Ava.
Camila finished reading the letter with a smile on her face, a weird sensation in her body, the fear she felt before reading the letter was now gone, the pain in her chest and heart had changed for a warm feeling, as if Ava was with her, warming her with the Halo, no, it wasn't the Halo, it was the love Ava had for Camila that brought that warm feeling. The young girl quickly hugged Mary, who simply hugged back, both of them with tears on their eyes; they stayed together until Camila started to fall asleep, in that moment, Mary made her lay on the bed and sleep, while she went back to sit at the chair; it didn't take too long until Camila fell asleep, and a few minutes after keeping an eye on her, Mary got up an left the room quietly.
She started to walk around the halls, thoughts of Ava coming to her mind, she didn't understand how it could hurt so much, she couldn't form a single thought or idea that didn't include Ava, it was like her body was in autopilot while her mind kept reminding her of Ava, Ava this and Ava that, and then a sudden thought came. Shannon. And it all became too much.
She kept walking until she reached Ava's room, noticing that no one was there, she sat on the bed and closed her eyes, wanting to fall asleep as quick as possible to stop her thoughts. She made one final thought, the next person who would get their letter, would be the little boy, Diego. And with that, Mary finally fell asleep.
That night, Camila was able to sleep calmly, knowing that Ava had left two things for her, a letter, and her love.