The Kiss
7 Months Post Break-up
Sophie’s boxing ‘lessons’ did Ryan a world of good. It gave her a safe space to just be. Be frustrated, be vulnerable, be strong, be in control. Though there wasn't much speaking, Ryan was able to mentally sort through her emotions. A part of her would argue that Sophie was a big part of that, but there's a bigger part of her that would happily deny, deny, deny it to her face.
Ryan started feeling like herself again. She moved back into the loft. Whilst in New York, Ryan would run her business virtually. COVID lockdowns served a great purpose, other than to drive people to the brink. Utilising virtual meetings and alternative ways of running the business allowed her to move in with Angelique. Documents that needed signing were either sent through the postal service or turned into E.signature documents. They learned to be efficient, and that efficiency helped Ryan when it was needed. However, she missed her large, polished oak desk. She missed her floor to ceiling windows that gave that killer view of Gotham, especially at night.
And she's been missing out on getting to know her bio mum, not that she initially wanted to know anything about her. But the more time she spends with Jada, the more she understands her past and the decisions she made. Nothing can replace the feeling of rejection and loneliness little Ryan felt being bounced around from home to home, not even the hole in her heart that didn't fully close even after being placed with and loved by Cora. But adult Ryan is finding her healing in understanding and revisiting her past and the events that lead her to where she ended up.
Jada struggled back then, and she struggled till the day she was found by Ryan. The emotional struggle almost wiped her out at some points. Secrets always find their way to the surface after eating away at you. When Ryan and the group did their ancestry search they didn't expect to find what they did. More specifically, Ryan didn't expect anything because as far as she knew, her mother was dead. Father? She wasn't sure. Her DNA matched one other, Marquis Jet. Ryan wrestled with the new information for months. She wasn't sure why Marquis was so keen to meet her but when they did meet, it was like they'd always know each other. When Jada found out about Ryan, she was less than impressed with the way Marquis went about it, but her daughter. She’d soon learn that Ryan wasn't easily bought, if Jada wanted to be in Ryan’s life, she’d have to work for it, earn it and Ryan would need to deem her deserving. It wasn't an easy road to walk for any of them and Ryan’s friends bared the brunt of her emotional turmoil. But they understood.
Eventually, dinners with Jada became their thing. At first it was easier for Ryan to interact with Marquis. He was raised as an only child so when he found out about Ryan, it was like a dream come true. He finally got the younger sister he’d wanted for so long and in his mind, it was now his responsibility to keep her safe and he told her as much.
——
Ryan and Jada are sitting next to each other at their favourite restaurant.
Jada: So, how have your “boxing lessons” been going?
Ryan chuckles. She’d told Jada about her sessions with Sophie and about Sophie’s reaction when she got the jump on her. Ryan’s kind of told her everything about Sophie, nothing in depth. Just Sophie from her point of view.
Ryan: They’ve been going good, thank you very much
Jada: She still turned up for those sessions even after finding out that you're trained already?
Ryan: She has been. She knew I needed it and still do. It helps a lot
Jada: The boxing or Sophie?
Ryan: Mom!
They both froze. Jada never pushed Ryan to call her anything she wasn't comfortable with, not even her own name. She hoped it would come as time went on and Ryan became more comfortable with her. The look on Ryan’s face was telling her everything she needed to know, they’ve both been shocked something chronic
Ryan: Err…..
Jada chuckles, “Don't look so shocked baby girl. I am your mother after all. But I get it, slip of the tongue”. Jada smiles and daintily swirls some of her Bolognese unto her fork and into her mouth
Ryan: No…I-
Jada chews her forkful, allowing Ryan time to figure out her thoughts
Ryan: I want to. I've wanted to, I just. I was scared
Jada carefully dabbed at her lips. She reaches across the table and Ryan instinctively places her own hands in Jada’s.
Jada: Sweetheart. I'm going nowhere any time soon. I won't leave you again, and I won't ever let you go without a fight. My first time round, there were a lot of factors. I refuse to make that mistake again
Ryan: I know. I’m just…
Jada: Fighting with the past? Me too. But I meant what I said, I'm here for it all for as long as you will have me
Ryan smiles, her eyes tear filled, “Forever”
Jada: And always….
It’s their new thing. Jada caresses Ryan’s hands a few moments longer, basking in the feeling of her baby girl's soft hands in hers again. The last time she felt them they were tiny, she committed their softness to memory. She secretly prayed those hands would be where her success would come from. They’re just as soft now as they were when she was a baby, Jada’s thankful that there’s an unintentional bridge between then and now. She’s got her baby girl back.
Jada clears her throat, “So, when do I get to meet Sophie?”
Ryan: You wanna meet my friends? It’s a big group of us-
Jada: No-, I don’t mean no I don’t want to meet your friends, I absolutely do. I’d just like to meet the woman who has your heart in such a twist first
Ryan chuckles, “What? No. Soph and I are friends, nothing more”
Jada: Take it from your Mom. She has feelings for you sweetie, she’s kind and patient with you, she cares deeper than you think
Ryan: You got all that from a few stories?
Jada laughs a little, “You’ve told me all the stories sweetheart. And, I may not have raised you but you’re my daughter in every sense. Don’t keep that woman waiting. I know you feel the same. Tell her”
Ryan sighs, “I just don't wanna get hurt again. I've done all of that already”
Jada: Baby, Sophie isn't Angelique. Give her a chance
Ryan: Hmmm………Anyway, where’s my bone headed brother?
Jada smiles in adoration before answering. She dreamt of days Marquis and Ryan would have a relationship, taunt each other, argue with each other. Yes, they were grown, but they’ve definitely been making up for lost times. As much as she has taken herself away from their bickering at times, it's still music to her ears and she basks in every moment of their interactions.
——————
For the last twenty minutes Ryan’s been sitting on her couch typing and deleting messages to Sophie. What's he supposed to say? Hey Soph, never forgot about that kiss, wanna try it again? That’s corny, but not untrue. She indeed did want to try that kiss again, with Sophie, but. Fear still held her in a chokehold, fear of being hurt, fear of being rejected. She wasn't even sure if Sophie was really batting for her team, or if that kiss was just a spur of the moment thing.
Before she could overthink any more, she's jolted out of her thoughts by the vibration of her phone notifying her that a message has come through.
Soph💖: You know, I dont think its socially acceptable to be typing a message for this long
Shit. Why was Sophie even watching her have a mental stutter? Why was she watching?
“You wouldn’t have known if you weren’t sitting there watching. Smartass”
Soph💖: You right. My ass is indeed very smart. Anyway, what were you psyching yourself up to tell me?
Soph💖: Ryan, I swear if you've taken that Angelique back I’m gonna beat your ass
“Relax. I didn't and would never”
Soph💖: Better not……I’m not teaching you anything else to let your frustrations out……
“Whatever. I already knew everything you taught me 😌😂”
Soph💖: 😒Yeah yeah
“Can I take you to dinner this weekend? I know I already said thank you but dinner feels like the best Thanks I can give ”
Soph💖: Ryan, you already know you don't need to do all this. But since I already know you won't take no for an answer, Saturday?
“It's a date!”
Soph💖: Clever 🤣it's a date
———
Saturday couldn’t come quick enough. The week seems to have dragged for Ryan’s part. Sophie was none the wiser. Ryan felt she was in the right frame of mind to bring up the kiss that has been lingering over them for the best part of a year now. There hadn’t been any awkwardness between them at all, they just didn’t talk about it. But if Ryan’s honest with herself, her feelings for Sophie went far beyond that kiss. The reason they bickered so much in college was the undercurrent of feelings that ran deep that neither wanted to face. Sophie wasn't into girls, Ryan was. In Ryan’s mind, that fact ended the conversation before it even started. So she did good by herself to bury her feelings and opted for a familiar lover instead, as toxic as it was.
Sophie had shown Ryan so much care in the last few months. Nothing Ryan isn't used to from Sophie, but this was different, it felt different. Ryan was hopeful, they may not have had great timing before but could this be the chance they’ve both been waiting for?
For Sophie, the kiss has also started playing on her conscience. In her mind, she's seen Ryan at her lowest but has also had the opportunity to watch her build herself back up. She’s seen Ryan hurt and crying and she hated every bit of it. To her, Ryan deserves better than Angelique gave, and could ever give her. She’s been seeing the old Ryan more and more and she’d be lying if she denied that her radiant smile wasn't her favourite thing about Ryan. And her laugh is music to her ears, so whenever they're together, she does her best to coax both out of her.
Did she have feelings for Ryan, yes. Is she going to tell Ryan? No. Will she continue to be what Ryan needs her to be? Yes. Sophie’s been through her own fair share of heartbreaks, and much like Ryan, she isn’t keen on revisiting that kind of pain.
——————
They both dressed for the occasion, the restaurant Ryan had chosen called for it, and they delivered. It wasn't lost on either of them that they rendered each other speechless. The air of attraction between them grew thick, neither could deny it. For the first time ever, they allowed the unsaid to fuel whatever it was that they were feeling throughout dinner. This was mutual, a plethora of shared feelings yet to be verbalised, because once verbalised, it would be real, tangible even. And though Ryan planned to confront the tiny elephant in the room, she fidgeted under the weight of it all. The small talk they’d been engaging in throughout the night helped to hide the nerves kicking around her stomach, until there were no more courses to be served, the wine’s down to its last glass and the candle between them slowly flickered, signalling its own end to the night.
Ryan: So…..
Sophie let out an amused huff, “Ryan, you're just so…”
Ryan: What, I didnt even do anything
Sophie: Out with it…
Ryan ducks her head, a sheepish smile gracing her lips, “Look at you figuring me out already”
Sophie: Had you figured out since college. Sorry to break it to you
Ryan laughs because she did in fact, know that already
Ryan: Soph…..Ryan Sighs…..I want you to hear me out. I just, I don’t know whe-
Sophie: The kiss
She says it so calmly, like it's not freaking her out as much as it is Ryan, and Ryan is absolutely freaking out.
Ryan: How did you-
Sophie: I have eyes and a gut too Miss Wilder. I didn’t wanna push, I wanted you to heal and know what you want first. What you deserve. I wasn't hot on being a rebound either
Ryan: Sophie I would never, you would never be that to me. I hope you know that. It's just, I’ve had time to think. And like you said, to heal and work through my feelings. Angelique was never the one for me, no matter how much I tried to convince myself she was. I think I’ve known that for a while but familiarity felt safe, until it wasn't
Sophie listened intently. One of the things Ryan had grown to love about her, she didn't have to fight to be heard. Sophie wanted to hear her out, always. She’s never had that before.
Ryan: You’ve shown me so much care in the last few months. I mean, everyone has but you…. Do tell me if I’ve read the signals completely wrong but….I want this.
Ryan could feel her heart pounding in her ears as she second guessed even starting this conversation in the first place. What if Sophie didn't feel the same way? What if she’s been reading everything wrong? She couldn’t bring herself to look at Sophie, the silence that settled between them was deafening
Sophie: Ryan, look at me….
Sophie reaches across the table, lifting Ryan’s chin with her finger
Sophie: You haven’t read anything wrong
She drew her hand back to her side of the table. She holds Ryan’s gaze, she can still see uncertainty swimming in her eyes
Sophie: That kiss. I was so unsure of myself up until that point. We’d been talking, getting closer. I honestly can't point to exactly when my feelings for you started bubbling over but they did. I never wanted things to be complicated so I left you in that restroom and kept my distance. I had to figure my shit out
Ryan: And have you?
Sophie smiles, “I’m here aren't I? What do you think?”
Ryan chuckles, “Sophie’s hot girl summer, heard all about it”
Sophie groans and covers her face, “Can't nothing stay buried in this group”
Ryan: Got that right
Sophie rolls her eyes and stretches her hand across the table again, Ryan meeting her in the middle
Sophie: Ryan, I want this too. You're not in this alone…..
They held each other’s stare. Hope was all they had for each other and this new journey they’ve decided to embark on together. They stayed seated for a while longer, talking and enjoying each other’s presence.
When it was time to go, their cars were brought to the front of the building
Sophie: Hmm, was this our first unofficial date? I feel like this was our first unofficial date
Ryan laughs at Sophie’s antics, music to Sophie’s ears
Ryan: Such a dork. But let the records show, I indeed asked you out
Sophie: hmm
Ryan: There is one more thing….
Ryan steps into Sophie’s space. She searches her eyes for the consent she’s asking for. When Sophie nods, Ryan brings both her hands to either side of Sophie’s neck and Sophie wraps her arm around Ryan’s waist. Before she could think too much of it, Sophie leans in, connecting their lips. Shared years of longing poured into their connection, butterflies took flight in their tummies. They didn't know where their budding relationship would end up, but they had a niggle of a good feeling about it.
They weren’t even close to forty yet, but the Love they’d later share would surely see them jumping the broom sooner rather than later.