waking up to kiss you, but nobody's there.
getting out of bed for tony starts to become a chore after the war. he's always expecting to wake up to a sleepy peter parker wandering the compound halls, a sluggish smile glowing on his young too fucking young face and his curls going in every direction. it takes weeks on top of weeks for tony to realize that he will not be greeted with peter parker in the sunny mornings, or ever again for that matter.
tony gets out of a bed like a robot, eyes dead and heart dead.
the smell of your perfume still stuck in the air.
it's hard.
the morning after he made it home, tony went to the boy's room, sitting on his old bed, face first in the pillow as he inhaled the scent of his dead kids' shampoo he used to use. the teen always smelt like a mix of rosemary and sweet mint. he laid there, maybe for hours, as he sobbed into said pillow until it was wet with his tears.he didn't leave until pepper came and gently forced him away from peter's old room, coaxing him along with sweet words and supporting his weight with her arms and hip as he let himself get dragged like dead weight.
tony hasn't gone into his room since then.
yesterday i thought i saw your shadow running round.
to this day, even as tony shuffles slowly through the hallways, relying purely on muscle memory to get to the kitchen, he always sees peter. he sees peter, giggling loudly, his laughs echoing in the hallway. he sees peter, squinting his eyes and sticking the tip of his tongue on his top lip in concentration as he manufactures his web-shooters in the lab. he sees peter, laughing his contagious dopey laugh as he accidentally burns the cookies he tried to make that one time, the smell of smoke heavy in the air.
he's learned to keep his eyes lowered to the ground so he doesn't have to remember.
it's funny how things never change in this old town.
so far from the stars.
tony's whole life was put on pause after the snap. the world didn't wait for him- and that he didn't mind, but what he did mind is that nobody waited for peter. the world went on, but all the once bright and vibrant colors fell grey and white in tony's vision.
the colors of his dust.
and i wanna tell you everything, the words i never got to say the first time around.
tony didn't realize he was in the kitchen until his hip bumped into the counter. he didn't even flinch or jolt. nothing scared him anymore since his worst fear already happened. the kid was gone, but the unsaid words that lingered heavy in tony's chest and burned a hole in his throat were not. he should've said that one 'i love you', he wishes he could go back to throw in an 'i would give you the world, kid'.
over everything, he wishes he could've gotten his goodbye.
and i remember everything, from when we were children playing in this fairground.
tony stares blankly at his hands, fingers curled into loose fists sitting atop the marble counter. tony remembers the first time he met the teen. he remembers the way his aunt talked about him, her eyes gleaming with love and adoration as she bragged on and on about his intelligence and kindness. he remembers turning his head as the apartment door opened revealing the bambi eyed kid. he should have turned around. he should have left as soon as he saw him, because none of this would've happened if you had just listened to me - if he had just left.
but alas, tony does not regret meeting peter parker, and maybe that makes him selfish.
wish i was there with you now.
tony wanted nothing more than for peter to be here with him, or for him to be dead with peter. he needed to be with him. a world without peter parker was colorless, lifeless, it had no meaning.
tony snaps his fingers in the dead of the night, hoping he'll disintegrate just as peter did in his arms.
if the whole world was watching i'd still dance with you.
tony glances to the window, the sunrise a beautiful swirl of pink, blinding yellow, and warm orange-it's supposed to be at least. a faint memory of peter twirling around and drumming on tables with pencils to ACDC in the lab comes to mind and stabs him in the heart. the boy had an air of radiant youth that caused tony's face to stretch into a subconscious smile, a genuine laugh bubbled in his throat at him. everything about peter made tony feel better.
now tony had no one to dance with.
drive highways and byways to be there with you.
there was never a second of tony's life in which he didn't worry about peter. he would do anything for peter. if the kid wanted the stars and the moon, tony would damn well find a way to succeed. even if his worry came out in anger sometimes and a harsh lecture, it was always followed by a tight and shaky hug. tony would do anything for his kid.
the one thing he couldn't do was save him.
over and over the only truth,
he'll find a way. he always does. one way or another, peter would take another breath. tony will make sure of it, dead or alive.
he is here to avenge him.
everything comes back to you.