Chapter 2
It was dark in the room. The Sun went down over an hour ago and Bucky was still here, crying in the bedroom of his best friend. He didn't move, didn't bother to turn the light on. He felt so guilty for what had happened today. Steve had been shot and it was his fault. What would he do without him? How would he manage to move on? It was Steve. The only constant in his life. The man that always came back to him. No matter what. Death, brainwashing, getting iced. None of that prevented them to get back to each other. It was supposed to be till the end of the line. It couldn't be it. Not because of a momentary lapse of attention. Not because of a bullet. Yet Steve was still in the operation room. They should have brought him in Wakanda. They could have saved him. After all, they helped Bucky, and Ross... so they could have help Steve too. Too late, he was here, in the Avengers HQ. There's one person who would be happy. Thaddeus Ross. The man who pushed for the accords, who launched the civil war with the help of Zemo. In the end they got refused. After the anger and emotion washed off, after every one really took the time to read all those pages... And with a bit of communication between all the interested party... they realised the Accords were a shitty solution. Yet Bucky still had a hard time getting liked... people still wanted him dead. It wasn't that easy. But till today, Steve had been there. Next to him, helping him through everything. And helping Stark to overcome his anger. It was thanks to Steve that he had a place to stay here. Tony and him were still not on speaking terms. They avoided each other. But Tony stopped trying to kill him. Bucky had a hard time facing him, and he understood the anger Tony felt. If Steve didn't make it, Bucky would be all alone again. He wouldn't be able to stay here. To face the others, their sorrow, knowing full well he was responsible for it.
Today was the worst day of his life. He had been tortured for years before giving into the brainwashing, he had lost friends before, he had face many ordeals. But for Steve, if it could save his life? Oh he would go through all of it again with a smile on his face. Some people might not understand the feelings he had for Steve. Hell! He didn't understood them either. All he knew was that nothing could be worse than losing Steve. He would do whatever it takes to bring him back. Steve was a hero. He was loved and admired by so many people around the world. He was truly one of the mightiest heroes of earth. As for Bucky... he was just a killer. Not many people sympathised with him. If he died tomorrow, nobody would care but Steve and perhaps Natasha and Sam. No one else would be affected. It was probably better that way to be honest. He wished so hard he could give his life to save Steve's. He knew it was impossible though.
He stayed there, scared about losing the one person he cared the most about on earth. Wallowing in sadness, in the dark. He was pathetic. What would Steve do if Bucky was the one who had been shot? He wouldn't have locked himself in his room crying... no... he would have done something. Found the identities of the men who were there in the hydra location they were at earlier. That's what he should do. If only he wasn't paralyzed. All he could do was stay here, because it was Steve's room. There wasn't much decoration. Only his sketchbooks, and pen... a few old photographs, the howling commandos, Peggy, Steve and Him together, next to another one of them. One was from world war two. Both of them were smiling and both of them looked younger, and less tired. That Bucky still had light in his eyes, his smile was real, he doesn't remember much from that day, just that it was a good day. And it shows on his face. The second photograph was taken a few weeks ago in wakanda... both men smiling. But their smile and eyes weren't as bright as before. Bucky's eyes had some darkness in them. Same face, same body, two different persons. Steve had change as well... but not as much. His face still screamed righteousness and kindness. And he had a beard. That was a big change, and Bucky had to admit that he looked dashing. That man was gorgeous. Whether it was before he left, when Steve was still smaller than him, or when he joined him in the war bigger and stronger than he used to be, or nowadays, with that beard and that suit showing America's greatest ass -this thought made him smile for a second- Steve had always been gorgeous. Bucky just realised that he had gotten up. He went on to look at his sketchbook. Steve was not always keen on showing his drawings. But Bucky wanted to see them. He opened the sketchbook and went through the pages. He had drawn most of the Avengers. Peggy was there too, a few portrait of her. And Bucky was in it. Quite a lot. Sometimes it was just his eyes, or lips drawn on the pages. Other times it was his full face. Some pages were him before the war, and other were him those past years. Steve cared about him, it showed in his drawings. But did he cared as much as bucky did? When he said 'I missed you' did he meant in the same way as Bucky missed him when he wasn't close to him. When he had said 'til the end of the line' on that helicarrier, did he meant it as Bucky did when he said it over 70 years ago on the threshold of Steve's apartment? At the time it was all he could say. Calling him 'pal', yes he was his best friend. However, Bucky felt more than friendship for him. So much more. Back then he couldn't tell him. First he wasn't sure what he would have done if Steve didn't felt the same, but even if he did, hiding away from other people wasn't a proper life. Today things were different.
"Fuck..."
Still looking at the drawings, two tears rolled down his cheeks. Today things were different. He didn't have to hide anymore. And he didn't want to lie again. He prayed. He prayed that Steve would get out of that operation room alive. He prayed he would wake up. And when he did, Bucky would tell him the truth. He would tell him how he truly felt for him. He wouldn't lie again. So please, god, or whoever is up there, give me one more chance with him. Just one more chance.
A knock on the door was heard. The door slowly opened and Bucky wiped away his tears before looking toward who just opened the door. He also closed the sketchbook before fully turning toward Natasha. His eyes full of hopes. Hopes that she would give him good news. For once, no Alien attacks, no Hydra planing to wipe out most of humanity... just one piece of good news.