I know I am supposed to cast a side everything and say the final word.
But, what is goodbye really?
What does it mean?
The word goodbye? What does it actually stands for?
Does it make me stop caring and loving you?
Does it make the tears go away?
Does it makes me stop hurting?
Or does it makes the memories of you stop playing?
This is what it does.
It makes it worse knowing that saying the word will seal it shut.
Or maybe it makes it worse because I am still stuck in denial over everything.
Nobody wants to accept a miserable fate.
Nobody wants to accept regret and suffering.
All there is now is hate for myself.
Hate and remorse that I let you go.
Idling away wishing you will be here.
The thing is, I know you won’t be here.
You will never be here.
Even though I wish that you could come back.
Even though I wish that you were closer and near to me.
To be able to hear that laughter again.
To feel the warmth of your embrace and eyes again.
Just to be near you again.
But that won’t happen.
I won’t need to say goodbye now if I hadn’t first say it before all of this.
If i had taken time to think.
Now everything is all gone in a blink.
With just a snap, it disintegrated.
So even though I don’t want to, I must say it.
I must stop thinking of what could have been.
I have nothing left but dust.
Everything is gone.
Nothing could stop the pain.
Now I know the pain.
I want to rewind time, but I know I can’t.
I must let go and say goodbye,
I must let go and let you finally….
Rest.