Dirty Dancing
Maria doesn’t see Carol until after school, when she’s erasing the chalkboard. She practically feels her walk in, and the hair on the back of her neck raises.
“Hey, stranger, I haven’t seen you all day! Why didn’t you join me for lunch?” Carol says, and Maria can’t bring herself to turn and look at the blonde, afraid of what will happen if she were to stare into those light brown eyes.
“Uh, yeah. Sorry. I wasn’t feeling well.” Maria stutters uneasily, sensing Carol moving closer, and she almost jumps when she feels a hand on her shoulder. Maria whips around, and there must have been some kind of cornered animal look in her eyes, because Carol yanks her hand back as if she’s been burned. She takes a step back, facial expression twisting from confusion to realization.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to...” Carol looks down at her feet, ashamed, and this is it, she knows, Maria has somehow found out about Carol’s feelings towards her and is disgusted, and dammit, Carol should have known better. She shouldn’t have fallen for her only friend in Louisiana, the only person who tolerated her passionate attitude and opinionated rants, the only person who looked at her like she was special and normal at the same time. She wraps her arms around her herself, and bites her lip before turning to walk out of the room with her eyes lowered.
“No- Carol, look, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have reacted that way-” Maria reaches out, but Carol’s strides are quicker than her’s.
“No I get it, it’s my fault, I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.” And Maria’s heart breaks at the woman she’s known for just over four months, foggy tears in her usually light, clear eyes, that glow gold in the sunshine, and turn chestnut after a long night.
“Why would I be uncomfortable?” Maria asks quickly, breathlessly, grasping for the lingering strands of Carol, helplessly attempting to reel her back in.
“Look Maria you don’t have to pretend to be okay with this, I’m not even okay with this-”
“Okay with what, Carol?” Maria interrupts incredulously, tears gathering in her own eyes when Carol swipes at her cheeks in frustration to brush off the moisture.
“That I’m gay!” Carol blurts, her wide eyes finally settling on Maria. Maria freezes upon hearing the words, opening and closing her mouth in shock. Carol laughs bitterly and mumbles, “Yeah, that’s what I thought.”
Maria’s heart falls to her stomach when she sees a sub teaching astronomy the next day.
- - -
And the day after, in fact.
Maria’s thrown off her game, constantly mulling over Carol’s words. She can’t seem to keep her mind on a certain topic for over ten minutes without it drifting of to Carol-related thoughts, blonde hair monopolizing her brain. She thinks about Carol’s pink cheeks when she made fun of her, or her tight breathing during their hugs. She only gets it when she’s driving over to Carol’s apartment and remembers the way Carol looked at her when they first met, dumbfounded and breath taken. She can’t seem to drive fast enough.
It’s nearly 5:00 in the afternoon when she arrives to Carol’s apartment complex, the 15 minute trip feeling endless, and she starts to get nervous. She takes the elevator up to the third floor, and wipes her palms on her jeans.
“You can do this, Maria.” She mutters, passing by an older man carrying a few grocery bags. She finally arrives in front of Carol’s door, little glow in the dark stars placed around the peephole. Taking a deep breath, Maria knocks. The door opens, a brisk of cool air rushing out.
“Yes-” Carol looks a little disheveled, her loose curls a bit frizzy, and her makeup gone, and Maria finds she almost likes her face better fresh, (if Carol’s eye shadow game wasn’t so strong, that is.) The blonde freezes in place when she locks eyes with the brunette, her posture stiff.
“Carol.” Maria breathes, fiddling a little bit with her necklace. Carol stays silent, but softens a bit when Maria asks, “Can I come in?”
Carol opens the door wider, and Maria steps in, uncomfortable with how foreign Carol is acting.
“So, decided to play hooky for a couple days, huh?” Maria jokes, trying to lighten the mood. She glances over to where Carol is standing, her arms loose at her sides. She looks disoriented, and a little wary, and Maria feels her heart pang. She knows she can’t just paper over what happened, what Carol told her. Carol doesn’t deserve that, she deserves better. Much better than Maria, much better than one night stands and bar hangouts where she she doesn’t even drink, because of course Maria hadn’t remembered that Carol doesn’t like alcohol.
Carol just looks at her, a little lost, a little sad, and Maria nods, breathing deeply.
“Okay, listen, Carol. I’m really sorry about how I reacted to… what you told me, and really- I’m totally okay with it, more than okay, it’s just- I was surprised, that’s all. And I never meant to make you feel, like, like you had to avoid me, like I was mad at you for being you, or anything,” God, Maria feels like a high schooler, wiping her sweaty palms on her thighs and stuttering, but Carol needs to hear this.
“And I- I really want you to come back. I miss you, I miss- us. I just want you to know that this doesn’t change anything, it won’t, I promise.” Carol’s lips prick up at the side, and her light amber eyes shine a little. She steps forward, and before she can reply, Maria throws her arms around Carol’s neck, hugging the blonde close, flush against her body. She feels Carol’s palms drop to the small of her back, and Maria shivers. Carol’s hands move higher, and she pulls away a bit, embarrassed, but Maria just holds her tighter, releasing one hand to place Carol’s in their original position.
“Maria-” Carol says, her voice a little raspy. Maria pulls back the slightest bit to look in Carol’s eyes, just in time to see them drop to the darkened oval on Maria’s throat. The light in the blonde’s eyes dims a bit, and she pulls away further. Maria panics, stepping forward, chasing the contact, but Carol’s warmth vanishes, and she curses herself again for being so foolish. The familiar guilt returns, pooling in her stomach when Carol wrings her hands together.
“Wow, um, looks like you had a good weekend.” Carol forces a laugh, looking back up at her. Maria winces at Carol’s supportive face, her eyes remaining her only tell, like a mood ring flashing black.
“Not really,” Maria responds truthfully. “It was a mistake.” She continues, not sure why she feels the need to keep explaining herself, and she yearns to let Carol in on how she truly feels.
Carol nods, understandingly, still the perfect friend after the emotional rollercoaster she’s ridden on tonight. “Okay.” She smiles gently. They stand for a moment longer before Carol gestures to the living room.
“You wanna sit? Unless you have to be somewhere else.” Carol raises her eyebrows in question.
“Uh, no, my schedule’s free tonight. Grading goes a lot quicker when you’re not there to distract me, Danvers.” Maria lies, thinking back to Monday when she was so troubled in class, a student had to call her name three times before she heard him. They settle into the couch, and Carol flicks Maria’s forearm.
“Oh, then I’ll make sure to take some extra sick days this month, what with EOCs coming up.” Carol grins, and Maria laughs, inwardly dreading another day without Carol to steady her.
“Don’t even joke, I almost drop kicked a student without you there to calm me down.” Maria shakes her head, throwing her arm across the back of the sofa. Carol leans into it subconsciously, and Maria feels a subtle warmth in her chest.
“Speaking of, miss M.I.A, why’d you decide to cut class the past two days? Teenage rebellion?” Carol blows a strand of hair off her cheek, and slouches a bit.
“I just needed a couple days, you know?” She looks at Maria through her eyelashes, and Maria nods, tipping her head back.
“I know what you mean. Anything in particular?” And Maria knows she’s fishing, prying, but she doesn’t expect Carol’s eyes to moisten, and spill across her waterline.
“It’s just been difficult, being here. It’s- I’m new, and it’s scary, and I can’t find anything in the grocery store, and it’s Louisiana for god’s sake! I just feel unsettled, like no matter how long I stay here,” She gestures around the apartment, “I can never get comfortable. It doesn’t feel like home, not here.” And Carol’s eyes are pools, dripping onto the collar of her shirt, and Maria doesn’t think twice when she lets the blonde’s head fall on her shoulder, threading her dark hand through light hair. She laces her free arm around Carol’s waist.
“Carol- why don’t- Come stay at my house.” And Carol pulls back, raising her eyebrows in shock.
“Just for tonight, just- stay.” Maria keeps a tight grip on Carol’s forearm, and the blonde sputters.
“I would, I’ll just have to-”
“Grab some pajamas, clothes for tomorrow, and, oh, a toothbrush, okay? It’ll be just like a middle school sleepover!” Maria grins a little at the last part, nodding as if Carol’s already agreed.
“Um, okay. I’ll just go get my stuff and we can- we can go, I guess.” Carol’s heart pounds as she tries not to rush to her room, throwing a few items into her red canvas bag. She meticulously chooses a soft pair of pajamas, the ones with yellow stars and matching yellow shorts, along with her toothbrush, and a blue blouse to go with her school slacks.
“Alright,” She calls, turning the corner out of her bedroom, “We can get going if you want.” Carol snags her patent leather heels, coming to a stop in the living room, where Maria is looking at her VHS collection, crouched by the TV.
“You have Dirty Dancing? I should have known you were a romance nerd.” Maria teases, sliding it off of the shelf.
“Um, I am not! For your information, I bought it to enjoy the excellent soundtrack.” Carol defends.
“Oh come on, you can’t tell me you actually like Hungry Eyes that much! Tell me you don’t.” Carol crosses her arms, pouting, and Maria’s eyes blow wide.
“Oh Carol, honey, no.” She slips the movie into Carol’s bag, and pulls her by the arm.
“Come on, we can watch it later.” She pretends not to hear the blonde’s excited squeak.
- - -
It’s seven thirty that night when Maria and Carol pull up to Maria’s cozy bungalow with pineapple pizza and grape sodas, because Maria finally remembers. They’re giggling, shouting along to some pop song on the radio, and shushing each other wildly when the neighbors peek out their front window at the two women.
Maria jiggles her key in the lock before the door swings open into her front hall, leading into the living room.
Carol takes a minute to let her surroundings register, the calming jade green walls, the overstuffed couch behind a coffee table with a boxy TV in the middle of it. She takes note of the jasmine scented candles scattered around, of the way her living room flows into the dining room, and leaks into the kitchen.
“Hey, Captain Danvers, snap out of it. I asked you if you wanted to go put your pajamas on and I could pop the movie in. We can eat in the family room.” And Carol likes that she calls it that, despite living alone.
“Uh, yeah, that sounds good. I just need-”
“The bathroom’s down the hall, to the right.” Maria supplies, and Carol shuts her open mouth and flushes, padding down the hallway.
Maria’s changed into a pair of flowy yellow pants and a matching satin top when Carol slides out of the bathroom in her favorite red socks, nearly falling over at the sight of Maria bent down in front of the TV, pushing a VHS into the opening. Maria turns around, and her eyes follow the expanse of bare skin on Carol’s legs, her muscles visible under pink-tinted skin.
“Nice pajamas. Very fitting, stars, astronomy teacher.” Maria comments after swallowing. She settles down on the couch, pulling Carol down with her. The movie’s opening credits start to roll, and Carol’s thankful when the brunette throws a gray blanket over the two of them, so Carol can hide her sweaty palms from Maria’s view.
- - -
It’s Carol’s favorite part, Maria can tell by the way she’s leaning forward, biting her bottom lip unblinkingly, and on screen, Johnny and Baby are doing the iconic lift, the music coming to a crescendo. Maria isn’t paying attention, she hasn’t been since Penny got pregnant, too busy adoring the way the blue light glints off Carol’s eyes in the dark room.
Carol looks over, sensing Maria’s staring, and grins, releasing her lip from her teeth, and Maria leans in, the slightest bit, almost imperceptible.
Almost.
Except Carol’s breathing speeds up, the moment shifting to more, and Maria’s eyes drop down to the blonde’s rosy pink lips, soft and a little round. She feels Carol lean minimally closer, and all Maria has to do is close the gap. They breath at the same pace, and Maria leans her forehead against Carol’s, looking up at her.
“You sure, Maria?” And of course, Carol knows what’s going on in her brain, always concerned and attuned to Maria’s feelings. Maria stutters in a deep breath, and her stomach drops low, deep and longing.
She nods quickly and presses her lips to Carol’s, threading her hand through blonde curls, and Carol releases a small noise. It’s throaty and quick, but Maria works hard to bring it back, tracing her tongue along Carol’s. She pulls away to kiss down tanned skin, Carol’s blonde head lolling back on the couch, chest heaving.
“Wait-wait- Maria.” Carol smooths a hand down Maria’s back, and Maria pulls her lips off of a now bruised neck. Carol looks ravishing, a sight of pure beauty, with her cheeks rosy and lips swollen and wet. Maria tilts her head inquisitively, and Carol laces her hand with Maria’s.
“What’s wrong?” Maria questions and Carol shakes her head.
“No, no, believe me- nothing. I was- am loving this, but I just wanted to let you know, I’m- I’m not just a one night stand, okay?” Maria rolls her eyes, nodding.
“I didn’t say you were.” Maria whispers, tracing her finger up Carol’s side, dragging over her neck, coming to rest on her jaw.
“Oh, okay good.” Carol breathes, blinking twice. “Okay.”
“Okay?” Maria raises her eyebrows.
“Okay.” Carol replies, and pulls Maria down by the front of her shirt to crash their lips together.
The DVD blares some cheesy love song as they kiss, and Maria thinks she might buy the Dirty Dancing soundtrack after this. It’s become one of her favorites, too.