The moment he woke up and took in his surroundings (his own room) he knew that there was something wrong with him. There was a feeling of emptiness inside of him, as if something was missing, but he couldn't tell what. Just as he was about to get out of bed, the cloak flew up to him and wouldn't let him move.
“I'm alright, I just need to go and find Wong, now if you don't mind ”but it just pushed him firmly on the bed and wrapped itself around him, successfully pinning him in place. It wasn't a secret that the cloak showed worry every time he'd been knocked down, but it was never this clingy. Knowing that at times, it was more stubborn than him, Stephen tried to convince it to let him go. He was in the middle of his part lecture, part plea when Wong walked into his room.
“Finally, Wong! Can you let me go now ? Wong is here.” and the cloak reluctantly did that, still it hovered close enough in case he planned to do something. Stephen rolled his eyes at the attitude with an amused smile which immediately changed into a frown once his gaze fell on his friend's face.
“Wong ? Is something wrong ?”
“How are you feeling ?”
“A bit tired, but I used quite a bit of magic and took a hit, still I assume after a good meal and meditation, I'll feel way better.” something on Wong's usually stoic face told him that he hadn't convinced him.
“Just tell me.”
“It appears that the curse you'd been hit with...took away your magic, well at least for now. I still need to do more research...”
His magic was gone, the one thing that give his life a purpose after the accident, was gone.
Slowly he lowered his eyes to take a good look at his hands, the tremor was there, so were the scars, nothing unusual about it. Completely ignoring Wong, he closed his eyes and let himself feel, he could hear the slightly increased rhythm of his heart, the breath filling his lungs, the aches in his joins from the fight, but there was no trace of the familiar and comforting tingle of his magic. His eyes snapped open in shock and only Wong's calm expression kept him grounded.
“I can't feel it, can't sense it...”
“Stephen...take a breath. I'm working on it, I'm sure it's a temporal thing, but I need to do look up some things. Are you going to be fine alone for a few hours ?”
He almost scowled at the question, instead he nodded and answered,
“I'll search in the library here as well.”
“After a meal.”
“After a meal.” when the other sorcerer was about to leave he squeezed Stephen's shoulder in comfort and added,
“We'll figure this out, don't worry. Oh, you should call Stark too, you promised to do that before we left, otherwise he'd be worried.” then he opened at portal and left, leaving behind the unsaid 'don't hide from him'.
The idea was good, of course it was, having his boyfriend around always helped him and he had missed him throughout the week he had been gone. But as soon as he remembered how comforting Tony's hugs were and how he wanted nothing more than to bask in his warmth, his heart clenched at the thought.
Old, deeply buried insecurities crawled their way out and he suddenly felt the urge to run away and hide until he couldn't hear them anymore. It appeared that the cloak had another thing on mind, since it placed his phone on his lap and waited for him to pick it up.
“I...I don't think it's a good idea to tell him about this and worry him, so I'll just...” but the cloak wasn't having it, it wrapped itself around him and nudged his hand.
A picture of worried Tony with sad eyes thinking he did something wrong or that he wasn't wanted appeared on his mind and the choice was made.
Said man answered after the second ring,
“Houdini. How was the mission ? Did you and Wong kick some ass ?” his voice sounded filled with happiness and relief, that it immediately soothed him.
“Did you expect anything less?”
“Of course not. You free to come over or you want me to come over ?”
“Actually, we still have some things to settle, we're going to Kamar-Taj right now.” he didn't know how the lie slipped through his lips but he couldn't take it back.
“Oh, okay. When..when are you guys planning to come back ?” Stephen could heard the subtle change in his voice, and the effort he put to be reasonable for him. Sweet and kind Tony, he didn't know what he did to deserve him.
“I don't know, it's nothing dangerous, but the relic was powerful and the warlock was unstable at best...a week or more...sorry.”
“No need to apologies Stephen, it's your job I get it. Could you please call me when you get back ? ” again he could hear the disappointment and acceptance of the situation, still he tried hard not to push him.
“Of course I will. Don't blow anything up until I get back?”
“It depends, if I blow something up will you come sooner ? ” he joked.
“Tony...” don't do this to me, he wanted to say, I need to get back to normal before I can see you, otherwise I'll break.
“I know, I know, I was just joking. Take care sweetheart. Say hi to Wong as well.”
“I will. Take care of yourself too love. See you soon.” and he hung up before he could say something that would give him away. He let out a tired sigh at the cloak's look of disapproval and swore to himself that he'd make it up to his boyfriend, once he got his magic back.
A week passed with no progress, every book seemed to be useless, he struggled dressing himself due to the trembling in his hands, so after the second day, he settled to wearing a simple t-shirt while both he and Wong tirelessly worked on finding a solution.
He didn't dare to call Tony, afraid that he would beg him to leave him, but he listened to the messages he left every night. They were mostly ramblings, sometimes humming a tune, other times retelling some funny story, all of those shone like stars in the darkness Stephen found himself in, but the ones that hurt the most were the ones where Tony was clearly worried and desperate to admit that he missed him a lot. Every night during the second week, he ignored Wong's advices, clinging to the little hope he had with both his hands, that he'd get his magic back and that afterwards everything would go back to the way it was.
By the end of the week, he had only too moods, reading with barely any rest in a search for a cure or sitting in a corner with his hands hidden underneath the cloak pressed in his chest while silent tears ran down his face.
Then all of a sudden, Wong got a call, he got one as well, but he ignored it. The avengers needed a sorcerer, some inter-dimensional threat that they couldn't deal with by themselves. Stephen's heart broke when he realized that he wouldn't be able to help them in any way because he didn't have magic anymore and also because he was useless as a physician as well. Wong gave him a sympathetic look and told him that he would take care of the problem. It ended faster than he imagined and once he got the other sorcerer's reassurance that everyone was well, he stopped shaking and started calming down.
It was supposed to be a quiet day, he planned to call Tony and check on him, he was ready to ask Wong to portal him there when his lover came to the sanctum without informing him first.
“Stephen...” they met in the hallway and he couldn't stop openly looking for injuries on Tony's body, who appeared to be doing the same. Thankfully, he seemed to be alright despite the few cuts on his face and the bandage on his arm.
He got no warning before he was pulled into a fierce hug as a whisper reached his ears,
“Thank heavens, you're alright.”
Silly man, he was the one that came from a fight, yet he was more worried about him.
“Tony...” at first he wanted to pull away from the embrace, but it had been so long, he couldn't stop himself from leaning in and drinking in the warmth of his presence.
His boyfriend was the one to slightly pull back and to give him a loving kiss before he said,
“Wong told me that you couldn't come and I thought something happened to you, but he wouldn't tell me all, he said was ask Stephen. Is everything alright ? Sweetheart…”
Stephen had to step back until they were no longer touching, hiding his flinch when pain flashed in Tony's eyes.
“I...I think we need to take a break...there are things I should think about and...”
“What ? No. Absolutely no, you've been gone for three weeks, ignoring me..”
“Tony...”
“You owe me the truth. If I'm...if you don't care anymore..” his jaw was clenched, his eyes shining, but as always he never hid from the truth. That was his love, prepared to take any hit with his head held high. Stephen couldn't think he could love him more than he did at that moment.
“I want the truth, because I don't, I won't let you go just like that, you're my world.” then his voice softened into a plea, “whatever had happened we'll get through it, together. Please, don't do this to yourself, to me, to us...let me help.”
He was so close, his hands extended in front of him a tempting offer to take his hands, his eyes were overflowing with hope, determination and more than else with unconditional love, but Stephen shook his head.
“You can't help. My magic is gone and it might never come back.” he said with as indifferent voice as possible.
“Okay, I assume Wong is already working on it, surely there's something I can do as well, there are people I can find and ask...”
“You don't understand. This isn't something you can fix, I need space..I don't..”
“Anything you need sweetheart, anything.”
“Stay away from me...there's nothing I can give you anymore..” at Tony's wide eyes and panicked expression he closed his eyes and with a single nod to the cloak he ran to his room.
He could hear his lover following him, probably feeling that if he let him go it would be over, it was bittersweet how much he knew him. The cloak followed his silent order and after seeing his distressed form he blocked the entrance to his room the moment Stephen stepped through it. Immediately he sat in a corner and let the tears he had been holding throughout the talk to run freely. Despite his inner storm and the mild panic attack, he could hear Tony's voice trying to bargain with the cloak to let him in, it would have been funny if it didn't tear his heart to bits.
After a while, the voice quieted and then disappeared, he was gone. It was later that day, way past sunset when Stephen decided to leave his room and when he did, he found a surprise by the door.
His love was asleep, sitting on the floor, back propped on the wall, still managing to look like a kicked puppy. Why did he expect it to go easy?
Unable to resist the urge, he slowly ran his fingers through Tony's hair and smiled when the man leaned into the touch, a few moments of gently caressing his face, his lover opened his eyes.
“Why didn't you go home ?” he whispered.
“There's no home without you and I wasn't gonna leave you like that. Nor was I going to leave without saying my part.”
“Go ahead then.” and tried to pull his hand back, but Tony caught it and pressed a kiss on the palm.
“Would you leave me if the roles were reversed ? If I couldn't walk, or talk or even even think...would you leave me ?
”Of course not, love.“
”Then how can you ask that from me ? Did you expect that I'll leave you because you have no magic ?“
He didn't know what to say, his lover's quiet voice incredibly powerful and real at the moment.
”I don't care about magic, I care about you and your happiness. Please...let me care for you.“
”I don't want to be a burden, I'll never let myself become a burden, I'd rather...“ he hissed and in an instant a pair of strong hands were holding his face, the eyes that met his, burning with love.
”Don't you even think about it. I'm with you because of you, of your brilliant mind, your kind and selfless heart and your sassy attitude, the looks are a bonus.“
”What will happen when I won't be able to protect you, when you'll have need of me but I won't be able to come because I don't have powers ? I won't be able to help as a physician too because of these.“ and he glared at his hands.
”You know I can hold my own right?“ then he took Stephen's hands in his own and kissed them in between words,
”These hands are a part of you and I will always be grateful for being allowed to hold them like this.“
”You won't leave me?“
”As long as you want and need me. So please don't push me away, magic might not be my field,“ he pouted at the idea of not knowing something "but I'm stubborn to learn and I'll give you time and space, follow your orders including Wong's occasionally.”
And how could he say no to him, to the one he loved.
“Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yes, you can stay here, no touching relics though.”
“Yes, sir. I'll stay out of trouble.” then with Stephen's help he got up and groaned at his stiff muscles.
“Remind me to tell Wong that his floors are uncomfortable. On a second thought, I can do something about it myself...”
“Tony”
“Okay, no touching the precious wooden floor, which might be better considering my luck it might come to life and try to swallow me or something.
Just like that he started laughing, after so many days of frustration and anxiety it felt so good to laugh. His lover looked overjoyed when he stood on his tiptoes to give his cheek a quick kiss before he took his hand and guided him towards the kitchen.
”This deserves a nice dinner and a hot shower before bedtime.“ when he noticed Stephen's face he added,
”No arguing with me, I'm starving, you're starving, plus I need to get myself in Wong's good book.“
The sorcerer just shook his head good-naturedly and let his love do the rest, he was too busy enjoying the newfound warmth in his chest.
Another week was passing by and they established a routine, searching the library while Wong was working on a solution with the help of the other sorcerers in Kamar-Taj. It shouldn't have surprised him, but once his lover found a trace of logic in every book of magic, he became a fast learner and his eagerness to learn was so amusing. He constantly asked questions and most of the times Stephen found himself teaching and explaining to him only to stop and stare in amazement at how focused Tony was on his words. There were moments when he felt like the walls were closing in on him, a hopelessness similar to the one he felt after the car accident, during those times he pushed everyone away, insulting without a reason until he would break down and cry. And each and every time, his lover held him in his arms waiting amd guiding him through his panic attack, his eyes filled with nothing but understanding.
Today was another day that started pleasantly only to end up in disappointment when Wong returned with him from Kamar-Taj. The moment his eyes met Tony's who was laying on the sofa in front of the fireplace, he blurted out,
”It didn't work, I don't feel any different.“ his lover set aside the tablet he was typing on and simply opened his arms in a silent invitation. He didn't think twice before he crashed into those welcoming arms, put his head on his chest and concentrated on the steady heartbeat. His actions were rewarded with a loving kiss on his forehead as he was pulled even closer into the comforting warmth. It must have been his bad mood and the fact that he was on the verge of a panic attack when he whispered,
”What if I never get it back? I can't stay like this.“ a few seconds of silence and he felt the body underneath him stiffen a bit, before he replied,
”I'll build you a suit. It'll be the best thing I've ever created, sleek and powerful, more elegant than mine, but way better. I'll convince Wong to add a bit of magic into it, on that way you'll be able to go with him being amazing they way you're, not that you aren't now...“ but Stephen tuned out the rest, his mind replaying the first sentence over and over. He lifted his head to see his lover's face and his heart melted at the insecure way he was looking at him, as if he expected his idea to be rejected.
”You'll build me a suit ?“
”I know it can't replace the real thing, but I hope it could at least convince you that you're worth so much and capable of so much, despite everything. And on that way we'll be equals the way you think we aren't, which is unbelievable since no one ever matched me in personality and intelligence the way you do and I love you no matter what. So...what do you think ?“ he was nervous, biting his lower lip, trying and failing to look like his offer wasn't a big deal.
Stephen did what he felt like and lifted himself upwards until he was close enough to kiss him. When Tony immediately responded and relaxed, he gently tilted his head to deepen the kiss, pouring all the love he felt into it and to taste the 'I love you' from his tongue, to feel it warming up his entire being, giving him strength to continue fighting. When the need for air became too much, he pulled back and pressed their foreheads together to let out a chuckle before he went back for another kiss. This time Tony pulled back with frustrated groan and spoke with a deliciously hoarse voice,
”Sweetheart, we better stop now, if you don't want to go too far.“
”You're right, we should go to our room. Come on.“ and smirked at the expression of his love's face. In an instant he found himself in Tony's arms and together they stumbled towards the bedroom.
Two days afterwards, Stephen woke up alone and found a message on the bed,
‘I went to the workshop for a few hours, promise I won't be late, I'll bring lunch.
Love you.’
He smiled at the note and later on, when he was on his way to the kitchen he realized that something had changed. The cloak was acting weird, affectionately hugging him and only when he dropped a book and tried to pick it up he felt tingling in his hands. With his heart beating too loud at the possibility of getting his magic back, he pressed his palms together and with a whisper he opened them and a blue butterfly sprang out of them.
It was back, it worked.
Quickly he found Wong, gave him a hug, thanked him and before things could get awkward he opened a portal and went to find Tony.
After stepping through the portal he took a few moments basking in the way his magic ran through him, soothing and welcoming, before he turned to look for his lover. He found him, talking to Friday, and commenting on something while fixing the same thing, head bent over the table. Stephen used his distraction to silently open a portal and steal one of the screwdrivers from the table. When the other man extended his arm to grab it and he found an empty space instead, he frowned and turned around to search through the mess.
”Are you looking for this ?“ he couldn't stop himself from waving with it and smiling at the surprised face of his lover.
”How did you...“ it took him a second but when he took in Stephen's happy expression and connected the dots, his lips pulled into a wide grin.
”It's back.“ and he rushed to hug him and kiss him unable to keep in his joy.
”Told you it'll happen.“
”Thanks for being by my side.“
”Always, sweetheart, always no matter what.“ then he stepped back.
”Now, how about we get some breakfast? I'm sure you haven't eaten, since you live only on coffee.“ he joked.
”Maybe I was waiting for your lazy ass to wake up and join me for breakfast.“
He just chuckled, opened a portal in one swift movement and stood with his back towards it.
”Then you wouldn't mind waiting for my lazy ass a bit longer, at least until I'd my shower. “ and he stepped into the portal.
”Come on, that's so not fair. You can't leave me like this.“ and even though the portal remained opened, he just pouted at him and waited to be called.
Stephen chuckled from the other side and extended his arm in invitation. As soon as both of them were standing in the sanctum, Tony pulled him for a kiss and said,
”Now, when you're back to being cooler and more badass than me, would that be a no for the iron wizard suit ?“
”Iron wizard ?“
”I'm working on the name.“
”Tony...I think magic is better for me, I don't think I'll handle the suit as good as you.“
”Yeah, yeah. Technology is too slow for you, but be warned if I hear one word about how my suit isn't good enough...“ but he was barely holding back his laughter.
”You're my hero, with and without the suit. Now come along, our breakfast will turn into lunch if we wait a bit longer.“ and kissed his blushing cheek, simply enjoying their moment together.