Bumalik ka na sakin...
The first attempt was a simple failure.
Nakabalik na ulit ako ng rehearsal after a day of arguing with JC.
Hindi nya daw ako titigilan hangga’t hindi nya nakikitang okay ako.
And I, as a stubborn kid end up blackmailing her na itatapon ko lahat ng gamot ko kapag di nya ako tinigilan.
I was about to throw the med in the trash when she grabs my hand and sigh.
“Fine!” sigaw nito at kinuha sa akin ang gamot.
“hehe… sabi na eh. Love mo talaga ako cous” I said attempting to hug her pero tinulak nya lang ako na ikinanguso ko.
“Wear jacket and only for an hour. Pagkatapos nun, uuwi na tayo agad.” She said making me look at her.
“Tayo?” I said confusedly.
“Yes, tayo, I’ll accompany you. Or else you want me to lock this room with you in it.
Wala na kong pakialam kahit itapon mo yung gamot” she said raising her brow.
“Sabi ko nga. Sige bihis na ko, bihis ka narin.” Masaya kong sabi bago tumakbo patungong banyo.
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.
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We arrived at the bar. Kaagad kong hinahanap ang babaeng tatlong araw ko nang hindi nakikita.
Kaagad ko naman itong nahanap, nakaupo ito sa paborito nitong pwesto sa bar, malapit sa entablado.
Nakangiti akong bumati sa mga waitress at agad na nagtungo sa pwesto nito.
“Hi!” masaya kong bati
Tinignan ako nito at tumingin sa likuran bago ako bigyan ng pilit na ngiti.
“Hi.” Tipid nitong sabi na ikinanguso ko.
Iniumang ko ang kanina pang bulaklak na hawak ko.
Kaagad syang umatras ng makita ito na ikinakunot ng nuo ko.
‘ayaw ba nya? Panget ba yung bulaklak? Mabango naman ah’
“w-what’s that for?” sabi nito habang tinatakpan ang ilong
“Huh? Para sayo?” naguguluhan ko paring sabi
She gave me a disappointed look before she sneezed.
My eyes grew wider when she continue sneezing while attempting to sit farther away from me.
“Oh crap! I forgot you’re allergic to this!” I quickly said and give the flower to JC.
“I’m sorry, Nawala sa isip ko.” I continue, feeling guilty.
She sneezed again before looking at me.
“I’m Okay. I must go thou; I don’t have any med here” she said and quickly stands up.
I was about to follow her when JC grab my hand.
“Babe, where are you going? You’re not fully recovered yet.”
Tumingin ako kay ate Achira para sana humingi ng saklolo pero binigyan lang ako nito ng tipid na ngiti bago bumahing ulit.
“I’m… I’m okay. I’ll have kevs to fetch me.” She said then wave her hands goodbye.
Nilingon ko si JC at masama itong tinignan.
Tinaasan rin ako nito ng kilay bago umupo sa pwestong inupuan kanina ni ate Achira.
“I was about to say sorry, what did you do?”
I frustratingly say and was about to hit her when she just dodges it and put my hand down gently.
“My priority for now was to be your guardian, not your wingwoman.” Sabi nito at inilabas ang telepono nito para tawagan ang kung sino.
“Yung bulaklak! Isa pa yan! Bakit ko ba nakalimutan!?” I continue, pulling my hair.
“Stop that or else uuwi tayo. Go, rehearse first and plan for your next action after.” She spoke.
I pouted and just obey her. Kahit feeling ko nasayang lang effort ko.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________________
The second attempt was a bit mess.
“Hello max. nice to meet you!”
Masayang bati ko sa hawak hawak ni kevin.
“Here you go, halley. Nasa loob na ng bag na to ang mga kailangan ni max ah” sabi nito at ibinigay sakin ang bag
“And here! Go to your temporary guardian max” patuloy nito at ibinigay sakin ang puting pusa na kanina nya pa hawak.
Masaya ko itong niyakap at hinaplos.
“Okay, I better go. Kanina pa ko tinitext ni Eir. Ingatan mo yang pusa nya, mahalaga yan sa kanya.” Sabi nito bago tuluyang umalis.
Pumasok ako ng dorm at kaagad na inilapag si max sa sahig.
Kaagad na kinuha ko ang telepono ng marinig itong tumunog.
Snowball:
Carrot. Please do take care of my baby.
Kaagad akong napangiti.
Carrot:
Aye aye captain snowball! Ako na po bahala, enjoy sa shoot. 😉
I didn’t get a reply to her kaya sinimulan ko nalang ang canvas na ginaagawa ko.
Tinignan ko muna si max na prenteng nakaupo sa sofa at nakapikit ang mata.
Nakangiti kong sinimulan ang trabaho.
.
.
.
Makalipas ang isang oras, nakaramdam ako ng tawag ng kalikasan.
Dali dali akong tumakbo sa banyo at umihi, naghugas narin ako ng kamay dahil tapos narin naman ako sa canvas ko.
Mabilis akong lumabas ng banyo ng marinig ko ang sunod sunod na pagkahulog ng mga lata.
Napaupo na lamang ako sa sahig ng maabutang nakakalat sa sahig ang mga pintura na natapon…
Kasama si max na masaya pa atang naliligo sa mga kulay.
Napatakip nalang ako ng bibig dahil sa kawalan ng sasabihin.
Bumukas ang pinto ng kwarto na ikinalingon ko.
“anak ng--- anong nangyari dito!” sabi ni alex at dali daling inalis si max sa pintura.
Agad itong nagtungo sa banyo na sinundan ko lang ng tingin.
Nang makarecover ay agad akong tumakbo patungong banyo.
Naabutang kong nakabalot ito sa tuwalya habang pinupunasan ni alex.
“Max! Waahh!” madrama kong sigaw at inagaw ang tuwalya kay alex.
Kaagad ko itong inalis at umiyak na ng tuluyan ng makita ko ito.
“Wahh!! Baby Max, dito ka nalang tumira sakin! Mukhang di na kita masasauli sa nanay mo!"
Kaagad na inagaw sakin ni alex ang tuwalya at tumatawang dinampot si max.
“hindi mo naman sinabing sisimulan mong kulayan ang mundo ni ate Eir sa pusa nya.” Pang aasar nito.
Iniangat nito ang pusa at sinuri.
“Fairness, pink and purple. Sakto sa women’s month” nakangisi pa nitong sabi bago ito kunan ng litrato.
Malungkot akong nagtungo sa kama at pabagsak na humiga.
Nagpapadyak ako at sumigaw sa unan na nasa mukha ko.
.
.
.
It’s been an hour bago ko napagpasyahang tumipa sa telepono.
Sabi ni alex, Nakita na raw ni ate achira yung pusa na lalo kong ikinakaba.
Nagtataka rin ako kung san nya nakuha ang number nito.
Nag uumpisa na namang tumulo ang luha ko ng makita si max sa sofa.
Nakatingin ito sa akin at para bang sinasabing okay lang.
Carrot:
Sorry talaga ate achira. It was totally my fault.
Wala akong nakuhang reply dito kahit hanggang sa sunduin ni kevin si max.
Malungkot ko itong binigay sa kanya na ikinatawa nya lang.
“Ang artistic mo ah. Happy women’s month.” Natatawang sabi nito na ikinanguso ko lang.
“Ano ka ba? Eir will understand, it’s not entirely your fault” pagpapagaan nito sa akin.
Umalis ito kaagad dahil susunduin pa daw nito sa airport si ate achira.
Malungkot akong bumalik sa dorm at pabagsak na humiga sa kama.
Inabot ko ang cellphone ng marinig itong tumunog.
Snowball:
It’s okay, hall. don’t worry.
I just cried my eyes out that night to release my frustrations.
__________________________________________________________________________________
The third attempt was a total failure and a mess, literary and figuratively.
Halley:
Ate achira, punta ka bar, i'll bake some cookies later. Taste test mo ;(
I texted her. It was my first text after the incident happened.
Although, kevin said that ate achira just laugh when she sees max,
but I think the guilt and frustration hinder me to text her back for 2 days.
And now, I’m attempting again.
I was planning on baking some of her favorite cookie sa kitchen ng resto bar.
Nagpaalam naman ako sa may ari nito na kaibigan rin ng pinsan ko, kaya malakas ang loob kong magkalat.
At kitang kita yun sa mukha ng kapapasok palang na si JC.
“What have you done?” gulat na tanong nito habang itinataas ang supot ng harinang ginagamit ko.
“I’m baking, this is my next plan.” I said confidently.
“Yeah, like its gonna work. This is a disaster” madramang sabi nito habang papalapit sa gawi ko.
“heh! It’s the effort that counts noh.” I snorted and continue what I’m doing.
“Babe, you’ve never done this before. And how many percent of chances you’ll ace this?” she said raising her brow.
“I’ll ace this noh. Wala ka bang tiwala sakin?”
“sa ganitong bagay… wala. You might break the oven” she said trying to get the scoops on my hand.
Iniiwas ko ito sa kanya at nagpatuloy lang sa aking ginagawa.
Huminga lang ito ng malalim bago umupo sa stall sa harapan ng counter at tinignan ako.
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.
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Ting!
Kaagad akong tumayo at masayang binuksan ang oven.
Agad na tumambad sa akin ang may kalakasang usok na ikinaubo ko.
Narinig kong suminghap si JC at dali daling tumakbo sa gawi ko.
Kinuha nito ang oven gloves sa kamay ko at sinubukang sagipin ang mga cookies na ginawa ko.
“My cookies! Save them!” madramang sabi ko habang isa isa itong sinusuri ni JC.
“I told you, you’re bad at this” naiinis nitong sabi.
Hiniwa hiwalay nito ang mga pwede pang kainin kesa sa sunog na talaga at uling na ang kulay.
Inilagay nya ito sa bowl at itinapon naman ang iba.
“You save them! you really love me cous!” I said attempting to hug her.
Iniiwas nya lang sakin ang katawan at kaagad kumuha ng isang pirasong cookie at tinikman.
Agad na nagbago ang mukha nito at nagtungo sa lababo para iluwa ang kinain.
“What was that!” she said washing her tongue.
“Why? What’s wrong?” I said worriedly.
I was about to grab some of it nang pigilan nya ako.
“Don’t, it’s too salty” nasusuka paring sabi nito
Inalis ko ang kamay nito at kumuha ng isang piraso.
Kinagatan ko ito na pinagsisihan ko rin sa huli.
Kaagad kong tinulak si JC paalis sa lababo para iluwa ang kinain ko.
“How much salt did you put in?” nagpapanic nitong sabi bago kunin ang cellphone ko para tignan ang ingredients sa recipe na sinearch ko.
“I don’t know. I think I just put 1 spoon” I said rubbing my tongue to remove the salty feeling to it.
“it says ½ teaspoon! You, cookie wrecker!” she said.
I snatch my phone on her hand and read the instructions.
I frustratingly comb my hair and glared at the cookie beside me.
“I told you it won’t work. You now ruin my cookie fantasy. I’ll never forget this!” sabi nito at sinabuyan ako ng isang kumos ng harina.
Gulat akong napatingin sa kanya ng tumama ito sa mukha ko.
Natatawang napailing ito sa akin na ikinainis ko.
I also grab a handful of flour and threw it on her, na ikinagulat nya.
Tumakbo ako palabas ng kusina ng maningkit ang mata nito.
‘patay’
Naghabulan kami sa buong resto bar habang sinusubukan nya parin akong batuhin ng harina.
Alam kong sobrang dungis na kami pero hindi parin kami tumitigil sa pagbabatuhan.
“Ay takte! Ginawang playground ang bar!”
Tumigil kami sa pagtakbo ng biglang bumukas ang pinto.
Nakangiti akong bumaling sa pinto, na pinagsisihan ko rin pagkatapos.
Nandun sya nakatayo habang walang emosyong nakatingin sa akin, sa amin ni JC na nakayakap parin sa akin.
Agad akong humiwalay dito at ngumiti sa kanya.
Tinanguan nya lang ako at dahan dahang lumapit sa amin, kasama sila sam.
“Gagi sibat na ko, ayoko maglinis!” sabi ni Ino na hinila ko parin.
.
.
.
Nag ayos kami ng sarili ni JC bago lumabas ng kusina.
Kinalabit ko ito na ikinatingin nya.
“What about my cookies?” I said pouting at her.
“What about it? Don’t tell me you still want to give it to her?” she said amusingly.
I pouted even more.
“Even this plan didn’t work” I sadly said at nauna nang lumabas.
“Oh, asan na daw yung cookies na ipapataste test mo kay ate Eir.
Busy yung tao pero pumunta dahil sabi mo magbabake ka.” Bungad sakin ni rim at umakbay sakin
I was about to reply when JC talk first.
“Yeah, sorry about that. Nasunog yung cookies. We’re too occupied with throwing some flour on each other and forgot to mind the time.
I order some pizza, my treat. I apologize for letting you help us clean this mess and for the inconvenience.”
I look to ate achira’s side only to saw her looking at me sadly.
‘I must’ve waisted her time’
the pizza arrives on time. I heavily sighed when I look at ate achira.
She was very quiet that’s why I have no heart in attempting to do conversation with her.
After she ate, she bid goodbye to us which made my heart ached more.
I just let her leave the room and sighed in frustration.
I disappointedly look up to see JC standing next to me.
I smile sadly and clean the last mess that I’ve done for today....
________________________________________________________________________________________________
I was at the resto bar today. I was working as a waitress because of the mess I cause the other day.
JC didn’t even help me.
‘hmp! This witch. She even started it!’
I was serving my last customer for the day before my shift end when a familiar girl enters the bar.
She’s wearing a very simple hoody jacket and a denim pants with her caps and mask on.
She sits on her usual sit and wait for a waiter to take her order.
I sadly look at her, it’s been a week since we last met. Because of her busy schedules.
We didn’t even have the time to talk about the cookie incident and even max’ colorful body thingy.
I served the last order I’ve got and walk past by her table.
She notices me but her stoic expression didn’t change.
I sighed as I enter the kitchen.
Frustration grew on me again.
I quickly change my clothes and go my way on JC, Alex and my bands occupied table.
"Cous! Hindi ko na Kaya! Nangungulila na ko!" I said dramatically said after sitting beside her.
" Look! She's just meters away pero Hindi nya ako pinapansin!" Naiiyak ko pang Sabi bago yumakap ulit sa kanya
"You know what? You really look stupid" she said insanely cold.
Tumigil ako sa kadramahan at taas kilay akong tumingin dito bago magsalita
"Pinsan ba talaga Kita? Sama ng ugali mo ah"
"I'm just saying, instead of stupidly trying things that you don't usually do or even tried.
Why try to woo her first on the things you're good at" she said making sense."
"Like?"
"Really stupid... Cous, minsan hindi totoo ang 'kaya kong gawin ang mga bagay Hindi ko ginagawa para lang sayo' statement.
It doesn't work like that." She said swinging her hands in the air.
Ngayon ko Lang sya nakitang ganito. And she's on her full Tagalog monologue.
I must've done it terribly.
"Look, wala Ka nang magagawa Kung hindi mo talaga Kaya ang isang bagay okay. Leave it like that.
I know na you just want to show your sincerity but let me tell you this. It'll never work every time." She said scratching her cheek.
"Instead of trying to do want she like, try to do what you want, the one that you're good at.
Ikaw rin naman gagawa, might as well put the efforts on something you truly like to do.
It's more appreciable for her to see that you want her sincerely, with you in it. Cause in that, she will see your true you.
Mas makikita nya Kung sino ka ba talaga, not the one you've been trying to be so you can get her attention."
Nagulat sila ng bigla akong tumayo.
"Now, what stupid things will you do, again?" She said looking at me.
I just smile and wink at her.
" The one I'm good at" I said before coming up on the stage.
‘Oh, I’ll be totally pissed if this still failed.’
.
.
.
"Good evening, everyone!"
A huge crowd started howling and screaming when the spotlight hit me.
"Sorry for disturbing your peaceful moment..." I continued.
My cheek heats up when my eyes meet hers.
Ako ang unang nagbawi at tumikhim bago ulit magsalita.
"May gusto lang sana akong sabihin sa taong ilang linggo ko na ring iniiwasan… at sa tingin ko iniiwasan rin ako.
Alam mo Hindi pa tayo pero bakit tinotoo mo naman na mas mauuna pa tayo mag LQ."
Napuno ng tawanan ng mga Tao ang bar.
"I'm sorry for making you angry and making you feel less important, when you are the most and more important than anything else."
Tumikhim ako ulit bago magpatuloy
' bakit ba ko kinakabahan. Para akong nagcoconfess nito eh'
“And I want to also grab the opportunity to say sorry for making your white kitty cat a women’s flag color.” I sincerely said na ikinatawa parin ng mg tao.
"I... I know we never talk about what we had, but you're special.
Everything that I have done these past days was just for you to notice me. Which I failed all " I pout at the thoughts of every plan that I made
Napuno na naman ng tawanan ang mga tao dahil sa pagnguso ko.
"And these cousin of mine..." I said as I point my finger at JC's area.
She just gave me a smudge face before I returned my attention to the crowd.
"Knock some senses in me. Yeah, ganun nya ako kamahal, Kaya literal na tinawag nya akong bobo." Natatawa Kong Sabi
"Well... I think she's right though. I'm not good at doing anything that makes her look at me.
That's why I'll finally trying getting her attention tonight..." I said as I looked at her.
She was looking at me intently. Her expression was less stoic right now.
But she's still not smiling.
“And wooing her with something that I'm good at." I pause.
"Can I call my band here on stage?"
Agad agad Naman na tumayo ang tatlo at nag ayos sa kanilang pwesto.
Kinuha ko ang gitara na nasa gilid ko at isinukbit ito sa aking braso.
Sumenyas ako kila Sam na ready na ko.
"Miss snowball... This is for you" I said as the drum filled the room.
“Magaan na ba ang 'yong paghinga bumalik ka na sa'kin
Klaro na ba ang isip sinta bumalik ka na sa'kin
Hindi ka na nagparamdam
Buhat ng cool off ako'y nahibang”
I look to where she is right now.
I can’t see her face though, but I know she’s looking at me.
I can feel it.
“Sige na please 'wag nang mainis bumalik ka na sa'kin
Sorry mahal ika'y nasaktan bumalik ka na sa'kin
Bumalik ka na sa akin”
I smile when the crowd sing along as the chorus filled the room.
I compose myself when the second verse enter.
“Kung pababayaan lang kita baka tuluyan ka nang mawala
Sana naman pagbigyan mo na pangakong 'di na mauulit pa
Katulad mong tao lang ako
Napapasabak din sa gulo.”
I close my eyes and feel every beat of the song as I softly strum the guitar on my hand.
“Sige na please 'wag nang mainis bumalik ka na sa'kin
Sorry mahal ika'y nasaktan bumalik ka na sa'kin”
I played on my guitar more.
I open it when I hit the bridge part. My eyes quickly landed on her direction.
I still didn’t see her clearly, at medyo nahihilo rin ako sa ilaw na sumasayaw habang tumutogtog kami.
“'Wag mo sana akong ipagpalit (akong ipagpalit)
Ikaw at ako na lang ulit… ulit”
“Sige na please 'wag nang mainis bumalik ka na sa'kin
Sorry mahal ika'y nasaktan bumalik ka na sa'kin…”
Naiwan ang drums kasabay ng pagkanta ko ng huling chorus ng kanta.
Hindi parin ako sumusukong masilayan ang mukha nito.
Lalo ko pang itong tinitigan…
At sa pagtama ng ilaw sa mukha niya, nasilayan ko kagad ang isang bagay na matagal ko nang gustong makita ulit.
“Sige na please 'wag nang mainis bumalik ka na sa'kin
Sorry mahal ika'y nasaktan bumalik ka na sa'kin”
Nakangiti ito sa akin habang dahan dahang tumatayo sa kinauupuan nito.
“Sige na please (bumalik ka na sa'kin)
Sorry mahal (bumalik ka na sa'kin)
Bumalik ka na sa akin”
Nakangiti kong kinanta ang huling linya habang sinasabayan ako ng aking banda...
Pagkatapos ay agad akong bumaba ng stage at dumiretso sa gawi nito.
Nakatingin parin ito sa akin na ikinapula ko.
“Stop staring” nahihiya kong sabi at initakip ang aking braso sa aking mukha.
Sinubukan nya itong tanggalin na hinayaan ko naman.
“Why? How do I stare?” she said, back on teasing me.
And it feels completely familiar.
“Like I’ve given a huge star for you.” I said looking at her intently.
She smiles even more, and I swear, my heart will jump out on my chest any time soon.
I feel my knees wobble that’s why I hold on to the chair near me which she notices.
She gently grabs my hand and hold it tightly before pulling me out of the resto bar.
“You’re right thou; you’ve given me a star. And I’m holding at her right now.”