Meredith was on the twenty-ninth hour of a thirty-six hour shift. She felt exhausted as she had only been able to take a nap for an hour. She was running on fumes, and coffee of course.
She was supposed to go into surgery in fifteen minutes, but the row at the coffee chart had been too long to even think about grabbing some coffee.
Instead, she decided to quickly go to her locker so she could grab a clean scrub top. That way she’d at least feel a bit more clean to continue for the next seven hours.
As she walked in the locker room, she immediately saw that there was a cup of coffee waiting for her in her locker and quickly picking it up, she realized that it was still piping hot. A quick sip later told her that it was actually how she liked it and Meredith couldn't help the sigh of contentment, especially as she hadn’t expected to be able to have coffee before going into surgery.
It was only then that she noticed that the cup of coffee had been standing on a piece of paper.
Curiously, she grabbed it and was surprised by the handwritten note, which must be a poem.
It’s neither red
nor sweet.
It doesn’t melt
or turn over,
break or harden,
so it can’t feel
pain,
yearning,
regret.
It doesn’t have
a tip to spin on,
it isn’t even
shapely—
just a thick clutch
of muscle,
lopsided,
mute. Still,
I feel it inside
its cage sounding
a dull tattoo:
I want, I want—
but I can’t open it:
there’s no key.
I can’t wear it
on my sleeve,
or tell you from
the bottom of it
how I feel. Here,
it’s all yours, now—
but you’ll have
to take me,
too.
-Rita Dove-
It was beautiful and quite fitting for a surgeon to be. However Meredith didn’t have a clue as to who could have left the coffee and the note. She even wondered if they had placed it in the right cubicle.
Since she had broken it off with Derek at Cristina’s wedding a couple of months ago, she hadn’t dated and had stayed clear from people who might have wanted to date her. The intern had wanted to focus on her residency for once and not be the subject of rumors and so on.
However, she had to admit that the coffee and the poem were quite lovely and she wondered if she would get to know the identity of the person that had left it for her.
For a few days, it was like nothing happened even though the coffee and the note stayed on Meredith’s mind. She wondered who had left it there for her, if it was even for her.
The poem was beautiful, even if it hadn’t been an original. It was beautifully selected and she could see how it was fitting, especially as a doctor.
Luckily she didn’t have a long shift that day, but she couldn't help but be bored a little, as she was mostly working in the pit, making sure her interns weren’t killing anyone.
She picked up one of the charts that were allocated to her and she noticed a small slip of paper that had been clamped on top of it. It merely said that she should check her locker and Meredith immediately recognized the handwriting as that of the poem she had gotten a few days prior.
Reading the note, she wanted to just head straight for her locker, but knew she should first tend to her patient before she did so. If she rushed a little bit, nobody would tell, but the moment she was finished, she quickly walked towards the locker room of the second year residents and she immediately saw that something had been put inside her locker again.
Meredith couldn’t help but smile as she saw the large bag of little snickers in her locker, thinking back to how she had tried to get one from the vending machine, but it had been stubborn and given her something completely different.
Like the last time, there was a note that was laying on top of the bag and she eagerly took it, wanting to read what was on it.
I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.
You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.
Oh plunge me deep in love—put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.
-Sara Teasdale-
Once again, the poem was beautiful and for the first time in her life, Meredith started to appreciate poetry.
Quickly grabbing one of the snickers, she put the rest of it in her locker itself and made her way to the pit, a small spring in her step as she did so.
She tried to figure out if she had seen someone in the hallway the vending machines were in, as that might point to the person that had been leaving two thoughtful gifts and poems.
For the first time since Derek, she found herself interested in a person, even if she didn’t know who it was, yet.
Meredith contemplated if she actually wanted to find out who it was. She gathered that the person must lack the courage to outrightly approach her or someone who had more to lose. Otherwise they wouldn’t have gone through so much effort to actually entice her.
It made the list a lot shorter, as that meant that it had to be at least someone she knew.
The question of who had been leaving her poems stayed in her head for the rest of the day, as she tried to figure out who it was.
Meredith hadn’t gotten any new gifts, poems or clues for a couple of days and she was starting to wonder if it would just stop. She had no idea about the identity of the person who was leaving gifts, so it wasn’t like it would be awkward or anything if they just stopped.
For one reason or another, this thought actually saddened Meredith as she couldn’t help but wonder what the next gift or the next poem could be. She had even started to read poetry since she had gotten that first poem.
She had another thirty-six hour shift and if everything went right, she should be able to take a nap in one of the on-call rooms, until she was paged of course.
Glad to have found an empty on-call room, she quickly went to lay down and started to fall asleep. However before she could fully fall asleep, she actually heard someone enter the room and something warm and fluffy was draped over her.
Squinting through her eyes, she could see a pair of heels that stood there for a moment, before they left the room again.
Once the door was closed, Meredith couldn’t help but open her eyes and look around her. She saw that a blanket was draped over her and a note was put with her shoes.
Quickly picking it up, she read it and saw that it was another poem.
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)
-E.E. Cummings-
She felt her heart pounding in her chest, partly because she had read that poem before and liked it, but also partly because she was almost certain about the identity of the person that had been leaving those poems.
It was a person she would have never thought, who she would have never allowed her thoughts to wander to.
Of course, with the leaving of gifts, it was like it was all her mind needed to start thinking about her.
Did she like her? Was she genuine? How long had she seen her like that?
It all swirled in her mind and she felt almost dizzy by just thinking about it. The first and most important thing was that she needed to decide what she thought about it, knowing who had been what was essentially a secret admirer.
Meredith would have never thought that Addison Montgomery, the ex-wife of her ex-boyfriend, might possibly feel more towards her than as a colleague, than as the ex-mistress…
She had to admit that the woman was stunning, was very knowledgeable and was very kind. So that wasn’t what would stop her from possibly pursuing her secret admirer.
The fact that her secret admirer was a woman didn’t faze her either, as she had a relationship with a woman while she was in college and had some flings with women while she was in med school.
Of course, it was the fact of who they were to one another that stopped her from fully allowing herself to think about it, but Addison had thrown that fact out of the window by leaving the poems and gifts.
With a startle, Meredith realized that she wanted to get to know the redhead better, that she actually wanted to possibly go on a date with her and if that wasn’t an eye opener, then she didn’t know what was.
Meredith also knew that Addison would probably not pursue her openly that easily and that if she wanted something to change between the two of them, it would be up to her.
Three days later, which had consisted of a lot of fretting and thinking, she had made her decision on what to do.
With a gift of her own in hand and a small note, she made her way to the office of the woman in question. She had made sure that Addison was actually in surgery as she executed her plan.
She was glad the office wasn’t locked and after making sure that nobody saw her going inside, she did so and left her gift and note on the woman’s desk.
Meredith knew that it could be a while before Addison saw what she had left, so that meant she had a few stressful hours while she waited for a possible reaction.
Her day went slowly, but in the afternoon, she passed Addison, who was positively glowing. As their eyes met, the redhead sent her a wink and nodded slightly before they kept on walking like nothing had happened.
A huge weight fell off her shoulders and she went through her day with renewed vigor.
The day went both slowly and seemed to pass by in a blink and before she knew it, she was waiting for Addison in the entrance hall of the hospital.
She knew that the attending had to work half an hour longer than her, so she had taken her time to shower and such before dressing. That way she felt a bit more human after her twelve hour shift and it had also made the time pass a little quicker.
Meredith heard her approach before she saw her, as she heard someone walking in heels coming her way. Looking around, she saw the woman approach her, but she was a lot more hesitant than she had ever seen her.
“I was thinking we could go and grab a drink together?” Meredith suggested, wanting to help the older woman out a little.
A small smile appeared on Addison’s face. “I’d like that, but if you don’t mind, I’d rather not go to Joe’s.”
“I had something else in mind,” Meredith merely said as she motioned for them to get moving. She saw Addison nod before she followed her and they made their way into the parking lot.
With a few words exchanged, they both took their car, with Addison following Meredith towards the bar she had in mind.
She took the redhead towards a slightly more upscale bar, knowing that Addison would like that, plus the fact that they wouldn’t run into their colleagues, which was probably the reason Addison had preferred not going to Joe’s.
About fifteen minutes later, Meredith pulled into a parking lot and saw that Addison did the same. They were in another part of Seattle, which the blonde had frequented during her intern year.
She had picked up a lot of people during that time after she had found out that Derek had been married and even though she wasn’t proud about that, it had helped her to get to know more bars than just the Emerald City Bar.
Meredith had taken a liking to the bar she was taking Addison. It was a lot more modern and fancy, but their drinks were still affordable.
On the one hand, she just wanted to make her way inside, but she saw the insecurities in Addison’s eyes as she made her way to the redhead. So she knew that it might be awkward and stunted if they did so.
Instead, she kept on closing in on Addison and gently brought her hand to the woman’s face. She looked in her eyes and she could see surprise and wonder in them. However she waited until Addison nodded her consent before she brought their lips together.
It was a soft and unhurried kiss that Meredith hoped would tell everything to Addison that she wanted the older woman to know.
“I’ve been thinking about doing that from the moment I allowed myself to think about you as something more than a colleague.” She admitted, wanting to play open cards with the attending.
At that, she saw Addison’s signature smirk come back a little, but it looked softer. It mostly showed that Addison’s confidence was coming back. “I’ve wanted to do that from the first moment I saw you.”
After that, she merely grabbed Meredith’s hand and pulled her inside the bar, not giving the blonde a chance to reply. Not that she would have been able to, as she was extremely surprised about Addison’s confession.
However she decided to just go with it and enjoy their first date, hoping that it would turn into multiple dates after that.