Resurrection

The day light brought a whole new meaning to their silence. Peter didn’t want to wake up, didn’t want to know the hands that were wrapped around his body. But those familiar hands that had hugged and patted him in the past, that had shivered and choked him- he knew he wasn’t dreaming but if it all were possible he wanted to pretend that he wasn’t awake. In that way, he could push the inevitable a little bit longer.

But like all the times his wishes were unheard.

Tony was slowly drawing circles on his arms and waiting patiently. He knew that the boy was awake but he wanted Peter to gather his thoughts.

“I know you are awake spiderling” Tony said brushing the boy’s hair which was in disarray.

“Nope. I am sleeping” came the snarky reply.

“Are u now?” Tony chuckled unable to hide the bliss he felt. Peter was still behaving the same. That meant he had hope.

“Pete, look at me” Tony tried when the laughter died down.

“No”

“Pete, baby?”

There was no response but he felt a tremor under the hands. Peter was shaking. No, Peter was sobbing.

“Peter, do you want me to go?” Tony asked in a voice barely more than a whisper.

“NOOOOOOO!” Peter all but screamed latching onto his mentor.

“Then why won’t u look at me?” he asked cupping the cheeks and wiping away few stray tears rolling down.

“Because then …. Then you will leave. I don’t want you to go Mr stark... Stay please. Mr stark”.

“Baby boy, I told you yesterday. I will leave you only if you want me to go. No one else can ask me to go away. And I won’t leave you by myself”.

That seemed to be enough assurance as he started breathe normally.

“Are you hungry?” Tony asked looking at the pale skin. He tried not to think the reason why the boy got the sick pallor.

Peter just shook his head.

Tony could only sigh-“even if you don’t want I am hungry and we need to talk”.

“Yes, Uhm I will be back” Peter replied and went to washroom. For all purpose, he didn’t want to use the washroom but that old paranoia was hitting again and he didn’t want to lose himself in panic.

He wanted to gather his thoughts. As he stared in the mirror placed in the top right corner of the bathroom, he couldn’t help but feel ridiculous. Here he was barely nineteen, his face was covered in scars and tear strained. His always puffed up cheeks now looked like a sad willow. He wanted to hide or better yet just swing from this place. But what if? What if Tony was speaking the truth?

Was he going to stay with him? Will he run back to his wife?

Thousand questions were swirling in his mind but he knew that there was nothing he could do. Every single answer to his endless questions could only be answered by one single person. And he knew these answers were important. He knew that there was no way he could just leave now wondering whether the man was willing to give a try. A try. That was all he needed. To prove himself.

He would never be ready but he had to step out of the bathroom. He had to face the man.

“Everything is gonna be fine”. With those thoughts he stepped out to where Tony was sitting waiting with a coffee and toast in his hand.

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Tony couldn’t help but keep jumping in his feet. The kid was taking more time than he should be and he was already regretting it. He should have had the talk yesterday. Instead stupid old him had decided to wait until the end! Now that the novelty worn off the kid might have understood how much of a fuck up he is. What if he had crawled out from the bathroom?

He was ready to knock on the door (blast the door with the super hero strength) when he saw the boy stepping out. If it was possible, he looked even paler but then he gave a nervous smile and whispered –‘good morning’.

Neither of them tried to converse through the meal. Trying to gather the thoughts. Where to begin? What to say? Neither of them knew what to do.

So as always and as a responsible mentor Tony decided to speak up.

“I am sorry”.

“I know” peter whispered unable to look at the man anymore.

“No… I am sorry. God! Peter I didn’t know why I did it. I knew you were not to be blame. I knew why Pepper moved on had nothing to do with you. And judging by your flinch you don’t want to talk about it. Shit! You are afraid of me aren’t you? It’s understandable. But we need to speak this Peter. I was always volatile, destructive. Now, I have the perfect excuse it. You shouldn’t associate with me, kid. It’s not good. It will never end up good and I don’t want you to ruin your life”.

“My life was already ruined, Tony” Peter said barely more than a whisper.

“What?” Tony asked unable to hide the harsh tone and Peter again flinched. “Why would you say that Pete?”

“I was already in love with you even when you were my mentor. And when I was in the soul world, all I could think about was you and when I came back, well I knew there was nothing I could do. Yet. I wanted the closure, Mr stark and when you… died. I couldn’t cope. I tried everything but nothing worked. I was so lonely. I felt dead more than I was in the soul world. So I don’t think you can anymore ruin my life any further”.

“Guess, we should have never met, huh?” Tony asked clutching the glass hard. The heat gave him comfort like no other.

Peter didn’t know how to answer…was he supposed to joke about it? Dismiss the accusation but he knew his mentor. Subtle humour was his way off coping with the situation. So he decided to be truthful about it.

“Maybe. I wouldn’t know. If I haven’t met you I wouldn’t have fallen in love with you. But whether I met you or not I would still be Spiderman. And I would have still fought the bad guys and I would have got injured. Hell, I might have been dead by now with the gadgets. So, meeting you might be the reason why I am still alive.”

“Damn, you sound like Pepper” Tony chuckled trying to hide the blush that was creeping in.

“I... am not … Pepper” Peter said trying to hide the wince. Is that what it was? A rebound? He wasn’t sure whether he could be just a meaningless person to his mentor.

“I know” Tony said his gaze turning serious.

“I can’t be Pepper.”

“I know”.

“Tony, I know you want to be with her. I don’t think I can help you. It’s not that I can’t. But I don’t think my heart can take it.”

Tony furrowed his brows repeating the lines in his head. Over the course of the years, Peter seemed to be wiser. Not that he wasn’t before but the funny ever cheerful attitude was now just a sheath for the boy. So much had happened. So much without his aids. And it seemed like Peter grew up with it.

“I am not trying to get back with her. Pete, what do you think is happening now?”

“I don’t want to be a rebound!” Peter blurted out unable to hide it any longer. “I want you to see me. I want you to understand how much I care for you.”

“You are no rebound. How could you think that? If I needed something like that I could have found any girl or guy and they will fall for me. Pete, baby when have I ever made you feel like it?”

But the answer he got was silence. So he sighed and continued –“When you died in my arms, for some time I waited to turn dust. I was like surely the world wouldn’t be this cruel. Surely, you won’t leave me, let me be stranded in some godamn world with no one but a blue skinned alien. There was anger, guilt. Then remorse. I was not yet ready to face the reality. Sometimes I felt you. Sometimes I cried thinking about you. Those twenty two days, all I wanted was to get back to world and bring you back. It took me twenty two days to think about anyone else. Pepper, Rhodey and happy. God, I hoped that they were alive. It was Nebula who asked me to remember about people who will be waiting for me and I knew I had to give them answers. But I was so happy. If I died I knew I will see you. But I wanted Pepper to live, get back with someone. So I gave her a message and decided to drift off to be awake in your arms”.

“When I got back to Earth, I was angry with everyone and even angrier with myself for failing to protect you. So I spent days in lab and when it was futile, I scrapped everything and restarted again. I knew it was unhealthy. I probably should have known it wasn’t the feelings of lost intern to grieve so much. I refused to take medicine, if I couldn’t bring you back I decided not to live any further.

Steve even came once and told me that I should look after my fiancée. But I couldn’t. All I could think was you. Until one day Pepper busted in and cried saying she needed me. Others were gone. Never to return. What left of us, we had to look after each other and something broke inside me. So I went back and started staying with her. Made this house far away so I will never have to chance upon one single place I had been with you. I abandoned the tower but made sure to look after your quarters. And if I sneaked in the nights to the lab to run the simulations. Pepper never tried to stop me. She knew she could do nothing about it.

“Five years kid, five years. Even little Morgan couldn’t bring the joy inside me. I wanted you… near me. Why do you think I went with the plan even when I knew I would die? Cause I wasn’t living. I was just waiting for the other shoe to drop. So no, you can’t be a rebound. You were the only person I wanted then, the only person for whom I wanted to be better then, the only person for whom I am still trying to be better”.

Peter just stared wide eyed.

“I know I shouldn’t be selfish. I know I should let you go. But I want to see this Pete. I want to know whether after everything I could have once chance where I can be truly happy.” Tony said and sipped the coffee which had turned to cold by then.

“I don’t know what to say” Peter answered all though he was blushing.

“Then don’t” Tony smirked and continued- “But I know what we could do”.

“Are you thinking what I am thinking?”

“I don’t know… are you thinking about one tall lean guy who is incredibly attractive in horn helmet and is goddamn hot?”

“Yes! Let’s go meet him.”

“Yep. Let’s have a heart to heart with our grumpy host.” Tony said holding out his hand to Peter.