Bucky gasped with eyes wide showing fear and anger and quickly spun, sitting himself up as he grabbed his enemy by the throat with his metal hand holding his enemy tight while panting, staring at his enemy victim in his blurry vision that soon became clear. He slowly started to recognize who his enemy was. It is someone he loves dearly that he and Steve adopted.
Peter stared deeply into his papa's eyes which were slit and weren't his anymore, they were cold and steely as the metal hand that was slowly tightening his small throat. “Pa…pa?”, the eight-year-old gasped a wheeze while clenching the Avengers pillow his Uncle Tony made for him close to his chest with eyes showing confusion and fear, while feeling the cold metal fingers of his adopted father holding his throat.
As Bucky looked around the living room, he shook his head in disbelief and horror. He had just panicked and released the child's neck, gasping for air. Looking around, he saw nothing but an off-TV and his son, Peter. He realized that he was not in the Hydra laboratory but in Shield headquarters. Bucky gazed at his son, whom he and Steve had taken under their wings to adopt, raise, and love. His metal hand was trembling as he came to terms with what he had almost done. He stared at his arm in horror, realizing the danger he had put his son in. "Peter… Peter… I'm… my God… I'm sorry… I didn't… mean… Pete… I'm...." he tried to speak, but the words wouldn't come out. Before he could finish, he felt the small arms of his eight-year-old son wrapped tightly around him. “Peter…”, he sobbed, as he slowly lifted his arms and held the child close.
“I…wuv…you, Papa”, the boy said innocently, his adopted father sniffed a sob and held him tighter, nuzzling his face in Peter's shoulder and letting his hair bury his face.
Bucky pulled Peter gently back and used his flesh hand and stroked his son's little neck seeing a few spots of bruises and Bucky clenched his bottom lip. “Peter…I'm so sorry, baby boy. Papa didn't mean it, I swear. You alright, kiddo? You okay, tiger?”, he said, feeling his entire body, especially the metal shaking, filling his eyes with more tears at the thought of killing his and Steve's only child. Peter slowly yet gently pressed a kiss on his papa's cheek while rubbing the tears and sweat, and mumbled, “I wuv you and Dada, Papa”, he said again with a big trusting smile not showing any fear towards his adopted father.
Bucky chucked a shaken laugh and carefully stroked Peter's face and neck then rested his forehead against the small one. “I wuv you too, son, and your daddy…more than anything in the whole damn world”
Bucky's expression turned serious as he gently placed his hands on his son's shoulders. He gave him a stern look and spoke in a firm tone, but his eyes betrayed a sense of guilt as he dug his flesh and metal fingers into the boy's shoulders. “Peter, what are you doing here, kiddo? Do you remember the talk we had? Remember when your daddy, aunties, and uncles sat you down and talked about not coming near me when I was sleeping? We must keep a safe distance to prevent any accidents from happening, okay? Your safety is my top priority, so please remember that talk we had, okay?" Bucky paused for a moment before continuing, " I don't ever want to hurt you, and that's why we had that talk. Can you promise me that you'll remember it the next time?"
During his nightmares, Bucky tried many times to push Steve away, but Steve's unwavering support and stubbornness always prevailed. He was always there to comfort Bucky, despite the lone soldier's efforts to keep him safe from his blows during these terrifying episodes. While Bucky cherished his husband's comfort, he couldn't help but carry the fear and guilt of harming his husband. And now, that day has come when his worst fears have been realized - he has harmed his son. The weight of this tragedy is unbearable, and Bucky must grapple with the devastating consequences of his actions.
Peter shrank away from the sound of his father's voice and the expression on his face. The child bowed his head and said, "I'm sorry, Papa. I came in here to ask you to play with me, but you looked so scared. I just wanted to make you feel better. Please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry." The eight-year-old spoke with his eyes facing the floor and his lip quivering.
It wasn't Peter's fault, he was still just young, just a child and not ready to learn the truth about what and who he used to be back then, those seventy years of killing for the enemy, killing Tony's parents, nearly killing Steve. He wondered if he deserved to be alive, have Steve again, have Peter, being a family that he wished to hold and protect while fearing harming them. He inhales, then sighs deeply, smiles, and rests his lips on Peter's forehead, then nuzzles his nose against Peter's, feeling better hearing Peter's innocent giggles. “Peter…next time, when I'm sleeping, you have to stay away from me when I'm sleeping. No matter what you see or hear from me, Pete, you have to stay away from me when I'm sleeping, okay? Please promise me that”, Bucky begged sternly and Peter nodded.
“Good. Papa nearly hurt you, son. Badly. And I don't want that, you don't want Papa to be very angry and sad at himself for hurting you like he did to you now, do you?”
Peter immediately nodded with wide eyes. “No. I don't want you to be sad or angry, Papa, or Daddy, I don't want anyone to be sad. I wuv you”, he said simply with such innocence within. “You are not a naughty person, Papa, you are a good person”
Bucky dilated his eyes at his adopted son and he made a forced but weak chuckle and bowed his head down, having his long brown hair drop covering his face. If only you knew. “I used to be a naughty person, Peter…a very naughty bad person who did such naughty things. A lot of naughty things”
Peter dilated his brown eyes and tilted his head in confusion and surprise. “Really?” He shockingly asked and his adopted father made another chuckle and slowly nodded his head.
“Really. Tiger, your papa here was a horrible, bad, bad person”, Bucky lifted his head, having a few strands surrounding his face. “I was a horrible person, Peter”
“But you are not a bad person now, Papa. You don't do bad things around me. You are a good person, Papa”, Peter replied with his voice still held in shock and confusion.
“Back then, Peter, I wasn't a very good person…I hurt good people…”, Bucky didn't have the knowledge that he was telling his son of his past of being the iron fist of Hydra over the years. “...good people…like your aunties, uncles, Shield and…your daddy and you, tiger…I even hurt your Uncle…Tony's parents”, Bucky whispered turning his face away from his adopted son, staring at the metal arm and red star on the shoulder, and gritting his teeth having his hair bury his face.
“You…did?” Peter asked in complete surprise and fright.
Bucky gazed upon his son, Peter, and noticed the bruises on the boy's throat, along with seeing the boy's reaction to the past assassins that he committed. He felt a pang emotion of regret and guilt wash over him as he chuckled nervously, knowing that his behavior could drive his son away. He then shared with Peter that he had fought with his Uncle Tony too, and while he wanted to apologize deeply and repeatedly, he lacked the strength and courage to do so. Bucky was just grateful to have his son and Peter's father in his life after everything that had happened. Tears welled up in Bucky's eyes as he chuckled through them, mustering a sad smile. He knew that both Peter and his father were all he had left in this world, and they were all he wanted and needed. "I did bad things, tiger, and the war between me, your dad, and your Uncle Tony was fierce but we won and learned to move on while your uncle and I avoid each other, but...at least after so many years, I have your dad and now you"
“You are not a naughty person anymore, right? You are a good person, right?” Peter asked.
Bucky gazed at his son, Peter, with a heavy heart. He then shifted his gaze to his metal hand, the constant reminder of his past. He clenched it tight, feeling the cold metal against his skin, and closed his eyes, as if trying to block out the world around him and focus on his inner thoughts. He was grappling with a question that he had asked himself many times before but still didn't have an answer to. "I don't know, Peter," he said with a sigh, his voice laced with uncertainty. "I don't know if I'm a good man or a bad one. But what I do know is that I want to be better. I want to be someone you can be proud of, someone who makes a positive difference in this world." Bucky opened his eyes and looked at his son again, hoping that his words conveyed his intentions' sincerity. Peter smiled at him, a look of understanding and love in his eyes. Bucky felt a flicker of hope in his heart. He knew that he had a long way to go, but with Steve and Peter by his side, he felt that he could make it there someday. It will just take time. "But to me you are, to Daddy you are, to Uncle Sam and Auntie Natasha you are, and I love every one of you, especially you and Daddy, Papa", Peter truthfully said that made Bucky feel like he was melting.
Bucky listened to his son's words and chuckled as he bowed his head closing his eyes. But the moment he recalled the time when a boy bullied Peter at the park, he felt a surge of protectiveness for his child. He remembered feeling the Winter Soldier inside him, ready to kill the boy who made Peter cry. If it weren't for Steve, Natasha, and Sam who were with them at the time, Bucky would have acted on his urge to kill. He vowed to himself that he would do anything to protect his adopted child from harm, and would not hesitate to take on anyone who tries to take him away, whether Hydra or not.
Bucky gasped as he felt small arms wrapped around his head feeling the gentle soothing heartbeat of his son and he made a shaky chuckle, holding Peter close in his arms as he felt Peter planting a kiss on his cheek. “I wuv you, Papa, you are a good person now. I wuv you, Papa, I'll help you stay a good person, I promise, Papa. I will. To me, you are a good person”
Bucky listened to his son's most touching words that made him feel warm and safe inside, and chuckled again with his eyes flowing, emerging tears. “You think so, Peter?” He asked, sounding like a child himself.
Peter nodded, then kissed his papa's forehead. “I wuv you, Papa and Dada. Both of you good people”, he makes a big innocent smile and kisses his forehead.
Bucky chuckled again, then rested his son's forehead against his while feeling Peter's tiny hand soothingly stroking the metal arm as Bucky made a soft chuckle. “Thanks, tiger”, Bucky said warmly, and he pricked a finger in Peter's tickle spot on his side and heard a giggle from his son. Then Peter looked at his adopted father, "You looked like you were scared, Papa", he said. Bucky gazed at his son and made a sad chuckle with a smile. "Did I, huh, Pete?" The boy nodded slowly showing concern, Peter always thought both his adopted fathers were strong and brave like Uncle Tony, Uncle Bruce, Auntie Natasha, and the others of his adopted family that inspired the child to develop such great courage, power, and responsibility, but never, never thought of one of his family could look so frightened.
"Yeah. Was it...scary, Papa?" Peter asked ready to embrace his father again, holding him close to try to scare away the monsters from his Papa, like he and Steve would do for their son after they or Aunties Natasha and Wanda, Uncles Sam, Thor, Tony, Clint, or the others would read him stories or tell him the stories of their battles against their enemies and adventures then wishes the young boy to have peaceful dreams and him hoping someday to have such great adventures. Bucky sighed and buried his face in his hair that blanketed his face, he then chuckled feeling the child's finger gently stroking his hair from his eyes.
"Yeah, kiddo, it was...terrifying", Bucky answered, remembering him being tightly restrained to the operation table and seeing Zola with his cruel inhumane smile, and seeing and feeling the Hydra scientist digging into his body with his many knives, scissors, and needles.
"But you, Dada, and my uncles and aunts always look and sound so confident, brave, and not scared of anything. You always looked so brave", Peter said in surprise at the thought of his family heroes being sad and afraid.
Bucky chuckled, "We all be sad and scared but we don't show it, kiddo, but...we all can be scared and sad too, we somehow managed to hide it", he smiled. He was scared of himself many times, scared of losing Peter and Steve, scared of Hydra coming to take him away, or worse...scared that Hydra would take Peter away. Sad and angry with guilt of the past crimes he had done.
Peter wiped the tears from his adopted father's eyes and hugged him again. "Poor, Papa. Don't worry, I won't let them hurt you. I'll try to keep you and Daddy safe, I promise, I promise I will, Papa", Peter said standing tall, with his chest out like a saluted soldier with his face making an adorable stern face like a general would make to the soldiers. Bucky stared at him for a moment then chuckled warmly shaking his head and pecked his finger in the stomach making Peter squeal a giggle, ending his saluted pose. "I know you will, tiger when they come, I know you will go get them, tiger, and I and your dad will be there"
Peter smiled at his adopted father, and he and Bucky hugged one another, Peter then squeaked another sound of a giggle as he felt Bucky's fingers tickling him, "Now let's try to nurse that neck of yours and about you wishing for me to play with you, you are about to get your wish, kiddo" The room was soon filled with squeaky squeals and laughter of both the eight-year-old and the adult lone former assassin.
Bucky's not sure that he is a good person, but he will try to be one.