Infinity War. This movie is exhausting to watch. It is an ordeal to sit through and left my stomach turning for days after seeing it.I had trouble sleeping, in the pit of my guts twisted with tumultuous anxiety and I couldn’t exactly figure out why. People would ask me how the movie was and I’d answer shortly that “it was terrible.” I didn’t want to talk about it. But why? I’d been looking forward to this movie for years! Yet for the life of me I could not articulate what it was about this film that left me deeply uncomfortable. It has taken me over a year to fully reckon with why Infinity War made me feel so disturbed and frankly, gross. Finally after many discussions with friends and reading reviews and watching video essays (most notably Movie’s With Mikey’s Let’s Talk About Thanos video which I will link to at the bottom of this page). But now can finally share with you what it was about IW that profoundly affected me. I am not the first person to criticize IW, I’m not the first person to write about the ways in which this movie is damaging, nor should I be. I just want to contribute my own insight and point of view to the conversation. As a fan, as a woman, as a person who has survived abuse and trauma. We will get to that. Hopefully I’ll still have followers when this is done. Deep breath friends, in...good. Out….okay, let’s go.
Call me a pansy, but I do not like watching characters whom I love and have grown attached to suffer insentient misery without reprieve or reward. It’s not fun, it’s not thrilling and it certainly isn’t entertaining. We go to these Marvel movies because they are fun and they give us hope. If we don’t have a sense of wonder and adventure then why are we even watching these movies? Captain America, Thor Ragnarok Winter Soldier, GOTG, these films were good because they gave us people to route for. Interesting fun stories, not to mention stakes that aligned with the narratives to boot.
Because these are our heroes however flawed they may be. Marvel literally built an empire off this nostalgia from comic books and good ole’ good guys vs. bad guys. I already touched on this concept in the very first (mostly emotion driven keyboard pounding piece Infinity War Was Tragedy Porn). I won’t harp on the point but let’s just say that there is enough pain and grief in the world already. We know people who persevere still loose in the end. We know because we live it every day. So watching our favorite characters like Steve, Bucky, Natasha, Thor and others suffer relentlessly is not something people necessarily want to see. It isn’t compelling or interesting it’s just...a lot.
For me it really came down to two characters in particular. Gamora and Rocket. The mangy little raccoonoid has always been my favorite guardian and certainly my favorite Marvel character. This is in part, because of his relatability. (A talking enhanced raccoon relatable? Oh don’t worry I already wrote that little essay: Coping Healing and Physical Trauma or Why This Trash Panda is So Damn Relatable). Let’s cut right to the chase because we have a lot to get through here-bare with me I’m gonna get real for a second. I have poured a lot of my own pain, my own sorrow and my own trauma into this racoucious ringtail. Is this healthy? Probably not. Is it better than the numerous other ways I could cope? Undoubtedly.
I’m not alone in doing this either. Most fans relate to and project their own lived experiences on to fictional characters. In my case, Rocket’s journey throughout GOTG Vols 1 & 2 very much mirrors my own story. So when I sat in the theatre watching him loose Groot (again), I felt physically ill. To watch a character who has come so far, who has had to do some serious soul searching and endure incredible grief and pain, be kicked down back to where he was before GOTGVol1; alone and scared and trying to exist in a world where his own existence is an anomaly? That hurt. It made me feel hopeless and helpless and that is not why I watch Marvel films. Rocket is a character who has suffered and lost but he has kept going. Relentlessly surviving and that is inspirational but the fact that the writers had him loose not only Groot, (again) but the only people who have ever loved him and stood by him despite of his flaws was really hard to watch. He cannot escape loneliness and isolation even after finding a family. He is back to square one. More like square -1 because at least when we first meet him he has a partner. Watching Rocket loose everything after working so hard to get something anything, it made me feel like the own struggles in my life and my own efforts to grow and heal...were useless and worthless. If watching Rocket loose Groot and subsequently the rest of the guardians made me feel like vomiting in the theatre then Gamora’s death was near unbearable to witness.
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Gamora’s death was wrong in so...so many ways. I hope I can articulate some semblance of that here. When we are first introduced to her she has successfully escaped her abuser. She is beginning to establish her own identity and find her own self worth apart from her past apart from being “the lackey of a genocidal maniac.” Throughout GOTGVol1&2 Gamora shows that she is a deeply compassionate person who empathizes with others so much that she would readily risk her own life to protect a planet she has no attachment to. Like Rocket she too finds a family with the Guardians. She found people who accept her for herself, apart from her attachment to Thanos. Gamora is healing from her abuse while coming to grips with the aborrent actions she’s committed. She has come so incredibly far and then...then she is killed and not just killed, murdered, brutally by her abuser. Infinity War glorifies abuse and violence using it as a plot device. It is obviously not the first film to do this, far from it but the issue is that this act of brutality is intended to make us feel sympathetic, not for Gamora. For Thanos. That is beyond sickening and it is not lost on me that the two people Thanos tortures the most are women. While the mad titan himself is a charactercher of masculinity. A hyperbolic representation of a self-proclaimed genius authoritarian. A man who is willing to do what it takes for the good of the universe, and isn’t it just so sad that no one understands him? He’s painted as a martyr. Infinity War plays with not only brutal tragedy but the violence and suffering of women; using it as leverage for shock value.
I have talked about this movie with many, many people and so far the only people who leap to Thano’s defense are men. I have yet to hear any woman argue on his behalf. “But he’s crazy!” They argue, leaping to his defense with disturbing readiness sometimes eagerness. “That just shows how evil he is!” If that is true then why did the soul stone reveal itself after Gamora’s death? If that was truly the intention then the stone would not have worked showing us that no Thanos did not actually love Gamora. But it did work and the very fact that it did proves the point. “She’ll come baaack,” they chide. That is not the point. The point is that for many of us who have survived abuse watching Thanos torture Nebula and murder Gamora shows us an abuser who wins.
I can’t help but wonder if this story would be different were Infinity War had a more diverse creative team behind it. Another argument I often hear is “it’s for the plot! They needed to have a big dramatic sacrifice! It’s just a superhero movie!” This really irks me because there in exists an implicit ignorance and selfishness. An unwillingness to fully understand or at the very least acknowledge the larger contextual nexus of political, social, gender and sexual issues going in our world right now. Infinity War ignores the very world in which it is created and consumed and ignores the very fans it strives to appeal for. You cannot separate reality from fantasy, not so long people who live in reality reading, watching and consuming that fantasy. The Marvel movies don’t have to be socio political commentaries but they do have a responsibility to be aware of different lived experiences of their fans. It’s not about whether or not Marvel has a psychotherapist or if there are trauma informed screen plays. It’s about the people sitting in the director's chair and in the writers room. People who have different lived experiences making the decisions about these movies. How many women oversaw the writing, direction and production of Infinity War? How many people of color and queer people?
My guess is not many. Infinity War was indifferent to the impact that it had upon its viewers and must be held accountable. They must come to grips with the fact that the choices they made and the pain they chose to thrust upon beloved characters has had a coercive effect on many of their fans because it was directed primarily by men who hold enough privilege in our society that they don’t have to think about these things. This film is, as so many other forms of media still are-despite recent efforts to move forward-created by and for men. A specific type of white heterosexual man. A many who has never been abused.
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For those of us who are not straight white men Infinity War is a kick in the guts. It shows us that our struggles are futile, our trauma a spectacle to be exploited and in the worst cases mocked. The misery and unyielding destitute hopelessness of our beloved characters tells us that there is no hope. With particular attention to Gamora and Nebula Infinity War teaches us that abuse is love and that people who abuse are the ones to be sympathized with and understood. Do Anthony and Richard Russo or Kevin Feige care about this? I highly doubt it. Otherwise they would not push for and celebrate the narratives of an psychopathic abuser. They would not herald Thanos as sympathetic and praise worthy. They are trying to be edgy and different when all it really is is myopic, egotistical and downright cruel and zealous. I don’t think that the Russo’s or Fiege or any man involved in the production of Infinity War is a bad person or that they intentionally did this. But they are insensitive ignorant and they must be held accountable by fans, by other creatives in the industry and they must do better with End Game.
This is especially frustrating coming off the heels of movies like Black Panther, Wonder Woman, Into The Spider Verse. Movies that were cognizant of the realities in which they were made and the experiences of their fans and actively used that to create powerful stories. Infinity War just feels dates and ignorant. A product of the gamergate culture we are still steeped in.
I am going to see End Game next Saturday and I will do my best to see it with an open mind. Ultimately I will judge the next Avengers movie by how, as another fan worded it, how they treat Nebula and Gamora; the who who are incidentally the only two people who truly deserve to kill Thanos in my opinion. If they are able to construct a well written narrative that gives them agency I will count End Game as a success. I will also judge it by how they wrap up the endings of our other favorite characters. Giving Steve and Bucky, Thor, Tony, Bruce, Natasha and the rest of them an ending that they deserve. A satisfying conclusion to their journeys and rewarding payoff for all that they have gone through and endured for over ten years and a satisfying conclusion for us too.
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So where does this leave us? The subject of accountability. The creators behind Infinity War must be held accountable for their ignorance. I would encourage you as you are willing and able to write, post on social media and make known your honest feelings about this movie. As fans we hold tremendous power, by speaking up, signing petitions, etc we can continue to push for more diverse stories that are sensitive, adventurous and appealing. We can advocate for more women, people of color and LGBTQIA+ representation not just on the screen but behind it as well. In the production and the directors chair. The industry is changing...slowly and not completely but it is. Look again at the past few Marvel movies. We can make a difference and we can hold people accountable for their ignorance. We can stop watching movies or TV shows, (take the Walking Dead for example, I know many people who ceased watching that show after Glen’s grotesquely miserable death). We can make a difference in who gets to write/direct/produce movies. We’ve already come a long way, but we can go further. Whatever it takes!