The Avengers were gathered around a table. They were talking about the Snap and who was gone. It wasn’t a pleasant conversation, but it was much needed information.
At the moment Bruce was reading off of the list of missing people that the Wakanda tech had created. “Sam Wilson. Wanda Maximoff. Buck-” Tony tuned Bruce out. He didn’t want to know. It made him sick.
Plus, his mind was preoccupied with thinking of what Strange had said, ‘It was the only way.’ That was complete and utter bullshit. Tony knew it was. How could that have been the only way? It couldn’t have. It just couldn’t have.
Maybe Doctor Dipshit didn’t want to fight anymore, so he came up with that plan and passed it off as “the only way”. No one could prove it right or wrong. It would’ve been the perfect thing to do. Plus, Strange was a selfish dick. It made sense.
Just as he was about to mentally insult Strange some more, Bruce read off a name that made Tony flinch. “Peter Parker.” Bruce seemed to pause for a moment. “Wait, who’s Peter?”
“I don’t know. What does it say about him?” Natasha looked up at Bruce.
“It says that he’s seventeen and goes to Midtown High School.” The room held a tense atmosphere after that. Tony sat there with a pained face. He stared intensely at the table, trying to hold back tears.
“He was only seventeen?” Steve asked, his voice sadder than before.
“Yeah…” Bruce bit his lip and looked around the table. His eyes stopped on Tony. “Tony, are you alright?” Tony’s head snapped up.
“Uh, yeah. I’m fine.” He blinked to try and clear his eyes. It only seemed to make them more watery.
“You sure? You seem a little...off.” Realization seemed to dawn on the scientist. “You knew the kid, didn’t you?”
Tony wanted to deny it. He wanted to act like he didn’t because that would make it easier to deal with, but everyone was looking at him expectantly and with sad eyes. “I did.” Rhodes gave him a sympathetic look. He knew how close Peter and Tony had been. He had seen them interact. He had been the one who started the joke about them being father and son.
“Who was he? To you, I mean.” Natasha said it quietly, as if she was talking to an injured animal.
“My intern. Sort of.” Tony let out a laugh. He didn’t really want to say Peter was Spider-Man. He knew most of them would be pissed at him for getting a seventeen year old kid involved in the whole Accords debacle.
“What does sort of mean?” Natasha gazed at him. Her eyes pierced into him like knives.
“I mean, we worked together in the labs and stuff, but he wasn’t technically my intern.” Tony let out a sigh when Bruce gave him a questioning look. “He was Spider-Man. We worked together in the labs on his suit and his gadgets, so he would be safe when he fought crime.”
“You mean to tell me that you let a kid fight us.” Steve wasn’t exactly glaring at him, but he was giving him one of those disappointed Steve Rogers looks.
“I know it was dumb. I don’t need a lecture on it, thanks though, Cap.” Tony’s voice cracked at the end of the sentence. “It’s not like I meant to put him in that much danger. I only wanted him to take your shield. Nothing more, but he wanted to do more and he did ‘cause he doesn’t listen very well.” A small laugh escaped his chapped lips. “For a smart kid, he did some pretty stupid things.”
“Sounds like you were very close with him.” Thor pointed out. Tony gave a small nod.
“Yeah. He was like my kid.” A lump formed in his throat. He tried to swallow it, but it wouldn’t budge. “I wish it had been me instead.” He choked out.
“Don’t say that, Tony.” Bruce snapped.
“You weren’t there, Bruce. You don’t know what happened.” Tony felt tears teeter on the edge of his eyes, threatening to fall.
“It doesn’t matter if I was there or not.”
“Yes it does. If you were there, you would’ve heard him say, ‘Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good’ because he knew it was coming. He felt it. You would’ve heard him say, ‘I don’t want to go, Mr. Stark. Please, I don’t want to go.’ You would’ve watched him turn to dust while I was holding him. You would’ve heard him say, ‘I’m sorry’ before he went because I told him once that if he died, it would be on me and I told him that I didn’t need that on my conscience. So, don’t you dare tell me that I shouldn’t say that I wish it was me. You weren’t there. You don’t know how agonizing it was. I had to watch my kid die. And it wasn’t like it was some quick thing like everyone else's. It was slow. So slow.” Tony let out a sob as tears finally broke from his eyes. “You don’t get it….you don’t get it.” He mumbled repeatedly.
Everyone was looking at him with shock, like they didn’t expect him to lash out like that. Honestly speaking, he didn’t even think he would lash out like that, but he was in so much pain, so much agony. And anyone with a brain would know that it was hard to control anything when all you felt was pain.
After a few moments of silence, Natasha came up and wrapped Tony in a hug. She didn’t say she was sorry. She didn’t say it would be okay. She just hugged him. He couldn’t even begin to say how much he appreciated that, but instead of thanking her, he cried harder.
Now, instead of silence, the room was filled with Tony’s muffled sobs and Natasha’s soft hushes.