Patchwork

She's not dead

Was all that Maria could think on her drive home after possibly the worst day of her life, second only to the day of the accident. She'd almost broke down at the sight of the Mustang that was still parked next to her Camaro as she left the military base, but she knew she had to stay strong for their daughter and for herself.

I can feel it in my heart, she's not dead.

She can't be... she promised.

Carol had promised her and more importantly Monica that she would always come home no matter how long it took her and Carol Susan Jane Davnvers never broke a promise. (Well except to stop taking "short cuts")

Maria sat in her car outside her apartment building just staring up at the small window. She half expected, half praying that she would see Carol standing there with Monica on her hip, both of them waving at her with those big stupid grins that she loved so much. Maria blinked the forming tears out of her eyes at the daydream.

It had been four days since the "incident" as her superior officer's called it. They didn't even have the balls to call it what it was, a rogue mission that cost them a billion dollars. A billion dollars and two lives.

Monica had taken the news that her 'Auntie Carol' (Maria was thankful that they had gotten her to start calling her that before she started preschool) was gone a lot better than Maria was expecting.

"She'll be back, she promised." Monica sounded so sure that Maria started to believe a bit more.

Maria had been holding out on the hope that when she came into work that one of the newbies would come rushing up to her and tell her the great news that Carol was alive and was waiting for her, but it never came.

Carol's mother, her only surviving blood relative, had flown down yesterday from Boston to retrieve her daughter's belongings. It killed Maria watch the woman that had abandoned her daughter pack up Carol's tiny apartment with such little emotion. Most of everything Carol owned was at her apartment, so the tiny one bedroom apartment was barren and covered with a fine layer of dust.

"You loved her didn't you." Maria could see the look of regret bleed through the blank mask the older woman wore as she examined one of the few pictures Carol had in her apartment. It was of Maria and Carol leaning against the bar at Pancho's, caught mid laugh.

"I do, she is my best friend." Maria couldn't give up the feeling that Carol was still out there, somewhere.

"I think this is the happiest I've ever seen her. I wish I could have seen it for real." The small smile and the tears running down her face broke Maria's heart. Carol had never truly hated her mother, she just hated how she never stood up for her against her father.

Today Davidson, one of the few decent men on base, had been apart of the clean up crew. He had given her the charred and broken dog tag and had told her that they didn't find either Lawson's or Carol's bodies. That simple fact gave Maria an immense amount of hope and dread all at once.

If they didn't find their bodies, are they still alive?
If they're alive why aren't they at the crash sight?
Were they captured or attacked?

Maria's brain could have gone on and on with 'what if' question, but she had to deal with the reality right infront of her. That there wasn't anything she could do right now, other than hope and continue living her life. It's what she needed to do for herself and her daughter, but right now all Maria could do was sit there in her car and remember.

Remember the sound of her laughter when Monica would make a funny face as a baby.

Remember the light blue sun dress Maria had to force her to wear to Monica's preschool graduation.

Remember the tears in her eyes and the massive smile on her face when she first held Monica.

Remember the way she tasted like cheap beer and Chinese food as they ignored the movie in the VHS player in favor of one another.

Remember bandaging her bloody fists and putting a bag of frozen peas over a bruised cheek bone after a short bar fight with one of the douche-ier pilots that ended with Carol as the victor and a busted pinball machine.

Remember stolen kisses every chance they got.

Remember the weight of the ring inside her pocket that she had been too terrified to give to her, that now just weighed with regret and heartache.

---

Maria didn't know how many beers or shots she had done so far, but she knew Carol had done twice as many. Pancho's was crowded on the average Friday night, but this was not your average Friday night. They were celebrating Maria's promotion to Captain.

"Come on Captain, it's your turn!" Carol slurred drunkenly as she pulled Maria towards the Karaoke machine. Maria sighed happily as she let the woman drag her across the bar.

Carol was the spirit of adventure and Maria was the spirit of being reasonable. Carol came up with wild and outrageous plans and Maria pulled her back and made her think it through. Carol also pushed Maria to be more adventurous and to take bigger risks. They fed off each other and pushed each other. 'You two are the most dangerous combo I've ever seen, and I can't tell if that is a good thing or a bad thing.' one of the visiting commander told them after one of their meetings.

"Oh Captain, my Captain! Sing us a song!" Carol shouted.

"When you make Captain I'm got to make you regret this." Maria said as she begrudgingly accepted the microphone.

"You better." Carol said with her signature smirk and a spark in her eye that had Maria pushing down feelings that she didn't want to think about.

They danced and sang and partied well into the night, with their brains fuzzy and their hearts full. They rode with their fellow pilot Steve to the bar and who had volunteered to take them back to their apartments. They were piled in the back of Steve's old jeep that had both of them wincing everytime he shifted gears.

Carol was rambling to Steve about one of their test flight last week while Maria just sat back and watched as Carol animatedly told the story. She could feel her heart grow as she listened to her talk about flying and flying with her.

"I knew from the moment I met her that she was like no one I'd've met before. She was this badass who didn't take crap from anyone and who absolutely sucked at pinball."

"Excuse me! Who was it that destroyed the pinball machine before I count take my title back?"

"Brad."

"And who punched him into it?"

"Me," Carol said with a proud and dopey grin on her face. "and I would do it again in a heart beat." Maria had to force down the same feeling she had felt at the karaoke machine earlier tonight.

It was getting harder and harder to keep those feelings down. She felt like she was trying to fill an over stuffed container and that one day it would burst, and something would break. Whether it was her heart or her job she didn't know, but she would keep trying to fill it for as long as she could. She was happy with her life right now, she had her dream job and her best friend by her side. She wouldn't give that up for anything, even for a chance at something more.

"Alright Carol this is your place." Steve said as he pulled up in front of Carol's building. Carol pouted at the sight of her building.

"You know what Steve, just come back here tomorrow morning. It doesn't make sense to drop me off at my place when I could just stay here." Maria knew she made the right decision when Carol turned back into the happy golden retriever she normally was instead of the kicked puppy look she had on.

"You sure? It's not an issue."

"Yeah, it will save some time and this one," Maria said as she lightly shoved Carol, "will probably fall asleep walking to her apartment." Maria's point was made by Carol letting out a long yawn.

They stumbled towards Carol's tiny apartment, Maria half carrying her best friend. She's pretty sure they've woken up half of the neighbors with their drunken stumbling and laughter. Carol fumbles for her keys, trying to get her door key when Maria takes them from her and easily unlocks the door.

She's seen Carol's apartment before but it stuns her every time she sees it. With the exception of a few picture frames, strewn mail on the counter top, dirty dishes in the sink, and some basic furniture the apartment was barren. It was a stark contrast to her well loved apartment that, well, felt lived in.

She wasn't sure if it was the alchohol in her system or pang of hurt in her chest at the sight of the almost empty apartment, that she had to ask, "Why does your appartment always look so sad?"

The puzzled look Carol gave her through half lided eyes made her elaborate, "It feels so empty and barren, like you don't actually live here."

"It's just an apartment Rambeau."

"Yeah, but you've been to mine, there's color and life and memories there."

"Trust me I would much rather be at your apartment." Carol grumbled as she removed her self from Maria's side and made her way to her kitchen to get them glasses of water.

"What if you want to have guests over?"

"You're the only other person who comes over here, the only person I want here." Carol said softly.

"Come on Captain let's stop talking about my poor interior design skills and get some shut eye. The boss isn't going to be happy if we're hungover and can't keep our eyes open." Carol shifting the mood of their conversation as she passed her one of the glasses of water and Maria eyed her as she took a long sip of the water.

Maria knew Carol better than that, she knew Carol was deflecting and knew to not dig deeper. The Carol would come to her when she was ready.

"Your not too far from Captain yourself Avenger. It won't be too long before I force you to sing in front of everyone."

"Yeah, but at least I'll be good at it." Carol's taunting smirk told her that she was only teasing.

"Good at it like you are flying? Miss 'I almost stalled the engines'."

"That was so we could test how high the engines would function and you're one to talk Miss 'Where's the fuel meter again?' "

"That was a redesigned cockpit, I had no idea where they moved it to!"

"Yeah," Carol said with sarcasm dripping from her voice "that's why you have two bars on your shoulders now."

Maria gasped in mock offense at her bestfriend "You take that back."

"Whatcha gonna do about it Rambeau?"

"You really wanna test me Danvers?"

"Bring it Photon."

At Carol's final taunt Maria vaulted over the small countertop that separated them with more agility that she expected from herself, but Carol was ready for her. The blonde saw the move coming and quickly dashed towards her small living room.

Maria stumble lightly as she gave chase, grinning wildly the entire time. Carol clearly didn't think her plan through as Maria now had her trapped, with only Carol's cheap coffee table in between them and her beat up couch and TV to their left and right.

"You're trapped now Avenger." Maria taunted Carol the same way she had moments before.

"Always so sure if yourself aren't you Rambeau."

"With good reason."

Carol feigned left towards the TV before quickly changing her direction towards the couch and Maria fell for it. Carol would have made it past her if Maria hadn't grown up with twin brothers that lived down the street from her. They also wouldn't have ended up in this situation if those same childhood instincts hadn't caused Maria to tackle Carol onto the couch.

They had devolved into a tangled mess of limbs and laughter as Carol tried to wrestle her way out. She was sure the amount of noise they were making this early in the morning would have the neighbors knocking on the door, but the knock never came.

Their laughter died down as they both became winded from the amount of laughing and exertion they put on one another.

They were both panting heavily when Maria realized their position. She had Carol's arms pinned and her hips slotted between Carol's legs. She slowly took in their position, her eyes roaming up and down the woman underneath her. She made the mistake of looking at Carol's face. The blonde just stared at her with darkened eyes, watching her.

Maria's brain and heart were at war during that long moment. Her brain was telling her that this wasn't right, but her heart was saying the opposite, and her heart was winning as she slowly leaned forward. Her face was inches from her bestfriend's face, their breaths mingling. She could smell the cheap beer and a hint of cherry from Carol's chapstick. She could see the deep blush that was spread across her face and just how wide her pupils were dilated.

"Maria..." Carol whispered, her voice sounded rougher than normal after a night out and the haze that she had been in suddenly vanished and she quickly stood up.

"Sorry, sorry, that got," Maria took a deep breath trying to calm her racing heart and find the right word to describe what had just happened, "rougher, than I intended."

Maria made her next mistake of the night and looked down at Carol who was still splayed out on the couch. Her wild blonde hair was sprawled around her head. She was still breathing hard and the deep blush on her face hadn't lessened. Her shirt had ridden up enough to reveal the firm abs that she had seen plenty of times while they were changing into their flight suits, but this felt different.

"Yeah, yeah," Carol shook her head lightly as she sat up slowly, peeling her body off the old couch from where Maria had pressed her into it. "Don't worry about it." Her voice was still rough as she spoke.

"Um, I'll take the couch you can have my bed." Carol refused to look at her as she spoke. Maria couldn't tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

"You could use the beauty sleep, Captain." Carol finally looked at her and Maria knew that something had changed between them but that they were going to be okay. Not the same but okay.

It was a week later that Maria met Frank. She was out with Carol again but things had been slightly tense ever since that night. She was talking, or flirting (if you could call it that), with him at the bar while Carol was off playing the new fighting game the bar had just bought while ignoring her. He was sweet and dorky and more importantly not her.

He's just passing through town and Maria never got his last name even as they made their way back to his hotel room. She kept having the same thought that night.

It's not her

It's not her

It's not her

---

"Carol?" Maria shouted as she took her shoes off in the front hall of her Lousiana home. It was odd to not hear the blonde making a ruckus somewhere around the house.

"Carol?!" Maria yelled again in panic when she didn't get a response.

There were so many thoughts running through her head as she dropped her purse and raced into the dining.

She wouldn't leave without saying something. Would she?

What if it was an emergency and she had to leave right away?

What if it is an emergency and she gets hurt or...?

Her panicked thoughts stopped when she ran into the living room and saw Carol passed out on the couch with the TV paused on one of their old home movies from when Monica was a baby. She released a long sigh of relief at the sight.

Carol made a low humming noise as she shifted in her sleep. Maria had missed these little moments. She knelt down next to the sleeping woman and slowly ran her fingers through the soft blonde hair.

"Carol," Maria whispered softly and Carol stirred again but remained asleep.

"Baby," Maria tried again and this time Carol shifted again so she was facing Maria and her arm that wasn't pinned beneath her reached for Maria's stomach. Carol cracked an eye when her hand passed a few inches away from where her stomach should be. Maria chuckled at the sight and looked fondly at the still half asleep woman as she maneuver her hand to her waist.

"At least your memory is starting to return, but I'm not pregnant any more."

"You're never doing that again." Carol mumbled into her pillow.

"Yeah, Monica is enough for me."

"I meant fucking anyone else, but that works too."

"Is that so?" Maria's eyebrows raised at her statement, just to tease the blonde even though she was right.

"Yeah, you're my wife."