an old friend
“Good morning, Stark!” Fury said, his loud and deep voice filling the room, the volume of which Tony knew was deliberately heightened to fuck with him.
“Fury! So nice to see you. I must’ve just missed you last night, y’know, when I left your wife.” Tony replied, his back toward the elevator as he played around with some papers on the bar.
“Nice try, Stark. I’m not married.” Tony could hear his footsteps as he left the elevator. He couldn’t muster the courage to turn around. “Aren’t you going to greet your guests?” He bellowed.
Tony sighed, squeezed his eyes shut, and mustered all the strength he could to enthusiastically push off the bar and spin around. It it took more strength than he had ever called on before.
“Good afternoon, gentlemen.” Tony smiled, his eyes landing on the man in the middle, the only one who was unfamiliar.
He was tall - taller than Fury and Rogers. He had shoulder length dusty blonde hair that had lazily been pulled into a half-up half-down style. As he turned his head to observe the room, Tony noticed a messy bun sitting loosely on the back of his head. He wore a white t shirt under a navy blue blazer with trousers of the same colour, expensive brown leather shoes on his feet. Additionally, he was carrying a cane, though, as he walked, it didn’t seem that the cane was strictly necessary.
“Welcome to your new home.” Tony said, his words unenthusiastic, as if admitting to the room that he could never feel at home with Steve here. Tony didn’t just avoid eye contact with Steve - he avoided looking at him altogether. He observed through his periphery that he was wearing a long-sleeved dress shirt with the sleeves cuffed up to his elbows, tucked into black jeans which lead down to simple golden brown boots. He didn’t dare risk observing his face or hair, only taking note of what he could manage to decipher while looking directly at Fury and his other recruit.
“This is Thor,” Fury said, cutting through the silence that followed Tony’s empty statement. “Of Asgard. He has agreed to work with us provided we grant his brother immunity for his previous criminal actions on earth and cease our pursuit of prosecution.” Fury said.
“His brother being…?” Tony asked.
“Loki Odinson.” Fury stated. When met with a confused look, Fury assured; “you won’t have heard of him. His crimes are way below your pay grade. Just some low-end smuggling and trafficking of alien technology on and off of Earth.” He explained. “SHIELD agreed to pardon him as we felt that what Thor has to offer us as a unit is far beyond that sacrifice.” Fury raised an eyebrow at Tony.
“If you say so.” Tony remarked.
“And this is Captain Rogers,” Fury began. As quick as he started, Tony walked toward the windows and stared out at Central Park, taking interest in the flight of some fortunate bird. “War hero and long-time friend and asset of SHIELD.” Fury finished.
“It’s nice to finally meet you, Tony. After all these years.” He heard the Captain say. The mention of their presumed shared history made the pit in his stomach flutter and sink.
“I’m sure it is,” Tony said, his usual protective screen of arrogance shooting back up.
Fury spent an hour or so going through the logistics of things in the adjacent briefing room that Stark had only yesterday been talking to Nat and Clint in. They discussed everything from uniforms to mission protocol, all the while Tony made sure to keep his eyes fixed on Fury. He occasionally felt Steve’s eyes burning into him from across the table, but he never faltered. He was afraid of vulnerability after how easy it had proven for other people to hurt him, and he was afraid that if he were to look at Steve, Steve would be able to see inside his soul. He couldn’t let his eyes betray him. Not again.
Once Nick has finished with the formalities, they headed back through to the bar for a drink. Nick placed himself behind the bar, made himself a drink, and then asked what Steve and Thor wanted. Steve asked for the closest beer and then when Thor asked for a Jack Daniels, Fury looked at Tony and said; “well would you look at that - you two already have something to bond over!” and laughed to himself. When his joke was met with silence from Steve and Thor, Tony excused himself and headed to the bathroom.
The short walk felt like the nights he’d spend waiting for his mom to come home when it was just himself and Howard in the house; stretched and full of fear, his stomach and vision giving off a feeling of television static. He grabbed onto the walls of the corridors leading to the restroom until he could fall to his knees, grip the bowl and vomit. Fantastic. He considered all of his possible escape routes but even the most mischevious part of his brain knew that he couldn’t leave.
He walked slowly and unsteadily back toward the door to the living area which burst open just as he reached for the handle. Nick entered and closed the door behind him, walking toward Tony quickly, forcing Tony to retreat until he slammed his lower back against a table. Despite Tony now being in crippling pain, Nick still yelled at him in as hushed a voice as he could manage.
“I don’t know what kind of shit you’re trying to pull, Stark, but it will not fly. This group has to work out for the sake of my job, Phil’s job, and yours.” He said, a stern finger pointed toward Tony’s face. Tony grabbed his back with one hand and used the other to steady himself on the table, coming face to face with Nick.
“I am not trying to pull anything. You think I’m gonna sabotage your big break? Fat chance. Look around, Fury. I built this shit from the ground up, for you. For this. It will work out.”
“It had better. If it fails, I am not having it land on my shoulders. If it fails, you will be blamed.” He said, turning and heading for the door he entered through. About halfway there he stopped and turned back to Tony.
“Thor has never worked with SHIELD before so I have to take him to HQ for his Medicals, a psych eval and to officially sign his contract. Steve will be staying here.” Nick’s words caused Tony’s heart to jump into his mouth. “I’m aware of the feelings you harbour toward him, but this is your chance to gain closure for yourself. Think about it - he doesn’t know that you feel this way about him. So the only person you’re hurting by keeping this act up is yourself. So this is an opportunity for you to go out there and leave it all behind. Don’t start this off on the wrong foot.” Tony went to reply but he knew that speaking when Nick had raised his hand to tell him not to would only lead to him being lectured more, so he held his tongue. “Think of all of the wounds that this opportunity is giving you the chance to suture.” He finished, and with that, he walked back into the living area, with Tony slowly and silently following.
It became apparent that both Steve and Thor were already aware of the plans for the afternoon, which means that it was just another thing that Fury had kept from Tony. Great. After a long, awkward silence, Steve was, of course, the first to speak.
“It’s really great to finally meet you,” Steve said, turning in his bar stool to face Tony who was standing looking out of the windows. “I’ve heard so much about you over the past year, it’s crazy to me that so soon after everything went down I get to work with you.” He finished.
Tony replayed Fury’s words in his head and forced himself to meet Steve’s gaze.
“Thanks. You too.” His lip curled upward to form a small and brief smile.
“I was really lucky to get to work so closely with your father, and…” as Steve spoke, Tony tuned out. Two sentences. Two fucking sentences it took him to bring up Howard. God fucking dammit. “So I think it’s admirable, the way you took his place so seamlessly. Must’ve been tough.”
As he met Steve’s eyes with his gaze, Tony could see a sympathetic, pitying look in them.
“I’m really sorry about that by the way, it must’ve been horrible.” Steve finished.
“I’m sorry?”
“I just know how hard it is to lose someone close to you, is all.”
“Yeah. Sucks.” Tony said, almost in a whisper. He dragged his eyes up to meet Steve’s and the brief moment of eye contact that followed felt...like home.
The minutes that followed were silent and tense. Tony could feel Steve nearly speaking several times, but never going through with it. Eventually, Tony was the one to break the silence, in an attempt to break the tension.
“So how was it having to readjust to a brand new kind of world?” He said. It felt like he had spoken for an hour.
“Yeah, weird. But I had a buddy help me out with things to be on the lookout for, stuff to help me get with the times. Kinda feels like nothing now.” Steve smiled.
“Crazy,” was all Tony could manage in response.
“Yeah, it was. But you’ve had it just as tough, like yeah it was weird having to figure out the way this modern day world works, but it took a shockingly small amount of time. It’s just the world I was in years ago with extra stuff. Whereas you really were thrown into the deep end when Howard passed, from what I’ve heard. Did you really have to just take over straight away?”
“Steve, I...”
“I just mean, like, didn’t you get a grieving period at all?”
“I don’t want to talk about that, take a hint.” The accidental venom in his words made Steve almost visibly recoil.
“I’m sorry, I’m only trying to be a friend—”
“We don’t have to be friends.” Tony cut him off. “We’re colleagues. We’re working together on something that is bigger than the both of us. Friendship doesn’t matter.” Tony spat, regretfully losing his temper with Steve.
“I’m sorry, Rogers.” He conceded almost immediately. “I just don’t want to talk about— I just don’t do— personal talk.” He sighed. He couldn’t bring himself to make eye contact but from where he was looking he could see Steve’s shoulders sink, then he heard a sigh, followed by a quick and clinical “understood.”
Tony sat down at the table by the unlit fire, flipping through some paperwork. He had no idea what file he was reading - he wasn’t actually reading it. He just needed something so that he didn’t have to sit in the awkward silence that he had caused. Eventually, after what could only be described as an insufferable eternity, Fury returned with Thor by his side.
“Who died?” Fury’s bellowing voice cut through the silence like a white hot knife through butter.
“Oh I wouldn’t worry, Nick, that’s just the effect you have on people. Maybe it’s the all black look you got going on.” Tony jumped to his feet to alleviate the tension and avoid Steve saying something honest and righteous about the situation.
“Nice, Stark. Witty.” He glared. “Anyway, wish I could stay, but I can’t. Have some important off-world business to save SHIELD from. You guys get to know each other. Nat and Clint will be arriving soon - hopefully with Bruce by their side. I’ll be in touch.”
Fury walked straight back into the elevator that was waiting for him, the three other men knowing full well not to say another word to him.
Steve excused himself to the unpack luggage that Tony was unaware Fury had had them bring, and Thor declared he would do the same. Tony briefly ran through the floor plans with them and told them where to go. When he frantically explained that they each had a designated floor for themselves and his reasoning behind the layout, Steve and Thor seemed impressed and actually slightly surprised at the thought he had put into it. Before he left, Steve hung around the bar and waited for Thor to leave the room.
“I’m sorry.” Steve sighed. “If I—if I overstepped a line. Before. I was just trying to make conversation.” He approached Tony. “I really admire you and all of the work you’ve done for SHIELD. And, well, the world,” he added. “I don’t wanna start this on the wrong foot.” He said, his smile never faltering until Tony saw it.
“Don’t apologise.” Tony insisted. “I just don’t like talking about all that. And, quite frankly, I’m not used to being asked about it. Not really used to anyone caring enough.” He smiled back. “So don’t apologise. It’s on me. We’re good.” He finished, with a reassuring pat on Steve’s shoulder. With this being the first time he’d had a conversation in which he hadn’t been sarcastic since Pepper, he panicked when Steve looked as though he was making a move to continue the conversation.
“Now go, get unpacked. We got a lot of fun ahead. I think Clint and Nat should be here within the hour. They’re great, you’re gonna love them.” He chuckled. He noticed the look on Steve’s face; reluctance, uncertainty, pity. “I’m serious. Go.”
The door slammed shut.
“Welcome home, Master. The time has just turned 4am. You should go to bed.”
Tony threw his keys into a tray that sat on a table by the door and fell toward the kitchen.
“No, you should go to bed!” Tony slurred, attempting to throw a half-full whisky glass from the counter into the top corner of the room, but missing by a long shot, with the glass flying through the screen door that lead to the garden. He stumbled sideways and fell into the wall, eventually feeling his way onto the couch.
“Anthony, what the hell do you think you’re doing?!” Howard’s words bellowed from the staircase.
“Don’t call me Anthony. And I’m going to a friend’s house.”
“But I just heard you come home.” Howard stormed his way into the lounge, his frame towering over Tony, who was lying in a foetal position on the couch.
“Yeah, I did. And in about…” he frantically pulled at his suit jacket… “5 minutes, I’m leaving again.” He smiled smugly.
“Why couldn’t this friend have come here from the homecoming?” Howard interrogated.
“They had to sort some stuff out with their mom and dad before morning so I gave them some space to do that.”
“Tony it is 4 in the morning. Where have you been until now? And what are you doing making all of this noise and—” he looked at the floor — “did you break one of our collection glasses? Anthony I swear on all that is good in this country—”
“Don’t call me that.”
“I swear on all that is good in this country you won’t live to see another day if you don’t pull yourself together, you are embarrassing your family name.”
“By what, Dad?” Tony stood up off the couch and walked toward the kitchen, desperate to put distance between himself and his father. “Having fun? Enjoying my life as a teenager? It’s homecoming for fuck’s sake. This night only happens once, I’m so sorry I’ve been enjoying it.”
“You could have enjoyed it by being home at a reasonable time and not sliding into some drunk girl’s bed—”
“I’m not seeing a girl—“
“After partying stupidly for a ridiculous amount of time with no word said to me or your mother about when we could expect you home!” He yelled, stomping up onto the raised kitchen floor and forcing Tony farther into the corner of the room. “At this time of night, whoever is stupid and drunk enough to let you sneak into their house isn’t worth the dirt on a Stark’s shoe.”
“Don’t you dare talk about my friends like that.”
“Why is it so urgent that you have to leave now? Can’t you see your little friend at school? Or at a reasonable time during the day?” Howard proposed. Tony’s red eyes filled with tears - he bit his lips together and forced himself to look out of the window, sniffing harshly and fidgeting with his hands. He blinked back the tears.
“Seriously, Anthony, I’m forbidding you from leaving. Go to your room.”
“Don’t call me that! And you’re, what, you’re forbidding me? I’m 17 fucking years old and it’s my homecoming night. You can fuck off if you think I’m staying home.”
“Don’t you use that language with me Anthony.”
“DON’T FUCKING CALL ME ANTHONY. Time after time I have told you to call me Tony. How hard could that possibly be?”
“Go to your room.”
“No.” Tony squeezed his eyes shut in pain, tears flowing freely down his cheeks.
“Why the hell won’t you listen to me?! I’m telling you to go to your room. What could possibly be so urgent that—”
“HE GOES AWAY TOMORROW.” Tony screamed, hitting his palms against his forehead and sobbing loudly. “He leaves tomorrow. I want to spend as much time with him as possible.” Tony admitted. He cried and cried, knowing what was coming next.
Howard’s face went red and he began to clench his fists.
“He,” he spat, “as in Ryan?” The venom in his words oozed from his lips, Tony begging the floor to swallow him whole as he desperately tried to fight back his tears.
“Yes.” Tony choked. The silence dragged. Tony’s breathing stopped.
Clenched fists.
Quaking legs.
Burning face.
Tense shoulders.
Tilted head.
Run.
Tony darted toward the door leading to the hallway, ripping it open and attempting to slam it behind him. He heard the door hit Howard - so he couldn’t be far ahead - but he didn’t dare look back. He grabbed the baseball bat that lay against the bannister at the bottom of the stairs and desperately swung it behind him, his momentum being interrupted somewhere along the way. He threw himself into the front door, grabbing at the handle and whipping it open as fast as he could. As he reached the bottom porch step he felt an almighty whack against his side of his right knee and fell to the ground. As he turned onto his back to see Howard towering over him, aluminium bat in hand, he heard a car screech up onto the curb at the end of the driveway.
“Tony?!” He heard Ryan call from the car. Tony saw Howard’s eyes shift up to Ryan and took that as an opportunity to sprint. He forced himself up onto his feet, crying out as he put weight on his right leg. He jumped into Ryan’s arms, who had stepped out of the car, and weakly pleaded; “drive.” Tony threw himself in the back seat directly behind the driver, not able to award himself the time to walk around to the passenger side. Ryan put his foot down and the car sped away, Howard left angrily standing on the front lawn.
“What the hell, man?” Ryan panicked in the front. Tony climbed into the passenger seat, burying his head in his hands as he landed next to Ryan.
“He was mad that I came in drunk and then when he realised that I was coming out to see you he just flipped shit. I’m so sorry you had to see that.” Tony sobbed. He didn’t know what to say, so all he could do was cry. He kept his head in his hands and cried, with Ryan’s free hand gently stroking the back of his head as he drove.
The car thumped up onto the driveway. Ryan got out and walked around to the passenger’s side, helping Tony up onto his feet and supporting him on the walk into the house. Tony shut his eyes and forced his head into the crook of Ryan’s neck as they passed through the hallway, cramped with boxes and suitcases. They stumbled up to Ryan’s room in each other’s arms, Tony weakly limping and pulling at his tie. He finally got it off and collapsed onto the bed, Ryan sitting beside him and stroking his back.
“Can I get you anything?” He asked.
“‘M okay.” Tony mumbled. He pushed himself up onto his knees and tore off his suit jacket, throwing it to the floor. It was soon joined by his shoes, socks, and belt. Then he ripped off his shirt, lying back onto the bed in only his suit trousers and white vest. He curled up into a ball facing the wall and cried.
He heard some movement, some shuffling, and clothes falling into a pile. He felt Ryan curl up behind him, resting an arm around Tony’s waist, the other finding its way to stroke Tony’s hair. After a long time just letting Tony cry, Ryan spoke.
“You’re gonna be okay. He’ll leave you alone eventually. It’s just an initial knee jerk reaction, that’s all.” He soothed. “It’ll all be okay.” He planted a kiss on the back of Tony’s head.
“It isn’t just him.” Tony said. “That’s not all I’m getting like this about.” He cried. “It’s you. I don’t want you to leave.” He desperately tried to stop crying, stop embarrassing himself, but with every breath the tears continued to fall. He twisted his head so that his face was buried in the pillow. Ryan gently stroked his back, lightly kissing along Tony’s exposed shoulders and cuddling into him as close as he could.
“I’m not going far. And in summer you can come see me! That’s only 3 weeks away.” He tried to comfort Tony because seeing him hurting was painful.
“My dad wouldn’t ever let that happen. And besides,” Tony hesitated, “I’m going to MIT in the fall.” Tony cried. He felt Ryan sit up beside him. “I didn’t tell you because you were so stressed about your own move. But I got in.” He said.
“Tony, I…” Ryan’s voice broke.
“They said my grades from my freshman year and this year were so impressive they’ll take me two years early.” Tony pushed himself up and spun around so he was sitting cross-legged across from Ryan. “I know you still have to finish high school, and that you’re only doing it a few hours away, but I’m going to live on-campus. I’m sorry it took me til now to tell you.” His voice shook as he cried through his words. “I just kept delaying telling you because I didn’t want to lose you.” Tony hid his face in his hands.
Ryan reached and held Tony’s forearm in his hand, slowly pulling until Tony’s arms were open. He went up onto his knees and pulled Tony up with him, into a warm and long hug. He took deep breaths, his face buried in Tony’s neck. “I’m so happy for you.” Ryan said. Tony breathed a sigh of relief. “You should’ve told me. We could’ve celebrated together,” he sighed, “but I understand why you didn’t.”
They lay down side by side, holding hands, legs intertwined, foreheads pressed together.
“I’m in love with you.”
“Tony.” A familiar voice snapped Tony back to reality. He turned his head away from the windows to see who had called his name.
When their eyes met, Tony felt every emotion that he had been pushing down for the last two years. Of course he hadn’t been completely alone since Pepper. He’d still had his best friend and right hand man James Rhodes, but Rhodey has been stationed abroad for the past 6 months, so Tony had spent a lot of time alone. He had no one to confide in or talk to, let alone share his crazy midnight inventions with - until now.
All of the late nights spent brainstorming over Thai food that had gone cold, splitting Bread And Butter’s infamous meatball sub at 7am, watching the sun set behind the Manhattan skyline from Dumbo, it all came rushing back. He hasn’t changed, besides a few greys mixed in with his usual wavy black hair. His smile - cheeky, wide, slanted - is exactly the same. The way he squints his eyes when he’s happy is exactly the same. The crow’s feet lines spilling out from the outer corners of his eyes are exactly the same.
He’s wearing a grey chequered plaid suit with brown elbow patches and a brown belt, his trademark purple shirt tightly buttoned across his chest and tucked into his trousers.
“Bruce.” Tony sighed. He walked as quickly as he could and fell into Bruce’s arms. He felt as though he melted.
“Hey, Tony.” Bruce patted Tony’s back. Tony stepped back but kept Bruce’s shoulders in his hands, taking in every detail of his face. Every new line, scar, mark...all the tiny changes. But it was still him. Still Bruce.
“Damn, and I thought it would be weird with Banner and me, who knew!” Tony heard Nat say from behind Bruce.
“Very funny, Romanoff. We’re best friends, remember? Your awkward week of boning has nothing on years of consistent friendship,” Tony turned back to Bruce, “interrupted only by three years of abandonment and not knowing if you were alive?” He added sarcastically.
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Couldn’t risk being here with the big guy so...sensitive.” Bruce shrugged. “But I’m here now, lucky for SHIELD. Heard this place has been falling apart without me?” He laughed.
“You wish, Banner.” Tony said. “Listen, I need to talk to you about some stuff before this all goes down.” He walked to Bruce and spun them both around so they were facing away from Nat and Clint. “Y’know that one thing I’m super sensitive about?” He said frantically.
“Beth in Little Women?”
“What?! No! I mean, yes, obviously, I just want to see her happy.” As Tony panicked to answer the question, Bruce laughed at how he can still get Tony’s gears turning after all the years they’d spent apart. “But shut up! No. This is so much more important than that.” Tony insisted. “You know what I’m talking about.”
He does. Of course he does, he and Tony had been friends during. Bruce had dealt with Tony falling asleep in class because he had been too afraid to sleep the night before, the minor inconveniences causing major breakdowns, the waking up to a knock at the door at 4am. Bruce knows.
“Your dad.”
“Yes.”
“Okay, what’s up?” Bruce changed his tone when he realised Tony genuinely seemed scared.
“Y’know how, past the alcoholism, beatings and verbal abuse, the main thing I hated about my father was that he used to use the other people in his life to show me how much I was letting him down by not being them? Like with you. When he’d compare our work ethic or grades or whatever.” Tony said, causing a pang of guilt in Bruce’s stomach. “All that ‘son I never had’ kind of shit.”
“Yeah. Yeah, I remember.” Bruce sighed.
“So who was he the worst with? Who did he set as a bench mark for me more than anyone else?” Tony asked. Bruce raised an eyebrow. “Captain America, Bruce.”
“Captain Rogers? Guy he worked with back in the 30’s. America’s treasure, died for the country, blah blah. That guy?” Bruce asked
The elevator bell let out a harsh ding and made both of them jump. As they turned to look at who was on the other side of the doors, Tony sighed as Bruce spoke.
“Oh, shit.”