Chapter 1
Fury wasn’t the only one she gave a communicator to.
She gave him a pager, but she gave Maria and Monica so much more.
Because she didn’t only strip Yon-Rogg of his perceptions of what a real fight should be when she sent him back to Hala with his proverbial tail between his legs.
She’d also stripped him of his built-in forearm communicator.
She’d repurposed it and given it to Maria. Well, to Monica, who’d insisted on having it.
To her family.
They quickly learned that intergalactic time zones were hellish.
The occasional holographic skype session kept Carol feeling close to her family: Maria got to tell her about the flights she took and Monica got to tell her about the science fairs she was winning.
Carol didn’t tell them much when it was both wife and daughter chatting with her: Monica didn’t need to hear what a lonely life it was, getting to know people so intimately, so closely, so profoundly, so quickly.
Until it was time to leave them, again, because a whole different group of people on a whole different planet needed saving.
And she didn’t want Monica to know that stopping genocide always meant seeing genocide.
She didn’t want Monica to hear her scream, to watch her break, like she sometimes screamed and broke on holographic skype with Maria.
And when the time zones didn’t sync up, they wrote. Well, recorded voice messages.
The three of them, intergalactic pen pals - what a family - all through the device on Carol’s arm, that Monica loved to wear, that Maria protected like she protected nothing aside from their daughter.
Carol,
I missed you especially hard tonight. I took Tom’s kids and Monica out in Tom’s pickup out to Driskill, and we did what you and I used to. Hell, not at all what we used to - is it weird to write about our sex life in an intergalactic text message? (that’s what these letters are called now, babe - or emails? I guess they could be voicemails. Either way, let’s update your lingo later) - but you know what I mean. I packed a thermos of hot chocolate and brought all our blankets and made them a fort in the back of the truck.
Monica showed off like you taught her to - don’t make that face (I may not be able to see your face, but I can definitely see your face, Danvers), you know it’s true - telling Tom’s boys all about the stars, the sky. I had to clear my throat a whole lotta times to remind her not to add the bit about her other mother soaring through all of them, saving lives out there, right now.
You keep safe out there, Carol, you understand me? We’re good down here, living our lives. We’re not sitting on our asses waiting for you to come home, like we talked about: I promise. But we miss you, every day. I miss you most at night, I think. Point is. We’re good down here. But don’t you dare get hurt out there where I can’t protect you. Because you know that if you die out there, I’ll have to kill you.
Be safe, or our daughter will throw a fit. And so will I.
I love you, Carol. I… well. You know.
And there were Monica’s voice notes.
Ma!
Hey, remember when I used to call you Auntie Carol? You and Mom were so smart! I mean, you still are. But like, it’s like you two were undercover, and I was an agent with you! The clever ruse of you two being best friends. You know it’s changing now, a little bit. There’s this one boy, a few years younger than me, at that Stark Industries summer internship, and he’s out to everyone as trans and he says he’s dating both of his best friends. So it’s changing, it really is. So.
Ma! Hehe, I get to call you that now. Except you’re not here.
Don’t get me wrong: I’m so proud of you, every day. You know that, right? I hope you know that. And if you didn’t, now you should.
Remember when I told Nick that I’ll get to space one day? I really think I’m gonna, Ma. Build my own ship, I mean. I made this little plane, the one I’ve been working on that I told you about - I’m calling it Photon - and I’m engineering upper atmosphere capabilities into it. Basic physics!
Mom says SHIELD is gonna come recruit me any day now.
Ma, I love you. I know it’s corny to say, but you and Mom are my heroes. Gotta go now. I’ll send another one of these soon. Don’t get hurt, because Mom will definitely kill you if you do. Love you!
And there were Carol’s notes back, composed while she was sitting with her legs crossed, nothing but the vacuum of space underneath her, watching the birth of stars, looking down at yet another planet, alive because she’d saved it.
Lieutenant Trouble,
Or should I call you Photon now? You know how proud your mom and I are of you, right? Of course SHIELD is gonna come knocking. Do me a favor though, and only go with Fury, Coulson, or Hill. You know how military organizations are. And SHIELD is that. So if they roll out the red carpet for you - and of course they will - make sure it’s with agents you trust. I also heard a rumor that Coulson put together a new team. Melinda May and these scientists and a hacker and a mechanic. They might be good for you to be around.
Oh my god, am I parenting you from all the way out here? I am, aren’t I. I’m… sorry? Nah, I’m not sorry.
You should see what I can see right now, kiddo. These colors, they exist on Earth. But not like this. Nothing’s like this. Imagine… imagine the most beautiful, miraculous sunset over the ocean, and then add forty billion times the beauty. And then maybe that’s something like what it is out here.
You’ll get here. I know you will. Tell me more about Photon, if you want. I’m so proud of you. Your mom is too.
Please hug her for me. Please know how much I miss you both. It’s amazing out here, but nothing’s like being with you two.
I’ll stop now so I don’t gross you out with my corniness too much, okay? Can you pass the communicator to your mom now? Please and thank you. I love you, Monica. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anything.
Hey Maria. I’m going to say a bunch of nonsense now to give our daughter time to leave the room with her fingers shoved between her ears. I love you, kiddo!
Okay, serious now. Hi.
I love you. Is it weird to start out by saying that? Whatever. I love you.
I cut my hair. I think you’d really like it. It’s short, now. Like, real short. I’ll send an image along with this datastream. All I keep thinking about is what it would feel like to have your fingers running through it. God. I miss you more than I can stand.
There’s this planet. I’m sitting above it right now. I think you’d love it here. I’m so far out that I can barely even see our sun in the sky, but this planet actually isn’t that different than ours. Same stupid wars, same stupid -isms. But Maria, they fly. Not even with wings, but like… they’re nothing I can describe. Not even bipeds, just… it’s amazing out here. Good people, overall. Ronan tried to… well, whatever. He failed.
I wish you were next to me. I wish a lot of things.
You’re beautiful, do you know that? I was just describing how impossibly beautiful it is out here to our daughter, but Maria, you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I keep thinking about that night you were talking about, in the pickup. Well, one of those nights. The time it rained, and we kept making love anyway. You were so turned on, but you were giggling like crazy, and it was… you’re so beautiful, Maria.
I don’t know if I tell you enough, being out here. I could never tell you enough.
I told Monica to hug you for me. Please make sure she does, and squeeze her right back for me. Please.
I love you. I’ll come home as soon as I can. One day, maybe, there won’t be so much to do out here. I’m trying. You know I help people with diplomatic missions almost as much as I blow up ships with my body? I’m trying.
Thank you for existing in the universe. I don’t want to know who I’d be if you didn’t.
I love you.
Her voice echoed in Maria’s room and in her body. She shivered and tugged one of Carol’s old sweatshirts around her even closer.
She set the message on replay to keep her warm as she fell asleep.