Intergalactic

The room was packed with more people than Tony had ever seen standing there, he was glad that he had updated the offices and the machinery before he had gone off to Titan, but after seeing the machines on Zandar he itched to upgrade everything, but each time he tried to reach for something as everyone settled into the room Steve pulled him back and gave him that disapproving stare. Without saying anything at all, Steve told him to stay put, which only made him want to tinker with something even more. It was exciting for him, but he was still exhausted over everything. 

“Rocket and Nebula were talking about where Thanos could have gone,” Clint said from the other side of the table. “And then the racoon mentioned something about when Thanos used the stones here on earth he would have created some kind of power imbalance or something.” 

“Yeah, that makes sense you moron,” Rocket said as he walked over the table and started messing with the screens.  

“Don’t call me a moron,” Clint yelled out. 

“Then don’t call me a raccoon.” 

“It’s what you are.” 

“Alright children,” Tony said feeling weird that he was all of a sudden being an adult over the guy with literal fucking children and a walking talking racoon, but then there’s also a walking tree so his life was just going to be that weird and he was just too tired to really care. “Let’s get to the matter at hand, because I’m supposed to be on bed rest, and not refereeing your bickering.” 

Steve grunted behind him, forcing the bickering twosome to focus on the matter at hand, “Well we traced the fluctuation to another planet, and came up with this,” Rocket said before the screen pulled out and mapped a course towards a planet in a faraway galaxy. 

“He used the stones again,” Nebula said looking at the screen in front of her. 

“But for what,” Steve asked as the room studied the screen in front of them. So many eyes on one fixed point, they all wanted the same thing and that was revenge against Thanos. “What’s the point of using them a second time after what he’s done?” 

“We don’t know,” Natasha said to the room. “That’s the problem we have here, we don’t know where this is, why he went there or anything about what his ultimate plans were.” 

“Thanos believed in a balance for all life in the universe, he believed that if he had the power everything would be perfectly balanced and resources wouldn’t be scarce for those living in it,” Nebula said to the room. “Thanos spent a long time trying to perfect me. Then when he worked, he talked about his great plan. Even disassembled, I wanted to please him. I’d ask, where would we go once his plan was complete? His answer was always the same. To the Garden.” 

“Yeah except when he wiped half of everything, he created an unbalanced universe instead of a balanced one,” Carol said looking at them all, it made Tony wonder just how long he had been in that bed because she wasn’t wearing that red, blue and gold outfit that he had first seen her in. 

“I’m also certain that there were planes falling out of the sky when it had happened,” Scott Lang said from across the room, which made Tony think just how the stone picked who stayed and who went. 

“People died because they didn’t have a pilot, or a train conductor, more than what the snap caused,” Sharon Carter added her face trained on the growing list of people missing or dead. “There’s no balance at all when more died then lived.” 

“So, what would it mean if he used the stones a second time,” Steve said as everyone in the room looked around, none of them sure about the implications of what would happen if Thanos continued to use the infinity stones. 

“When Thanos snapped his fingers, Earth became ground zero for a power surge of ridiculously cosmic proportions,” Rocket said looking around the room while playing with the holograms in front of him. “No one’s ever seen anything like it... until two days ago, on this planet.” 

They all looked at the planet highlighted on the table in front of them. No one said a word, and Tony knew it was because none of them were sure about what was happening. They were in uncharted territory, no matter where they looked, they didn’t know where to go next. There were too many of them, too many possibilities, to many chances at messing everything up. 

“We’d be going in short-handed you know?” Bruce was the first to speak. 

“Not necessarily, we have a lot of people here hell bent on revenge, but we won’t know what to look for without a scouting mission,” Tony said looking around at the group of people that he had helped gather while traveling the universe. 

“He’s still got the stones,” Rhodey said looking around the room, “so...” 

“So, let’s get him and the stones, we use them to bring everyone back,” Carol added to the plan that was now forming in front of them. 

“Just like that,” Bruce questioned, and Tony knew that it had more to do with his current problems controlling the Hulk. 

“Yeah just like that,” Steve said with a fierce determination that Tony knew so well from the years that they worked together. 

“Even if there’s a small chance that we can undo this... I mean we owe it to everyone who’s not in this room to try,” Nat said the reminder of how much they’ve lost over the last month hanging over their heads. 

“If we do this, how do we know it’s gonna end any differently than it did before,” Bruce was still pushing, he was a scientist and Tony knew that he wanted all the variables, but Tony was losing patience with the questions, he felt guilty for being alive when Peter hadn’t lived and the Guardians hadn’t lived, when everyone that have been dusted from the snap had lost everything. 

“Because before, you didn’t have me,” Carol said looking Bruce in the eye, almost like she was willing the Hulk to challenge her. Tony was still uncertain about what she was, she wasn’t air force, not anymore anyway. 

“Hey, new girl,” Sharon said looking the other blonde in the eye. “Every one of these people know about what it’s like to be a superhero, they’ve all risked their lives helping people. And if you don’t mind me asking, where the hell have you been all of this time if you’re so inclined to say anything about this.” 

“There are a lot of planets in the universe,” Carol said calmly the room silent as they looked between her and Sharon. “And unfortunately, they didn’t have you guys.” 

Thor who up until that moment had been quietly sitting in the corner listening to the conversation had gotten up and walked over to Carol and Tony was sure that he was testing her, but he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea until the ax flew towards Thor breaking through one of the walls. 

“Oh, come on,” Tony said looking at the hole in the wall before turning back to the Thor who had just let out a smile. 

“I like this one,” Thor said a huge smile on his face. 

“Yeah well I don’t like holes in my walls, Thor buddy, we’ve talked about this,” Tony said wheeling himself over to the hole to inspect the damage, Steve with an exasperated look on his face, let him go. 

“We need a team,” Steve said, and Tony knew that he was going into full Captain America mode and ignoring what had just happened. “We need to go after him and get the stones, and from there we can work out what to do with him after we’ve brought everyone back.” 

“We can take the Benatar,” Rocket said jumping off the table. “It’s can travel at light speed across the known universe.” 

“You can take what you need for the trip,” Tony said knowing that he wasn’t going to be on that mission. He looked up from where he was to see the resignation in Steve’s eyes, they were going to be separated for this, but this wasn’t a mission for a large group of people, they needed stealth and that was more Steve’s expertise, not Tony’s. 

“Who’s going to go and who’s going to stay,” Clint said addressing the elephant in the room, there were too many of them to pick from. 

It was decided that Thor, would join as well as Nebula, Rocket, Carol and Rhodey, which made Tony a little wary about the whole endeavor, Nat and Bruce also joined in, which left Tony a little scared about losing all of his family in one shot, but he was injured and he couldn’t leave the rest of them behind to fend for themselves, not with all of the Asgardians and the Zandarians with them. 

“We’ll work on whatever we can here,” Tony said trying to show a little bit of confidence to his friends. “I’ll see about reviving Vision with Shuri, who knows maybe she’ll have some ideas about what to do with the notes we have from the scepter of doom.” 

“Alright, team, let's go get this son of a bitch,” Steve said to the room. 

“Language,” Tony said before smiling at the other man. 

“You know,” Steve started but the rest of the room, at least those who knew the story, started laughing, it was the first time since he had gotten back, where he felt a feeling of hope that they would get out of this alright. 

Tony was wheeled back to medical by Nebula, he hated that he wasn’t going, but he was more frightened at the prospect of not being able to fix everything. Once in the room, she helped him onto the bed, she hadn’t said a word to him that hadn’t been directly related to what was happening and he knew it was because she was trying to deal with it all. 

“You know,” he started, “There’s a chance that you might have to kill your own father.” 

“I know,” she said a sadness in her voice.  

“Are you regretting leaving Titan without being able to stop him?” 

“I regret not being able to save my sister,” she said her face stoic. “I regret all of the years I spent trying to please him, I regret that even when I wanted my revenge against him and everyone who wronged me, I went about it the wrong way.” 

“We all have regrets in our lives, but I believe what you do from this moment forward will change how others will see you, and maybe how you’ll see yourself. We’re your family now, whether you like us or not we’re going to make sure you don’t stray too far from us.” 

She nodded at him before surprising him with a quick hug, “You’ve helped me more than you know Tony Stark.” 

“I hope to keep that up,” he said feeling like he’s a father whose kid is going off to college, instead of going off on some intergalactic mission where everyone he knows and cares for could possible die. He could feel the tears start before she pulled away, “Just be safe okay,” he told her, not wanting to lose another person to that madman. 

She nodded before walking off, he knew that if she cried, she wouldn’t do it in front of someone else. She didn’t show weakness, not to him, not to anyone, but he really wanted her to come out of her shell just a little bit. He wanted to do for her what Yinsen did for him, that second chance moment was what changed his life. 

“She’s going to be fine you know,” Steve said walking into the room. “I’m not going to let anything happen to anyone.” 

“I just wish I could have gone with you all,” he said as he settled into the pillows. 

“So, do I but we need you here,” Steve told him as he sat down and took his hand, before taking a deep breath. “I need you here, because if you’re not I don’t know what I would do with myself, there’s so much happening all at once, and I don’t know what would happen if we were all lost out there.” 

Tony didn’t want to cry, he really didn’t but he knew what it meant, not just for him but for all of them to have someone to anchor them to home. They could fight each other until they were laying on the ground dying, but what they needed the most was each other. 

“Take care of them,” he said watching as the others were standing out in the hallway, suited up and ready. “I’ll be here waiting some food when you get back.” 

Steve wasn’t sure if they were going on a suicide mission, it made his former life seem like a cake walk compared to what they were going to walk into. He didn’t regret becoming Captain America, he didn’t regret ending up in the ice if it meant that he had these people in his life, this family they’ve created, then it was worth all of the pain and heartache that he has suffered over the years. It made having Tony in his life worth it. 

“I want you to have this,” he said taking out his dog tags, the only thing he still carried around from his past. “I want you to give them back to me when I step off of that ship, just to remind me that I’m home.” 

Tony’s brown eyes looked at him with surprise, they both knew the meaning of the dog tags for soldiers, but for Steve they meant coming home to the one person who challenges him, who forces him to look at the world differently, who doesn’t treat him with kid gloves. Not caring that they had a group of witnesses behind him, wanting to not waste his chances any more than he already has, he leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on the other man’s lips. He didn’t want any more regrets, not when there was the possibility that they might not make it back. He could feel it as Tony hummed against him before he felt the man’s hand reach up and touch his face. 

“As much as I want to scream finally,” Natasha said making the two of them jump apart. “We have a mission to get to.” 

“Plus, she’s angry that she lost a bet,” Rhodey said smiling at them from the door. “And I plan on collecting on that bet when we get back, but before I go,” he walked over and smacked the back of Steve’s head before bending down and hugging Tony. 

“Now now platypus, no hitting,” Tony said but Steve could hear the joy in his voice.  

“I’m allowed, I’m family,” Rhodey said to Tony before turning to Steve. “Trust me I’m not as bad as Pepper’s going to be when she hears about this.” 

There was a moment after Rhodes mentioned Pepper Potts where Tony stiffened, Steve remembering their break up and his own feelings of jealousy when he hadn’t been the one to comfort the man, but that’s something he probably won’t mention to Tony, at least not at that moment. He still wondered how the two made their friendship work after the break-up, because he still couldn’t get the image of Tony sad and despondent out of his mind.  

“Pepper will kill me,” Tony said looking around the room. “Too many people know already.” 

Steve looked to see that Clint and Bruce had joined Natasha and Rhodes, which he hadn’t realized how public that little kiss had become.  

“No one tell her,” Tony said in a panic. 

“Too late,” the tell-tale voice of Ms. Potts sounded off from the back of the group. 

“Uh yeah, we just came here to tell you that she arrived,” Clint said a small smile on his face. “So, we’re going to go now and deal with some stuff,” Steve was sure that he had never seen Clint smirk like that before running off to do something else. It was good that after losing his wife he would be able to smile like that.  

Just as Clint took off, he was followed by Bruce who didn’t say another word, the man was racked with guilt over what had happened in the lab earlier. Nebula followed, them after giving Steve a knowing look, he already knew what she would do to him if he ended up hurting Tony. Leaving behind Ms. Potts, Rhodey, and Natasha, all who were very protective of Tony, even when Steve saw Nat as one of her closest friends, she still berated him and teased over the years over how him and Tony were around one another. 

“Pep.... light of my life,” Tony started but the woman just put her hand up and be stopped talking. 

“I’m still mad at you for getting on that space ship, I told you not to go and you didn’t even listen to me,” she said glaring at Tony. “I may be the C.E.O. but you’re the owner of the company, and don’t get me started on Rogers over here.” 

Steve couldn’t help but stiffen at the way she had said his name, “Now Pepper,” Tony said trying his best to give her puppy eyes, which didn’t faze the woman at all. 

“Listen, there’s too much happening around here and I don’t know how I would have taken it if you had died on some godforsaken planet, and I swear I should have quit for real years ago, but and your no Pepper, you have to do this, you wouldn’t have an opportunity like this again bullshit and I listened,” she had run out of steam, sitting down in one of the vacant chairs next to the bed. “Tony, I know we’re not together anymore, but I can’t lose one of my best friends not after what happened.” 

“I know,” Tony said before silence overtook the room. They had all lost so much in the last few weeks, and Steve knew what Tony’s death would have done to not only those in the room, but to the family they had made over the years. 

Natasha cleared her throat reminding Steve of what they now had to do, “We have to go,” he said to Tony. 

“I know,” he answered as another wave of sadness hit them both, this could be the start of something bigger or the end of it all. 

Steve bent down and kissed Tony on the forehead, “I’ll come back I swear,” he whispered before walking out of the room, he knew if he stopped again, if he looked back, he wouldn’t have the heart to leave. But he needed to do this, not just for Tony, but for everyone who was counting on them.  

“We’ll make it back,” Nat said with a small smile. “I didn’t spend years trying to get the two of you to admit your feelings to give up just when everything was beginning to fit into place.” 

He couldn’t help but laugh and hug her before he grabbed the shields that T’Challa had given him and put it on, “I don’t want to put all that hard work to waste now do I.” 

She patted him on the back as she let go, “This is going to work Steve,” she said before walking off towards the ship that Tony had gotten out of, the ship that had kept him alive and helped him make allies, the one that could bring him a new hope or his death. 

Tony was out of the hospital bed within an hour of Steve leaving, he was still in a wheelchair, but he didn’t want to lay around while the people he cared for risked their lives to find Thanos. Pepper yelled at him for another twenty minutes before walking off towards his room and laying down, Happy had passed out on the bed already. Everyone he knew had lost so much and they still fought to be where they were, so he needed to work to fix things as much as he could as well.  

The lights for his workshop were on as he wheeled himself passed it, which was strange considering all their work was in Bruce’s lab which was a little further down, but he saw Shuri sitting inside throwing a ball for DUM-E and U to go and get. He didn’t want to disturb her, as she worked on distracting herself from what was happening around them, but he couldn’t leave he alone in there with her thoughts, because he knew better than anyone that sometimes your mind was your own worst enemy. 

“He was the first sentient thing that I invented,” he said as he wheeled himself over to where she sat. “He’s like a small child most of the time, and I scream in frustration constantly, but there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for him, or U, or even my A.I.” 

“Are you talking about the voice,” she said once again throwing the ball for the bots. 

“Yes, that’s FRIDAY, she wasn’t my first A.I., though I don’t know why they all come out sassy,” he said shrugging his shoulders. 

“I endeavor to keep you on your toes Boss,” FRIDAY said to them which made him laugh. 

“Yes, you do,” he answered back as DUM-E rushed in front of U to bring the ball back to the Princess. 

“Who was your first?” 

“Well that’s both interesting and complicated at the same time,” he said thinking about Vision’s still form in the next room. “My first A.I. was named Jarvis, after someone I dearly cared about, the man practically raised me, he was a wonderful man and if I could I would say that he was as close to a father figure then my own father was.” 

“Why is it complicated then?” 

“Because when we made Vision, I transferred Jarvis into him, so Vision sounds like him, but it’s not the same. You see Jarvis had been like my child, I had him for a long time before he became Vision, and when Ultron nearly destroyed him, I felt like a parent losing their kid.” 

“Are you glad you made him into Vision now, even though he’s currently laying in that cradle, not moving, and with the possibility of him never coming back,” she said but he also knew that it had to do with the possibility of everyone they cared for never coming back. 

“I’m trying to hope for something better,” he said even though he was scared out of his mind with worry, over not being able to reverse the snap, over the mission the others were now on, over losing even more people that he cared about, over losing himself because of all of this. “What would you say to checking over something for me, I have this idea that maybe we can sensitize the stone out of the information we gathered on it.” 

“Why would you try that?” she said as she stood up from where she was and walked over to him. “Why try so hard to bring him back when there’s nothing but pain in his future.” 

“Because I want Wanda to have something to hope for, to have someone to come home to,” there it was, the truth he had been holding onto ever since the thought of bringing Vision back became an option. He had seen how Vision had changed in the two years since the so-called Civil War between them, how he had pinned over her, before leaving on trips to see her. Tony knew it was happening but he hadn’t stopped Vision from going, because he still blamed himself for things that had been out of his control. For her losing her family, first because of his weapons and then because of Ultron. He wanted to protect the world but sometimes all he brought was destruction and he needed to make amends for all of it. 

Shuri nodded before taking the handlebars on the wheelchair and moving him towards the door, “Let’s go see if we can revive him then.” 

They all needed something to come home to, “Yeah lets,” he said before she wheeled him out of the workshop. “Clean up in here boys, I’ll be back by the end of the day.” 

As they walked out, he saw DUM-E and U rolling around grabbing papers off the floor that had been knocked over while they played, U grabbing the broom and sweeping up the floor. This was his home, made up of a group of dysfunctional bots who he loved like his children, and a group of wayward heroes that became his family. Even when they fought one another, even when they disagreed over what to watch on their random movie nights, this was his family and it was one he came to on his own. 

The rest of the day was filled with Shuri and him pouring over hours and hours of notes that he had collected with Bruce, notes that thankfully hadn’t been erased when Ultron had taken over his systems. They went over everything Tony knew about the element that his father had left behind in the diorama of the Stark Expo, they went through everything she knew about Vibranium as well as the raw version of it that he had brought with from space. 

“It’s the same and yet different at the same time,” she said as she broke it down and went over it piece by piece. “I don’t understand why though.” 

“Maybe the one in Wakanda changed its molecular makeup when it came into the Earth’s atmosphere,” he said thinking of what could have made the metal so different here on Earth then the one they had found in Knowhere.  

It took them several hours to figure things out, and even then, they weren’t sure because the gem they were trying to synthesize kept breaking down. They weren’t sure about what to do, even two geniuses needed help every once and a while. 

“You two have to eat,” Clint said as he slowly pulled Tony’s wheelchair away from the computer he was working on. 

“No,” he said trying to grab something to hold him to the desk. 

Clint grabbed onto Shuri and pulled her away from her own monitor. “Yes,” he said pulling the young girl in the same way he would pull his own daughter. “You two are eating with me and the kids.” 

“Is that even safe?” Tony asked knowing that Clint’s competence in the kitchen left something to be desired most days. 

“I can take care of people when I want to, plus I’m not the one cooking, Sharon and Pepper pulled a bunch of us left over into the kitchen and we pulled out the barbecue and started making things outside. We figured that the two of you need some fresh air.” 

“And there’s also the fact that there’s a lot of us,” Sharon said as she helped set up a nearby table while Everette Ross manned a grill that Tony had built for days when Thor was here. It was hard enough to cook to feed a super soldier, but feeding Thor was another thing entirely. “It’s easier if we’re all out here.” 

“How long were we down there,” Tony said as the sun hung over them, warming up the air around the large group of travelers. “I was sure we were only down there for a few hours.” 

“No Tony, you were down there since yesterday afternoon,” Pepper said giving him a look that he only knew about when she was angry at him for working too hard. “So, after you both eat, you’re going to bed, and neither one of you can say otherwise.” 

“But,” Shuri tried to say but Pepper looked over at her and the girl shut up quickly. 

“Good, now eat,” Pepper said before she walked away leaving the two of them in front of two plates of food. 

“She reminds me of my mother,” Shuri said smiling before a sad look crossed her face. 

Tony put his arm around her in a half hug, “Don’t worry kid, we’ll get them back.” 

“Who did you lose,” she asked him, because while he knows that she lost her family, she doesn’t really know who he lost considering he’s still surrounded by those he considers family. 

“There’s this kid, he’s about your age in fact, he’s really smart and a little hyper, and if you and him ever got together you’d be a terror to us all,” he said thinking about Peter and the whole incident with the Vulture, and how guilty Tony felt for taking the suit away from Peter when he so quickly put himself in danger. “He’s also Spiderman.”  

“Spiderman is a teenager?” she looked at him shocked. “But from what my brother told me he fought with you two years ago, he couldn’t have been older than fifteen.” 

“He was just a kid, but at the time I thought that it was just going to be a friendly conversation,” he actually didn’t want to be reminded of that time, he wanted to get over the whole thing already. “It didn’t happen that way, but now after all of this, it seems so stupid.” 

“I guess it does in some ways, would you go back and change anything that happened, would you?” 

“I don’t know if I could, I mean one of the people who was with us on Titan had the time stone, which I heard was the reason why everything went sideways over here, and I thought about how if we had just used it we could have changed the fight in our favor, but now there’s no way of knowing, and honestly I wouldn’t know if I would change anything if it ended up messing with the space time continuum.” 

She nodded at him, he knew she thought the same thing, but he also knew that like with any of the survivors around them, they all wished to change everything, to bring back those they lost, but they had to contend with the very real possibility that they might not have the option to go back to save them. 

“I know you want your brother back, your family, and all of those from Wakanda that perished, to come back, I want the same for those I’ve lost, but we’re all on uncharted territory here, so for now we just keep trying to revive Vision, we try our best so that when our little band of Thanos hunters come back we’ll be ready.” 

“What if they come back with bad news?” 

“We try and move on,” he said even though it hurt to say it out loud. “We get ready for the next threat, and you become the Queen of Wakanda and you help your people, because that’s what they would have wanted.” 

The thought of not being able to bring them back, the thought of failing, was something he didn’t want to deal with, but he also knew that he needed to help her regardless of his own fears. He needed to be strong for those who were with them, but he didn’t know just how long that strength will last. They sat there and ate the food given to them, Tony looking at all the people he picked up, all the people saved, wondering why did they survive, why did he live.  

Don’t waste your life , Yinsen had told him all of those years ago, and it made him wonder had he wasted his life doing this, becoming Iron Man. He hadn’t, but if he couldn’t fix what had happened, he wasn’t sure if he would be able to survive the guilt. 

Pepper had wheeled him off to his room after he started nodding off in the chair, neither of them spoke as he climbed into the bed, exhausted. “I’m sorry,” he said as he got comfortable. “For everything that I’ve put you through.” 

“Don’t be,” she whispered. “After what happened, I realized that maybe you were meant for bigger things then what we had been,” sighing she sat down on the bed next to him. “I wasn’t comfortable with you being Iron Man, I wasn’t comfortable with you putting yourself in danger, I think back now, and I know that while I love you, we’re not the right ones for each other.” 

“Did you ever find your right one?” he asked just out of curiosity. 

“I may have, they may have been there all along all it took was getting over what I had with you,” she was smiling at him, a little blush to match her red hair. He wasn’t sure who it could be, since his real friends are a group of superheroes, and her and Happy, a few others in between. 

“Will you ever tell me who it is?” he yawned as he tried to smile, he was glad that she found happiness. 

“You already know who it is,” she smiled at him. “It’s Happy.” 

Tony couldn’t stop the surprise look on his face, even exhausted he was sure that he wouldn’t be able to hide that look. “Really?” 

“He saved my life in those weeks you were gone, we bonded, it’s new, and I like it.” 

“It’s a good thing that his main source of happiness is making sure you’re secure,” he said smiling, Happy had always supported their relationship, but maybe it was because he was afraid that if Pepper left he wouldn’t see her again, which was an interesting development in their friendship. “Am I going to have to give you both the shovel speech, because I’m too tired for that right now.” 

“You can give it to him when Steve gets back, that way we can give him the same speech,” she said before kissing him on his head. “Get some sleep Tony, you need it.” 

“Night Pep,” he said fully knowing that it was mid-afternoon. 

It had been a suicide mission, it had been a ray of hope in all of the darkness, the chance to get everything back to the way it should be. Except now Steve hated the outcome, he hated Thanos, and if he had had the chance he would have taken the titan’s head himself instead of letting Thor do it. The thought that the mad man had destroyed the stones after using them to get his paradise, after taking away half of all living beings in the universe. He wasn’t sure what it should mean, what it could mean other than the fact that they no longer had hope for their own future. Vision was still in the cradle as far as they knew, they hadn’t heard otherwise from Tony on the way back. Everyone in the ship was morose in one way or another, none of them talking, Thor had left the ship twice before returning, Nat stayed quiet, and Steve had excused himself to throw up. 

He knew what Tony was going to think about, the fact that he hadn’t been able to save the kid, and now that they couldn’t reverse it he also knew that they were all going to have to deal with the aftermath of what their separation had caused. Survivor’s guilt was something Steve was already suffering from, it had alleviated a little when Bucky had come back, but now he was certain, not just for himself but for all of them, that they were going to have to figure out how to move on from losing so much. He excused himself once the ship was in the air, hiding in the room that Tony had used as his workshop. He knew from the moment he stepped inside because Tony left little bits of himself there. 

“I’m sorry,” he said to no one in particular, mostly to himself, because he needed to get through this before they returned, he needed to be there for his teammates no matter what. There was no going back from this anymore, they were at the end of their rope and it hurt. 

A knock on the door, was all the warning he had before Natasha walked into the small space, “I’m sorry Steve,” she said to him. 

“No,” he shook his head, never turning to meet her eyes. “We knew the risks of going after him, we knew that it was likely that either he would die or we would.” 

“Where do we go from here?” 

“I honestly don’t know,” he said and they were both quiet for a moment, Steve seeing the jars of ashes on the ship, each marked with a name in Tony’s handwriting. “You can always tell where Tony’s been, he leaves a mark.” 

“Usually it’s a scorch mark,” she said and he could hear the smile even if he didn’t see it. 

Steve reached out for the jar that said Peter Parker, Tony’s protégée, the kid from Queens, the one he had fought against without hesitation thinking he was just another adult. “Do you think that Tony brought these with him to bury them? Or did he hope that they would come back?” 

“I don’t really know; I mean he was attached to the kid long before he brought him into the fight two years ago.” 

“He’s good with kids, they love him.” 

“That he is,” she sat down next to him looking out at the space Tony had once occupied. “Peter, in a way I think, reminded him of himself, that curious energy that Tony carries with him. I think if it were possible, Peter would have been Tony’s son, they’re both crazy smart and have the tendency to get themselves in trouble.” 

Steve didn’t say anything more, they had kept track of Tony in the time that the team had been separated, mostly just Steve keeping track, but he guessed that Natasha had as well. She used to tell him that they were a family, and even if they were in a rough place, they would find their way back to one another. Steve just wished they had done so faster, that he hadn’t been stubborn about it, that he would have just sent Tony a message before the first attack had happened. He was sure that Tony would have never opened it, but he just wanted to say something, anything. 

They went back to the front of the ship, no one saying a word otherwise, the rest of the trip was a quiet one for all of them. Even as they got off the ship greeted by those left behind, they couldn’t bring themselves to say anything more than the truth. Tony left soon after the words had come out of his mouth, Steve still holding onto the jar that said Peter’s name. Everyone walking off, Thor talking to the last of his people, Bruce next to him seeking comfort from people who he had become friends with. Natasha going to Clint, hugging the kids telling them that they would be alright, they would find a way. She was still holding onto a bit of hope, when Steve was ready to give up.  

Not knowing where to go, he went to Tony’s workshop to find the genius in there throwing things left and right. The bots in their charging stations not daring to come out in fear of something being thrown at them. He watched as Tony grabbed a wrench and flung it across the room before he fell to his knees, Steve rushed in and just held onto him while he started to cry, his shoulders slumped and defeated. It took a lot to take down Tony Stark, but even Steve knew that sometimes people had to break, even the Avengers were not immune to it no matter what people thought. 

“I don’t... I don’t... I...,” Tony tried to talk but the words weren’t coming out as his body shook, “Steve, I don’t think I can keep doing this.” 

“I know,” he said holding onto the man that just a few days ago he swore to keep close to his heart. “But we owe it to them to keep trying.” 

“We can’t,” Tony said his voice barely a whisper. “Vision hasn’t woken up, Shuri nearly broke the cradle because of it. Now this, I honestly don’t know what to do with myself.” 

“Maybe we can just go somewhere for a while, you and me,” Steve knew it was crazy but he also felt the same way Tony was feeling. 

“We can’t, everything out there right now is a reminder of what we’ve all lost, there’s nowhere to go, and the worst part is that they already hate us for not doing anything,” Tony said his back was tense against Steve chest. “We tried, we just weren’t ready, the accords all of that prevented us from doing anything, and they’re mad at us because of what was put in place by all of these countries, and it’s just stupid now. All of it is stupid, and I would go back and fix it if I could.” 

“But we can’t,” Steve said sighing as he ran his hands up and down Tony’s arms. “But we can go somewhere, get our energy back, and try to find a way to fix it all when we’re ready.” 

“Okay,” Tony said, but neither made an effort to move, both of them seeking comfort in each other’s arms just for that moment. Steve knew that a small trip, just to give them a reprieve, was all that was needed, and when they got back to work, they would find a way to help everyone recover.