Apologies
“Krys you haven’t been home in almost two weeks. What’s really going on?” Krystine’s mother’s voice echos accusingly through the small room. “This can’t just be about your friends. Tell me the truth.”
Krystine lay back on her king sized mattress, the words she could say tumbling through her mind like an avalance. Here’s the deal mom. I was kidnapped by the x-force, vaguely related to the x-men? They wanted to recruit me. Thing is, they’re not letting me out of their sight until they can trust me. Hope that’s ok. Love you! Yes like that would go over well.
“Look I didn’t want to tell you the other day, it’s a job.”
Her mother’s brow furrows. “A job? I thought you worked at a cafe downtown?”
“Not that job mom. A different job. A job that involves… well my screaming.” Her mother’s face pales at the mention of her abilities. They’d always been a touchy subject. “Don’t look at me like that. They’re going to teach me how to use it safely… I think.”
Her mom’s lips are a thin line. “You know my feelings on the matter. I don’t understand why you couldn’t just go through with finishing your degree. You’re certainly smart enough. Apparently not motivated enough.”
The words steal the breath from Krys’s lungs. “You wanted the truth. That’s where I’m at. Don’t believe me? That’s on you.” There was a knock on her door. “I’ve got to go. Talk to you later.”
The screen goes blank as the call ends and she resists the urge to throw her phone out the window. “Good timing I guess. Come in.” The door opens with a low creak. Nathan walks in, a smirking Deadpool in tow.
“Good news captain daddy issues! We’ve talked and we’ve decided we trust you! Welcome to your new found freedom!”
Krys’s expression doesn’t change with the news. The prospect of going back home suddenly soured. “Awesome. Is that it?”
“Well… I thought you’d be jumping for joy, trying to break the glass to get out quick, calling an uber, something.”
Krys shrugs. “What’s there to go home to at this point? I obviously wasn’t motivated enough to get out of this shit in the first place. Might as well park my ass where I’m actually wanted.”
Wade glances at Nathan. “Suddenly this just got way too serious for me. You know how well I handle the feels. Gives me gas… or maybe that’s the chimichangas. Speaking of which!” He inches backwards towards the door, keeping his back towards the hall. “Yukio wanted me to teach her how to make my chimichangas and who was I to say no! Don’t want to be late for that!” He’s gone just as quickly as he’d shown up.
Krystine’s apathetic expression cracks for a moment. The hurt and anger whirling around clear as day. Nathan has to resist the urge to hold her again. They’d found themselves in that position several times over the last two weeks. Last night had been the most recent instance, where she’d even fallen asleep like that. He’d had to sneak out and had been caught by Wade on the way out.
“Cable and Siren sitting in a tree, K - I - S - S - I - N - G. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes little cyborgs in a baby carriage!”
“Shut the fuck up Wade. It’s nothing like that.”
“Right, so you haven’t spent nearly every night comforting her through the loneliness and the longing for her family. You are her knight in shining - -” His words are cut off by a metallic hand wrapping around his throat again.
“We fucking pulled her out of a field. Somewhere, where she’d hoped to grieve in peace. You may not know what that fucking feels like. But…”
“Yeah yeah, your cold heart goes out to her. Something about hope or your wife. We’ve all heard it before. I’m sure even the writer is tired of hearing it. You know you’re much too serious for this sort of thing.”
“You’re fucking insane Wade. Now fuck off. I’m going to bed.”
“Enjoy your wet dreams. I know I do!”
“Nathan..”
His eyes focus on the shadowed form across the room from him. “Nathan… please… don’t leave…” Her pleas tug at his heart, again pulling memories of his wife to the surface.
He doesn’t respond, instead just moving to sit on the bed beside her. She sits up, her arms looping around his shoulders, her head resting on his back. “I’m sorry…”
“For what?”
“You’re my chaperone… you don’t care. I keep throwing my emotions at you… I just…” She sniffles, muffled by the cloth of his shirt. He turns now, pulling her into his lap, letting her curl into his chest. He’s never noticed how small she was compared to him, how easily she fit into his lap, into his arms.
He strokes her back gently, letting her cry into his shirt. He can feel the wet tears soaking through to his chest. One of the few times he’s glad his cybernetics aren’t susceptible to water. Eventually the shuddering of her body stops, the tears dry up. She looks up at him with those imploring blue eyes. They glow, even in the dim light of the room.
“You guys heard everything didn’t you.” Krystine’s words aren’t accusing, just inquiring. She wanted to know how much she needed to explain or how much she could leave out.
“Just the tail end. Couldn’t hear much of that considering how much Wade was running his mouth.”
“It’s not my fault I’ve got a better connection to the writer than you do!” Wade was running by, an armful of chimichanga’s clutched tightly to his chest.
Krystine can’t help the snort that leaves her. She’s laughing now, full bodied laughter at the comic interruption. “He’s got some timing doesn’t he.”
“Timing. Yeah, let’s go with that.”
They fall silent again, enjoying the closeness of their embrace. She would’ve thought, that after only two weeks, she’d be uncomfortable with this. She’d had touching issues ever since college, but… something about Nathan and the way he handled her just put her mind and body at ease.
“Nathan…”
Nathan’s eyes find hers, his stomach flipping at the way she says his name. “Krystine?”
She’s kneading her lower lip with her teeth again. “Thank you.” Then she’s reaching up. Her hands cautious as they cup his cheeks. Her lips are nearing his. He’s frozen in place. He doesn’t know if he should stop it, if he should encourage it. It’s been two weeks and he’s still getting over his wife. He doesn’t know if this counts as cheating. He doesn’t know if he’ll ever return to his wife and child at this point.
Krystine’s lips meet his and it's as if his brain’s been muted. He can’t hear anything at this point. His lips burn as she pulls away. “I’m sorry, I just… you were… I’m a moron.”
Now it’s her turn to freeze. Nathan pulls her closer, closing the distance between their lips again. His kiss is much less tender, much less hesitant. Krystine finally starts to react, wrapping her arms around his neck, nipping at his lower lip and moaning softly. “Nathan…”
He’s pushing her down on to the bed now, his body moving on instinct alone. He’s holding himself over her with his still human arm. His metallic hand is exploring her curves, brushing the side of her breast, the cusp of her hip. She’s squirming underneath him, reaching for him, pawing at his shirt.
“Hey Robocop! Bossman’s got - -” Wade’s voice sputters out into gleeful laughter. “I knew it! I knew they were fucking! Take that writer! Trying to convince me I was nuts. Which, I am, but I know sexy time when I see it!”
Wade’s glee breaks Nathan free from his instincts. He’s off the bed now, stalking out of the room with a low growl. “You said the fucking boss man wants us? Let’s fucking go.”
Krystine is left staring at the door. Her lips are tender, her skin tingling with the residual sensation of his metallic hand. She raises a hand to her lips. “What did I just do…”
------------------------------------------
“Mom?” The front door creaks. “Mom? I know you’re mad, I just - -” Her words are cut off. Her mother’s arms around her, tear streaked face buried in her hair.
“Honey, when you disappeared, I was so scared. I didn’t know where you were. They turned off your location services.”
Krys hadn’t realized the extent of what they’d done to keep her out of sight. She’d really have to mention that to Wade or Nathan when she went back. Am I going back? It was a question that had been lingering at the edge of her mind. What if I go back and something happens? What if I don’t make it in time?
Ever since they’d found out about what was really going on with her father’s health, they’d all been in the limbo of no one knowing just exactly how long he had left. The average life expectancy for his disease was anywhere from three to five or seven to ten years. The doctors weren’t sure when it’d started and weren’t sure how far along it had progressed.
Since the diagnosis, it seemed as though each day he got progressively worse. What had once been a oh that’s weird maybe once a month, had turned into a daily, what’s he going to forget today?
“Your father.. He noticed you were gone. He kept asking me when you were coming to visit…” The words tug at Krystine’s heart.
“I’m here now, that’s what matters right?” She blinks away the tears that threaten to spill over. “Where is he?”
“In his chair. The dogs are with him too. Keeping him safe while he naps.”
Krys enters the living room and her heart nearly falls to her stomach. Her dad’s eyes are closed and he looks even more frail than when she’d seen him two weeks ago. She watches the steady rise and fall of his chest for just a moment, then speaks. “Dad? I’m home.”
He stirs, coughing and blinking rapidly. “What? Oh sweetheart, how are you!” His voice is raspy with the weight of sleep. “I missed you. Did you have fun?”
Have fun? She glanced towards her mother who wasn’t looking at her. Of course she’d found some explanation and hadn’t thought to warn her of what it was. Her father’s brow furrows at the sudden silence. He seems to realize that maybe you don’t know what he’s asking about, or rather he may not know if he’s asking about the right thing.
“Your mother said you were at a work meet?” The words are close to what they should be, but still off. Krystine should be used to it by now, given that’s one of the biggest symptoms. Aphasia. However each missed word or misunderstanding drives the reality further in. She’s losing him.
The tears are burning at the corners of her eyes again, but she blinks them away. “Oh yes! The work trip went well. They really like me. I think I’m going to be made full time soon.”
“Oh that’s great honey! You really are a great daughter.” She leans across his chair to give him an awkward hug. He holds her tight and kisses the side of her head. It’s a sloppy gesture, but it still warms her heart to know he’s proud.
“Well, I’ve got to go talk to mom about some stuff ok? I’ll come back down in a little while.”
Her father nods, adjusting his lazy boy so he’s upright again. He pulls his computer into his lap and falls deep into his normal computer games.
Her mother leads her up the stairs in silence. The air heavy with unanswered questions, with concerns, with… guilt? They make their way into her parents master suite and her mother shuts the door behind her quietly.
“You’re going back aren’t you.” Her mother’s arms are crossed in front of her chest, however the statement itself isn’t accusing.
“I- I don’t know.”
Krys’s sitting on the edge of the bed now, her head in her hands. “They.. they saved me mom. I nearly got killed out there. The way they found my car? That could’ve been me. If they hadn’t been there to… I guess recruit me? I wouldn’t be here right now.” Her voice is small, tired, the weight of her emotions pressing down on her lungs. “I feel like I owe them.”
She didn’t want to look at her mother. She knew what was coming. She knew the hurt that would be splayed across her mother's face. She couldn’t handle disappointing anyone else. “I’m sorry. I - I don’t think it would be safe if I didn’t.”
“Safe? You’ve spent twenty five years on this earth without any issues and now you think it’s not safe? Just because some people that were stalking you up until recently told you it wasn’t?”
“No mom. I’m not doing it for anyone but myself. I nearly killed myself two weeks ago. I wanted to die. I didn’t care anymore. If I can find a way to make sure I don’t get like that, to make sure that my powers don’t assist with something like that in the future…” She trails off, the tears rolling down her cheeks now.
“Krys --” Her mother’s words are cut off by the howling barks of the two dogs downstairs. There were voices that weren’t her father’s down there and it didn’t sound far away like the TV.
“I can’t believe you’d give her the car before she was ready.”
“Hey don’t blame me! The writer needed a way to get the plot moving!”
“The writer? Do you listen to yourself sometimes?”
The barking had paused briefly at a shouted expletive from her father, giving Krys just enough to realize who was at the house. The barking resumed, louder and angrier this time. She could hear their chests smashing into the gate that was meant to keep them contained in the living room with her father.
“Looks like they aren’t giving you as much choice as you thought.” Her mother’s words bit deep. Krys didn’t want to think she was right, but why else would they have followed her.
“Oh Captain Daddy Issues! We’ve come to save you!” Wade’s masked face is suddenly peaking through the crack in the door. “There you are! Your daddy dearest was so kind to tell us you were upstairs with your mom. Didn’t mention how hot - -” His words cut off with a thud and a wheeze.
Nathan pushes the door open, letting Wade’s crumpled form fall through. He steps over Wade without a second thought. “Were you going to tell us where you’d gone?”
“With what? The phone numbers I’m just expected to have?”
Wade snickers, slowly regaining the air in his lungs. “Haven’t you checked your contacts recently? Nathan might’ve slipped you more than just the tongue the last couple of - -” Another kick to his face silences him.
Krystine doesn’t know what to say at this point. She hasn’t really gotten to the meat of the story with her mother and it looks as though she’s probably not going to at this point. So instead, she locks eyes with Nathan, trying to plead with him through some imaginary mental connection she’d hoped he’d pick up on.
“I apologize for him Mrs. Evans. We’ll wait for Krys downstairs.” Nathan wrapped his mechanical hand around the back of Wade’s neck and dragged him back out into the hall. He shot Krys another look on his way out, one that read you’ve got explaining to do. She sighed, shutting the door once more and turning to look at the pale face of her mother.
“Guess we’ve got to make this quick…”
------------------------------------------
Nathan’s not sure what to expect when they’re pulling away from Krystine’s childhood home. She’d spent almost a full hour explaining everything to her mother, fighting the inevitable return to the x mansion and then glowering as they loaded up her ‘freedom present’ with clothes and personal items.
“Was this freedom just a fucking test?”
The tears haven’t stopped rolling since her goodbyes with her parents, her brother, her dogs. “I can’t believe you guys would dangle this in front of me and expect me not to at least go see them. They’re my parents Nathan! You out of all of them should fucking understand that.”
Nathan doesn’t respond, both eyes focused on something outside of the car. “Great you’re a fucking strong and silent type. Just expects me to go along with whatever you guys fucking feel like without any consideration for the consequences that I have to fucking live with.” Still nothing.
“You know how broken I was. You’ve held me every night since you fucking saved me from myself. You knew exactly how much this would hurt. And in spite of all of that I was thinking about going back. I wanted to die that day. You saved me and gave me a reason to keep living. You reminded me that I need to be strong, that I need to be there for mom. And I can’t do that if I can’t control myself.”
She sighs, tapping her fingers on the steering wheel before speaking again. “Why couldn’t you trust me to come back willingly…” Her voice breaks at the last word, sniffles and hiccups shaking her shoulders.
“I’m… sorry.”
“Are you? Are you really? Do you have any idea what any of this feels like? To lose someone and not know exactly when you’re going to lose them? Do you know how any of that feels?”
“I do.”
Charred corpses. His house destroyed. The vengeance he’d sworn. The memories flashed through his mind in hot painful streaks.
Krystine is silent now. She realizes how stupid she’d sounded, how insensitive. Of course he’d know that pain. He’d lost his wife and daughter, brought them back, but hadn’t been able to go back to them because he’d chosen to save Wade instead.
The awkward silence lay thick between them. Krys found herself glancing between the road and Nathan’s face. She didn’t know what to say to make things right. Again she’d opened her mouth with a complete disregard for anyone’s feelings other than her own. It was something her mother had always warned her would eventually come back to bite her in the ass. Why did she have to be right…
She removes one hand from the steering wheel, sliding it across the center console to rest on Nathan’s thigh. Nathan stiffens next to her. His mechanical eye locking on the sudden contact. Then, still stiff, he slides his mechanical hand on top of hers. He squeezes as softly as he can manage, before leaving their hands together. A few seconds pass and she squeezes back. A silent apology.