I’ve said before that I’m always watching you. I know you better than your own mother. She might not be the best person to compare with, though.
I know you better than your husband, who I’m sharing just a few things about you with. No matter how much I tell him, he’ll never know it all. He’ll never grasp my need for this- how much you mean to me.
I know you better than your lover, the man who used to be a boy alongside you but who never could measure up to you. (You were always the biggest part of it all, the center of everything.) Even though he’s closer, he doesn’t know what I know, not everything. He’s learning, but he doesn’t prioritize you the way I do.
No one does.
You’re the first person I think of in the morning, and the last at night. At Sa-ra’s church they say Jesus should be that person for us, but for me, it’s you. And I must be Judas, or maybe Pilate, leading the masses to see you hang.
You’re a zombi which rises up again and again- because I let you. I wanted you to. Every time you do you’re changed. You decay again and again into your true self. And I am the woman making it so.
I’ve been waiting for her all this time. I’ve lost sleep over imagining what it would be like to see you stripped of everything. At your most vulnerable, ugly, pathetic, I’ll be the one beside you. Little by little I’ve removed everyone you could’ve had on your side, just for this.
Just remember that you’re the one who started this. You bit the forbidden fruit that turned the serpent to a snake. Like begets like, and now we’re entwined. But rather than a battle or happenstance, I’ve been pursuing you until I could finally catch you, and eat you, like I’ve been planning on and dreaming of all these years.
There’s nothing to be done. You can’t stop this. You can’t say a word. All you can do is be drawn in by me until we reach our ending, together. We’ll end this together, because we’ve never been apart. Everything I’ve done has been for you, and everything you’ve done has been because of me.
And you can’t ever get rid of me.