Ásgarðr

Loki's Perspective

I saw him standing beside father. I heard the words that he spoke, and they broke me. Everything that I was began to crumble at my feet. There was no Loki Odinson. I was not my father's child. Instead, I was a lost thing he had collected from the rubble. What he had intended for me, I did not know, but one thing was for certain. He lied to me. He built a life for me, but it was one founded on selfish ideals and deceit. There was no truth, no love, only his plans for the future. He fed me false hopes and dreams where there were none. 

And, despite everything that he had done, he expected me to be indebted to him. He expected me to be grateful. 

Was I supposed to be? I stood there in the shadows of the throne room, and I listened as my brother told my father that he would kill my people. I had no love for them, no, but I was what the Asgardians despised. Here I was, realizing then that my brother would not love me had he known the truth about my origin. 

"Father, when I am King, I will..."

The words blend together, losing their meaning as my eyes struggled to focus. My brain struggled against the truth, battling my emotions with logical thought. Of course, it was a simple conclusion. They did not want me here. I was not one of them. I was Prince of Jotunheim. I should be a King. I only studied the Prince's life from the sidelines, watching as he grew up. Watching as we grew apart. 

Part of me wondered if perhaps he knew. 

He continued his warmongering. I turned away because I couldn't take any more of it. I heard my name as the oak doors slammed behind me with a bang so grand and so thunderous that it echoed throughout the halls of this place I once considered home. I did not look over my shoulder to see if he would follow. 

I was afraid that he would stop me. 

I was raised to believe that I was Asgardian. From a young age, I realized that I was different, but I never thought twice about it. I figured it was a feeling that every child experienced. How foolish I was, desperate to ignore the truth that was so plainly presented before me. I felt as though I could not hold them accountable for my ignorance, as eagerly as I wanted to. 

I was blind because I chose to remain so. 

I heard the door from somewhere behind me. There were footsteps fast approaching, but I paid them no mind. It was not until a hand tightened around my wrist that I stopped. 

"Loki, did you...hear that?" Thor questioned, huffing and out of breath. I did not turn to look his way.

"So what if I did?"

"Well, this is certainly not the reaction I expected...I thought you would be on board,"  he answered after a moment. His fingers were still wrapped around my wrist, and I was acutely aware of him straightening his back with a speed that should have made it crack. 

"On board?" I asked him softly, feeling my patience grow thin. 

"Loki, please, do not play stupid. I know you."

"You are warmongering. I want no part of it. You must realize how foolish you sound, pretending to be something you are not," I snapped. He looked surprised, and an uneasy silence fell over our heads. I said nothing, letting the quiet seep into the cracks that were crumbling my facade. It was Thor that broke it, speaking with erratic energy that left my head buzzing. 

"What am I pretending?" 

"To be King."

It was as simple as that. The world around us began to fall away, leaving fractures in our relationship that I would not be able to repair had I wished to. Thor's eyes widened, and I saw as he tried to think of a reply. Any retort he may have had would be lost underneath the din of my blood rushing through my veins with the force of a roaring wave. 

With that, I pulled my arm away. 

"Brother..."

"I am not your brother."

                                                                       * * * * * * 

"I don't...understand," Thor speaks softly, his voice cracking on the invisible weight his words carry. It is the first thing said since I explained what happened to me, the things that I had down, and his voice startles me out of my reverie. I am sitting beside him silently, studying the lines of his face as my brain tries to agree with my heart. Earlier, he had collapsed into a heap on the floor. I saw my brother cry then, but I had managed to calm him. After he touched my face a few times, he seemed to believe that I was truly there. Suddenly, I feel as though I am fragile. 

"Yes, I can see that," I reply after a moment, but that is all I say. I do not trust the things that threaten to spill over. His eyes meet mine. I remember their past clarity when they were clear blue oceans, but I see now that they are a sea in constant turmoil. Darkened by storms, violent waves destroy all in their path. I feel lost inside of them when I look, like an unfortunate sailor being dragged to my death.

"Explain it again."

"I have already explained it three times..."

"Yes, but I don't understand. There is something you still haven't told me. Why are you here?" His question catches me off guard, and I visibly start. The quiet is my only answer, and it prompts him to scoot closer. Before I can argue, his hands grip mine tightly. I see his knuckles bleed into a bone white. "Why?"

"...I wished to see you, I suppose. I saw our...futures, and I wished to see it for myself. I did not think it possible." 

"What part?"

"All of it, but mostly our...relationship. I thought it irreparable." 

"It was not," he responds gently, as though speaking to a startled child. I stop that thought before it can take root. I realize he is not attempting to patronize me, but instead, he is talking from a place of hurt. There is a deeprooted pain lost to the naked eye, and it is buried underneath the surface where my fingers cannot reach. 

"I saw, but...I did only witness my own side of things. I do not know much about your side of things. I wish to if you would allow me to."

"You wish to see my side of things?"

"I wish to see what you lived through." 

"I don't think you truly want that," Thor answered quickly. I glance at him, surprised by his outburst. The look on his face is one that screams fear. I feel it radiating off of him in waves that leave me breathless. 

"I see you, Thor. I see you as you are, and I know that whatever you have gone through..." 

"...it is full of nothing but pain, Loki." 

"As my life seems to be, yes. I understand what I am asking for, but I wish to know." 

"...you came all this way to know. You may, but I warn you...you will not like what you see." 

"I...do not doubt that, but I expect that." Without another word, I close the distance between us. My fingertips rest on his temples, and he allows his eyes to fall closed. 

"Then you may see," he repeats weakly.