Maybe Baby
Her apartment is cold, and Carol curses herself for turning off the heat a few days ago. She yearns for Maria’s warm bed, with her soft blue sheets and the even softer body that accompanies it. The blonde rubs her hands up and down her clothed arms, rushing to mess with the radiator near the window. Her breath comes in short, cloudy puffs, fogging the frosted glass.
It’s nearing 8:00 when Carol finally fixes the heater. She steps out of her short heels, wincing at the freezing wood floors, and shuffles to the bathroom to run a hot shower. She fiddles with the knobs, shedding her slacks and button-up to submerge herself in the steaming water. It’s too hot, and the water pressure is weaker than at Maria’s, but it’ll do. The shampoo smells off, not the lemongrass and sage she’s grown close to in the past month, and she leans her head against the tiled wall of the shower, confused at the discomfort in her chest.
- - -
It’s just as she’s stepping into her pajamas that she hears the doorbell ring, and she groans, pulling on her fluffy bathrobe to make her way across the apartment. The knob is warmer, the heater puffing toasty air, a slight buzz sounding. Carol yanks open the door, and softens her glare when she sees the same brown eyes she’s been dreaming about, fearful, wider than she’s seen them before.
“Maria, I- you weren’t home-” Carol sputters, and Maria’s voice is quiet but steady when she asks, “Can I come in?”
“Yeah, yeah, of course, sorry.” Carol pulls the door open further, and Maria steps in silently, twisting her hands together before shedding her mauve peacoat.
“Oh, I can take that.” Carol offers, gently pulling the coat out of Maria’s arms and hanging it on the rack in the hallway. The brunette is in the same place when she turns back around.
She glances at Maria worriedly, coming to stand in front of her.
“Are you o-”
“Listen, Carol-” They begin at the same time, and Carol motions for Maria to keep going. Maria takes a deep breath, training her eyes on the floor.
“Carol, we’ve had a good time, at least I know I have, but I think it’s better- I think it’s time for us to stop this- whatever this is that we have.” Carol blanches, stepping back in shock, and desperately tries to meet Maria’s eyeline.
“What? Maria?” Carol chokes out, the knot in her throat straining painfully against her vocal chords.
“I hope we can stay fr-friends-” Maria’s voice is clogged, and Carol watches a tear drip onto the floor.
“Where is this coming from? It’s- did I do something wrong? Maria please, let me fix it, is it me?” Carol’s hands lift frantically, wanting desperately to reach out to Maria but too afraid to scare her off.
“No!” Maria exclaims, her dark, flooded eyes snapping up to meet Carol’s. “It’s not you, nothing’s wrong with you-”
“Then what is it? Whatever it is Maria, I can fix it, just let me-” Carol is panicking, breaths coming in shorter, and Maria longs to comfort her, to run her hands through soft yellow hair-
“Carol, I’m pregnant.” Maria blurts, tears running freely down her cheeks, and Carol stills, stunned for the second time in the night.
“Oh,” Carol supplies, and her eyebrows draw forward in confusion.
“How could this happen, I mean-” Carol shakes her head in disbelief.
“Right before we got together, back in November, maybe late October,” Maria pinches the bridge of her nose.
“I had a stupid, impulsive, one-night stand with this guy that didn’t even last 3 minutes, but it happened. I’m pregnant, I went to the clinic earlier today.” Maria’s eyes scan Carol’s for a reaction, and Carol blinks a few times. She picks up Maria’s hand, tracing over her palm, and she leads her to the living room. Carol’s face is neutral, but her eyes look deep into Maria’s.
“So what are you going to do?” Carol asks, wiggling Maria’s pinky finger a bit. The brunette sighs, and runs a hand over her short hair.
“I… don’t know, I mean-” she laughs humorlessly, “I haven’t even told my parents yet, god.” She tips her head forward onto Carol’s shoulder, brushing the side of her nose into the fluffy bathrobe. “Tell me what to do, Carol.” She closes her eyes.
Carol pulls her in tighter, winding a hand around Maria’s back, and sighs.
“This-look, I’ll tell you this. Whatever you’ve got now, it’s not a baby yet. It can’t feel emotion, pain, love, or anything in between. I mean, it’s barely the size of a sweet pea!” Maria giggles into Carol’s collarbone, and lifts her now-dry eyes to the blonde’s face.
“Anyway, Maria. What I’m saying right now is that you need to focus on yourself, on your feelings toward this situation. It’s your choice whether you want the pea to be a baby, or if you don’t want the pea in your life. How do you imagine your life, I don’t know, three years from now?” And Maria doesn’t know how to answer, because all she can imagine when she thinks about her future is honey-gold locks, a full-bodied laugh and a twinkling grin that she’s grown accustomed to in the past months.
She knows the decision is made when she imagines the same grin shining down on a bright-eyed child, one with her own nose and hair, and she only breaks out of her daydream when she feels Carol shift beside her.
“Sorry,” Carol apologizes, and her face is strained, confused.
“What’s wrong?” Maria questions, and Carol retracts her arm from around Maria.
“What is it? Carol?” Maria lifts a finger underneath Carol’s chin, and the blonde takes in a shaky breath.
“Please- don’t break up with me.” Carol nearly whispers, and Maria almost smacks herself in the forehead.
“No, of course not, I’m- I wasn’t thinking. I’m not breaking up with you, never. I was scared, and guilty, and I- I love you.” Carol’s eyes spill over, and she nods, shoulders sinking in relief.
“I love you too, baby or no baby. I’ll be here, as long as you’ll have me. I promise, Maria.” And Maria can hardly take it, she throws her arms around Carol’s neck and hauls her in for the sloppiest kiss they’ve ever had, all tears and salt and yet, it’s got to be in Maria’s top ten favorite kisses because of Carol’s breathy sigh, and her tearful smile that comes afterward.
“Carol, I-” Maria pauses, and this time it’s Carol’s turn to encourage her to continue.
“I want- I’m going to keep the baby. Or the pea, I guess.” Carol’s face lights up, and she takes a little excited breath. Maria tips her head quizzically.
“I thought you said you had no opinion?” Maria smirks, and Carol holds up her index finger.
“I never said I didn’t have an opinion, I said it was your choice, is your choice. Two different things.”
“God, I wish the world thought more like you, Danvers.” Maria shakes her head. She grazes her fingertips lightly over Carol’s forearm absentmindedly, and glances around the apartment.
“Damn, girl. Still haven’t moved in yet, huh?” Carol blanks, before realizing that Maria is commenting on her empty apartment.
“Uh, yeah, didn’t get to have a ton of decoration in the military, and I didn’t really have much to take from my parents’ house, so…” She trails off, and Maria’s eyes widen.
“Where are your Christmas decorations?” And Carol almost laughs, because of course that’s what she’d focus on right now.
“Don’t have any, never had time to buy them. I only just moved in, what, eight months ago?” Carol defends playfully, and Maria rolls her eyes.
“Okay but-” she breaks off to yawn, “We gotta do something. Winter break starts in-” another yawn, “oh, next week!” Carol brightens at that, and runs her hand up Maria’s back to cradle the crown of her head, scratching lightly.
“Come on, sleepyhead. Let’s get you to bed, and we can worry about Christmas tomorrow. “ Maria leans against Carol, and they stumble disjointedly to the bedroom, giggling maniacally when the brunette trips on the edge of the rug.
Later at night, when the two are lying face to face, Maria wrapped in a soft Air Force sweatshirt, she reaches over to grasp Carol’s hand, bringing it to rest on her clothed stomach.
“I know it’s just a pea,” Maria whispers into the dark room, “But it’s my pea.” Carol’s fingers spread, splaying across the flat expanse of her belly.
“The best pea ever.” She replies, and her hand stays in place until they both fall asleep.